Journal Archives from theDreamworld ... June 2003

June 2003

June 30, 2003

I drove to Bowling Green tonight to join up with Sarah and Eric before they leave on their trip out west for the summer. We gathered at Chris' apartment to have a cookout, and Adam was also there when I arrived, looking as cute as always. It's a shame he's straight because he's really attractive, incredibly funny, and quite intelligent. But I've got a great catch in Greg as it is, if I can just make something develop between us to form something real and true.

Anyhow, we chatted for a while and ate some grapes, Stilton cheese, and French bread that I had brought. Chris fixed up some baked cheese and artichoke bread; some baked pizza bread with a cheddar-wine sauce and Double Gloucester cheese and mushrooms; and a salad of spinach, sun-dried tomatoes, mushrooms in a vinegar sauce, feta cheese and crumbled baked crabcake. Meanwhile, Eric grilled a tuna steak and some hamburgers. We ate well, and Chris followed everything up with some imported British chocolates (Flake Bars, Aero Bars, and Kinder Eggs). We were definitely in food heaven.

Conversation included discussions of Adam's screenplay and certain similar movies, general life for each of us so far this summer, and plans for the coming month. The big topic of conversation, though, was the auto accident that Eric and Sarah had last night in Sarah's car. Some kid hit Sarah's car and then drove off without a trace, all at about Midnight. Eric and Sarah spent hours waiting for the police and talking to insurance agents, and they're still both tired and frustrated from the experience. They're also concerned about their travel plans, having expected to set out tomorrow in that same car and drive all over the American west for the remainder of the summer. It looks like another car may make the trip instead while Sarah's car is repaired.

It was a real downer to see Sarah and Eric so upset, but we all tried to keep as light and happy as we could and just enjoy what we could. The food and conversation (and Adam's humorous antics) went a long way toward this end, and our after-dinner excursion to the (s)mall cinemas to watch "Finding Nemo" was also a great success at making us laugh and forget our problems. "Finding Nemo" is the latest computer animated flick from Pixar Studios (Steve Jobs' other company, besides Apple). The whole movie was simply breath-taking as far as the backgrounds and the effects - it really felt perfectly like being underwater, and everything seemed incredibly realistic, in its own way. The movie itself, filled with wily characters, was incredibly fast-paced and one laugh after another. It was masterfully done, just like Pixar's earlier films ("Toy Story 1 & 2", "A Bug's Life", and "Monsters, Inc."), and we all really had a great time.

We all split our separate ways not long after that, and I had a drive back to Sandusky that got me home just after 1:30 AM. I've read a little bit of e.mail and stuff since then, but I'm getting more than tired enough to give up and go to sleep, so this is as much of a Journal entry as you get tonight. That's fair, isn't it?

Posted at 2:21 AM

June 29, 2003

Back in Sandusky, I am incredibly tired after my day.

I drove back from West Virginia, getting a late start but ,asking good enough time that I got back into town even earlier than I had originally anticipated. My drives past Akron and St. Albans were less emotionally charged than two days ago, for some reason, and I even found myself remembering amusing stories from each city. It was a very different mood from where I was not long ago.

Most people, having driven for six straight hours, would just try to wind down and relax, but not me. I unloaded my stuff and proceeded to do hours worth of yardwork, putting in more time than I've put in at any other single instance of working on the yard. I went crazy with extras, too, trimming hedges, edging the lawn, trimming, spreading grass seed in places, sprinkling, ... the list goes on.

I survived, and I felt better after a shower and some food, but I'm still pretty beat. Tomorrow will be a bit less draining (I hope), but I just hope that my achy body doesn't go all stiff and stuff on me overnight.

I hate it when that happens.

Posted at 12:57 AM

June 28, 2003

The funeral was today. I was up fairly early and getting ready alone as everyone else was at the hotel pool (a hot spot for the kids (my niece and nephew)). I, unfortunately, had to leave before everyone else since I was a pall bearer and was supposed to show up an hour early for instructions.

Of course my first mistake was letting my mother talk me into believing that it would take longer to get there than it did, even though I was sure it would take half as long as she did and told her so repeatedly. So there I was at the church at 12:25 PM with nobody else. The pall bearers weren't supposed to be there until 1 PM, and the service didn't start until 2 PM. So I sat, typed a bit on my laptop, and eventually got out of my car as a few people started showing up. But only two of them were pall bearers (of what was supposed to be six), and the funeral director. I ended up helping the funeral director get the flowers and podiums set up and the cars reparked as they arrived (to follow the hearse in easy rows of cars), but that was it. I could have just sat around (because there was simply no sort of 'pall bearer orientation' as had been suggested, and I have no idea why I was supposed to show up early), but I would have been bored out of my mind, so I was glad to help out.

By the time the service began, we had been sitting in silence for a while as each of my uncles and aunts (and father) sobbed in front of the casket. The service itself was largely run by my uncle Tinker, who talked and praised and sang for my grandmother for over an hour. And then the preacher took over. Fortunately, the preacher was not too long-winded, although he and Tinker had provided enough 'praise the Lord', born-again, righteous talk to last me a lifetime. As overly preachy as the service might have been, it was a very loving tribute that Tinker gave to my grandmother, and that pure love made everything quite nice.

After the service, we all proceeded in a long line of cars to the cemetery, a small cemetery that holds many members of the Cales family and the Gill family (my grandmother's side of the family). This small cemetery sits atop a mountain, accessible by a windy one-lane road with no guard-rails and sheer drops of the mountainside if you don't follow the road properly. In the past, there had barely been a foot of extra space on either side of your car while driving up this 'road' and there was no pavement and barely any gravel. In the years since the last ceremony on King Mountain, the road has been widened (still one-lane without guard rails, but survivable) and paved the whole way up to the cemetery. It was a much easier drive.

After carrying the casket to the grave site, there was another short service and a lot more crying. Then everyone started to disband, some leaving directly from there and others returning to a reception at the church. A few of us stayed after to look at the various graves and consider who was there.

There were also locusts all around. This is one of those years where the locusts are out in force (from their 17 years cycle of dormancy), and they're everywhere. Hunter, my nephew, was fascinated, and we found live and dead locusts for him to watch.

Also like a locust, my father tried to speak to me and get me to stop shutting him out of my life. I had expected as much from the moment I knew about the funeral, and I had planned to be very clear and very angry about the whole thing and basically just tell him to fuck off and die. Sadly, he was holding my niece (and it may well have been a planned move on his part, for all I know), and I couldn't spew invectives at him without hurling them into the ears of a four year old, so I was polite and listened and then walked away. The whole situation actually pissed me off immensely and still does, but I don't know how I could have handled it differently under the circumstances. It still infuriates me that I had to even be near him at all, damn it.

The reception at the church's fellowship hall had some great fried chicken, among other things, but it was quite short-lived as people left rather quickly to head back to the various parts of the country where they live. My sister and I decided to take the chance to see my Uncle Carty's cabin, not far away, so we gather up her family and went to visit. It's a fairly rustic affair, mostly just being a cabin for him to stay at for hunting or fishing trips, but it lies on a very tranquil stream, and the soft rush of the water made a wonderfully peaceful sound; it would be a great place to just spend time and sit back to relax. Carty felt exactly the same way.

The rest of the day has been fairly uneventful from there. We returned to the hotel (an hour drive back, once again, but part of what had developed into a normal drive over the past couple of days). My sister and I chatted for a while at the hotel rooms, but mostly we just wound down. It had been a long day, and we all have long drives ahead of us tomorrow. And with this typed up, I'm quite ready for bed.

~~Posted~~ Written at 12:37 AM

June 27, 2003

Today I am writing from the wild backwoods of southern West Virginia. In many ways, time has almost forgotten these mountains, woods, rivers, and people, but the modern world does show its influence now and again. McDonald's and Wendy's, as well as various chain hotels, can be found in the larger gathering places, and there's more pavement than any time I've been here in the past (which, even poorly paved as it is, is a great improvement over dirt roads with no guard-rails and falls off the side of a mountain. The trip here, itself was a bit of a trial for me, particularly after the day I had yesterday.

You have to understand that while I wasn't terribly close to this grandmother, the idea of death still bothers me, regardless of who may have died. More than that, however, it never fails to remind me of those who have been near and dear to me and have died. Ken and Jurry fit prominently into that role, and their memories have been deeply on my mind. Add to that my disappointment in not spending the weekend with Greg at his house, as had been our plan, and I was a bit depressed to begin with. And then, on top of that, just one thing after another was upsetting to me. The first big thing was that I found that my assessment of the move had been inaccurate; once I started moving around certain pieces of furniture in the living room, I realized that there was greater damage than I'd thought, and while nothing was broken, there were indeed some notable gouges and a whole lot of scuffs and scratches. What really bothered me was that a lot of the scratches came from things that were taken upstairs and then slid onto something that was already there, scratching the piece that was there. That sucked because they had made it all the way into the apartment and were scratched then. It just seems so unnecessary. So that got me a bit down, because there's not really anything to do about it, and it just sucks.

Then, after taking my grandmother to the doctor to check on a suspected rash (which turned out to be Poison Ivy, of all things), we were just finishing up errands and it started to rain. No big deal, you might think, but I had planned to mow the lawn and all, getting that taken care of neatly before I would leave for the funeral. Mother Nature once again had other plans, and things are likely to be quite long for mowing when I get a chance to cut them early next week. Oh well. I was bothered by this, but it didn't affect me much; I mean, what could I do to change the weather? Nothing.

And there were other little stupid things that were just 'off' throughout the day, but the clincher came with ruining my grandmother's iron, all simply because I was tired and not paying attention (and now, a day later, I realize that I might be able to salvage it, and I can always buy a new one if not, even though I still feel a bit guilty).

So today I woke up feeling a bit down from all of this combined bad mojo, and got myself together and on the road, albeit nearly an hour later than planned, and drove the path to Hinton. Of course that path took me through places I had lived before during some tumultuous times in my life - Akron and Canton, where I had lived after getting out of jail and where I spent my probation, and St. Albans, WV, just outside of Charleston, where I had lived during my 'disappearance' from my life and during the time of my criminal exploits - so it's natural that I would have some trips down memory lane. I have a mix of good and bad memories from both places, but it's all sort of disturbing in any case.

Note to self: Spending time on long drives with lots of time to think about your life is not necessarily always a good thing.

So I got to Beckley (the largest city near Hinton, but about 45 minutes drive distant) and the hotel, checked in (which was screwed up because my sister had both her own room keys and mine as well), and took time to get changed and relaxed before heading onward to Hinton and the viewing.

There were a lot of people there, but my grandmother had 11 kids, 23 grandkids, 17 great-grandkids, and 6 great-great grandkids, most of those with spouses, and that doesn't even include her own brothers and sisters and friends. I said my 'Hello's and chatted with everyone I knew and a number of people I didn't know, but I still didn't seem to talk to a whole lot of folks - There's just too many family members to know every distant cousin by sight, particularly considering I haven't seen most of them in years and years. It was nice to see some of the relatives, but the whole thing was awkward for me; I don't like showing the body, preferring a closed casket gathering, so that made me feel weird, but I also feel quite out of touch with most of these people, so trying to make small-talk with people who I barely know is not exactly natural.

After a couple of hours, I left, and my sister and her family left as well. We headed back to the hotel and then had dinner together at a Texas Steakhouse. The food was okay, but Hunter, my nephew, was fascinated by the stuffed animals and animal heads (and butts) that were mounted on the walls everywhere, so I walked around with him a lot to check things out. Talking with my sister, brother-in-law, nephew, and niece was a nice change of pace - I see them so rarely that this was a real treat.

By the time we got back to the hotel, wrestled with the kids briefly, and said our goodnights, I was pretty tired. Greg and I spoke for a little while, but I was too beat to talk for long. It's been an interesting day, and tomorrow will be at least as unique, so it's time for me to sleep.

~~Posted~~ Written at 12:39 AM

June 26, 2003

I am an idiot; yes I am. Thank you. Thank you very much.

Have you ever had one of those days where everything you touch seems to be for shit? Not that it falls apart just as you touch it - it may be that you realize that it was fucked up earlier and you missed it or you find that something has happened that has fucked up what you had ... just shitty kharma and stuff. That's been today, and it's taken its toll. I ended up ruining my grandmother's iron because I'm an idiot, and it was the last in a string of bad things for the day that just hit me. By the time Greg called just before Midnight, I was pretty seriously depressed. Greg helped pull me out of it a bit, but I still feel like shit. Things shouldn't be this fucked up. They just shouldn't. And I'm tired and lonely, and that doesn't help.

I wish I was going to see Greg this weekend instead of this funeral. I really need him right now.

Posted at 12:49 AM

June 25, 2003

My new, split box springs arrived today, so I'll be sleeping in my own bed tonight. Yea! I even have the bedroom all set up so that everything is in place and the TV and VCR are even hooked up. Sure, I haven't moved in a single piece of clothing yet, but these things take time.

I managed to get the bathroom finished (almost) as well, and it looks great (although I still need to do a little touch-up painting and some mopping, but these are minor issues).

And the kitchen is now partly together. I still have a lot to do with it (notably the one wall and the stairwell to be painted), but I can see how it will look with my table and chairs and with everything put back together from painting.

Next up is the living room, and I made some serious progress today at cleaning up the tape that was masking the woodwork and cleaning up the occasional drips of paint. Tomorrow will be a full day, getting ready before I head to West Virginia on Friday morning for the funeral, but things are finally coming together and that makes me feel good.

It's a good thing, too, because talking to Greg every day has been just about all that's been keeping me sane for the last few days. I've been disconcerted and swinging toward depression each day for the past four days, but I've been keeping strong (and I've been keeping busy, which I think is keeping me from thinking about things), but I have no idea how I'll handle the funeral and its surrounding issues. I'll just have to try to be strong and get back as soon as I can. We'll see how that goes ...

Posted at 12:15 AM

June 24, 2003

The news came early this morning that my grandmother in West Virginia had died only a short time earlier. My grandmother here in Sandusky, whom I'm helping, is my maternal grandmother. My grandmother in West Virginia was my paternal grandmother, and she would have been 98 years old in three months. News of my grandmother's death, and all of the arrangements to be made, have consumed a lot of the day. It will be a busy week.

She was an incredible woman, having raised nine children and a large number of grandchildren by herself in the mountains of West Virginia, her husband gone almost all year in the mines. Up until these past few years she was still completely taking care of herself and quite capable - heck, she would even pick up her great grandchildren, toss them in the air and catch them; that's the kind of strong I'm talking about. The last few years were bad, though, with a series of minor illnesses that accumulated and pulled her into a hospital care facility that she never escaped. The facility itself was largely her undoing, keeping her from being outside or eating what she wanted or keeping her busy. In the end, her quality of life just simply wasn't even close to what she had been used to for years.

So the funeral is this weekend and I'm supposed to be a pall bearer (all of the first grandsons will be). In some ways I don't look forward to this, but I will see a lot of relatives that I haven't seen in a while, and I'll see my sister for the first time in a long while. The downside is that it's a sad affair and of course I might also run into my father (in fact I'm pretty much sure to do so), and I have no desire to see him or be in the same room with him. And there's also the fact that the funeral service will almost surely be conducted by my Uncle Roger and Cousin Bubby, both Southern Baptist ministers. They're nice guys, in their own ways, but the last funeral service they performed together, for my Aunt Sandy, included a half hour diatribe about the evils of homosexuals - in a funeral service! The family is the only group of people who don't know I'm gay, and it would be a predictable disaster if they knew; but putting up with their bigotry is extremely difficult. I don't think I could stand for another lecture about homosexual deviancy again, and I might just end up causing a scene. But I guess I should just wait and see, hope for the best and maybe get away with no awkward situations. That would certainly be nice.

~~Posted~~ Written at 11:59 PM

June 23, 2003

Ugh! I am too stiff to be alive!

Yesterday, to a large extent, has taken its toll on me, but I managed to get up at a reasonable hour and get myself together (around getting my grandmother to and from her aqua-robics classes at the YMCA), and I made my way back to Toledo to finish up loose ends.

Basically, I needed to clean my studios; do a walk through with Tom, the Executive Director; get an IOU for what the Arts Center owes me back in prepaid rent, deposits, and stuff; load up everything that's mine from the storage room I share with Brendan in the Arts Center (and most all of that stuff is meant to be sold in a garage sale); pick up a couple of items for the kitchen and bathroom from the Anderson's and Target; and then head back to Sandusky. Things all got done but (as usual) ran longer than I expected, and I didn't get back until just after 10 PM, and damn, I'm tired and stiff.

The good news, though, is that I am done (with the exception of getting my refund check) with all of the things at the Arts Center, and now I can focus my attention on setting up my living space in the house in Sandusky, taking care of the house in general, and taking care of my grandmother (the last two of which, in themselves, are a full-time job). This will help relieve a lot of stress in a lot of ways, and once I stop being so stiff, I'll probably appreciate the lessening of the weight upon my shoulders.

~~Posted~~ Written at 12:24 AM

June 22, 2003

Moving right along ...

Moving along was the order of the day: moving stuff out of my studios in the Arts Center, moving those same items into the moving van (which wasn't as large as what I had reserved because U-Haul SCREWED ME OVER) and into Chris' Jeep Cherokee (since we needed the extra space because U-Haul SCREWED ME OVER), unloading and reloading those items to make them fit (because there wasn't enough space since U-Haul gave me a smaller truck and SCREWED ME OVER), then driving all of my stuff from Toledo to Sandusky, and then unloading everything and moving it all upstairs and downstairs to where everything will remain in a holding pattern inside the house until I have time to arrange it and make some sense of things.

As usual, things took longer than planned. I got up just after 6 AM, got a bunch of stuff together and drove to Toledo and got the moving dolly and cart as well as propped open doors and such. Chris and Steve both arrived on time (and Chris had cut off all of his long hair; he had told make about this on the phone yesterday, but I was expecting a shorter cut, not the ultra short style he was sporting. He looks really good with his hair this way, but it's weird seeing him without the long hair) and we went to get the U-Haul truck after they arrived. U-Haul was not only generous enough to SCREW ME OVER and give me a smaller truck than what I had reserved, but they took up an hour of my time for what should have been a simple transaction. After we got back to the Arts Center, loading just kept going and going and going - so much stuff and so little room to pack it.

Eventually we got everything together, headed out to lunch at Wendy's, and then headed to Sandusky. Fortunately, things unloaded in a fraction of the time it took to load (compare over four and a half hours loading to just less than two and a half hours unloading). by the time we were done and had rested a bit it was already well past 7 PM, and we still had to gas up the trucks, drop off the U-Haul, drive back to Toledo, put some stuff in my car that had been left behind, get some dinner, and go our separate ways.

As moves go, this one was pretty decent. Most everything moved alright and very little was damaged. I got a bang in the mouth while we were taking my sleeper sofa down the flight of stairs at the Arts Center and split my lip, but that was about it for personal injuries, and outside of some small scuffs the furniture all moved without a hitch. The one big problem was that my box springs for my queen sized bed wouldn't fit through the doorway upstairs. The stairs themselves start immediately next to the doorway and there is no maneuverability, so they just couldn't be made to go. So now I have to find a hinged or split set of box springs (which I've been told I can buy for circumstances like this) and spend yet more money on yet another thing. Yea.

By the time we got back to Toledo, I was getting tired but I was content. Things had gone pretty smoothly, and even with things running later than I'd hoped and even with the box springs issue, I was quite pleased to have this phase of things over. We went to Pizza Hut for dinner, but we made it just at 10 PM, and they were closed. We drove around to a couple of other places that were in the area, but they were all shut at such a late hour on a Sunday as well. Fortunately we didn't have to go to another part of town for a late-night restaurant because we found Friendly's, and we had a nice meal and chat there. It was relaxing, and we were all quite happy to see the day ending.

Steve was his usual extreme, opinionated self, which can be interesting, amusing, and alarming, all at the same time. I'm not sure what Chris made of Steve's conspiracy-theory, anarchist rhetoric, but he was actively involved in discussing things with Steve, so I found that encouraging. They were an odd pair to get together for an outing, but as it happens they were also the only ones who were conscientious enough and available enough to help me move - and I'm full of appreciation that they were around to help.

By the time I had driven back to Sandusky I was barely staying awake. It was just after 1 AM when I walked through the door, and I'm nodding off now and again as I type, so I should give it up and go to bed. But that's the gist of my day: moving, moving, and more moving. Yea. But at least that's over.

~~Posted~~ Written at 1:56 AM

June 21, 2003

Damn you, Ohio Department of Transportation!

Today has been a crazy day of painting, returning rented sex toys ... errr, I mean carpet cleaners ... , getting everything ready in Toledo for the big move of all of my furniture, and collecting up another overflowing carload of smaller items from my possessions in Toledo that should make things less bogged down tomorrow. I had a few bad points in the day, including a series of calls from U-Haul to say that the 17' truck I reserved was not available (although they kindly offered to upgrade me to a 24' monster truck semi thing that wouldn't probably even fit on the small streets in the quaint residential neighborhood where I'm living now in Sandusky). But all of that was fine, stressful, tiring, and frustrating as it was.

But my true moment (if more than a half hour can be considered a moment) of utter stress and anger was when I was trying to leave Toledo to drive back to Sandusky and found that all routes to the street/state road that I wanted and needed were inaccessible because a huge chunk of Interstate 280 was closed. Now I realize that they are working on a huge bridge project (the biggest and most expensive bridge ever constructed in the state of Ohio) - and I applaud them for all that they are doing because it is being built quite rapidly and looks great so far - but I ended up getting redirected through detours that led me in a huge circle yet never gave me any way to reach the street I needed to. I tried alternate routes to no avail - all were closed. The road I wanted wasn't any minor thing, either, it's a major state route, and it was crazy to not be able to reach it. Now in all fairness, I could have gotten to it, once I realized that all conventional routes were closed, but that would have added another half hour to the more than a half hour that I had already lost in the useless detour. So I ended up taking the Ohio Turnpike, paying a toll I shouldn't have had to pay (had I followed the road that I had wanted) and went another fifteen minutes out of my way (the Ohio Turnpike runs about fifteen minutes to the south of Sandusky). I was livid during the detour, and I am still angry, even though I have cooled down considerably. It was just aggravating because there was no indication of where the detour was redirecting (misdirecting) you.

And I was already running late enough as it was without driving in circles ...

Posted at 11:24 PM

June 20, 2003

I cleaned carpets today (among a whole list of other tasks of errands, redecorating and yardwork). There's something amusing about the product name Rug Doctor with Vibrating Brush! It's like the name for a weird sex toy. And after you've played with it, you're all sweaty, sticky, and tired, although moderately satisfied. Did I mention the size of the hose on that thing? And it makes different, loud noises when it's squirting and when it's sucking. Let me tell you, that baby did a great job in my bedroom. I swear, it is so like a sex toy. And it only cost me $20 to rent - that's pretty reasonable, isn't it?

Hmmm ... makes you think that maybe I'm a bit preoccupied with sex, eh? Mmmyeah. Prolly.

Posted at 1:08 AM

June 19, 2003

Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined.
- Henry David Thoreau

Posted at 11:54 PM

June 18, 2003

When Greg left on Sunday, he gave me this intensely cool CD that he had burned. It's full of awesome techno music. Most of it is older stuff, but it's sweet! I just wish I had a playlist for what's on there because I want more from these groups. Just so cool. The kickers in my trunk are pounding so hard during some of these songs that I'm drawing the attention of all sorts of people in their cars. A lot of these people obviously have no appreciation for good music ...

Posted at 11:54 PM

June 17, 2003

Getting up at 8 Am or so and working 'til 8 or 9 PM is getting old. And why is it that I work on this painting and redecorating stuff for such long hours and still get so little done?

The good news is that things continue to move apace and even though the painting and other aspects of the remodeling are not getting done as quickly as I had hoped, things are still getting done at a decent pace. Soon the redecorating will be done and I can move on to other projects. Until then, I'm going to feel tired and achy. <boo-hoo> But I guess I'll live.

Posted at 10:42 PM

June 16, 2003

Ugh! Another long day, today! But I'm still quite upbeat from the wonderful weekend that I had. Let me catch you up a bit -

On Saturday I drove to Toledo and the Arts Center. Greg was to meet me there, but I went up a bit early to make some phone calls to arrange our evening plans and to do a bit of packing of more of my stuff that Greg would be helping me to move. I was still packing stuff when Greg arrived, but I ended up having just about everything boxed up except for furniture and larger items.

Greg, when he arrived, was hardly any different at all: the same bubbly, happy personality; the same gorgeous face (and I'd forgotten how perfect Greg's ears are. Silly thing for me to comment on, I imagine, but his ears are just perfectly shaped and sized as far as I'm concerned); the same amazing auburn color of hair; and nearly the same great body (Greg's not as thin as he used to be, but he's now about perfectly proportioned for his height; he's never been a muscle guy or a wiry guy, but has that trim swimmer's kind of a build that I think is the most attractive type of body); and the same warm, happy smile and laugh that I fell in love with when I first saw him. I don't suppose I ever expected Greg to change much, but he looks so unchanged that it's amazing.

Greg wasn't alone, either. He had brought Lucy, his dog. Lucy is a beautiful dog, part German Shepherd and part Collie (Greg thinks that's the bloodlines, anyhow, and I'd agree with that assessment). She's three years old, and she's a very affectionate yet well-behaved dog. She and I got along well from the start, and she was trying to give me kisses all the time during the next two days (which is sweet, but getting licked by a huge tongue loses its appeal pretty much immediately). When Greg and I were first moving boxes out to the cars, Lucy was pretty upset because she was being left alone in my studios, places she didn't recognize, and she whined when Greg was away. It was really heart-rending, too, because she was so upset that he was away from her. Fortunately, she got used to things pretty quickly, and she was quiet and behaved the rest of the time she and Greg were there.

The main plan on Saturday was to load up my car and Greg's new SUV with boxes and other stuff and take the loads back to the new place in Sandusky, getting me closer to being completely moved. Greg's SUV is a Honda Element, a newer model I had never seen before. The car is way cool, full of all sorts of innovative designs, features, and ergonomics. Based on what I saw of it, it's the first SUV that I feel like I could ever appreciate. And it was great for moving stuff, because it has all sorts of room inside.

Moving was a slow and tiring process, but we eventually had both cars packed and made our way to Sandusky. Once there I introduced Greg and my grandma and then we quickly unloaded the stuff from both cars. Time was running short for our evening plans, but we still had time for me to show Greg around the house and talk a walk with him around the block so that Lucy could, ... umm ... smell the roses, so to speak.

With Lucy done and me quickly cleaned and changed, we headed back to Toledo for an invitation-only party in the basement of the Arts Center. It was a combination of DJs spinning cool electronic music, various art hung on the walls, and live art being produced, all in the basement, a space which had been greatly transformed into a much cooler-than-usual space. I had scored tickets from Mike Biggs, the organizer, who happens to have a studio next to mine in the Arts Center. I had enough tickets from me, Greg, Chris, Eric, and Kristina. The three from Bowling Green were already there when Greg and I got back into town, and we made our way in. We ended up being early since I had misread the invites (and I had felt rushed because I thought we were running late!), but we were only early by a few minutes, so we just hung out as people started to arrive.

It was an interesting event and made me nostalgic for my old clubbing days (days that were often spent in one night club or another with Greg, as it happens). It was quite tame in a lot of ways, but it was still cool, and we all enjoyed it. The crowd, as Eric rightly pointed out, was about as diverse a cross-section of people as you could find, and the art and music were quite good, although a bit more limited than I'd been led to expect. All told, it was quite worthwhile, and it was free, so how could you go wrong - even the drinks were free, although I only had water while everyone else indulged a bit more.

Being in the midst of a bunch of strangers with dance music playing in the background was quite reminiscent of my old days with Greg, and it was just like old times when Greg ran into about a half-dozen people he knew (some from clubbing and some from school or other places). It used to seem that Greg couldn't go out to a night club without running into all sorts of people her knew, and considering that Greg hasn't spent much time in Toledo for quite a few years, it was still pretty amazing that he knew so many people. I knew probably a dozen and a half people, but all of them were simply acquaintances from the Arts Center and not people I knew well. Still, we talked to a few people outside of our core group.

Eric, Chris and Kristina left just before 1 AM, commitments in the morning demanding sleep, and Greg and I walked them out to Eric's car, fully planning to go back to the party for a while. After everyone had left, though, we decided to get Lucy (who had been sleeping comfortably in Greg's car, and go upstairs to relax and then sleep.

Sharing a bed with Greg was both exciting and terrifying. I was thrilled to be in that position, but I didn't want to act out of line and screw things up. As it was, we both lie down on my bed (a queen-size) facing each other and talking for a while. We were both getting tired but wouldn't give in, still trying to talk. Then Greg got us closer and had me spoon in behind him. It felt so comforting to hold him, and I laid my head down on his back just below his neck. I wanted to lift my head just above the line of his t-shirt and kiss the back of his neck, but I was still too afraid. I laid there lightly rubbing circles on his stomach, and we both still were quite awake.

After a bit of time and some shifting around to where Greg was spooned behind me and then we were holding each other face-to-face, Greg leaned up and kissed me with a brief but happy kiss. I kissed back a few times, and I held him close. I was so happy but had no idea what to do at that point - it was almost like I'd never done this before; I was still so afraid of making the wrong move. We cuddled a lot more and kissed a few more times, but it was all quite tame. It s1eemed to me that it was more about comfort and love than anything related to sex, and that was exactly what I needed. I felt (and still feel) some concern over what exactly Greg was hoping for or expecting from me in bed, and I'm still a little worried that I didn't give him enough attention, but I know that it was everything I wanted and needed at the time, and it was wonderful.

We saw the sun lighting up the morning sky and heard the birds singing while we still lay in bed holding each other. Somehow, we both finally fell asleep shortly after that and caught a couple hours of sleep. Lucy needed to go outside around 8:30, so we both went out with her for a while, but we were still so beat from lack of sleep that we fell back in bed and slept for another three hours. When we finally awoke, just before noon, we both could have been happy staying in bed all day (both for the added sleep and for the cuddling (at least I would have loved more cuddling; I can only hope that Greg felt the same way).

Awake and moving around, we headed out to a Panera Bread restaurant and grabbed some lunch to go, taking it to a nearby Metropark to eat before walking one of the woodland trails with Lucy. It was almost romantic in a way, even though that wasn't the intention of the walk, and it added to the whole experience of having Greg near me after being away fro so long.

With our lunch and walk on the trails past us, we returned to the Arts Center and spent some time loading my car up with some more stuff that needed to go to Sandusky. Then, with a hug and a promise to talk again today, Greg headed back to Michigan for a bunch of things he had planned for the evening. I ended up taking quite a while getting the last few items into the car, getting waylaid by talkative Arts Center residents and personnel as well as losing access, for a while, to the only availble moving cart. By the time I got loaded up and back to Sandusky, it was nearly 7 PM.

With my lack of sleep beginning to wear me down, I unloaded the car and then helped my grandmother balance her checkbook (which isn't quite as easy as it sounds or as it should be). Then, after a much-needed shower and dinner, I took care of a bunch of other stuff that needed my attention and didn't get to sleep until 2 AM.

I slept in until 10 AM this morning, later than I'd planned, but the sleep was obviously needed. Things didn't go as quickly as I had hoped today, but I did get a lot of painting done, nonetheless. Tomorrow should see a lot more painting get done, and the redecorating of the rooms should be quite far along by then.

Greg and I talked again tonight, and I was disturbed to find out that he had escaped from a weird encounter with a new friend of his, a self-proclaimed virgin who went beyond the bounds of decency at hitting on Greg tonight, trying to force himself on Greg while not being physically abusive. I have felt very protective of Greg from the moment he told me about this, and I feel helpless to do anything. It's very annoying. Greg can (and did) take care of himself, and I know this, but I still wish I could have been there for him tonight.

There was a strange up-side to the whole thing, though. At one point Greg told this creep that he couldn't (wouldn't) do anything with him because he had a boyfriend now. That's me! I didn't ask Greg about this further to find out how he felt about what he'd said (I mean, he could have just used me as a convenient excuse, and I have no problem with that, particularly under the circumstances), but it made me feel really good to think that Greg had said that. If only it were true! Still, it was a bright spot in my day.

Greg's return into my life has really changed me. I'm not depressed and I think he's the reason for that. And I'm even happy at times. Who'd have guessed that that could ever happen again? We're separated by two and half hours distance, so there will always be some difficulty in seeing each other very often, but I'm willing to make every effort I can to keep Greg back in my life; he's more than worth it.

Posted at 2:13 AM

June 15, 2003

Yikes! No Journal entry yesterday and what will be a small posting today - very out-of-the-ordinary stuff for me, but there's nonetheless much to relate. Unfortunately, I'm just simply too exhausted after the past two days to spend the time recounting everything just yet. I need sleep very badly.

Tomorrow I will tell all (well, mostly all), but suffice it to say that Greg spent much of yesterday and today with me and he was the same wonderful person I have remembered and loved. Sorry to put you off, but I'm barely staying awake here.

More tomorrow ...

Posted at 12:15 AM

June 13, 2003

Friday the 13th and a full moon - seems like a recipe for chaos.

Fortunately, chaos was avoided. I can't say that the day went splendidly or even close to how I had planned, but I did get a lot done. In fact, it is just after 1 AM and I have just finished prepping the living room and bathroom to paint. Yea. I also managed to cut the lawn, finishing up just before the rains came again (and let me tell you, the varying amounts of rain every day that have been falling for the past two weeks has been making the grass grow like crazy, so it takes much longer than usual to cut and produces heaps of grass clippings (and aren't you so much better off for knowing that? No? Well, I never said my life was exciting or glamorous, and you still seem to come back here for some reason. Go figure)).

Greg and I didn't talk today, but I'll be seeing him in less than 11 hours. I'm quite excited. Quite nervous, too. I want to be more than I am for Greg, but I guess I'm stuck with what I've got and what I am. That'll just have to be enough. And I guess I should stick by what I've always said - if somebody doesn't appreciate me for who and what I am and what I have to offer, but they would appreciate me if I was cuter or more buff or more wealthy, then they're not really the kind of person I want as a friend or boyfriend anyhow. And heck, it's not like I'm a freak or a loser (even as much as I sometimes feel like a freak or a loser) - I'm not such a bad guy to get close to. Aren't I? Hmmm ... lets' stop there before I get all self-deprecating and unsure of myself.

And less than 11 hours to go ...

Posted at 1:17 AM

June 12, 2003

Rain, rain, go away ... errr ... well, at least give me a break so that I can mow the freakin' grass. Can you believe I'm actually trying to get the grass mowed? But I am. I wanted that out of the way so that I can focus on the redecorating (which moved ahead very slowly today around running errands all over town).

Greg and I talked again tonight (and last night also, but not for very long last night - and we talked briefly while I was in the car with my grandma doing errands and Greg was in his car heading home from work). Anyhow, we talked about a bunch of stuff, but we both set arrangements for the weekend, when Greg will be coming to help me here and in Toledo, helping me get stuff done with moving and redecorating. I'd honestly be happy if he just came to sit around and talk to me, but this is in a way even more cool, since he's putting in the extra effort and being helpful. He's so thoughtful.

I'll actually see him in about 36 hours! This is so cool!

Posted at 11:22 PM

June 11, 2003

So achy. So tired. And I hate this remodeling project.

I'll keep at it, of course, but I'm already getting tired of having to fix the mistakes of previous repairs and redecorating attempts before I can even move on to doing what I had planned to do from the start. There's actually a slim chance that I might even get to apply new paint to a ceiling tomorrow. <gasp!> Yes, it's shocking, I know, but it would certainly help me to feel like I'm making progress.And it could happen. Maybe.

Greg call tonight, and we chatted for a while, but I was already tired then, and I wasn't doing to well at holding up my end of the conversation. I am excited about Greg coming here in a few days, though. That should be a great time.

Posted at 12:38 AM

June 10, 2003

So Greg called me again last night (and again tonight, but let's cover this one thing at a time). He called just after 11 PM, having spent a bunch of time since we talked earlier in the day by reading my website. And of course I had written about him. I'm always leery about writing about other people - I do, because I want to try to keep things real, but I make sure I avoid mentioning embarrassing or personal issues when I talk about other people - and I hadn't really thought about Greg reading what I wrote, even though I'd given him my URL.

As it turns out, he was really touched by what I said. It was a good thing, because as much as I've always loved Greg, I've found it hard to really tell him how special I think he is. It's always been that way, and it still is now. In fact, even though I know Greg will surely read this Journal entry, I can manage to write things here that would be hard for me to bring up - I could probably talk about these things if somebody else brought them up, but it would be very tough for me to just say how I feel directly to Greg.

It's always been this way. When I first saw Greg, it was while we were working at Kinko's. I was a supervisor on the evening shift at a Toledo store, and Greg, who normally worked at the store in South Toledo, showed up to work the graveyard shift. I was immediately captivated, and I don't use that word lightly. I was indeed captivated - I couldn't tear my eyes away from Greg, and I could barely even move or function. I just wanted to keep staring, even though I knew I shouldn't. Greg was (and is) incredibly attractive with beautiful facial features, the most beautiful color of auburn hair, a trim body, and an exuberance and happiness that was (and is) quite infectious. He was dressed in these fantastic light cloth plaid pants, almost like pajama pants, but very cool. He seemed so together and ... well ... hot. I wanted nothing more than to stay all night and talk and talk, but I couldn't. Even as shy as I generally am at meeting and approaching new people, I was worse, simply terrified of talking to Greg, afraid that I'd say something stupid or that he wouldn't like me.

I ended up leaving that night, and Greg probably never even saw me of knew who I was. In fact, I didn't know who he was at the time - I just knew he was from the other store. I changed that situation pretty quickly; I asked about Greg with the people at our store and found out his name and that he regularly worked third shift at the other store. That was about all anyone knew. It was not long after that Greg covered a shift at our store again. Once again I stared but couldn't talk to him.

By the time we actually started talking to each other, we knew that we each hung out at Bretz, a local gay night club, and we started seeing each other around more. Of course it was more a matter of Greg talking and me nodding or just following him - I was such a little puppy. After a while I was visiting Greg at his apartment, hanging out as he showed me his latest art project or playing the cool new CD he'd bought. I met his friends, and we all went to Bretz or other places sometimes. I felt a bit like an outsider in Greg's circle of friends, but Greg always included me, and all of his friends were incredibly nice to me. I got to a point where I could even form sentences when talking to Greg, but I was still just simply awestruck and afraid to say something stupid, so I didn't talk much. And that was okay, because I was more than happy to sit back and listen to (and watch) Greg.

At one point, after we'd known each other only a few months, Greg decided he was moving to Chicago and had made arrangements for a transfer to a different Kinko's. I decided, with pretty much no hesitation, that I would move to Chicago, too. I already thought that Chicago was an incredibly cool place, and more importantly, I just couldn't bear the idea of losing Greg from my life, even if we never became more than the friends we had become at the time.

The truth was, I wanted a lot more than that. I wanted to hold Greg and be with him all the time, but I just didn't see him being interested. And who could blame him? Greg was simply hot! He could have had anyone he wanted as far as I was concerned. I felt lucky that Greg would even have me around.

As it turned out, Greg didn't move and neither did I. I had told him that I had planned to move though, and I think I weirded him out a bit with that (like that wouldn't weird anybody out - can you say stalker?). Greg was cool about it though; once the move was off, he never brought it up again.

We eventually go into a comfortable friendship where I would hang out with Greg nearly every day. Then came the day that I stayed overnight at Greg's apartment. We had been talking 'til way late, and I was zoning, and Greg told me just to stay over. He got me a pillow and sheet for the couch (which was super comfy and where Greg generally slept - his bed was nice enough but held clothes more often than sleeping bodies). I lay down, thought about how happy I was to be there with Greg, thought for a split-second about going into the bedroom to join him in bed but immediately dismissed that because I was afraid I would ruin what we had, and then I promptly fell asleep. Greg, as he told me later, went to bed, waited for me to join him, and eventually went out into the living room to find me asleep. Does that suck or what?

Strangely enough, that was as close as we even came to any sort of physical encounter. We stayed good friends and still hung out, but I didn't think there could ever be more than that. I just saw no reason that Greg would be interested in me. And we both dated people, on and off, during that time. Nothing ever really lasted for either of us, but that was just the way it was.

I eventually got my job in Lafayette, managing a Kinko's, and I moved. I missed Greg, and all of my friends, a lot, and I drove back every weekend for the first few months to visit everyone I could in Toledo. Greg and I didn't see each other much, though. We kept in touch by phone, but it wasn't the same as what we had before.

After I had been in Lafayette for some time (a couple of years), I visited Greg on one of my return visits, and we talked/wondered about why we'd never become boyfriends. I still thought Greg could do better than me, even though I didn't say that. We ended up deciding to try being boyfriends, and I can't tell you how happy that made me.

Of course the problem with long distance relationships of 4-1/2 hours of separation and busy lives is that they're doomed to fail, and we both gave up before we had really even tried much. I still loved Greg and had great fun with him (not like that, you perverts, just good wholesome fun!), but I knew (and I think Greg knew) that a relationship with such a great distance between us wouldn't work. And that was it.

Greg ended up moving to Chicago just about the same time I did (more or less), and you'd think that we'd have seen a lot more of each other and have gotten together. Well ...

Greg had a good job and one great apartment after another, but we were both working long hours and didn't see each other. Greg also got into a serious, long-term relationship. We rarely saw each other while he was so involved, probably mostly because I was too involved in work and also a little bit jealous and sad, and I wish I had spent more time with Greg than I did.

When Greg's relationship started falling apart and his boyfriend turned out to be ... well, scary ... I never even really knew. I should have been there and I wasn't, and I regret that. Most of all, though, I regret not being there for Greg when he got depressed and just pretty much locked himself in his apartment. Once again, I should have been there, but I was making my move back to Toledo for my failed attempt at running my own business (which would have worked if not for my slimy business partner, but that's another story). Greg pulled himself together on his own and then moved to Michigan, in one of the Detroit suburbs, and he was much more close by.

We talked on and off, when Greg was first in Michigan, and I visited him in his apartment, but we were somewhat distant and didn't keep close contact. By the time Greg was settled in, I was out of my business and looking at being poor while I tried to go back to college.

There were two points where I was incredibly depressed and I was going to drive to Greg's apartment and wait on his doorstep if he was asleep when I knocked (since I would have gotten there pretty late each of the two times). I was so upset that I just desperately needed someone to hold me while I cried. It's funny that I would seek Greg out for this since we never really were touchy-feely with each other, but I just knew I could trust Greg not to laugh at me or anything. He was the only person I felt that I could turn to. In the end, I didn't go, and I just laid awake and miserable in bed for a couple of days. And now, in last night's conversation, he told me that I should call him whenever I'm depressed because he wants to help. He honestly does, too; I can feel true compassion from him. I almost don't know how to react to that, it's so incredible.

You can, of course, see that all of this led up to the relatively recent past, and Greg and I talked by phone as he bought his first house, got his dog, Lucy, and I, meantime, was studying hard at BGSU. Then we lost contact with each other (as I've mentioned in the last couple of posts), and here we are now.

I still love Greg. I always have. He's very special and he has an effect on me that no one has ever had. He still leaves me captivated much of the time, and I love it. I don't suppose we will ever be more than friends, and that should be enough (and probably would be, if that's the best I could have). Even so, I find myself hoping for more, silly as that is. I'm probably just setting myself up for some disappointment, but I can't really stop myself. And a guy can dream, can't he?

I was actually pretty bit sad when I woke up this morning, staying in bed for two hours just thinking about what has been, what could have been, and what probably will never be. I cried a bit about that, and I was pretty down most of the day, but Greg's e.mail that I got around Noon and his call at 9 PM tonight made me immediately snap out of the funk from the rest of the day.

He's coming to visit and help me out with the redecorating this weekend! I'm so excited! I'm scared, too. I want to be so much more than I am - so much more attractive, thin, desirable, fun, ... (you can stop me any time here) ... and it's really sad that I'm thinking like this. I should just enjoy having such a wonderful friend back. And I do - but a large part of me will still always want more.

Posted at 2:01 AM

June 9, 2003

Greg called again today, and we talked for over two and a half hours. Greg even sent me pictures of himself and his house (that he's been constantly remodeling) over IM. It was a great talk, and even though I should probably have been putting that time into my redecorating efforts, I was still quite happy to catch up with Greg. We may just get back the close friendship we had for a while, because Greg seems much more relaxed and happy. The last job he had left him overworked, tired, and stressed, and he didn't call much. At the same time, I was struggling with the transition into going back to school, and I had little opportunity to call. And then we ended up not having ways to contact each other. So now we can get reacquainted and hopefully even spend some time together, here or near Greg's place in Michigan.

I also had an e.mail from Steve, finally replying to an e.mail that I had sent him a few weeks ago but that he had only received yesterday since he had stopped using that e.mail address but had just happened to check it. He caught me up on his life, and things sound good - a new job that he likes, a good supply of cash from said new job, and a happier outlook on his life. We both want to get together for some good conversation, and that will easily fall into place in a few weeks, once I get this redecorating stuff out of the way.

Speaking of which, I got a fair amount of redecorating things accomplished today, but not nearly as much as I would have liked. I'm sort of unsure about how to proceed with one room, and I decided to sleep on it and decide in the morning. This is all obviously going to take longer than I want it to (and longer than I can afford, considering I need to move my stuff in from Toledo in about two weeks). I'm not stressed, which is good, but I'm already tired of doing this and wishing it was over; that's not the best of attitudes under the circumstances.

Posted at 10:39 PM

June 8, 2003

I'm not moving ahead very fast at getting the redecorating going in this upstairs area that will be my new home. The second floor of my grandma's house is like its own apartment, with a full bathroom, full kitchen, living room, and a master and guest bedroom, both with large walk-in closets. It's nice, but not really suitable to my tastes (some of what my parents had done is quite tacky , some is ugly, and much of it is simply in need of various patching, cleaning, and freshening with a new, decent coat of paint). I got to the point of getting things ready, to some extent, today. Tomorrow I have to buy some more supplies and do some more prep and then, after that, I can work on things at as good a pace as possible until I'm done.

Not very exciting stuff, really, and I'm not very motivated at the moment (and believe me, the depression I've been having doesn't help), but it needs to get done so that I can move forward to getting all of my things moved here from Toledo and get things together so that I can settle down, feel comfortable, and get all of the other crap done that has to be tackled this summer. <joy!>

The high note of my day was talking to my old friend/old boyfriend, Greg, whom I haven't spoken to in over a year. We both switched phone numbers and Greg had just moved and switched jobs, and we didn't have the right numbers for each other. It was a weird coincidence of circumstances that made it nearly impossible to find each other (we both do the unlisted number thing), but Greg finally figured out a way to track me through the university, BGSU. He left a message a few days ago in Toledo, and I got through to him today. He was, ironically, actually in Toledo when I called, and we caught each other up a bit on our situations. We'll be talking again soon, later this week even, and will hopefully see each other soon. I still love Greg deeply, after all these years, and he is very dear to me. Having him back in my life is wonderful, and I'm very much looking forward to keeping in touch with him. Greg was always one of the most fun people I've ever known, and he was able to bring me out of my shell and make me try or do wild and fun things that nobody else could even force me to do. He's a very special, rare kind of person, and it means more than I can express to have him back in my life.

Posted at 11:19 PM

June 7, 2003

The past couple of days have sucked quite a bit: depression, everything going wrong, not enough time, missing having certain people around, seeing cute guys that will never see me (even if I were right in front of them) - the usual stuff, but it still sucked.

I'm better today, moderately, and I've done "fun" things like mowing the lawn or spending money on stuff for stripping wallpaper and for painting. I had a nice lunch at Friday's with my grandma, and we talked a lot again, but it was sort of a day of nothing notable.

I have been getting regularly pissed of at my parents for taking things to Florida that were my grandma's - yard tools, shelving, cookware, and other stuff. It was bad enough that they talked her into giving them money to use on a down payment for their home, and it was also bad enough that they took a number of her antique chairs, tables, buffet tables, and chests of drawers, but taking rakes and spades and shelves, all of which my grandma had purchased herself or which she had owned for years - it's just unbelievably low, even for them. How much of a selfish tool can you be? My parents are very rapidly showing me the answer to that question. The whole situation infuriates me; it obviously bothers my grandma as well, but she's practically a saint, trying to pass things off as if it doesn't matter. She deserves so much better than this.

And at least I'm here now to see that such bullshit doesn't continue. I may not be perfect in taking care of the yard or knowing how to do some household maintenance thing (yet), but I will not let my grandma be used any more.

Posted at 12:27 AM

June 6, 2003

Funny how everything goes wrong on the days that I get depressed. Funny how much life sucks. Funny how I can't find any humor in this funny business.

Posted at 12:30 AM

June 5, 2003

Sometimes you need someone to talk to, someone to give you their opinions.

Too bad that doesn't happen in real life.

Posted at 12:53 AM

June 4, 2003

Moving still sucks.

That's my opinion, anyhow. Between unpacking boxes of various stuff that I had moved to Sandusky (not to put them away, since I can't do that until I finish redecorating and moving my furniture here, but instead to simply empty out the boxes to take back to Toledo to pack even more stuff) - between that unpacking and the later packing up of my car with another huge load of stuff (which has yet to be unloaded (yea for tomorrow ... ummm ... yeah)) - well, I'm just sort of tired of the whole thing now.

Are we done yet?

Well, I know I'm far from done. Heck, I'm barely even started. But the positive side of things today was that I spent a lot of time with my gramma, got a lot done, even though it was mostly little things, and I spent a great time this evening with Heather, Chris, Eric, Kristina, and Laura, eating pizza, playing 20th Century Edition of Trivial Pursuit (Kristina and I, as a team, were well in the lead when we quit, with four out of six pies), and talking and joking around. Don't even get me started about Laura's whole obsession with masturbation tonight - that was just a minor portion of the whole evening. but we had fun. We've made plans to still get together again this summer, in individual pairings as well as for a group trip to Cedar Point, if we can coordinate it all together. I'm already missing everybody a lot, knowing that time and obligations in different geographic locations are going to draw us apart quite a bit, but I'm looking forward to the times that we'll still have this summer. It should be great.

Posted at 1:18 AM

June 3, 2003

Let the festivities begin!

Today marked the beginning of my transition to living in Sandusky. After a bit more of packing and organizing, I loaded the car to capacity (which was quite a bit more than I expected to be able to carry in a single load (13 bankers boxes, a filing case, one of my TVs, one of my VCRs, all of my linens, some foodstuffs, my laundry (in basket), my computer and peripherals, and a bunch of smaller boxes and items fit in here and there)). Loading all of that, traveling to Sandusky, and unloading all took a good chunk out of my day, but it was a good beginning (if only the rest of this busy month will go nearly so well, I'll be quite pleased).

My grandma was quite happy to see me, and we talked a bit while I brought in the stuff from Toledo. Soon after that we went out, ostensibly for dinner, but I wanted to get my new cell phone first. The cell phone deal was arranged and, although the phone I wanted most was discontinued, I think I'm well set with the plan and phone I bought. Dinner was then at Ruby Tuesdays, where I had, among other things, an incredible Strawberry Lemonade (made from fresh ingredients) and a simply amazing white chicken chili (which is even more amazing since I just had white chicken chili two nights before for the first time in over a year). Both my grandma and I have a lot of adjustments to make as well as a lot of rearranging to do in the house (my parents took a number of pieces of her antique furniture to furnish their new house, and things are not only bare in some areas, but there are files and linens and all sorts of things that were in drawers from items that are gone, all needing new storage spaces). We talked for a good while before returning to home ... home.

It's been a long time since I've said that. I haven't felt at home in the places I've lived for quite some time, and while this isn't quite exactly what I want or need, it feels more like home than anyplace I've ever known, and it's good to be in this house.

My sister called just as my grandma and I were walking in the door, so we all talked for a while about the changes and the coming plans. My sister and I both remain critical of the whole move our parents have made, but time will tell if things will work out for them or not. My sister and I spoke for quite a while, having not talked to each other for months, so our phone time was a nice treat.

I spent most of the rest of the evening reading notes - post-its, messages on notepads or envelopes, and packs of things in large manila envelopes. My mother, either believing that I'm a total idiot or being more anal than I ever gave her credit for, has left notes all over the house, a half dozen attached to the furnace and explaining where and when to clean the filters or turn off the gas, a note explaining how to clean certain things, another note, posted on a jug of liquid pesticide, explaining where and when to use this to kill spiders ... and on, and on, and on. It's really simply amazing. And I'm not sure whether to be offended or thankful. Or both.

But it's all beginning to happen. I'm living in Sandusky now, for the most part, even though I'll be in Toledo a lot over the next week or so. But the wheels are turning and things are happening. This month won't be much fun, but hopefully it will at least go somewhat smoothly.

Posted at 1:10 AM

June 2, 2003

Packing sucks! Largely it sucks because I've run out of boxes, but there's also that whole underlying not-wanting-to-pack-and-move-my-shit thing.

I guess I should be happy that I have sold so much stuff over the nearly five years since my last significant move. I'm still missing certain furniture from my extra bedroom sets, my rattan chairs and table set, my full pine wood office set, and my old kitchen set, not to mention all of the various smaller things I've sold off. Heck, I still have a whole pile of boxes full of things to be sold in my (eventual) garage sale, but I had so much more not all that long ago. And you'd think after selling all of that stuff off, I wouldn't have much left, but that would just be plain wrong. I have all sorts of stuff to move. Damn, just my music CDs alone take up six bankers boxes, and my books take up almost two dozen. It's crazy with boxes and stuff everywhere, and it makes me sad in a way to leave all of this behind.

It's ridiculous to even contemplate missing the Arts Center when I'll have a better layout and more convenience in Sandusky, but I've been here nearly five years and with all of the work I've done restoring and redecorating these rooms, I really hate to give them up. Once I get used to the move, and particularly once I've gotten everything moved and set up, I'll almost certainly be more happy with where I'm living, I'm just getting sentimental, I guess.

As much as packing sucks, moving all of this stuff will suck even more. I used to enjoy moving, and I had no problem with it at all. In many ways I know that I'll still enjoy it - I'll love the chance to arrange things anew and find new ways to set things out or arrange them in cupboards or whatever - I'm just geeky like that - but the actual moving will indeed suck. It's always been my least favorite part of the moving process, but now I just dread it. I'm not exactly young and fit anymore, and moving will be sure to whip my ass. At least it should all be done by the end of the month.

Let the fun begin (that was sarcasm, if you didn't catch that).

Posted at 9:50 PM

June 1, 2003

Ann Arbor, Michigan is still a great city.

I gathered up Kristina, Eric, and Chris to visit Ann Arbor with me today. None of them had ever been there before, and I was happy to show them the lay of the land and some of the cool shops. We spent a little time just driving around and walking around, appreciating the architecture and landscaping all over the place (the University of Michigan buildings and grounds are really beautiful; if you have never seen them I would recommend a visit). It also happened that the "Taste of Ann Arbor" was going on this weekend, so we got to see a lot of street exhibitors, games, food vendors, and live bands. That in itself would all have been cool, but I have always found the shops of Ann Arbor to be the incredible thing.

It used to be, when I hung out with Wallace and Jeff (before they got married and stopped going out), we would visit Ann Arbor on a fairly regular basis and visit a lot of these same shops. Some of the places I used to frequent have closed, but the best of the best are still around. We ended up visiting three bookstores, most notably The Dawntreader. These are the type of bookstores with used books and antique, limited edition books, and they have shelving from floor to ceiling with winding paths through the overflowing racks and the random stacks of books on the floor that stand waist high. There is simply every type of subject and style of book imaginable, the used ones at great prices and the antique ones quite out of range but quite desirable (my big droolworthy set of books was an English-version printing of all seven books of the Roman historian Plutarch's Roman Lives in a set that had been created in the late 1800s in a very limited printing - all for only $600 (which was a great price for what they were, but way out of my price range (obviously))). We also visited Schoolkids Records and Encore Records, two new/used/import CD/tape/record shops. A few of the other cool record stores have closed over the years, but these two still remain, and that's a great thing. Schoolkids is more orderly than Encore, to some extent, but imagine the bookstores I just described but with CDs instead of books - floor to ceiling shelves, overflowing with music, and boxes and stacks of CDs and stuff on the floor as well, all over the place. These were a big draw for all of us, and Eric and Kristina (both huge music aficionados) were really in heaven. Chris, Eric, and Kristina had all decided before we went that they wouldn't bring credit cards and would only bring limited cash, so they were able to restrain themselves to a great degree, but they were definitely thrilled with what they saw (and they did end up making various purchases as well; even I bought some CDs at great used prices). We took a while also looking through the Safe Sex Store (the six-foot tall inflatable;e penis punching bag was amusing as were the Tic-Tac parody candies, Dick Tacs (which were shaped like little cocks and balls). The Underworld, an old favorite of mine, was part of a brief visit. This is a comics and gaming store, and Chris and Kristina were out of their element, so we only stayed briefly. Instead, we went downstairs to the flagship location of a long-standing local arcade chain, Pinball Petes. We played games for a little while before heading out. We also spent time at the street fair, looking around through a few different art galleries, and at Borders for a search for more books and music (as if we weren't already on overload from everything we had seen).

The Ann Arbor trip was a great success, and we all had fun. Everyone liked the idea of going back again some other time, particularly when one of the Art Fairs are happening. There's also a Rodin exhibit coming to the Ann Arbor Museum of Art, and Chris and I are quite interested in that.

We made our way back to Bowling Green and finally got back to see Heather, who had just returned from two weeks in England, and Laura, who had returned from three days at Cedar Point amusement park. They were both very chatty and happy, and had all sorts of things to talk about. Laura has a huge summer of trips and events planned, and Heather has a lot of things happening in the next couple of weeks but then needs to look for a job. Heather also had great collections of gifts for each of us from England. She gave me a bunch of yummy English (and Irish) candies - Jelly Babies, Flake Bars (mmmm), and Milka Bars, among others. She also gave me a stone from the beach near the castle where it is believed that King arthur was born, and also a cool ceramic cat figuring (that is much more cool than that description makes it sound).

Kristina, Laura, and I went out briefly for some dinner. We ended up at Jed's (my first time there) and had chicken balls. Yes, chickens apparently have balls. Seriously, though, they're small, breaded bits of chicken breast (that look kind of like balls) in spices with assorted things (of your choice) put on top. It was yummy.They also had this incredible white chicken chili. That was great.

All in all, we talked for a while about what's been going on since the end of the semester and what our coming plans are. It was great to be together again, and hopefully we'll all see each other a good bit still over the summer. That's our collective hope, but we're all going to be in different areas pretty soon, me in Sandusky, Chris in Bowling Green but working five days a week in Toledo, Eric leaving at the end of June for his trip around the western United States with Sarah, Laura back and forth between her family and job in Lima and her boyfriend and other friends in Bowling Green, Heather back home east of Cleveland with a job (maybe) as well as trips to Pittsburgh to find a place to live in the fall, and Kristina heading back to Chardon (outside of Cleveland) with trips to St. Louis and Hawaii coming up that will have her away for about a month. We'll be apart a lot, and getting together will be complicated, but hopefully we'll pull it off.

Posted at 2:03 AM