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| message board November 2010
Feeling even more tired today than yesterday. I wonder if it's the cold, windy, rainy, gloomy day affecting me? Whatever it is, I'm really whipped. It's hard to stay awake to care for my grandma, even this early in the afternoon. Posted at 2:15PM
So tired today. I'm tired just about every day any more, but today pushes it to new extremes. So very, very tired ... Posted at 4:55 PM
Quote for the day:
Posted at 1:14 PM
A dreary, gray day. That seems about right. Posted at 5:06 PM
It's hard to believe that this keeps getting worse. Once you're at the bottom of a deep, inescapable pit you don't expect the bottom to drop some more. And then some more. And then some more. Should I be waiting for the bottom to drop out entirely? Posted at 8:18 PM
It's hard to appreciate Thanksgiving when there's just about nothing to be thankful for. Posted at 3:59 PM
Suuuuhhhck, suck, suck, suck, suck, suck. Posted at 5:02 PM
Forty-seven and still going strong! Long live the Doctor and his annals - Doctor Who!
Posted at 5:28 PM
Go BG! The home city of my alma mater passed a non-discrimination ordinance for gays, lesbians, and transgendered people. In a state that has some of the most draconian laws and constitutional amendments against gays in the country (my own Ohio), this stands as a very positive step out of the dark ages.
Posted at 6:50 PM
Sometimes the simplest days end up being the most tiring. Posted at 8:57 PM
It's a historical day! (but of course every day is a part of history) Posted at 8:51 PM
My mom left at an early hour this morning after not quite a week's visit. I didn't get a full break from my caregiver duties, and I didn't get any more sleep or relaxation time, but I did get a lot of things done that I'd been having to put off, and I did get a whole lot of help caring for my grandma during the day - even if only briefly. So today I should feel grateful - and I do - but I also feel tired, having jumped back into being the solo caregiver, particularly since my grandma was more "off" and in the throes of the dementia than any time during the past two weeks, and particularly since I had to run out quickly and do some errands on top of cover a reevaluation for my grandma's home therapy. And the end result is being quite tired but looking forward to perhaps seeing the next two days as hopefully a bit more simple and relaxed. That would be nice - and welcomed. But we'll have to wait and see. Posted at 8:22 PM
For those who keep saying that gay activism is unnecessary and even counterproductive in this day and age - because gays are widely accepted and don't face the problems of previous decades - I spit in your face and say, "Fuck you." Homophobic discrimination abounds in myriad ways in all corners of the world and throughout our country. Don't be so blindly naive or insensitive as to dismiss the constant suffering of others. Instead, applaud those who are still standing tall and specking proudly and defiantly in the face of continued oppression. See for yourself:
Posted at 5:36 PM
Why won't my head just explode already and relieve the pressure? Posted at 8:23 PM
Reading is fundamental - to eye strain. Posted at 9:39 PM
It would be nice, when my mom comes to visit for a week, if rather than doing all of the things I couldn't do while caring for my grandma on my own, I was instead able to rest or relax or recreate - heck, that would be great. ... and that's why I'm called theDreamer. Posted at 4:21 PM
Damn leaves. GET OFF OF MY LAWN! Posted at 3:11 PM
Oh the pain ... the pain. I don't even have to channel Doctor Smith to say that. A whole day of end-of-the-year yardwork is more than sufficient. Damn but I ache - everywhere. Posted at 7:03 PM
And life as I know it continues ... In helping my grandma into her wheelchair today, I somehow moved my hand wrong and pulled or aggravated something ion my left wrist/hand. Great. After helping an old man get some cardboard into a recycling dumpster, I made a skipping sort od move to get around him on the way back to the car and pulled something in my right hamstring. Even better. While being out and about, my allergies to mold and mildew - which are always worst during Fall - kicked in with a vengeance, and I've got drainage from my sinuses already aggravating my throat. I've won the trifecta. The fun just never ends ... Posted at 4:29 PM
This has been a day seemingly without end -- until now. It's been go - go - go all day from first thing in the morning until just now, and while there are still things yet to do before my grandma (and then I) can go to bed, I'm finally on top of all of the things that had to be done and needed to be done today. It's very satisfying to have kept on top of things, but it's also terribly exhausting. I'll be ready for bed when the chance finally comes - although that's still a ways off. Hopefully I can stay awake until I'm ready to go to sleep. Posted at 9:11 PM
MIracles do happen, it seems - no for me, of course, but they happen. As of today we now have a wheelchair ramp for getting my grandma in and out of the house, and it was covered by a local tax-supported program for seniors, so we spent only a few hundred for installation rather than the $4500-5000 all of the estimates were expecting. It took a lot of leg work and follow-up, but it paid off. Now that I know miracles CAN happen, I'm waiting for mine to come ... Posted at 6:59 PM
Do all people in single-commander police states take dictation? Posted at 7:02 PM
Posted at 1:10 PM
Trying to get a chance to relax is exhausting. Posted at 9:46 PM
Daylight Savings Time hits today. It's been bad enough that it's been getting dark by 5:30, sometimes as early as 5:00 on overcast days, but to back that up an hour just feels horrible. Darkness at 4 in the afternoon? It's appalling. I understand the value of Daylight Savings Time, but in the modern technological world I have to say that I think most of the value it offered is no longer applicable. Not that anybody cares what I think anyhow ... Posted at 1:33 PM
Did we actually make more steps forward today than back? Just maybe ... Posted at 3:33 PM
If I believed in miracles I'd be looking for one about now. Posted at 7:42 PM
Cull the herd. Posted at 9:29 PM
Struggling with a formidable wave of depression as I'm caring for my grandma is enough - tough but doable - but dealing with a million people who either are stopping by for some reason or calling for some reason (none of these reasons being just a friendly "Hello" but more in the manner of examining and scheduling and rescheduling and calling for vast amounts of info you have to look up in a variety of places) - this shit is making life impossible. My depression on top of caring for my grandma made this weekend unpleasant, but I was clear-headed enough to see I had a bit of time to myself and not the constant, rushed, frenetic race from one person to one call to the next to the other that has marked yesterday and today. As usual, it's not me caring for my grandma that becomes the problem - it's other people. Is it just me that finds this completely ridiculous? Posted at 8:02 PM
I don't want to be part of this world any more. Posted at 8:14 PM
Journal, by Paul Cales, © November 2010
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November 30, 2010
