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September 2003

September 30, 2003

Fantastic news! Tremendous news! Wonderful news! Check out this article to see Who's back!

New Doctor Who TV series

Doctor Who is coming back to BBC One in 2005. It will be a new live-action series, written by Russell T Davies.

Late last night we received the following surprise official statement from BBC Publicity:

Lorraine Heggessey, Controller of BBC One, has confirmed that all rights issues regarding Doctor Who have been resolved and has green-lit scripts from writer Russell T Davies.

The statement notes that it is far too early in the day to discuss possible storylines, characters, villains or who might play the Doctor. It also states that it is unlikely anything will be on screen for at least two years.

It will be a family show, but no details are available on when it will be scheduled.

Doctor Who will be produced by BBC Wales in conjunction with Mal Young, Controller of BBC Continuing Series. The executive producers will be Mal Young, Russell T. Davies and Julie Gardner, Head of Drama BBC Wales. Russell T. Davies's writing credits include Bob and Rose, Queer as Folk, The Second Coming, Touching Evil (with Paul Abbott) and The Grand.

Mal Young says: "Doctor Who is a much-loved, truly iconic piece of television history. It's time to crank up the TARDIS and find out what lies in store for the Doctor. We're thrilled to have a writer of Russell's calibre to take us on this journey. However, we're at the very early stages of development and further details, including casting, will not be available for some time."

Award-winning writer Russell T. Davies says: "I grew up watching Doctor Who, hiding behind the sofa like so many others. Doctor Who is one of the BBC's most exciting and original characters. He's had a good rest and now it's time to bring him back!

" The new series will be fun, exciting, contemporary and scary. Although I'm only in the early stages of development, I'm aiming to write a full-blooded drama which embraces the Doctor Who heritage, at the same time as introducing the character to a modern audience."

A report in the Telegraph mentions that six episodes have been commissioned, but there is no information on this in the BBC statement.

For those of you who have no idea what the fuck this is all about, Doctor Who was (and is) one of the earliest science fiction series made for television. It was produced by the BBC and ran for 26 seasons, holding the record for longest-running television program at the time, and still holding the record for longest-running science fiction television program. After the show was suspended, a movie, books, and various new video episodes were created outside of the auspices of the BBC, all while the reruns of the series were seen around the world in dozens of countries including in the U.S. on PBS and later on the SciFi Channel. The Doctor (the central character of Doctor Who) is a Time Lord, one of a race who has made machines that allow them to travel in time and space (each machines is called a TARDIS). The Time Lords try to stay above the affairs of the universe and observe but don't interfere - with rare exceptions. The Doctor is a renegade Time Lord, believing that the forces of evil in the universe must be fought, and he breaks the cardinal law of Time Lords and interferes wherever he goes. He is incredibly intelligent, weirdly quirky, maniacally funny, and the best friend someone could find, as his series of traveling companions would surely agree. Oh, and did I mention that he, and all Time Lords, regenerate when their bodies are severely injured or wear out with age, giving them a whole new body and appearance (the Doctor has run through 8 incarnations so far). On top of everything else, the Doctor has a certain affection for planet Earth, and it's a good thing, because the forces of evil seem drawn to the Earth like moths to a flame, and the Earth would easily be doomed if not for the Doctor's interventions.

Many people have disliked or mocked Doctor Who because: episodes are in black & white (for the first six years), have ideas and shows from before the first moon walk, and were always made with a low budget. When I first started watching Doctor Who, I loved it, being taken away by the imaginative stories and by the Doctor, truly a heroic character. When Star Wars came to the big screen and Star Trek: TNG came out, their special effects made Doctor Who look hokey and even campy, I'll admit, but the stories were so wonderful that you really didn't need the CGI effects, just a good imagination. For some people, I think special effects were a ticket to no longer have to depend upon their imagination, and they never "got" Doctor Who, and that's their loss. Over the course of time, I recorded every episode of Doctor Who that was broadcast (a number of episodes from the first six seasons were lost or destroyed, and efforts still continue to find copies of certain episodes that still remain absent); I bought Doctor Who books, magazines, games, and comics; and I went to Doctor Who conventions on a regular basis. I had friends who were as hooked on the show as me, and we would watch episodes together a lot.

Those days have passed, both for collecting merchandise and for watching videos with friends, but I am still very deeply a Whovian and still a huge fan who, like millions of people, has been pleading with the BBC and waiting for the time when the series would finally be revived. Now the moment is nigh, and not only will Doctor Who return, but it is likely to have a decent budget and cool special effects. I, for one, can't wait.

This news, I kid you not, is one of the best things I have heard in years.

Posted at 11:43 PM

September 29, 2003

It will surely come as no big shock, but I'm very depressed right now. I've been pretty down all week, as you could probably tell from my Journal entries, but tonight I feel very cold and empty.

I'm finding that pretty much everything is upsetting me right now. Classwork is driving me crazy, and getting things done just under the wire, with no time to spare, is bumming me out. And my classes sometimes get me upset on top of that. Today was a clear example.

I met with a small group early today to finalize our materials for a class presentation not long afterward. I always find myself having to either do most of the work or at least take charge of these things to get group work done, and this was no different. Nobody else would come up with a structure for the presentation or materials or a way to break it down, so I made an outline for the whole presentation with five sections that the group members could choose from. All they had to do was expand upon their part of the outline for a handout and for their part of the lecture/presentation. Somebody else even put it all together and made the copies this time rather than me (which was nice). While this group at least knows what they were talking about (unlike other groups I've been in), they didn't really prepare for the presentation. They did great on putting together their parts of the handout (well, except for one person who really did only the bare bones), but they all flaked out on the actual presentation. It was all rushed and sloppy and hard to follow for some people in the class. I had to seriously help some of my classmates so they could follow along, and I even was asked to help two of my group members during their parts of the presentation because they couldn't figure something out. When class ended, I was glad that the presentation was over, but I was upset that it was so crappy compared to what I had hoped to see (and I already had fairly basic expectations at that).

So I dealt with the presentation - it was done and over with, so I shouldn't let myself be upset about something that couldn't be changed - but I was just disappointed. Then, after I left that class, Online Documentation, I still had my two workshops, the one for poetry and the one for fiction. Both of these classes have been getting me down because it's just a big, nasty bitch session most of the time, finding whatever little nit-picky thing anybody can with the poem or the story being workshopped and not providing any positive commentary or notes of encouragement about what was done very well. Sometimes, it's just downright mean comments about not liking anything about somebody's work. To me, this is in no way a constructive approach to suggesting revisions. It would be bad enough if I had to deal with this sort of treatment for my own poems and stories (and I do), but I feel bad for other people, some of whom have great ideas or wonderful characters and who just need some good suggestions for improvement. I'm even more bothered by the fact that some of the best stories and poems (not just in my eyes by in the eyes of the rest of the class) are ripped apart by the professors in each class as horrible, mostly because they don't like the idea that the poem or story discusses (or the style of the poetry). The reverse is true as well; the absolutely worst things presented in workshop, while each has some redeeming feature, is lauded by the professors as the best writing ever seen by the world. The freakish Bizarro-world feeling of all of this sometimes just makes me angry, but a lot of times I get sad from it, feeling like both classes are worthless wastes of time for me and wells of bad karma. I just want nothing more than to get far, far away from them.

Classes are bad enough, each in their own ways, but being on campus is hard for me. I don't know very many people there anymore, so I only chat with people who I know because they're in my classes, and that in itself makes me feel lonely. But it's worse looking around and seeing good-looking young guys all around me who are carefree and happy and completely oblivious to me. I don't blame them, and I don't begrudge them their happiness, but seeing them makes me feel all the more alone and all the more hopeless. Will I ever find someone? Anyone? Ever? This line of thinking's not the sort of stuff that makes for a light mood, and tonight I just feel really depressed - about my past, my present, and my future. And that, sadly, just about covers it.

Posted at 2:23 AM

September 28, 2003

Man, so much about life just sucks and sucks and sucks. And that's the good news ...

Posted at 11:47 PM

September 27, 2003

Today is my grandma's birthday. Eighty-nine years and still going strong. It's been a somewhat quiet day for us, but she has received lots of cards, gifts, flowers, phone calls, and a simple cake (from me) to cheer her day.

I'm glad to say that we're both getting along quite well with each other, and I feel quite good about the fact that my grandmother has been able to stay here, where she wants to be. At least I've been able to give her that much, and it's a good thing.

In completely unrelated news, I am incredibly disappointed and frustrated that there is simply nothing on television to watch on Saturdays, even though I now have cable. Let m,e tell you - there's barely any decent new cartoons on at all any more, but most specifically on Saturday mornings (what used to be the best time for new cartoons) - there's simply nothing to watch on Saturday mornings, and the day doesn't get any better. Sure, there used to be a string of good fantasy and sci-fi series that ran Saturday afternoons, but no - not any more. All you can hope for is a movie that you might find interesting to be on some channel somewhere at some time. It's just so sadly disappointing.

How hard is it to put a few decent programs on one channel or another on Saturdays? I wonder.

Posted at 11:46 PM

September 26, 2003

So who would have guessed that a little, occasional trickling sound from the toilet could account for a lot of water usage? Well, I should have, I guess. But, well, I've been preoccupied with classwork and stuff, so what can I say.

But I was comparing water bills from last year to this year and saw a notable difference, and I immediately though of the occasional noise from the toilet. Sure enough, that was the thing - I had a plumber out to look it over and he confirmed what I had suspected. See, there's this newer type of mechanism in the toilet that I'm not familiar with. If it had been the old floating ball type of deal, I could have worked on it myself, but this new self-contained deal is totally alien to me. Even so, I suspected that it wasn't working quite right and that it wasn't properly shutting off the flow of water when it should have been. And that, of course, was indeed it. Too bad it takes paying an outrageous sum to have a plumber confirm that for me, but he knew what he was doing and replaced the whole self-contained gizmo, and at least now I know how to adjust it and also what to do if it goes bad, because, really, I could fix this thing if I had to do so, at least now that I've seen it done.

So that, sadly, was the highlight of my day, around a bunch of errands, lawn mowing, laundry, and classwork (which is still far from being done and ready for next week). At least the plumber was a nice guy with a good sense of humor; strange that talking with him would be such an interesting thing.

Maybe I just need to get out more.

Posted at 11:58 PM

September 25, 2003

While I didn't get as many class assignments done today as I'd hoped (and needed), I did get a fair amount of things done. I've been so overwhelmed with classwork that I've been putting everything aside: e.mails, laundry, and even paying bills. Today I paid bills, and even though giving away my money isn't really anything fun, it was actually quite satisfying to get this stack of bills off of my desk. I also bought birthday cards for my grandma and sister, whose birthdays are coming up fast (Saturday and a week from Monday), and I finally got a disk mailer so that I can send some files to Chip (who has been waiting more than patiently for a month).

I had hoped to really plow through class assignments today, but that didn't happen. Sure, I read the two textbook chapters I needed to read for my Online Documentation class, and I designed a logo for that class as well, and I got a small amount of work done on critiquing one of the short stories I'll be workshopping next week, even though there are still three more of those to go. My hope had been to also get the two long critical essays read for my Modern Fiction class, one being a critical essay from a series of essays on Dreiser's Sister Carrie, and the other being an essay on consumerism and consumer culture. Those didn't get done, though. Nor did I read any of James Joyce's Dubliners, all of which needs to be read for next week. And I also have to write my basic introduction for my thesis for next week, too, and I have to compose yet another poem to be workshopped next week. I wanted to have all of that done by the end of the day tomorrow so that I could write my next 25-page short story over the weekend, but that's obviously not going to be the schedule.

I guess I'll just have to deal with it all as best I can, but it is clearly going to be quite a bust, busy weekend.

Posted at 12:14 AM

September 24, 2003

By some miracle of nature I managed to get my Annotated Bibliography done for my Senior Thesis. That was due today, and I was still so far behind by the time I collapsed yesterday that I didn't think there was any way to get it done. I got up at 5 AM this morning to work on it, and I wrapped it up with no extra time to spare. So somehow I pulled that one out of my ass.

Unfortunately, I didn't have enough time left to read the critical essay on consumerism that I was supposed to read and understand (and write a reading journal about) for a one on one meeting with the professor. Fortunately, I was able to get the professor to let us skip the meeting and just wait until our meeting next week (which means that I'll have even more to cover for that class for next week, but at least I'm still not behind in what's due during class.

The best news of all is that after my long, hectic day and my bleary-eyed drive back to Sandusky without driving off the road while asleep, I got a call from Chris (from Lafayette), and we talked about how overloaded we are with classwork. We were both bitching and whining a bit, but we needed to vent, and that was good. Besides, I'm always happy to talk to Chris.

Posted at 12:09 AM

September 23, 2003

Damn, just kill me before I have to read any more critical essays about trauma theory.

Sure, it's the larger part of what will compose my Senior Thesis for my Lit degree, and it has to be done - and heck, I'm the one who chose this, but I hate this crap. How hard would it be for the people who write these things to use a style of writing that doesn't take many repeated readings to comprehend? And my big complaint is really at the literary theorists - the psychological theorists and behavioral theorists, who you might think would write with more intensity and use more technical jargon and obscure examples, are far easier to read and understand and appreciate.

I have to turn in my expanded annotated bibliography for this project tomorrow, and I am still woefully behind. I'm looking at a night of very little sleep, and even then I'm wondering how I'll get it done in time. Tomorrow is just going to suck, what with the sleeplessness and the reading frenzy and the racing around and ... and ... and ...

And this is all without mentioning that I haven't even started reading an entirely unrelated critical essay for an entirely different class, an essay I'm supposed to discuss one on one with the professor tomorrow. Oh, goodie. Can it get any better than this?

Posted at 10:11 PM

September 22, 2003

Today is one of the days where I feel like I've gotten too old to be a college student anymore. I'm tired, I'm unenthused, I'm behind with various things in various classes, and I can't really say that there's even any good reason that I'm here.

Where's that bus when you need it?

Posted at 1:27 AM

September 21, 2003

It's like this, see; this weekend has just sucked. I'm so far from ready with classwork for this week that it's insane; I'm horribly tired and uninspired; I'm stuck with a bunch of fucking depression, which I really don't need, thank you very much; and I keep getting a bunch of reminders about how lonely and empty my life is, even though I have my grandmother around me and in my life.

I suppose I'm just whiny, and very possibly I don't even deserve to be happy or have things any better, but it still sucks for me, and I'm not finding much to make me happy, even very briefly.

Yeah, I'm definitely whiny.

Posted at 12:05 AM

September 20, 2003

I feel like I'm digging myself into an incredibly deep hole with my schoolwork. I'm barely keeping up with the things that are due, regularly just finishing and printing something out moments before class begins (and technically, I'm behind with various projects because they are supposed to be done every week but just turned in later in the semester - and those things haven't even been started yet). The things that are due this week are killing me, and I don't see how I can get everything done to turn in on time. It was bound to happen sooner or later, and I sort of expected it, but it's still driving me crazy.

I'm stressed about this like you wouldn't believe, and I'm not even able to let myself do things to relax since I feel the need to constantly be working on classwork, even though I realize that I'm not working as well as I would be with a relaxed, clear mind (and yet another ugly catch 22 enters my life ...). I haven't even been answering e.mails for the past month. I'm sure that's thrilling people. I want to do e.mails and stuff, but I know that each e.mail will take a half hour or more to write, and I can't justify the time when so much needs to be done for school. And a large part of me just wants to say "Fuck it," quit, and play some computer games.

One way or another, I'm going to need a break soon. I have no idea how, under the circumstance, but I won't make it very long if I don't. Unfortunately, if I have any hope of even getting most of my assignments done for this week (let alone all), then I won't have any time outside of classwork (and the actual classes themselves). Ah, such fun. And to think I chose this path over a mindless low-wage job where I'd only lose 40 hours of my week to unredeeming wastes of time - sheeesh, what was I thinking?

Written Posted at 11:59 PM

September 19, 2003

Arrrr, ya scurvy dogs! Hoist the mains'l or ya'll walk da plank! Shiver me timbers, if this ain't Talk Like a Pirate Day!

By Davy Jones' locker, 'tis a fine day for the scum of the seven seas, yarr!

Aye, matey, where's me pegboy?

Posted at 9:20 PM

September 18, 2003

Well, I won't bemoan my depressed state today (because, heck, you all deserve a break from such things), but I will take a moment to send out a thanks to the one reader who wrote to me with some positive thoughts in regards to my depressed rant from yesterday. Thanks, Ch.Oo.Lo, for sending some good feelings my way. I've had a migraine all day, but your e.mail made my life a bit more bearable.

Now let's just hope that a good night's sleep will alleviate the rest of my throbbin' noggin. It'd be a start ...

Posted at 11:19 PM

September 17, 2003

"Man does not yet comprehend the dreamer any more than he has the ideal." -
Theodore Dreiser, from Sister Carrie

It saddens me to admit it, but I don't feel as if I'm making any difference whatsoever in the world, and the hopes I had for this website, even to the smallest degree, have come to less than nothing.

I started this website not for my own glorification or even for the glorification of my work, but instead in the hopes that I might be able do one (or both) of two things: 1) build a community for gay people of all ages to connect with each other and feel safe and comfortable; and 2) provide a place for resources, answers and help for gay youths (or people of any age) with problems or questions that maybe I or someone else in the community could help solve - or at least be there to provide a sympathetic, compassionate ear to those who needed someone to talk to. Everything I've tried to offer, whether the Journal, the stories, the poems, the links, or even the message board or the chat room (which was in the last version of this site and didn't make it into the recent format) has been offered as a central point for all of this, and yet I have few names in my Guestbook, no activity on my Message Board, and next to no e.mails from readers (except for four very kind and very patient people who do keep in regular contact with me, even though we've never met outside of what I offer through this site). I have a decent amount of visitors to the site, both new visitors and people who come back repeatedly, but I don't hear from any of them, and I have no idea what (if anything) that those people are getting from this website. And honestly, I don't really feel like I'm living up to what I wanted to do. Even if I received more e.mails from people or had regular activity on my message board, I'm not so sure that I'd even feel like I was making any impact.

I'm not angry or disappointed with the people who visit this site - far from it. I'm angry and disappointed with myself. I want so badly to be able to help people, and I want so badly to be able to do something worthwhile, and I don't feel like I have anything to show for it. and what's the point in trying if I can't do shit with what I'm doing?

I'm not about to just stop writing in my Journal or updating the site. I'll still add new poems and stories now and again, and I'll add new links and such over time as well, but I feel largely like it's all a very hollow effort on my part. My life pretty much sucks and really doesn't have any appeal to me, and if I can't make a difference for the better in even one person's life then what's the point in even trying?

I just don't feel very good about anything right now.

Posted at 2:11 AM

September 16, 2003

Yes! The underdogs continue to fight back against the evil empire! Let's hear it for the good guys and their new plan of attack!

Sun unveils software to replace Windows

SAN JOSE, California (AP) -- In a move aimed squarely at Microsoft Corp., Sun Microsystems Inc. unveiled on Tuesday a suite of software for businesses that want to dump -- or just can't afford -- the Windows operating system on their companies' desktop computers.

The Sun Java Desktop system, which was formerly code-named Mad Hatter, runs on the open-source Linux operating system and includes a variety of programs that replace Microsoft's Internet browser, productivity suite and other parts of the Windows package.

Sun officials say its system will cost as little as $50 per user per year and can be installed on any computer that can run Microsoft's Office 2000. The software also is designed to interoperate with Windows-based programs such as Exchange and Microsoft Office.

"We're talking about a radical savings -- more than 75 percent over just the comparable upgrade cost for Microsoft," said Larry Singer, Sun's senior vice president of global market strategies.

Sun, a leading maker of high-end, Unix-based servers, has been struggling since the dot-com collapse to bolster sales as systems based on inexpensive x86 microprocessors and the Linux operating system become more powerful and more viable.

The company has since embraced both x86 chips and Linux in an effort to become a leader in low-cost computing. The move toward desktops is another facet of that transformation.

But Tuesday's announcement also echoes a theme heard throughout Sun's nearly 20-year history: A desire to position itself as an alternative to Microsoft in desktop computing.

In the late 1980s, Sun's 386i PC project flopped as the young company was then ill-prepared for the market. More recently, attempts to get support for its universal programming language Java in desktops have been hindered by Microsoft.

In fact, Sun's $1 billion antitrust case over that matter is still pending in a Maryland federal court.

Sun's latest attempt tries to leverage its Java brand, which is popular on a wide range of computing platforms from servers to cell phones but has contributed little directly to the company's bottom line.

Singer said because of Java's openness and integration with the new Sun desktop software, developers will have access to more components of the underlying software than they do with Microsoft's proprietary offerings.

Singer said there's another key difference between Sun Java Desktop and Microsoft Windows-based systems.

"Guess what? It wouldn't have blown up ... with the worms and the viruses" of recent weeks, he said.

Sun also announced a major upgrade to its StarOffice productivity suite. Sun's Larry Singer said it would work better than previous versions with Microsoft's competing Office suite. The software, formerly called Project Orion, has been officially named Java Enterprise System. It's priced at $100 per employee per year.

"It's kind of taking a page out of Microsoft's books," Singer said. "We are for the first time introducing a suite of products that have greater value as the sum of the parts than the parts themselves."

Posted at 10:23 PM

September 15, 2003

I watched the season premiere of Everwood tonight (albeit on tape, since I was driving back to Sandusky from my last class while it was broadcasting). I really grew to love this show last year in its first season, and I have high hopes for this season. I must admit, though, that I have serious fears about how much new shows like this can get fucked up as soon as the second season. I remember that I was really impressed with Party of Five when it started, but the second season was such a horribly soap-opera-ish drama fest that I hated it almost immediately. I'm not sure what to make of Everwood's new season.

Some changes are significant, particularly the death of Colin (I really had not seen that coming), but some of it seems very m,uch the same as it's ever been. Overall, it was a decent episode, but I wasn't moved or impressed like I was with pretty much every episode of the first season. In all fairness, they had to pretty much recap all of the first season and finish off the cliff-hanger, so maybe I shouldn't have expected much. Even so, I guess I'd been hoping for more - next week will be a better test.

And let me tell you, there'd better not be as many fucking commercials next week. There must have been one minute of commercials for every minute of the show that they had during that hour. I've never been more thankful for the fast forward key in my life (and thankful for having to record a show rather than watch it first hand). I can only hope that all of the commercials were a marketing ploy for big revenues since this was a season premiere and more likely to garner wide audiences, because if there's this many commercials during every episode, then there won't be much of a storyline in the brief amount of time they have left.

Now I just have to wait for ultra hot Tom Welling to be back in a new season of Smallville, and I'll be a much happier little viewer ...

Posted at 1:24 AM

September 14, 2003

I saw this on one of the message boards that I read, and while I can't find the original article on 365Gay.com, I simply must print this here for everyone to see. This is the straightforward truth that homophobes and religious bigots simply don't want to face, and I applaud this woman for both speaking her mind and for speaking so eloquently.

One Mother's Letter to the Editor

Sharon Underwood has been a busy woman since the day she wrote a letter to the editor of her local paper, the Valley News, in White River Junction, Vt.

This computer programmer and mother of three wanted to respond to the many anti-gay letters that preceded the Vermont domestic partnership legislation. She ended up the talk of the town and elsewhere.

Phone calls and letters from Vancouver, Sydney and San Francisco have been pouring in ever since. Sharon is overwhelmed by the reaction: "One couple who doesn't have gay kids called to thank me. Another man, father of two kids, called admitting he had said mean things to gay people in the past, but my letter had really helped him see things differently." Her gay son, who she describes as an introvert, is continuing his studies in Boston and hasn't really reacted to his mother's popularity but, she says, "The other kids are delighted."

Sharon gladly sent a copy of the letter to Gay.com members, adding, "I hope it helps. I just don't understand how parents could not support their gay children."

Sharon's letter to the editor:

To the Editor;

As the mother of a gay son, I've seen firsthand how cruel and misguided people can be.

Many letters have been sent to the Valley News concerning the homosexual menace in Vermont. I am the mother of a gay son and I've taken enough from you good people. I'm tired of your foolish rhetoric about the "homosexual agenda" and your allegations that accepting homosexuality is the same thing as advocating sex with children. You are cruel and ignorant. You have been robbing me of the joys of motherhood ever since my children were tiny.

My firstborn son started suffering at the hands of the moral little thugs from your moral, upright families from the time he was in the first grade. He was physically and verbally abused from first grade straight through high school because he was perceived to be gay. He never professed to be gay or had any association with anything gay, but he had the misfortune not to walk or have gestures like the other boys. He was called "fag" incessantly, starting when he was 6.

In high school, while your children were doing what kids that age should be doing, mine labored over a suicide note, drafting and redrafting it to be sure his family knew how much he loved them. My sobbing 17-year-old tore the heart out of me as he choked out that he just couldn't bear to continue living any longer, that he didn't want to be gay and that he couldn't face a life without dignity.

You have the audacity to talk about protecting families and children from the homosexual menace, while you yourselves tear apart families and drive children to despair. I don't know why my son is gay, but I do know that God didn't put him, and millions like him, on this Earth to give you someone to abuse. God gave you brains so that you could think, and it's about time you started doing that.

At the core of all your misguided beliefs is the belief that this could never happen to you, that there is some kind of subculture out there that people have chosen to join. The fact is that if it can happen to my family, it can happen to yours, and you won't get to choose. Whether it is genetic or whether something occurs during a critical time of fetal development, I don't know. I can only tell you with an absolute certainty that it is inborn.

If you want to tout your own morality, you'd best come up with something more substantive than your heterosexuality. You did nothing to earn it; it was given to you. If you disagree, I would be interested in hearing your story, because my own heterosexuality was a blessing I received with no effort whatsoever on my part. It is so woven into the very soul of me that nothing could ever change it. For those of you who reduce sexual orientation to a simple choice, a character issue, a bad habit or something that can be changed by a 10-step program, I'm puzzled. Are you saying that your own sexual orientation is nothing more than something you have chosen, that you could change it at will? If that's not the case, then why would you suggest that someone else can?

A popular theme in your letters is that Vermont has been infiltrated by outsiders. Both sides of my family have lived in Vermont for generations. I am heart and soul a Vermonter, so I'll thank you to stop saying that you are speaking for "true Vermonters."

You invoke the memory of the brave people who have fought on the battlefield for this great country, saying that they didn't give their lives so that the "homosexual agenda" could tear down the principles they died defending. My 83-year-old father fought in some of the most horrific battles of World War II, was wounded and awarded the Purple Heart. He shakes his head in sadness at the life his grandson has had to live. He says he fought alongside homosexuals in those battles, that they did their part and bothered no one. One of his best friends in the service was gay, and he never knew it until the end, and when he did find out, it mattered not at all. That wasn't the measure of the man.

You religious folk just can't bear the thought that as my son emerges from the hell that was his childhood he might like to find a lifelong companion and have a measure of happiness. It offends your sensibilities that he should request the right to visit that companion in the hospital, to make medical decisions for him or to benefit from tax laws governing inheritance. "How dare he?" you say. These outrageous requests would threaten the very existence of your family, would undermine the sanctity of marriage.

You use religion to abdicate your responsibility to be thinking human beings. There are vast numbers of religious people who find your attitudes repugnant. God is not for the privileged majority, and God knows my son has committed no sin.

The deep-thinking author of a letter to the April 12 Valley News who lectures about homosexual sin and tells us about "those of us who have been blessed with the benefits of a religious upbringing" asks: "What ever happened to the idea of striving to be better human beings than we are?"

Indeed, sir, what ever happened to that?

Posted at 10:18 PM

September 13, 2003

We can only hope that this comes true.

Gore In '04?

A new national poll shows the only Democrat capable of taking on George W. Bush is Al Gore. The trouble is Gore so far has insisted he isn't running.

The Zogby poll was taken for the Draft Gore committee, a group identifying itself as a grassroots effort to get Gore on the ballot.

The survey, taken from September 5 to 9, shows that if an election were held today, and Gore were the Democratic candidate, the race would be a repeat of 2000.

48 percent of those polled said they would vote for Gore, 46 for the President.
It is the first time a Democrat has polled higher than Bush in a national survey of perspective voters, although, factoring in the poll's margin of error (3.2 percent) the two are in a dead heat.

"More than two and a half years after the 2000 election and we are back where we started," said pollster John Zogby. "The country was evenly divided then and it is still evenly divided."

However, among independent voters, Gore leads Bush 47 percent to 43 percent.

None of the other Democratic contenders could hold Bush to less than 50 percent in a similar Zogby poll conducted one week ago. Howard Dean, Gore's closest competitor and widely considered the frontrunner among the declared candidates, lagged 10 points behind Bush (42 percent to 52 percent).

Last week longtime gay activist Bob Kunst launched a draft Hillary campaign. (story) Kunst pointed to a recent poll that showed her coming closer than any of the ten declared candidates, although she would still lose to Bush.

Additionally, a survey released last week of LGBT voters showed the majority of gays would support Dean over Bush. (story)

However, the Zogby poll is the first national survey showing that a Democrat could beat the president in the popular vote.

"Gore is clearly the most electable candidate," says Bill McCormack of Draft Gore. "What's the 2004 election about if not winning? Four years ago at this time Bush held a lead of more than 10 points over Gore, and Gore still won the popular vote in 2000. Now they start even, and the undecided vote tends to break in favor of the challenger. Gore is in a perfect position for 2004."

The former vice-president has not commented on the Zogby poll.

Posted at 10:45 PM

September 12, 2003

Sadly, I didn't, in fact, sleep well last night. I was trying to catch up with a few things on the net while I half-heartily watched tv in the background, and at some point I fell asleep in the middle of all of it. Waking up at 6:30 AM in weird positions and with the tv and computer running isn't the most comfortable thing, and I ached a bit. I slept for another couple hours, but I was dead tired and still achy once I was up. Unfortunately, I've stayed that way all day, and it has made everything move achingly slowly and painfully. That (along with all of the errands and appointments I've had to run my grandma to on to of fixing meals and mowing the lawn) has left me with hardly any schoolwork accomplished and still a huge amount to get done.

Yea.

Written Posted at 12:14 AM

September 11, 2003

The whole 9/11 pageant of shameless grabs for glory has driven me nuts today (Emperor Bush is at the top of the list for a disgusting display of capitalizing on the deaths of thousands of people for his own political gain). I have made a huge effort to avoid all forms of broadcasting that are even making reference to 9/11 - not because I don't have compassion for the people who died and for their families, but because I have compassion for them. They deserve quiet memorials and thoughts, not glitzy displays where one politician or television network try to outdo each other. America disappoints me so much sometimes.

The day did have a positive point, though. Chris called me during the poetry reading tonight and asked me over to his apartment for a while. I haven't seen him most of the summer, and I didn't know where he had moved even, so I was excited to see him. I left right after the last poem, and he and I talked for about three hours, catching up on what classes we have and how they're going. I got to read a story that Chris wrote for a writing class he's taking, and I got to see one of the art projects he's working on. I quoted my poem to him from the last workshop and he liked it, so that made me feel a little redeemed after yesterday's down feelings. One of the more amusing parts of the conversation was to learn that Chris had joined the College Republicans, partly for free pizza and soda, but also as a subversive way to get background info that he's going to use in a very liberal art project that he's working on (which makes a mockery of Emperor Bush and his administration - go Chris!). Chris has just about everything arranged to go to New Zealand in the Spring semester, and he's getting quite excited (and who wouldn't?). We won't have a long time before he's gone, but we're going to make the effort to get together a bunch more times yet while we can this semester. That'll be cool. I need people to talk to and have some interaction with. My grandma is wonderful and all, but it's not the same as talking to someone closer to my age who knows some of what I'm going through with college. So seeing Chris now and again is a huge thing for me. Hopefully I'll spend time with him again soon.

The night wasn't quite over at that point, because even though it was after 11:30, I talked to Christiana on the phone for about an hour as I drove back to Sandusky. Things are going quite well for her in D.C., both for grad school and her job, and I'm happy for her. It was relaxing to talk to her, and it just added to the whole pleasant resonance from having spent time with Chris.

I'll sleep well tonight.

Written Posted at 2:11 AM

September 10, 2003

We are told, in every workshop that I have had at this university (both verbally and in writing in every single class) that critiques of stories and poems for workshops should be constructive, not destructive, and they should praise the good aspects while pointing out what needs to be changed or improved. I have always been a strong follower of this credo, feeling that it upholds the idea that you can catch more flies with honey than vinegar (that is, if you like flies ... and you don't mind wasting your honey ...).

So I was consequently quite crushed today when I was pretty much bitch-slapped not once but twice today in my two workshops. I had come up with this amusing little poem that wasn't perfect, I'll admit, but that I really liked and thought would go over really well. The first thing I was told (by the professor, no less) was that Haiku didn't qualify as poetry (I had written a poem composed of a series of three Haiku). Great way to start. After that, it went downhill. That's not to say that people didn't like it at all or that anyone was outright mean, but it was pretty much all comments of how to change it or what was wrong and almost nothing positive. So that was a bummer. Then in my fiction workshop, my short, short story, yet another rushed job, was panned across the board. Again, nobody was outright mean, but every comment was a suggestion for change, revision, or additions - nothing positive. In fact, most people wanted more of this or that, and I'd already gone over the 1500 word limit (at 1534, although I didn't point out that I had run over the limit), so I don't know how anyone expected me to do all this other shit in zero words or less.

And as usual, that didn't get me mad or anything, just excessively depressed. It's no big surprise, I was down most of the day anyhow, and I've been wavering on the edge of getting outright depressed each minute of each day for the whole week. The cute guys I've been seeing on campus don't help either; they just leave me with a feeling of longing and the clear realization that I'm still alone and not getting any closer to changing that.

So I'm quite incredibly bummed out now, and I don't even know why I'm writing anything, because I just feel like doing nothing. That's the closest I can get to dying, so that's the best I can do for now.

Written Posted at 11:59 PM

September 9, 2003

Oh my! Rusty is a homosexual!

As if that's not controversial enough, Al Franken is continuing to take on the conservatives! Go Al!

Al Franken's 'grandiose vision'

To have been present at the creation of "Saturday Night Live." To remain liberal and sassy at age 52. To be sued by the Fox News Channel and have your book sell as fast as "The South Beach Diet." To greet a reporter on a late summer evening in an undershirt and shorts. To chew on green grapes at your dining room table and state your case against the other side.

" My grandiose vision," he says with a laugh, "is to change the dialogue in this country and get rid of this president."

Franken is a comedian, and a fighter. He has the clown's wide mouth and toothy smile, the ex-high school wrestler's short, stocky build. With a jock's intensity, he explains the importance of making 'em laugh, what he calls the "value added" of the liberal mind -- the special quality that clinches an argument.

" I've got to stay funny," he says. "Their 'value added' is lying. Their 'value added' is distorting. My 'value added' can't be lying; I've got to tell the truth. So mine has got to be funny."

Liberals have been accused -- by fellow liberals -- of being too nice. Not Franken. Not the author of "Lies and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them: A Fair and Balanced Look at the Right." Not the man with chapter headings that include "Bill O'Reilly: Lying, Splotchy, Bully" and "Ann Coulter: Nutcase."

Liberals may laugh, but Franken's conservative critics believe he has taken on some of the qualities of those he attacks. "He did some funny stuff on 'Saturday Night Live.' But I can't understand why he would want to be Rush Limbaugh when he could be Bill Murray," says Jonathan Last, editor for the online edition of The Weekly Standard.

Franken has fielded other shots from the right over the years, but nothing like those made in the lawsuit Fox filed in mid-August to derail his book. In papers devoted to protecting the trademarked phrase "fair and balanced," the news channel labeled Franken "not a well-respected voice in American politics; rather, he appears to be shrill and unstable. His views lack any serious depth or insight."

The suit lasted just a couple of weeks -- a federal judge found the request for an injunction "totally without merit" -- but long enough to send Franken's book to the top of best-seller lists. About 600,000 copies are now in print, more than double what publisher Penguin originally planned.

For Franken, the affair has served as a kind of annoyance-amusement, like living through an old "M-A-S-H" episode in which he were clever Hawkeye Pierce being harassed by hapless Frank Burns. He'll take the victory, but he also wants people to consider what the book actually says.

"Bush has been taking this country in the wrong direction," Franken says. "He has been dishonest about his tax cuts. They have squandered our surplus and the surplus of good will we had overseas."

His book combines insults, anecdotes, criticism of President Bush and praise for the Clinton administration. He disputes conservative claims that the media favors liberals and states that Clinton was actually tougher on terrorism than Bush.

A proud Democrat, he campaigned for Al Gore's 2000 presidential campaign and helped write material when the former vice president was a host last year on "Saturday Night Live." Franken is also a popular speaker at Democratic functions.

He believes Bill Clinton was a great president, albeit one who made it hard for Franken to be a satirist. He recalls an invitation to the White House while he was helping prepare an irreverent skit about the Whitewater investigation for "Saturday Night Live."

"I remember sort of eating dinner at the White House and knowing that I had a satirical piece that was being rehearsed and that they would not be entirely happy with," says Franken, who was forgiven.

Baiting the right is so much easier. In June, Franken offered a preview of trouble to come when he appeared with Fox's O'Reilly on a luncheon panel at the booksellers convention in Los Angeles.

To the shock, amusement or anger (depending on your politics) of guests and those watching C-SPAN, Franken questioned in detail the honesty of the Fox news host. O'Reilly, who had earlier criticized name-calling by political commentators, denounced Franken as an "idiot" who was "blinded by ideology."

"Lies" is currently listed as the No. 1 bestselling book on Amazon.com.

Among the amused C-SPAN viewers was Terry McAuliffe, chairman of the Democratic National Committee.

"We were planning a big presidential gala this year, with all of our candidates, and our kickoff was going to be in Washington in June," McAuliffe says. "I watched Al on C-SPAN at the convention and picked up the phone next week and asked him, 'Would you be willing to do the entertainment at our event?' And so he came to Washington."

Franken is a liberal, not a radical. He has entertained troops for the USO and plans to do so again this year, in Iraq. He worries about corporate influence in politics, but did not support Ralph Nader's third-party candidacy in 2000.

"Al is a real patriot," says Janet Langhart Cohen, a former USO board member and wife of former defense secretary William Cohen. "I remember once a couple of so-called stars were complaining about eating out of paper bags. And Al said, 'Look, the troops are eating out of paper bags, so you'll eat out of paper bags and you'll like it.' Everybody got the message."

Show business, and politics, have taken good care of Franken, even during the Bush years. He and his wife, Franni, live in a seven-room apartment on Manhattan's affluent and liberal Upper West Side. They have two children, Thomasin, 22, and Joe, 18.

Franken's first inspiration -- Nixon

It is a warm, comfortable home with a bathroom in the back dedicated to the memory of Richard Nixon, complete with a framed copy of Nixon's 1974 resignation letter and towels purchased at the Nixon museum in Yorba Linda, California.

"Nixon inspired me to put humor and politics together: Nixon and the Vietnam War," Franken says, popping another grape in his mouth.

A salesman's son, Franken was born in New York and raised in St. Louis Park, Minnesota Conservatives can blame his father, Joe Franken, for Al's entry into the liberal camp. The elder Franken was a lifelong Republican until the presidential election of 1964, when he was so offended by Republican Barry Goldwater's opposition to civil rights legislation that he voted for Democrat Lyndon Johnson.

Young Al was duly influenced. Soon, he and Tom Davis, his childhood friend and future "Saturday Night Live" collaborator, were performing political skits together -- Nixon a specialty. In 1968, Franken traveled to Minneapolis to heckle at a George Wallace rally, when the Alabama governor was running for president as a conservative, third-party candidate.

"It's the one thing I'm ashamed of -- shouting Wallace down," Franken says. "I was 17 at the time and I remember telling my American history teacher that I had done that and he said, 'You shouldn't shout people down,' and I felt really horrible."

Franken graduated from Harvard University in 1973 and two years later entered the promised land for smart-mouthed young liberals: the original "Saturday Night Live."

"My first impression of him, which has proved to be somewhat accurate, is that he was really kind of unstoppable. He was someone impervious to criticism, impervious to pain," says Anne Beatts, a fellow writer for the original show.

During his 15 years with SNL, he worked on political sketches, helped create the outrageous mock commercial about a circumcision in the back of a moving car and performed as Stuart Smalley, the friendly advocate of 12-step programs. He also wrote the best-selling "Rush Limbaugh Is a Big Fat Idiot," starred in the movie flop "Stuart Saves His Family" and has been a frequent commentator on Comedy Central shows, "Crossfire" and other TV programs.

But he can sometimes go a bit too far. There was that party at Gilda Radner's place in the early 1980s. Franken's daughter had just been born and friends gathered to celebrate. He connived with his wife to play a little joke.

"I got a doll and I swaddled it, and I had my sister-in-law come with me, really carrying Thomasin," he recalls. "I called Franni and I asked, 'Is there anything that I can trip over?' And she said, 'Yeah, there are presents by the door.'

"So I walked in and let everybody go, 'Oh. Oh.' And I saw the thing I could trip over and I tripped and I did a little arc where I came down on my shoulder ... And there's no way the baby, if there was a baby, would have lived.

"And the scream -- you never heard a scream like this in your life. ... And then my sister-in-law walked in with Thomasin."

Franken laughs, shuts his eyes and glows. What a moment; he savors it like a juicy grape.

Posted at 11:23 PM

September 8, 2003

What's a little deficit among friends?

Like all Republicans before him, Emperor Bush carelessly overspends without a care, ballooning the federal deficit to unimaginable proportions that will take years, decades, or more to reduce. It is readily apparent that neither he nor any Republicans care about reducing it either, choosing to leave it for the Democrats to deal with whenever they gain political power (that way the Democrats look bad when they have to tighten the budget, cut federal jobs, and maybe even raise taxes to fix the damn problem). Who cares i9f this kind of federal debt depresses the economy and fucks up everything - certainly not Emperor Bush. Read on:

Bush request scribbled in red ink

WASHINGTON (CNN) -- The White House acknowledged Monday that President Bush's budget request for the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan will balloon the federal budget deficit next year by at least $50 billion -- to a record $525 billion or more.

The administration reiterated its view that the deficit could be cut in half in the next few years, but the red ink is certain to be among the pressure points as the administration makes the case for the $87 billion spending request.

Senior administration officials told reporters there were no plans at the White House to seek "offsets" -- or spending cuts elsewhere in the budget -- to ease the strain of the new war budget request on the Treasury.

Nor is the White House open to scaling back tax cuts already passed by Congress, these officials said.

The administration had already projected a record federal budget deficit next year of $475 billion.

The senior officials said the new war request would add $50 billion or maybe $60 billion more in red ink in the fiscal year that begins October 1.

On another note, the officials said their projections for revenues from Iraqi oil sales now stand at:

• $12 billion for fiscal 2004, which begins in October.

• $20 billion for fiscal 2005 and fiscal 2006.

The administration initially had predicted that Iraqi oil sales would pay for the bulk of the reconstruction and political transition after the war.

Now the administration says it wants $20 billion from Congress and tens of billions more from other nations to help pay reconstruction costs.

Posted at 12:42 AM

September 7, 2003

Well, I've gotten everything done that needs to be done for tomorrow except that I still can't come up with any ideas for the short story I need. I blame television. All of these channels that I have now, thanks to cable, and there's absolutely nothing on. It's just sucking all of the creativity right out of me.

Don't get the wrong idea here - I actually have some great story ideas - ideas that I'm anxious to get a chance to write about - but I can't come up with anything short, like this assignment requires. I hate having to write these incredibly short stories; they're just about impossible.

Any ideas out there, e.mail me - and fast!

Posted at 11:19 PM

September 6, 2003

I've been reading all day, going from one assignment to another. I'm caught up on reading (sort of) but now (and for the last couple of hours) I'm trying to figure out what to write about for my next short story (which is due on Monday).

So ... anybody got any ideas? It's a short, short story (1500 words or less), and it's always hard for me to come up with story ideas that are wrapped up and complete in that short of a space. Ugh! Why can't we write stories of a decent length for once?

Posted at 11:51 PM

September 5, 2003

Yeah ... depressed again. You know, you could probably read this site once a month on a random day and come up with the same thing: a day where I'm depressed, a day where I'm doing something boring around the house, or a day where I'm pining away for an old friend or boyfriend that I miss. It's pretty sad, really.

You deserve better, really, and I wholeheartedly want to give you something more, even if it's just some experimental poetry or fiction or some stream of consciousness writing or some rant, even. And I'm sure I'll do those things at some point, but when I have this fucking depression I can't write for shit! My creative mind just locks up, and I have trouble enough forcing out the stories and poems I need for classes, let alone some nightly creativity on this site. I'm sorry about that; it's not you, it's me.

I'll try to be better. Really.

Posted at 1:56 AM

September 4, 2003

Well, as crazy as today was with running errands, paying bills, trying to do a bit more thesis research, meeting with Phil to set up my Modern Fiction class and also to discuss my thesis proposal, and having to attend the first poetry and fiction reading in the Thursday night series - even as crazy and rushed as my day was, I did finish all of it and didn't burn myself out.

And while I was disappointed that Chris didn't show up at the reading like he said he would (hopefully I'll catch up with him somehow, now that I have a new phone number for him (as of yesterday)) - even as disappointing as that was, I got to chat with Penny, briefly, at the reading, and then, on the drive back to Sandusky, I called Christiana in D.C. and had a great conversation catching up with her about how each of us is making out in our new semesters and our new locations. We talked for well over an hour and a half about our classes and what sort of stuff we're getting assigned to do, and about the family she's living with and about how me and my grandma are getting along together. Mostly it was just simple stuff like that to catch up on what's happened to each of us in the past two or three weeks, but it was great to talk to her after not having seen her for nearly a month. And she sounds happy and excited about everything that's going on for her, and that makes me happy in itself.

I'm physically tired again tonight, but not nearly as mentally drained as I have been the past few nights this week. In addition to the talk with Christiana, I had a cheery e.mail from Sarah telling me that she was sending good vibes my way, and I think it may have helped. Even if it was just a coincidence that I wasn't as depressed today, I still feel indebted to Sarah for even just the sweet e.mail and the concern.

Ain't it great to have friends?

Posted at 12:11 AM

September 3, 2003

Fuck, this was a hard day. I still had a poem and a short story to write, both to be turned in and workshopped today, I've been drawing blanks for days, and couldn't write anything, and this morning I had some ideas to work with but hardly any time. Somehow, I managed to write the poem before leaving for BG, and I finished the story between my classes (somehow), just having enough time to get back and forth to classes around running from the computer lab. This is not any fun, I can assure you, and having this last minute freak-out is not the way to live through any day.

Not surprisingly, I'm dead tired. I've been tense and stiff all day as I worried about finishing in time, and my neck is killing me. I'm barely getting back here by 10:30 most Mondays and Wednesdays, and it's 11 PM or later by the time I've talked to my grandma and taken off my shoes. It doesn't leave me with any time to do anything, and half of the time I fall asleep before I upload my Journal entry for this site (as was the case last night). Somehow or other I have to get myself into a routine that works for getting class assignments done and getting some sleep - and which requires nothing from me on Monday, Wednesday and Thursday nights. If I can get sort of a routine, it'll be a bit more natural for me to go through days like this, and maybe I won't be so tense and tired. Hopefully.

Posted at 12:54 AM

September 2, 2003

I spent much of the day on campus in various libraries today, researching trauma theory and searching for essays and books that I can use in my Senior Thesis. Big fun, as you might expect.

On the up side, I ran into Pat at the Science Library. Pat, you might remember if you've been reading my Journal for a while, was in my Beat Lit. class in the spring, and I was sort of attracted to him. Well, okay, so it was more than sort of ... Anyhow, he was in the library and came up to say "Hello." He was looking great, as cute and perfect as ever, and we talked about a whole bunch of things for a half hour or so. I had almost forgotten how incredibly intelligent he is, but it was so clear even just from our short conversation. I enjoyed seeing him and talking to him, but it made me think about a few things.

It occurs to me again, as it does regularly, that someone like Pat (or any other of the hot or cute guys I saw around campus today and drooled over) are never going to be interested in someone like me (at least in a romantic sense - friendship is doubtful, too, but at least possible). But let's face it, I don't think that I would even date myself if presented the option - I'm just not cute or hot, and that's when I'm in shape - with me being somewhat overweight and, well, getting older by the day, I just don't have much to offer in the looks department. And someone like Pat makes me realize that I'm not really that smart, either. Sure, I'm smarter than the average bear - err, guy - but there are people like Pat (or Heather, or Sarah, or Eric, or ...) who are just so far beyond my level of intelligence that it puts me to shame. And the bottom line, then, is what do I have to offer in any sort of relationship? Who's going to look at me and think "I want to get to know him" (or "Wow! I want that body") - well, nobody. And who's going to think, after, meeting me or being around me for a while, that "Paul's really pretty cool and incredibly smart, and I could really get into him" - well, again, nobody. And heck, I'm all fucked up with all of my emotional baggage and my little obsessive compulsive issues and stuff - who'd be willing to deal with any of that even if they saw something about me that they liked - well, nobody.

So I'm pretty bummed out. It's not like these are new thoughts, but it hurts just as much every time I get to thinking about it. It just gets worse as I get older, and I get further and further from any likelihood that I'll be finding a boyfriend any time soon. I know it's all just shameless whining on my part, and bitching about it isn't changing anything, but I just need to get it out and not feel like I'm just letting these thoughts all fester inside of me.

Life should be simpler than this, really.

Written Posted at 1:38 AM

September 1, 2003

Dontcha hate it when somebody does that thing? And then that other thing? And then everybody's like, "Sure, right, of course," and you're like, "Nuh-uh, no way, nope," and then you find out it was the first thing after all and not some random whosamawhatzit.

Posted at 9:54 PM

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