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| message board February 2005
... and the depression goes on and on and on and on ... Posted at 8:40 PM
How disturbed should I be by the fact that I keep finding certain cartoon characters attractive? Posted at 11:44 PM
Anybody know how to stop time for a week or two so that I can mentally recuperate? Anybody? Bueller? Bueller? Posted at 12:49 AM
Posted at 3.56 AM
Flashback fourteen years to 1991. I was sharing an apartment with my former partner-in-crime, Erik, living in Perrysburg outside of Toledo while I worked at Kinko's and went to college at BGSU. Erik came home with a young boy in tow, a 14-year old kid that Erik had befriended on Toledo's South side while he was working as manager of a Bambino's Pizza location near the kid's house. This would be the first of many visits from James to our apartment and the beginning of an odd friendship that found James getting very close to Erik over the course of the next few years and me getting minimally closer as I visited James at home and got to know him better. He was a good kid who faced the same problems as every kid on the South side - gangs, drugs, poverty, violence, basic trouble, all along with growing up and facing the struggles of puberty and chasing girls. For all of that James was a fairly well-adjusted, fun-loving, happy kid. Fastforward two years to 1993. I had managed to get decent tickets for a performance at the Chicago Theatre of Jesus Christ Superstar with an all-star cast headed by Dennis DeYoung of rock group Styx. I had bought these as a present for Erik, who had still been living in Toledo during the past year or more that I'd been in Indiana managing my first Kinko's store. Jesus Christ Superstar had always been Erik's favorite play/musical and Styx was his favorite band, and both things were hugely import nat to him. I saw it as a great gift, and I really looked forward to seeing Erik and spending time with him. I was still, in my way, very much in love with him, even though he had made clear that there would never be more between us than friendship, and I very dearly missed him. Erik showed up with James, which for a variety of reasons shouldn't have shocked me I suppose, but I was still shocked. I was pleased to see James since it had been a while since I'd been around him, but I was disappointed and frustrated because my time with Erik had been messed up. I wasn't mad at James, although I was mad at Erik. We did different things in Lafayette, where I lived, and then went to Chicago for the show. It was, as I well knew, a sold out show, so I gave Erik and James the tickets. I had bought the tickets as a treat for Erik, so I certainly couldn't not send him outside, and James was still just a kid, and I could hardly leave him wandering around Chicago alone. So I sent them inside and promised to meet them after the show, then walked across downtown Chicago to the Wells Street Kinko's where my friend Brendan worked, and I chatted with him for a couple of hours. Flashback to the present. I hadn't seen or heard from James in twelve years until this morning when I read a very brief e.mail from him asking me to call him. I saw the e.mail at 5:30 AM as I was getting ready for classes, and I had no time to call until after I was done with classes and back in Sandusky. We talked for about two hours, catching each other up on a lot of the doings of our lives. James and I have both been to hell and back a number of times since we've last seen each other, him physically and emotionally and me mentally and emotionally, and while we've each changed in twelve years, we're still in many ways the same people. My mind is still processing all that I've learned about James's past twelve years, and honestly my head has been filled with a lot of thoughts about James and Erik all day, leading me to be rather depressed, actually, and I'm still dealing with that as well. There's history there that's both good and bad, and one side doesn't come without the other. I'd say more, but I don't really know what to say. I'm not really even sure what to think. It's no fault of James', but the time period that we knew each other is a complicated emotional mess for me. In many ways it marks the last times that I had any level of happiness, but in many ways it also marks the early stages of the fall of my life into chaos and pain. I've been getting a lot of emotional flashbacks that are like kicks in the head lately, and this just seems to be adding to the beating, but I don't want to turn aside from a chance at renewing a friendship either. I guess I'll just deal with it all and see what happens - that's all I can do - and I'll try feebly to maintain some emotional stability in the process. It's not like that part will be all that new, anyhow.
What we need is an invasion by billions of homosexual aliens who find heterosexuals immoral and disgusting (and considering all of the stories about aliens doing anal probes, this might not be an impossibility). Once they were all here, occupying our world, homosexuals (alien and human) would be in the majority and aliens (assumedly more powerful considering they'd have invaded our world) would make the laws and set what is tolerated. Would straights be bullied, beaten, and killed, kept from having sex, stripped of any rights to marry or have equal protection under the law? Would gay people stand by and watch smugly as Fred Phelps was hauled away to a program where doctors will "cure him" and make sure he never wants to be straight again? Even if just for a day, it would be worth it so that the hate-filled homophobes could see it from the other side. Posted at 11:02 PM
Exhaustion doesn't even begin to describe my current state. My eyes feel like they're being pushed out from behind, my shoulders and back ache a bit, and I'm numbly tired. During the earlier parts of the day I really had to concentrate while reading my notes and studying for my exam because I would drift off and try to fall asleep. It's been no end of fun. I was up, as promised, at 4 AM, tweaking my paper again and then throwing myself together so that I could get to Bowling Green and study for an hour and a half before classes plus some in-between classes. The studying part worked out better than expected, really, since my middle class, my World Literature class, was cancelled since my professor was sick. That gave me an extra hour of study time, so that helped. I could definitely have used more time to study, honestly, but I was pretty well set. Actually taking the exam wasn't so bad. It was all essay, which I hate, and it's worth 20% of my grade (which I hate), but I knew how to answer all of the questions pretty fully. The issue, as it always is for me with exams, was time. I had 75 minutes to answer all of the essays, and I did okay, I guess. I answered well, but I ran out of time on the last essay. My opening paragraph laid out the basics for the whole essay, but I only wrote two further paragraphs expanding on that main paragraph, and I should have had about five total. Fortunately I realized I was running out of time and made the info in that first paragraph a little more detailed, but it wasn't nearly as much as I wanted to write. With another 15 minutes I would have been very satisfied. Oh well. I'll just have to wait and see how that all turns out. The most interesting thing of the day happened quite early, as I was heading to my first class. I ran into Phil, my favorite professor, and found him in a wheelchair with a leg cast (a walking cast, even though he wasn't walking. He had apparently slipped on the ice near his home about six weeks ago (only shortly after I last saw him) and dislocated his ankle and broke his tibia. I've had a dislocated ankle before myself, and they take quite a while to heal. He's been out of commission for six weeks and hopes to be out of the cast in two more. He's been confined to having someone drop him off at East Hall, the English building, and pick him up at the end of the day. He's trapped in East Hall, unable to go out for lunch or whatever. Fortunately his classes were all moved to East Hall for his convenience. I can tell he's stir crazy, though. The good news from him was confirmation of something he'd told me six weeks ago but asked me to keep quiet until it was a done deal - Phil is going to be the new Assistant Chair of the English Department starting in the Fall. That kicks ass, and I can't think of anyone that I'd rather see get the position. It'll give Phil a lot better job as well as give his valuable ideas a voice in shaping the department. It's a shame that I'll be gone from the university by the time he gets in the position (or at least I hope I'll be gone by then), because I'd like to see what he's able to do. I'll still keep in touch, though, so I guess I'll at least see what he puts together. Phil will always be a friend, and just because I graduate that won't stop me from visiting him and being interested in what's going on in his life. I'll just miss being on campus so much that where it's easier to stop by to see him. Posted at 11:24 PM
Most of you have probably been busy all day celebrating Presidents' Day and ... buying half-off mattresses ... or ... going to the Presidents' Day shoe sale at the mall ... or engaging in the few other bizarre representations of a day to honor American presidents. Of course considering who we currently have in office, I suppose any sort of moronic sideshow type of sale is appropriate as a way to honor our president. I, however, have had no time to celebrate in any way at all. I was up in the wee hours of the morning working on a paper for my World Literature class, and by noon I pretty much had the completed first draft done. That was good since I had to gather up my grandmother and leave right away to see the doctor. My grandma had her appointment to have her stitches and bandages fully removed from the carpal tunnel surgery on her right hand, and everything looks great. She's all done now with both hands, except for keeping this left hand completely dry for another week, and the signs of improvement in both hands are noticeable and very encouraging, particularly considering that it generally takes 3-8 months to assess the full amount of recovery from the nerve damage that the carpal tunnel syndrome had caused. So that was all good, and while I'll still have to keep a close eye on my grandma for another week, the end is near and she'll soon be back to being more independent - a plus for the both of us. After getting back to the house and helping my grandma with a few tasks, I went back to my paper and tweaked it out to be pretty decent. Then I shifted gears to study for my first big (and I do mean big) exam for my Vietnam War history class. I've been studying that stuff all afternoon and I still feel very shaky about it all, but I'll be working on things all the way until that class comes around tomorrow afternoon, and I intend to even get up an hour earlier (ugh!) so that I can study for maybe two hours total during the morning and between classes. Getting up at 4 AM will reek, and I expect to be completely exhausted by the time I get out of that exam, but I'll need all of the studying I can get. Driving back to Sandusky should be all sorts of fun considering I'll be nearly comatose, but we'll see. If the ol' adrenaline kicks in during the day then I might just be able to make do. Three cheers for just making do. Rah. Rah. Rah. Posted at 7:50 PM
Tonight's episode of the Simpsons was about Homer getting ordained online as a minister so that he could marry gay couples for $200 a pair (and of course it was purely for the cash and not for any better reason). The episode itself was merely okay as Simpsons shows go. I was quite disappointed by the over-the-top stereotypes of gay people, but it's the standard fare for the Simpsons - even while they openly promote tolerance, equality, and acceptance of gays and lesbians on the show, they still wildly stereotype everyone who is to be seen as gay in the most clichéd ways. I could live with that, though. In fact under normal circumstances I would have been more upset that the episode wasn't that funny than I would have been about the unfair stereotyping. This wasn't normal circumstances, however, considering the Simpsons was immediately preceded by a warning that the episode "might not be appropriate for children" and that parents should decide if their kids should watch. It's a fucking cartoon people! Not only that but it's an incredibly irreverent cartoon that satirizes just about every aspect of American life. It has also included gay topics in the past, all without feeling the need to warn the public. I don't blame Matt Groening or anyone else at the Simpsons for this at all. I blame FOX for once again pandering to the fascist conservatives that they consider their viewer base. It's bad enough that they do that on FOXNews but to carry it to a major broadcast network in cartoon sitcoms is simply ridiculous. If FOX can run sexually provocative reality shows and ultra-violent cop shows without any warnings then I think they can get away without warning people that a cartoon will promote tolerance while mocking it at the same time. What the hell is this country coming to? Posted at 11:29 PM
Is there really such a widespread epidemic of erectile dysfunction that justifies all of these billions of spam-advertised cures? It seems impossible, really. Am I the only guy in Ohio that can get it up unaided or what? The possibilities are frightening. Posted at 12:09 AM
The headache isn't going away and I'm lonely and depressed today. Isn't that just great? I tell you, the fun just never ends. Posted at 9:34 PM
I've been having pretty unrelenting headaches again, and it sucks bigtime. My assumption is that they are mostly coming from lack of sleep (lack of sleep happens, by the way, when your grandmother once again fails to put in her hearing aids and, of course inevitably, shakes the whole house with the cranked volume of the 8 AM tv show she's watching (after I had just gotten to sleep around 4 AM), which she turns off when I go downstairs to ask her to put in her hearing aids but which she turns back on 20 minutes later, just as I've almost gotten back to sleep, because she forgot to put her hearing aids in (and maybe even forgot the whole conversation we had just had) - and add to that her waking me at 12:30 AM after I had tried to go to sleep a bit early since I would have to get up for school at 5 AM the following day, this time waking me with the buzzing of the intercom to ask me if tomorrow was Wednesday (when it was going to be, in fact, Tuesday - the whole "day of the week" thing is getting quite out of hand, really) - in any case, I've had little sleep this past week). My headaches may me partly from anxiety about my thesis and all of the various things that are hanging over my head, but most of that stuff's been the same for weeks, so the sleeplessness seems the most likely cause. Whatever the reason I hope it will stop. The major headaches I get are no fun, and they last for days. I can think of a wide array of less painful torture. Posted at 12:04 AM
I have rapidly grown sick of the protestations of innocence by the homophobic conservatives who fill the media with their bullshit. They constantly claim that they aren't bigots, not homophobes - that they don't have a problem with gay people, just that they are protecting marriage or protecting the innocence of children or some other equally untrue line. The truth is that they don't like gay people, so much so that they want to see us dead and gone. Of course they can't say that because it would be politically incorrect and also would cause them a loss of popular support for their homophobic campaigns, but more importantly it would also require some balls, some real courage and honesty and integrity to say what they really think and be straightforward about standing behind what they believe. Obviously the honest, bold, strong, ballsy approach is out - they don't have those qualities and aren't likely to ever gain them. But honestly, I truly wish they did. I wouldn't like these conservative bigots any more than I do, but at least I'd be able to respect their conviction. As it stands, though, the homophobes are nonetheless doing all they can to see us dead, all while claiming that they're just trying to be "more inclusive." They need to get some balls and just lay it out for real, the fucking punk losers.
Posted at 9:49 PM
I don't usually pay much attention to the media circus that surrounds major court cases - I didn't care about OJ or Scott Peterson or whoever. Sure, I had my opinions, but how could I not when it was impossible to get away from people talking about those cases. But just because I hear about them doesn't mean I'm interested. I'd be just as happy not hearing about court proceedings altogether. One exception to the above rule, though, is when kids are involved. I have felt strongly (and for my whole life) that it is despicably wrong to ever charge children as adults, particularly in light of recent well-documented studies that show that the brain doesn't fully develop until humans reach about age 21, and the last areas to fully develop is the area that makes major moral decisions. In my opinion kids should have a trail system and a penalty system that is separate and different from adults. To a large extent that's the case, but more and more commonly children are being tried as adults and then given the maximum sentence possible. That's really just horribly wrong. Society can have it one way or the other: either kids are mature enough to make reasoned decisions or they aren't. If they are mature enough then they should be able to drink, smoke, drive, vote, and have sex as early as they want. If they're mature enough to be tried for crimes that can put them in prison for life then they are old enough for all of these other things. If not, however - if they're not mature enough to drink or smoke or drive or vote or fuck, well then the same logic has to hold true in criminal cases. It's not fair and it's not logical to treat kids hypocritically. Unfortunately I often feel that I am very alone in these sentiments, and while I therefore am not surprised by rulings like the recent decision to lock away a young boy for 30 years, I am horribly saddened. The kid in question was only 12 years old at the time of the crime, and really, I can't imagine anyone that would feel he was old enough or mature enough to get married or get drunk or whatever, yet he's old enough and mature enough to know what he was doing when he acted in a fit of passion. Don't get me wrong about this either. I think that the Zoloft defense was a stupid ploy on the defense's part (they'd have done better to plead insanity based on the testimony about the boy hearing voices and stuff), but that doesn't excuse the judge or the prosecutors for treating a little boy like a hardened adult. It's just wrong. I am saddened terribly by such decisions as this, and with each new decision it becomes more and more common for kids to be tried as adults, no matter how young they are. It's wrong, just horribly, horribly wrong. Here's the article about the verdict in this case:
Posted at 12:10 AM
Son of a bitch! Somebody fuckin' shoot me! While many people might expect me to have been depressed today, that was not the case. Just because it's Valentine's Day doesn't make me sad and lonely (because any day is good for that, actually). No, the fact is that Valentine's Day aggravates me more than any other holiday and thereby overwhelms any other feelings I might otherwise have. Why? Simple, really. I'm a purist, I guess. I look at Valentine's Day based on the mythology surrounding it, meaning that it is supposed to be a day where lovers celebrate their love for each other. If you go strictly by the legends then it is meant to be a special day specifically for people who are married or engaged to be married, but I'm willing to extend the celebrations to all romantic couples. What I won't do is extend the concept to every Tom, Dick, and Harry on the street (no matter how cute they are (well, maybe if they're really cute)). I mean really, sending Valentines to your relatives, your kids, your neighbors - is that supposed to mean that you romantically love them all? Isn't that incest? Isn't that bigamy? The bottom line is that this is supposed to be a special holiday, special to those who are truly in love, romantic love - it's their day. Period. So maybe I'm seen as a fuddy-duddy for feeling that way. Tough. I stand by my convictions. On a relatively unrelated topic, however, the Valentine's Day episode of 7th Heaven is a "musical" episode, and it is so bad, with such a pathetic script, with such abominably bad singing, and with such shockingly miserable choreography that I am hoping an axe murderer will break in and end my misery. Oh it is soooooo bad. As much as I hate American Idol I still find this episode of 7th Heaven making me want to see the silhouette of Simon Cowell at the bottom of the screen in the MST3K style, throwing barbs at these actors who should stick to what they know and saving the ears and sanity of their viewers. Oh, it is just so fucking bad! Posted at 8:50 PM
On the surface I'm sure that it seems innocuous enough to most people that the article I've posted below talks about sending first, second and third grade public school kids to bible classes, shuttled off of school grounds to a separate location with "teachers" who don't have to be certified and who have no accountability for their curriculum. I could easily climb onto my soapbox and decry practices like this on so many millions of levels that it makes my head spin, but instead let me offer you a few brief examples of similar situations which, based purely on prejudice, would bring forth more public controversy and outcries than even Michael Jackson hears in a month. First consider a situation where first, second and third grade public school students, without their parents knowledge or expressed permission, are taken off campus to a separate site where unaccounted-for people would teach them the Koran and Muslim ways. Second consider a situation where first, second and third grade public school students, without their parents knowledge or expressed permission, are taken off campus to a separate site where unaccounted-for people would teach them sex education. Third consider a situation where first, second and third grade public school students, without their parents knowledge or expressed permission, are taken off campus to a separate site where unaccounted-for people would teach them about Communism and Marxism (and maybe socialism and fascism, just to round things out). Fourth consider a situation where first, second and third grade public school students, without their parents knowledge or expressed permission, are taken off campus to a separate site where unaccounted-for people would teach them the intricacies of the religions and cultural beliefs of various African tribal groups along with African-based accounts of the slave trade and American involvement in slavery. And finally consider a situation where first, second and third grade public school students, without their parents knowledge or expressed permission, are taken off campus to a separate site where unaccounted-for people would teach them to not only tolerate but respect and treat as equals all gays and lesbians. By now you probably think I'm just making a joke of this, but I'm honestly being quite serious. All of these possibilities could certainly be arranged, but only the bible study would generally be deemed "acceptable", even though there are valid arguments that could justify the other possibilities just as easily. My point is that taking young kids, whose minds are easily molded, and teaching them things that can't by law be taught on school grounds and which are not part of any recognized curriculum, is just wrong. I am a firm supporter of the idea that kids should be taught everything possible and be allowed to grow from that knowledge. I see good reasons for kids to be taught about all of the topics listed above, but not to such an excess as to have to go off school grounds multiple times a week. If it can't be made an appropriate part of the on-campus curriculum then don't do it. Period. On a secondary note, it drives me crazy to so often hear how a gay-straight alliance in a high school, which is intended to promote understanding and reduce hatred and violence against gay kids, is viewed by some bigot as a way for gay people to "indoctrinate" young people and turn them gay. While it doesn't work that way with homosexuality, it obviouslydoes work that way with christianity - and indoctrination with christianity is somehow not only acceptable but even more important than standardized school studies. It's no wonder, under such circumstances as these, that well-documented and well-proven science such as Darwin's Theory of Evolution falls second to the fact-less, belief-based idea of Creationism. Here's the article:
Posted at 2:02 AM
Is this Journal getting as boring to you as it seems to me? Posted at 10:57 PM
I'm doubting myself a lot lately, and while I know it's largely a result of being depressed, it's proving very difficult not to accept those doubts as the truth. I'm doubting my ability to finish my degrees, doubting my ability to get accepted to a grad school, doubting my ability to have a lasting love in my life, and most frustratingly, doubting my skill or imagination to really write worth a damn. Heck, I don't even need the effects of depression to make me doubt myself. It's not like I have great self-esteem anyhow, and I doubt myself constantly regarding just about everything. Doubting my talent is a writer is nothing new, really, but it's bothering me greatly right now since I'm feeling trapped as I have to do these rewrites for the stories I'm working on for my Senior Creative Writing Thesis project. I know that one way or another I muddle through, but doubting myself completely certainly isn't helping make it any easier. Joy. Posted at 9:22 PM
Coming soon to a school near you! Metal detectors! Lockdowns! Policemen patrolling the hallways! and Electronic tracking devices! You, too, can make sure that your child is fully prepared for every aspect of a life in prison! Your local schools will spare no degradation in their quest to teach your kids how to give up all of their constitutional rights!
Posted at 12:00 AM
The legislators in Virginia must have come from a time some three centuries or so ago. Not only have they made it illegal for gays to marry but they've also made it illegal to wear low-rise (or loose-fitting and falling-down) jeans. What's next, outlawing condoms? Just how conservatively insane can people be anyhow? Here are the articles about these new laws:
... and this one ...
Posted at 9:47 PM
I don't suppose that I should be surprised, but I'm having to do so many things that I'm falling behind in my schoolwork. Amazingly I've been keeping up quite well (for the most part) with my four main classes, but I haven't been able to find much time at all to work on my Thesis project, and that's already causing problems. I should have had a meeting today to talk about the revisions that I should have already had done and submitted, but neither of those things has been done, and I haven't really been able to make anything but the most feeble beginnings at trying to make any of the necessary revisions in the first place. Quite honestly the revisions that we're looking at are big - like pretty much rewriting the story entirely kind of big (from a different point of view, with a different plot focus, with a completely different ending, heck even with a completely different beginning, plus with a whole bunch of stuff cut out entirely, not to mention some more subtle suggestions that will still encompass the whole mess). It's hard enough for me to write a 30-page story without anyone looking over my shoulder and telling me what to do, but revising stories is even harder for me, and I not only have one thirty-page story but two nearly thirty-page stories as well as a three page story that, I'm told, is far too short and should be expanded, possibly even to novel-length. Oh, and I'm supposed to have done all of that around my other classwork last week ('cause heck, a week's plenty of time, right?). So I'm bummin' because of that, and I'm bummin' because I'm tired, and I'm bummin' because I see all of these cute guys around me at school and I'm too fucking afraid to even say 'Hello' to them. It's been a seriously depressing day, and a huge part of me just wants to say 'Fuck it' to everything and just roll up in a ball. I guess we'll just have to see what some sleep will do, 'cause I don't have any other solutions at the moment. Is it absolutely necessary that life be this complicated and frustrating? Posted at 1:04 AM
My grandma had her other hand (her left) go through surgery for carpal tunnel syndrome, so I'm starting another three week run of watching her like a hawk and making sure she does everything she needs to do to heal properly and be well taken care of. It wouldn't be such a trial if she wasn't such a horrible patient in all respects, but she is incredibly difficult to get to follow instructions. Fortunately she has her right hand free (which is a huge improvement since she's right-handed, and it was a bitch while that hand was bandaged after surgery), so this surgery on the left hand shouldn't be so bad comparatively. Even better is that, even after just three weeks since the surgery on her right hand, she's feeling like her hand has a more acute sense of touch and a better ability to grip than before (both of which are things we hoped would improve). Considering that the doctor has made clear that full results aren't usually reached until six to eight months, it's a massively positive sign that she'll regain a great amount of strength and usability in at least that hand and probably both. Of course none of that helps me right now, while I have to constantly tell her to keep her left hand elevated and make sure she doesn't get the bandages wet and make sure she doesn't lift anything very heavy (or use the stove (which is gas with an open flame - bad when close to bandages), or a whole list of things. It'll take a fair amount of extra effort on my part this week and the next two weeks, but it's not all too bad, and the long-term potentials are too great to feel like this is much of a sacrifice for me. Posted at 9:43 PM
Have you ever wondered why it is that even things you love to do become automatically uninteresting or unappealing when you're forced to do them? Posted at 9:18 PM
Posted at 10:37 PM
For as often as I highlight and include news articles and opinion columns in this Journal, I don't often include the rants and blogs of other websites. That's not for any lack of valid, interesting commentary, let me assure you. Often it's because they have commented on the same thing I have or have commented on something that's more detailed in an article. And it certainly isn't because I don't appreciate other weblogs - hell, some of these guys have my utmost respect, even admiration. Such is the case with Josh Aterovis' website, the Bleeding Hearts site (as seen in my Links pages). Josh writes some of my favorite stories on the web, the Killian Kendall gay mystery series, but he also writes a bi-weekly column about the happenings in the gay community. Today's column covers four recent incidents which I've been tempted to highlight myself based on various articles and columns I've read. So without further ado, I'm going to let you read what Josh has to say. I think he's got it all down right.
Posted at 8:27 PM
I've been running on adrenaline all of this long day - any food I've ingested, even in the weird intervals I've been able to grab a bite, has burned up almost immediately as my body has struggled to fuel me. I had maybe three hours of sleep last night, if that, having worked 'til way late trying to finish the first paper for my Vietnam War class. I fulfilled all of the requirements (page length (although I had to shrink the margins and reduce the point size to get an 11-page paper to look like a 7-page paper (and that was after reducing it from a 14-page paper)), a wide range of sources (class notes, PBS videos, a textbook, and the three primary sources that were being used), and proper methods of citation and all (although Dr. Hess' citation style is very odd...)) - anyhow, I finished it all and had it properly done, but I would quite have liked to spend another two or three hours (or more) at it to trim it down yet more and to make my conclusion more of a conclusion. Unfortunately I had another paper to write, one for my World Literature I class that had just been assigned on Tuesday <grrr!!!!>, and that, while short, required pouring over The Odyssey to figure out what to write about that fit her criteria, find citable examples in the text, and then write the damn thing. I plugged away at that and made what was, without a doubt, the worst piece of crap I've written in years, and then I decided that rather than stay up straight through the night that I'd try to get a few hours of sleep. Three hours of sleep hardly is worth it, but it helped a little (I guess). I was already so pumped with adrenaline once I woke up, due to my anxiety about everything that was due (both papers, which I planned to revise, plus a test which I hadn't studied for at all) that I was wired and able to function fairly well. I quickly got myself cleaned up and set to revising the papers, but I had far too little time left to really do much other than correct some missed spelling mistakes and make some changes in word choice and then print them out. I had even hoped to study a bit before leaving, but I ran out of time. And time was not on my side. I must have encountered every idiot driver imaginable on my drive to Bowling Green, so many of them unable to even conceive of the idea of approaching the speed limit that it boggles the mind, and I even got stopped for 15 minutes by a train (which practically never happens and never for that long). Still, I made it to campus, was able to grab some food to munch on, and studied like demon for all of a half hour before my first class, and the test, began. As it turns out, the test wasn't too horrible (or at least I though so - I found out later today, when the grades were posted, that I got one of two A's in the class and that half of the class didn't get passing grades), and I managed to stay high on adrenaline through the day for the next two classes and turning in each of the two papers. Let me say one thing about the Vietnam class, because we discussed the issues in our papers as a broad discussion of the aspects of the war we had learned to that point (up to Johnson's decision in 1965 to fully mobilize for war), and I was astounded that veritably all of the class saw the road to war as inevitable and something that couldn't have been turned away from. What a crock! It was frightening, really, that these college-aged kids were so sure of American will and might and American-rightness that they wouldn't question the often stupid choices that made America stay ... but I digress. We were talking about my adrenaline high. Anyhow, I stayed awake and alert all day, and I was fine even until fairly late tonight until I literally fell instantly asleep at about 10:30. I woke up a bit ago and decided to write this before heading back to bed, and I've got a headache like you wouldn't believe, but at least the day is done and I pulled through. Who'd have guessed that would be possible. Posted at 5:58 AM
A true story and somewhat amusing: A number of years ago my grandma was given her first VCR. It sat idle for quite a while since she is incredibly non-technology-inclined. One day, however, my parents rented a movie for her which they thought she would enjoy, Bill Murray's Goundhog Day (and since today is Goundhog Day, this anecdote came to mind). As a side note, my grandma is notorious for falling asleep in front of the television (or at movies). As it happens, my grandma was thoroughly enjoying the movie when she fell asleep. She decided that she could rewind the film to where she had fallen asleep, as my parents had instructed her that she could do, but she was unable to ever find her place again in the myriad of repeating sequences posed within the movie so she gave up (if this makes no sense to you, understand that Groundhog Day is based on the premise of a man who is stuck in a never-ending day that perpetually repeats itself over and over again). That first experience with video tapes has stunted my grandma for life, and she has never learned to use her VCR at all (and will apparently only watch a video if someone else runs the whole show for her). Yes, this is only mildly amusing, I know, but my sketch writer is on vacation and I have no stand-in. Posted at 12:01 AM
Damn Vietnam paper. (You'd think I would get these things done earlier so that I could stop freaking out about having so little time to get everything compiled and written, wouldn't you?) Posted at 10:32 PM
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February
28, 2005
