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| message board March 2009
Out like a lamb ... (funny how that worked out) Posted at 12:23 AM
Damn cold. I hate getting sick. Posted at 8:32 PM
Happy Birthday to my good friend Kristina, the savvy librarian! We need to meet for lunch again sometime soon. Posted at 10:09 PM
I'm trying to fight off a cold just as it's trying to grab hold, and I'm not really sure if I'm winning or not. Earlier today it seemed like there was only a hint of sniffles left, and I had no coughing or congestion all afternoon. Now, though, as the night gets later and later, the increased headache and the runny nose and the draining into the throat that's eliciting some coughing - it sure doesn't seem promising now. But - I've only been fighting it for a day, so who's to say how things will go. Hopefully, though, I can knock it out before it really gets going. I rarely get sick, but I hate it with a passion when it happens. I have enough problems with depression and migraines and the effects of passing forty. Who needs a cold on top of that? Posted at 10:08 PM
A new Three Stooges movie is a bad enough idea (since nothing could ever match the originals), but casting Sean Penn as Larry, Jim Carey as Curly, and Benicio del Toro as Moe? Is this an April Fool's joke? I'm afraid not. (and you know the sad thing is that a few months ago I said that Hollywood would probably remake the Three Stooges soon since they seem unable to make much of anything new any more). Posted at 9:23 PM
Below 60 = insanity. Over 60 = old age. (At least a couple decades ago people were willing to use the word senility) Posted at 11:27 PM
The trailer just released for Where the Wild Things Are is visually stunning - just perfect. It's true to the artwork in the book, true to the coloring, lighting, and mood. And Max looks exactly as the Max in the book. Amazing. I read that the first trailer (which wasn't released) made children in the test-screening audience leave crying. Not to sound heartless, but that also sounds promising. While Where the Wild Things Are is most remembered for the fantasy-world of monsters who accept and understand Max, the anger and sadness and frustration that Max experiences in the beginning of the book is crucial to the story and indispensable to making the audience feel what Max feels. That is the magic Maurice Sendak achieves in the book, and that's the magic I hope Spike Jonze has captured in the movie. I can easily see a trailer that shows how upsetting and confusing and aggravating things are for Max, culminating in him being sent to his room without dinner - and then just a peek at his escape into a world where he will rule as king. While this trailer that's just been released is good, the darker and more emotional trailer would have been better. I hope it lives up to my hopes. It would be like a wonderful gift to us all. Posted at 10:59 PM
My full respect and admiration today go to James Neiley for bringing theDreamworld closer to the real world. I can't imagine having the self-awareness, self-respect, and self-confidence that James has in spades at the age of seventeen. James and people like him are our true hope for the future. Posted at 8:47 PM
... Actually it's inscribed above the entrance to Hell, but what's the difference really ... Posted at 11:03 PM
Posted at 11:10 PM
Three weeks in, Posted at 9:57 PM
I have no idea how my grandma can function at all when she can't hold onto an idea for more than thirty seconds. She seems rather more out of it today than most days, and she probably didn't get a decent amount of sleep (although she can't remember how much sleep she did get, so we'll never know for sure) which would account for her being exceptionally ditzy and unable to hold onto an idea for more than an instant today. Whatever the cause - lack of sleep or a chemical imbalance in the brain or just more senility than usual - my gramma's in need of very consistent (and in some cases constant) attention. And of course my mom has again suggested that I could get a part-time job this summer if I want. Sure --- and when I come back from work I could find the house burned down, my grandma dead at the bottom of the stairs, or nobody at home at all because my grandma just wandered off and nobody knew to look for her. Sure, these are the extremes, but none of those possibilities are exceptional considering various things that have already transpired in similar, albeit smaller fashion. Posted at 7:21 PM
If only I were actually more wise, more secure, more settled, more clear about my path and purpose, more firm in my commitment to my soul mate - all of the things we're told to believe will come with age, with time, with the efforts and sufferings of our lives. But if anything my birthdays only serve to remind me that I don't have the answers I've sought, I don't have a place that has ever deserved to be called home, I don't have any certainty about where my life is going, and I don't (and can't) ever have the people I've loved the most right by my side - and while it might be all right to not have all of those things by the time you've reached the age of 42, most people would expect to have most - or at least some ... not none at all. A birthday is just a reminder that my dreams will always be just that and nothing more, that hope is merely a way of taunting myself with possibilities that will never exist, and that the future only ever gets worse, not better. The only milestone served by a birthday is as a marker of how much more masochistic I must be to still not put this purposelessness to an end. A birthday is a reminder that I haven't had the courage to end my own suffering and don't know if I ever will. Posted at 11:47 PM
Tell me again why I keep trying? Posted at 11:04 PM
Think green. Posted at 8:48 PM
Congratulations, Mom, you have once again shaken even the small amount of stability I have and have left me wondering when you'll fully pull the rug out from under me - surely without any warning, as always. Posted at 9:29 PM
All hail Caesar! May he rest in peace. Posted at 10:25 PM
... and your little dog, too. <Sigh> Posted at 10:11 PM
Posted at 9:20 PM
Are you sure I wasn't adopted? Posted at 9:16 PM
Why isn't there more suicide? Posted at 9:26 PM
Doom. Doom. Doom. Yes, really. Posted at 8:54 PM
How is it that regardless of what decision I make I always lose in the end? Posted at 10:59 PM
Are fairy tales meant as sarcasm? Posted at 11:25 PM
Fifteen years and the pain is just as strong. Fifteen years and I love you Fifteen years ... and I still don't know how I can live without you. Fifteen years, and for no clear reason I'm still not with you. Fifteen years is an eternity. Posted at 11:59 PM
Keep busy. Don't think. Keep busy. Don't think. Keep busy. Don't think. Keep busy. Don't think. Keep busy. Don't think. Keep busy. Don't think. Keep busy. Don't think. Keep busy. Don't think. Keep busy. Don't think. Keep busy. Don't think. Keep busy. Don't think. Keep busy. Don't think. Keep busy. Don't think. Keep busy. Don't think. Keep busy. Don't think. Keep busy. Don't think. Keep busy. Don't think. Keep busy. Don't think. Keep busy. Don't think. Keep busy. Don't think. Keep busy. Don't think Keep busy. Don't think. Keep busy. Don't think. Keep busy. Don't think Keep busy. Don't think. Keep busy. Don't think. Keep busy. Don't think Keep busy. Don't think. Keep busy. Don't think. Keep busy. Don't think Keep busy. Don't think. Keep busy. Don't think. Keep busy. Don't think Keep busy. Don't think. Keep busy. Don't think. Keep busy. Don't think Keep busy. Don't think. Keep busy. Don't think. Keep busy. Don't think Keep busy. Don't think. Keep busy. Don't think. Keep busy. Don't think ........ Posted at 9:09 PM
I've had patience with my grandma's failing memory, but the point we're at now - where you can tell her the same thing six times in two minutes and still leave no lasting impression - is beyond frustrating. I simply have no ideas left for how to deal with this. Posted at 10:35 PM
Damn. Who has an extra $9000 for my new wet dream (built to my specs and with a 30" cinema display)? Posted at 10:00 PM
Of course it has to take phenomenally longer than expected. Of course it's going to be a hassle. Of course it's going to cost more. Of course. Of course. Of course I should have expected all of that going in - I'm a world-class cynic after all. How could I not have expected the worst case scenario? How could I have believed it might be anything but the worst case? Clearly I'm slipping ... Posted at 9:20 PM
Why am I still here? Posted at 8:23 PM
In like a lion ... Not necessarily a good sign ... Posted at 9:46 PM
Journal, by Paul Cales, © March 2009
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March 31, 2009
- inscription above
the entrance to the birth canal 