Journal Archives from theDreamworld ... May 2003

May 2003

May 31, 2003

I watched Alien: Resurrectionlast night. I hadn't seen it before, and broadcast tv actually came through with a fresh movie for once. In some ways, this new Alien movie was cool - the CGI work on the aliens had some great moments, particularly the scene where the aliens are swimming underwater - but the whole plot, the cast of characters, and the setting was so much like every other Alien movie that it all seemed pretty boring. You knew what was coming at every moment, and there was never anything shocking or ... interesting. Maybe I'm being too critical, but I can still remember the first time I saw the original Alien movie, and it shocked and scared me, and it was incredibly good science fiction - unpredictable, imaginative, and shocking. That greatness is bound to diminish in sequels, but this last entry in the saga was just disappointing. I watched the whole thing and found it entertaining, but I could probably have been just as entertained by a repeat episode of Lost in Space.

Today hasn't been much more entertaining. I've spent a large chunk of the day playing more of Deungeon Siege on the computer. I guess I have this silly hope that the game will click with me or that it will redeem itself and be more than just a mindless monster-killing frenzy. All I can say is "Abandon all hope, ye who enter here." There just isn't ever going to be any sort of storyline or motivation coming. And there's so much about the game that I like, as far as little game-play elements are concerned. It's just a shame.

Posted at 8:08 PM

May 30, 2003

I attended a "gala event" tonight at the Arts Center (that's not my term, by the way; that's how it was billed). A lot of work has been done to the theatre, replacing damaged flooring on the stage, adding acoustical tiles, restoring the outer tilling, painting throughout, and staining some woodwork, all of this in addition to the new carpeting that was laid a couple of months ago. While there is more that can be done, the theatre looks phenomenally better. All of this work ties in with tonights performance - the work on the appearance was meant to make the performance seem better, and the performance was meant to celebrate the work that had been done. There is no clear path of which came first here, the chicken or the egg, but the important thing is that both came together incredibly well.

I skipped the reception before the performance, having already been told that it would be full of a somewhat stuffy crowd who, it has beeen hoped, will contribute to continued renovations here in the building. I made it to the performance, though, even though I missed the first few minutes. A small set of musicians, entirely composed of strings, played wonderfully as various dancers performed interpretive routines. There was even an interpretive dance/music improv. session where the MC called out for three words from the audience and the violinist and the dancer created a one to two minute routine which interpreted those words/ideas. The really interesting one, which actually was done incredibly well, came from "jazz," "roller coaster," "elephant," "mountain." You had to see it to appreciate it. The whole set was actually quite a short performance, but it was still quite good. Not exactly something I see often, but something I do enjoy.

I had a friend while I lived in Chicago who had been a dancer in New York, performing off Broadway at times. He had blown out his knee at one point and that ended his career, but he still could choreograph routines and teach people to dance, he just couldn't perform any more. He had tapes of some of his work in New York, both his own performances as well as routines he had choreographed, and he was indeed very talented. I gained a distinct appreciation for interpretive dance from him, and it's something I've held with me ever since. This was the first performance I've seen in a long time, though, and it has obviously been too long. Hopefully I won't have such a long wait until the next dance troupe I see (it's been about six years since the last group I saw).

Of course I haven't seen the opera or the ballet in a while, either, and I haven't even been to a good play in some time. Living on a tight budget is fine, in some ways, but I do indeed miss a lot of things that I used to do when I had more money. I wonder if I'll ever again be as involved in the arts as I was in Chicago. I hope so.

Posted at 9:08 PM

May 29, 2003

I want to die.

I am so miserably depressed today that I just want to die. A part of me knows that this is the depression, particularly considering how I know that I felt the past few days, but another part of me doubts myself and my friendships, and it certainly doubts any chance of ever finding anyone to share my life with and be happy. I can't accept the idea of being alone like this any longer and yet it's the only future I see for myself. With that in mind, death seems much more comforting than life.

I don't want to keep living like this, alone and miserable. Who would? I just can't take this. I can't do anything without seeing someone attractive and thinking, "You'll never have anyone like that in your life," and it's not even that I doubt I could ever have a relationship with an attractive guy - I don't think it would ever happen, I'm sure of that, but it goes deeper - I can't even find it in me to believe that I'll ever have a loving relationship again. All I can see is a future alone, and I can't stand it. It just hurts so much.

Posted at 11:57 PM

May 28, 2003

I picked up Kristina today for lunch (to join me for lunch, not to eat ...), and we had a great meal at Junction. Kristina and I have had a few rare opportunities to talk one-on-one, in person and by phone, but we usually have just spent time together as part of the group, so today's get-together was great. We shared our plans for the rest of the summer and for next year. Kristina is taking a year away from school, much like Eric, but she's quite certain she'll be heading off to grad school right after that. In the short-term, she's planning her move out of Bowling Green and she's planning a two-week trip to Hawaii in July. Kristina is a huge music lover, and we talked about a few different bands and albums. We even spent some time in Finders', a local music store with a great selection, and we compared musical tastes, although to a limited extent.

Afterwards we went to see Bruce Almighty at the theatres in the BG mall (known as the "Small" for obvious reasons). This is the new Jim Carey movie, and while I'm not a big Jim Carey fan, this looked entertaining (and sadly there really wasn't much choice in movies - I would have liked to see The Matrix: Reloaded, but Kristina hasn't yet seen the first Matrix movie, so that would have hardly been entertaining for her). Bruce Almighty was amusing, I must admit, so much so that there were two points were I, and everyone else, was laughing non-stop for quite a while. It was funny and cute, but it wasn't really a memorable movie or anything special. In fact, unlike most Jim Carey movies, there wasn't even really an pithy catch-phrases to throw about. It was just a plain movie. But for a matinee price, it was a something different and enjoyable.

I dropped Kristina off at home not long after the movie and a couple of errands, and I headed over to Chris' apartment to see what was up. We had been planning to get together for dinner after he finished work some day this week, and I had thought that my spending time with Kristina today would leave me available too late for Chris to go out to eat. Contrary to my thoughts, Chris was all set to go to dinner. So after talking for a while, we went to W.G. Grinders for a meal. We talked for quite a while over the meal as well, and I found out that everything is just about set for Chris to spend his Spring semester in New Zealand at a school with a noted glass blowing program. It will be a great experience for him, and I am really happy for him, even though I'll miss having him around during the second half of the school year. We'll both graduate after Spring semester, so this is it, and Fall semester will be our last time seeing each other regularly. I hope that we'll keep in touch with each other after we graduate, but time will tell. At least we'll have time together in the fall.

I took Chris back home and left not too long after that, but I had had a great day, and it was already getting quite late. I was even pleasantly tired when I got back tonight, and I am sure to sleep quite well. It's been a fulfilling day.

Posted at 5:41 PM

May 27, 2003

I gave my 30-day notice to Tom, the Executive Director for the Arts Center, and he was almost pleased because he had a musician who needed a room, and my rooms coming available gave him some options. It wasn't mean spirited of him, he was just seeing an opportunity.

The whole thing was pretty anticlimactic, in fact. I didn't expect any great response of how I would be missed or anything, but it was a bit disappointing all the same. You live in one place over four and a half years, particularly in an artists' community like this where everybody knows everybody else, even if only in passing, and you think that there might be some sort of "Sorry to see you go" or ... something. I don't know. I guess anything like that is ridiculous to consider, but I just feel like my leaving here and moving to Sandusky is considered a non-event and nobody cares about how this affects me and nobody even remotely seems like they'll miss me. It's just very sad and disappointing.

Oh well.

Posted at 8:08 PM

May 26, 2003

Kill! Kill! Spare no one!

Whew! I've been playing Dungeon Siege for hours, and I'm completely in this frenzy for killing everything I see. But that's the nature of the game.

I've decided that the lack of a storyline is ruining the game for me. There's no overarching idea or context, and it's too linear. What I mean by linear is that there is inevitably only one way to go. You are more or less led through the game, not by clues that you have to figure out but by geographic obstacles that make it possible to only go forward or back where you came from. And while there are "quests" that come up, they are useless; if you don't complete a quest, you don't really miss out on much (just some experience points), and the "quests" don't do anything to establish a story or promote continuity or context. Even more frustrating is that most of the quests are completed not because you want to finish your quest but because the linear nature of the game just forces you through an area where killing the monsters (which are attacking you, so you pretty much need to kill them) - killing the monsters is what completes the quest, so you finished the quest just because you were there and defending yourself.

But even though I'm displeased with a lot of aspects of the game, I'm still playing it, so what does that say? Maybe I'm just looking for a game to play as a relaxing diversion, or maybe I'm just determined to complete the darn thing now that I've started it, but I'm still playing (and I'll be back at it once this is uploaded).

Kill!

Posted at 8:47 PM

May 25, 2003

Kristina returned to Bowling Green today and called me back (I had left a message, hoping that she could join me on the trip to Ann Arbor). Unfortunately she was too late for the Ann Arbor excursion, but we decided we'll go together in a week or two and spend the day checking out used CD stores, bookstores, and the condom store (it's really quite funny. I've always had fun just looking around at both this one in Ann Arbor as well as the one near Boystown in Chicago). We ended up talking for almost an hour about what we've been up to for the last week or so and what our plans are for the summer. Christina has some great plans, including a two week trip to visit relatives in Hawaii, and hopefully I'll be able to spend some time with her while she's around.

The conversation with Kristina was really nice, and I had some enjoyable reading time today as well, but the bulk of my day was spent (and will continue to be spent, after I upload this) playing Dungeon Siege, the new fantasy/action game that I bought for my end-of-the-semester treat. I mentioned the game in an earlier Journal entry after I had just played it for a couple of hours after having installed it, just as the semester had ended. At the time, I wasn't sure whether I liked it or not. Some aspects, like the expansiveness of things, are great, but other things, like the storyline (or more appropriately, the lack of a story line) and the sometimes-awkward camera views, just annoy the hell out of me. And my feelings of uncertainty are still there. The further I go in the game, the more I discover and experience, but there are parts I really like and parts that bother the fuck out of me. I don't ever remember having a game that has been like this. Usually I either like it or dislike it in varying degrees, but I really just can't make a solid decision about how I feel. I suppose that the fact that I even have to think so hard about it means that it's something of a disappointment and not as rewarding as it could/should be. But it's good enough to keep me occupied and mildly entertained, so I can't complain too much.

So now I'm about to go back to killing things and picking up treasure. If I'm lucky, I'll find some aspect of a storyline, but somehow I don't see it happening.

Posted at 9:35 PM

May 24, 2003

Even though I had an interesting and productive trip to Ann Arbor today, the highlight of my day was reading (and finishing) some online stories that I have been wanting to read but putting off due to time constraints. Notably, I'm all caught up with Brew Maxwell's latest portions of the Foley-Mashburn saga, a heart-warming (if a bit too idealistic) online gay fiction series (this is to be found at Robb's website, if you hadn't seen the suggestion in my Links area). I could say a lot of great things about this series, but the best thing I can do is just to insist that you read it. It's a pleasant alternative to the typical unpleasant crisis/resolution repetition that is seen in so much online gay fiction. This makes for a nice change.

Posted at 12:58 AM

May 23, 2003

My mother and grandmother visited today. After lunch at the Olive Garden we went out for some shopping for weird little odds and ends that they needed (which they could have easily purchased at home, not that I minded shopping with them). Among the things my mom wanted were some books for when she first got to Florida after they moved. She figured she wouldn't have a library card and wouldn't have the energy to go shopping after those initial days of packing and setting up house, so she wanted some. My mother reads quite voraciously, usually two books at a time, a little bit every day without fail. So I took her to Media Play. She had never shopped there, and when I showed her the book section she acted like she'd just entered heaven. They have a great selection, but they also have more than a dozen bargain tables where hard-backed books are 99¢ to $5.99. It's a great deal, and my mom was just overwhelmed.

After we got back to the Arts Center, I loaned her a few books from my collection also, and she showed me the obligatory new photos of my sister and nephew and niece. She also had a bunch of old family photos that she'd gathered up as she packed, and she'd thought I'd like to see.

My mother's visits often leave me upset or angry somehow, but today was quite pleasant. We compared notes a lot and made various plans for my impending move to Sandusky, and my grandmother and I both shared how much we were looking forward to living together. It's still going to be a big change, but there will definitely be a lot of good feelings about it all.

And one of the amusing things today was when I mentioned Heather's insistence that I should get a kitten once I have moved into the house. My grandmother had apparently already told my mom that she might like a cat, but she wasn't sure how I'd feel about it. So it seems that I will almost certainly be getting a kitty cat after I've moved. That's kind of cool in itself.

Posted at 10:07 PM

May 22, 2003

Around a slew of other errands today, I had a great lunch with Eric in Bowling Green (and let me point out that the 'doing errands' thing is getting to be a drag, but today will be the last day that's one after the other. Things from here on will be more relaxed until I start redecorating in Sandusky). Anyhow, lunch was at Junction, a decent restaurant downtown. Eric is taking a summer glass-blowing class, so he had to leave before 1 PM, but we still shared about an hour of conversation before he had to leave. Lunch itself was great, but the conversation was excellent as well. Eric and I never really have the chance to talk alone, pretty much always being with one or more other people from our group of friends. That's not to say that I resent having my other friends around, because this isn't the case, but Eric and I just haven't ever really had that one-on-one time with each other. So this was a nice change, and we had a great time talking about all sorts of things. We actually laughed quite a lot, and we shared some personal anecdotes, and we talked about what's coming up for each of us in the next few months. It was very enlightening for me, and I feel like I know Eric better for all of it. That's great, really, because I like Eric but have always felt distant from him. Hopefully we'll still be able to get together at least a couple more times in June. After that's he'll be traveling all over the western United States with Sarah, and I'll be setting up house with my grandma.

My evening has been great, too. I usually don't feel comfortable going 5to a movie alone, but I couldn't find a ready companion tonight, and I was determined to watch the second Lord of the Rings movie, The Two Towers before it left the second run theatre. The price was only $2! - quite a deal for a movie on the big screen.

The movie itself was fantastic. I'll admit that in some ways I liked the first movie better, and the first movie was also much more directly faithful to the book, but the second movie was also amazing. Elijah Wood was still gorgeous, and the visuals were still breath-taking. I had read a one review that said that there was too much war/fight scenes, but I think that is untrue. Yes, there is a lot of battle, but probably only about half of the movie (which at 3 hours is quite lengthy). Even so, the battle scenes were in proportion to the story told in the book. If there was anything in the movie that I thought could have been done better, it was the reflective moments where some character waxed eloquent about what was happening in the world or what had happened in the last movie/book. I realize that these things were necessary since some people wouldn't have read the novel and some people would have seen the first movie, but it felt awkward and contrived (maybe because it was awkward and contrived), and even though I realize that time constraints made such focused dialogue necessary to condense things, it still could have been done in a way that was less awkward.

I shouldn't complain at all, though. I haven't seen a movie in a while, and this is something I have wanted to see for many months. I was definitely pleased, even excited, to be able to watch this movie, and it made for a great evening for me (and it beat the hell out of the crap that's on TV on Thursday nights).

Posted at 12:49 AM

May 21, 2003

I was so in the mood to just veg out today, do some pleasure reading or play a game on the computer - and I really almost gave in to those desires - but I was a good boy and ran bunches of errands, made lots of phone calls, and tied up hordes of loose ends. I'll say it again - yea me.

The weird thing is that I've been thinking about a bunch of people I haven't seen in a long time, like I've been wandering down memory lane for the better part of the day. I remembered this gorgeous boy from Ottawa Hills named Chip that I drooled over during high school when his tennis team played against my team (we lost, and Chip was perfection, not just in looks but in gameplay). I also remembered a guy I used to work with at Kinko's named Mike Meyers, an odd but decent guy that always reminded me a lot of myself (both for his good traits as well as his bad traits). And I was thinking of Simon and Drew and both Kens and Eric and Chip (Chris, not the tennis-playing Chip) (and I obviously had Chip on the brain, because I remembered another Chip from my life who was in my high school Latin class (he was pretty beautiful, too). I've been thinking of all sorts of people - all guys, in fact - and they've all been pretty pleasant memories. I have no idea why these guys came to mind, but it's been a nice day of remembrance. In some ways, it was more relaxing than just spending all day reading or playing a game.

Posted at 9:49 PM

May 20, 2003

Guess who's mean. That would be me.

That's not to say that I'm, like, nasty or cruel. Far from it. No, I'm referring to my score on the GRE.

I took that damn thing this afternoon, and I was pretty relaxed and at peace with myself, both before and during the whole test.

It starts out with two written essays, an argumentative essay about one topic (chosen from two offered topics) and another essay that supports or contends an argument that is already presented. I actually completed both of these the way I liked, and I think my responses were pretty spiffy. Unfortunately I won't know the scores on these yet since they're graded by a real person (the rest is computer-based and calculated when you're finished). I think I did pretty fucking well, though. The score is out of 6, and I'm sure I got at least a 5, and I may well have gotten a 6. Yea me!

After the essays (and a ten minute break to unwind), I got going on the remaining tests. The way these works is a bit complicated. There are two types of test: one is a verbal test that tests vocabulary and reading comprehension in a variety of ways. The words used are somewhat uncommon, and some parts of the verbal test, like where you are supposed to find the pair of words that's most reflects the first pair of words (which have some specific relationship between the two) can be pretty tough even if you know all of the words that you can choose from. And the reading comprehension stuff ends up taking time to think through. Anyhow, the other test is a quantitative test. This test mostly includes math, geometry, and algebra, but it also covers analyzing data from charts and graphs and tables and stuff.

So there are these two types of tests. But there are actually three tests given. The third test is a second dose of either the verbal or the quantitative test, but it's used just for statistical analysis and studies about ways to change the GRE in the future. This third test doesn't count towards your score, but the problem is that you don't know which of the repeated tests is the one that counts.

So the first test was a verbal. It was a bitch, really, with lots of reading comprehension stuff that bogged me down and ate up my time, and full of exceptionally difficult vocab words. I struggled through and ran out of time, finishing 25 of 30 questions (which isn't horrible in itself, because the other thing about the tests is that the first few (the first dozen, actually) questions are self-adjusting (for example, the first question is sort of hard; if you get it right, the next question branches on a path that makes the next question harder but worth more points, but if you get it wrong, the question is easier but you get less points; each question does this throughout the test, but the branching in the first few questions accounts for the biggest points possibilities).

The next test was quantitative, and I did fairly well. I answered all of the questions and even finished with a couple of minutes to spare, and I felt that I had done relatively well throughout. Then the last test was another vocab exam. I found this one to be a bit easier than the first, and I even finished with five seconds to spare. I felt much better about that one than the first, but I have no way of knowing which one actually counted toward my score. And who really knows how they've done on these things anyhow?

So when all was said and done, I had a calculated score of 640 on the quantitative (that's out of 800 maximum). That's pretty good considering I haven't studied math in years. It was about the 87th percentile among tested people in my major, so that's not bad. But the verbal score sucked (at least as far as I see it). I had a 550 on the verbal, the mean (or average) score for all people who tested and are in my major. It was like the 54th percentile. Yuck!

Now while I don't see anything wrong with being average (or mean, as the case may be), I really would have expected (hoped, desired) to have done better considering that this is my field of study and I am exceptionally good with vocabulary and reading comprehension. And the bottom line is that I don't think this is a good enough score to use for entrance to graduate school. It might get me in some places, but it won't help me with some of the more select schools I'd like to apply to.

So guess who's retaking the GRE later this summer. That would be me. Cause I'm mean, damnit, and that's not cool.

Posted at 10:19 PM

May 19, 2003

Blah.

I should have been reviewing and practicing for the GRE much more over the last week, but I always let a bunch of different stuff get in the way. Sure, I did use the review materials a bit, but I should have done more. And I only just took the practice tests with the computer program today. The test is tomorrow, and I guess there's not a whole bunch more I can do to prepare myself in this amount of time, but I don't feel really good about the whole thing. It may just be my cynical, paranoid lack of self-confidence talking, but I don't know if I can do as well as I want or need.

At the same time, I shouldn't let myself get so worked up about this. I can take the GRE again each month up to four more times this year, if I feel it will make a difference, so this isn't like my one chance to make it work. Just the same, I'd like this set of scores to be at least decent and hopefully they'll be good enough to not have to retake the test at all. I'm just not good with formal tests in a lot of ways. Actually I should restate that - I can actually do incredibly well on tests like this sometimes, but I always freak out about it, and I sometimes just fuck things up. It's almost an all or nothing thing, to some extent.

On an entirely separate note, let me say, "AAAAAGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!" to the evil, twisted bastards that write and produce the tv show Everwood for setting up the most aggravating season finale cliffhanger I have ever seen. Damn these people anyhow.

Posted at 10:01 PM

May 18, 2003

A couple of good weeks and now I'm depressed again. That makes for a sucky day, and I'm hoping it will pass, but I'm really feeling alone today.

Posted at 11:14 PM

May 17, 2003

I met Sarah and Eric at the central mall for Toledo, Franklin Park, and joined them for a while while Sarah shopped for some dress clothes. We were only there a brief while, chatting about this and that, when they realized that they needed to head back to Bowling Green since Eric's younger brother Mark was making dinner for them (and his girlfriend and Jeremy). Eric invited me to join them, and I was happy to go along.

The meal itself was great. Mark had made Chicken Cordon Bleu with mashed potatos and a fresh salad, and he even made a special chicken breast for me without the ham. It was the most moist and juicy chicken I've had in a really long time, and it was yummy. We had been watching some spoof of a documentary about beauty pageants (which I didn't catch the name of, but it was pretty recent), and it had been quite amusing. We followed up with The Atomic Cafe, which Sarah had rented. Sarah, Eric, and I had seen it before but still had a good laugh; Jeremy got a kick out of it as well. (I've discussed this movie in earlier posts, but as a brief recap - it shows old movie and news clips, interviews, and commercials dealing with how people were told to cope with the threat of nuclear war in the '50s and '60s. Teaching kids to survive a nuclear blast with the "duck and cover" routine or some other ridiculous propaganda to keep the masses from outright daily panic). As a brief note, let me encourage all of you not to watch Atomic Cafe while you're eating, particularly the first part that shows the film footage of the survivors (and I use the term lightly) of Hiroshima and Nagasaki - this doesn't mix well with eating, believe me.

We headed out after that, leaving Mark and his girlfriend to themselves but grabbing Chris on the way as we went to Friendly's for a bit of ice cream. We had a good time with each other and all ate way too much ice cream, but it was fun.

When we got back, Mark was in the kitchen just getting a glass of water, and he was just in a pair of pajama bottoms with no shirt. I think I've mentioned before that I've thought Mark was rather cute when I've seen him at the poetry readings during the semester or at Big Boy, but the boy has a body to die for as well. He's got a completely smooth perfect form, taught muscles, and cut definition. I'm not one of those guys that sees definition and muscles as necessary to like somebody's looks, but I can certainly appreciate it. I had to pull my eyes away pretty quickly or I would have been staring for way too long. Mark's quite straight and quite a nice guy, and he certainly doesn't need me or anybody else staring and drooling at him in his own apartment. He is really quite amazing, though.

I left not long after that, and I've had mixed feelings for the rest of the evening. I had a great time, and part of me was really happy, but I also felt very alone and wanting after having seen Mark without a shirt. Even more, I felt, and feel, bad about looking at him like that. It's bad enough that I'm staring in the first place, but: 1) he's straight, 2) he's got a girlfriend that he's really devoted to, 3) he's half my age, 4) he's so far out of my league it's unbelievable, 5) I'm not remotely trim or attractive enough to compare to the kind of person he could be interested in, and 6) we have just about nothing in common between us. It was all just some sort of lust on my part and not even a sexual lust (seeing him didn't get me hard or fuel fantasias); it was just a lust for someone to hold and a lust for someone to share my life with. It's ridiculous, because the things I want have nothing to do with how gorgeous he is or how well-defined his body is. But I was just staring anyhow, and seeing him just seemed to embody everything that I don't have in my life. It hurts to want something that I can see but never touch. It hurts with a real pain in my chest.

Am I such a bad person that I'm never going to be able to hold someone again?

Posted at 1:49 AM

May 16, 2003

Lee took me to lunch today at the Sylvania Country Club. It was a wonderful meal and a nice conversation. Lee only got back about a week ago from visiting a friend in San Diego, and she had resigned from the Board of Directors here at the Collingwood Arts Center just as she left. As usual, Lee had all sorts of news and gossip to spread about her own life and notably about the Arts Center. Lee resigned along with five other Board members including the President of the Board. With only six Board members left, the governing body for the Arts Center is technically not even able to form a quorum and meet. To me, having seen endless mismanagement and petty squabbling among Board members, this is nothing new, but it is something close to Lee, so it's a big deal for her.

Gossip wasn't the basis of our conversation, though. We'll each be making big changes in our lives and our routines, with me moving to Sandusky to take care of my grandmother and Lee leaving the Arts Center and giving her time instead to COSI (the Children's Museum of Science). We also talked about Christiana and even Heather and Chris, all of them being mutual friends. It was a great little luncheon, but Lee was happily going to attend the mayor's birthday party tonight, so she had errands to run before she was to attend.

My evening was far from being that glamorous, but I got in a good bit of review time for the GRE (although I should be doing more than I am) and a bit of time on the net (well, a bit more than usual for my daily net surf). All in all, a pretty cool day.

Posted at 2:38 AM

May 15, 2003

It's turned out to be one of those days where everything goes different than expected. It hasn't been different in a bad way, just different, and it's made things roll along completely in an unexpected fashion.

On the down side, I got some reviewing done for the GRE, but not as much as I wanted. And I'll keep plugging away at this until the test on Tuesday.

On the plus side, I got to sleep in until about 10:30 AM, and it made a world of difference in making me feel decent again - I was distinctly in need of sleep.

Also on the plus side, I finally joined the Message Board community on Dewey's website (something I've been meaning to do for months but have kept putting off because of time constraints), and I feel really good about it. I may very well develop some new friendships out of this. At a minimum, it gets me into something directly with Drake so that we can both become more involved now that we have some free time. Even if I don't ever meet any of these people, having someone to share ideas with could be invaluable. I hope it turns out to be everything that I hope.

Posted at 2:13 AM

May 14, 2003

Ugh. 6 AM wake-ups suck.

I hope that this was the last early morning for a while because I am just incredibly tired. I hope that I can sleep in quite a bit tomorrow and catch up a bit; I feel achy and dead.

An early appointment at my car dealership forced me to get up early. The car needed a few little bits of maintenance, and I figured I should get things all properly appointed before I started driving back and forth to Sandusky on a regular basis. $360 later, the car is good as new. It's a lot more than I expected and a lot more than is easily dealt with in my financial state, but it had to be done. And I got to do some review for the GRE while I waited, so the time wasn't wasted, really.

By the time I got back to the Arts Center Christiana was just about to leave for the airport. I got to say a pleasant goodbye and even got to see Lee, who had also come to say her farewells to Christiana. As I am writing this, Christiana is still probably four or five hours from reaching New Zealand, but she's well along on her way. It'll be interesting to see how well we keep in touch with each other.

The rest of the day has been a busy series of errands, researching, and conversations with Lee, Tom, Def Mike, my mother, and Blanche (don't ask). None of this did anything to make me less tired and achy. In fact, it's all helped quite a bit to wear me out even more. And I'm just fuckin' tired as hell now.

Posted at 9:59 PM

May 13, 2003

Waking up early again - yuk!

I was up at an unnatural hour once again, this time to help Christiana move her belongings to her mother's house. Bill/Will helped us as well, and what happened was certainly the quickest move I have ever been involved in. We were completely done in just under three hours. Tomorrow Christiana boards a plane and flies out to spend ten weeks with her father in New Zealand. From there she'll be making arrangements in Washington, D.C. for a place to live as she goes to school at the International School of Business Communications at American University (the same university where Sarah goes to graduate school, incidentally). Christiana and I have spent a little time together the last couple of days, but it seems like almost nothing when I consider that she'll be living far away for quite a while now.

I don't suppose that should bother me. Christiana and I actually maintained our friendship, even strengthened it, for years while we were quite far apart, only keeping in touch through cards, letters, e.mails, and occasional phone calls. After I moved to Lafayette, Indiana and Christiana was still in Toledo, we kept in touch. After Christiana moved to Dallas, Texas, we still kept in touch. After I moved to Chicago, we kept in touch. When we both moved back to Toledo, we spent a lot of time together. And when Christiana went to study abroad in various countries over the last few years, we still kept in touch. And now, as we get separated by large distances again, I'm sure we'll still keep in touch. Maybe even better than in years past; who knows?

As a story with absolutely no connection to helping Christiana move, I must share my tremendous amusement with certain news from Texas that I have now seen covered in two places of internet news as well as on the nightly news on television. The Democrats of the Texas Legislature, in a move to take their only remaining action to stop their Republican-led legislature from redrawing voting districts in a way that will give five more seats in the U.S. House of Representatives to the Republicans, have staged a walkout that will keep the Texas legislature from having a required quorum. They have convened in a hotel across the state lines, in Oklahoma, where they will wait until Thursday when time runs out for the vote on this issue. The Republicans call this a cowardly action that is unfair to their constituents, but I applaud their actions and just say that this is smart politics - the Democrats are simply exercising their ability to secure equal representation, and their actions are not really any different than a filibuster in the U.S. Senate. Kudos to the Texas Democratic Representatives on a job well done.

Texas House Paralyzed by Democratic Walkout

AUSTIN, Texas (CNN) -- With action in the Texas House brought to a standstill, roughly 50 state Democratic representatives said they would remain in neighboring Oklahoma "as long as it takes" to block a Republican-drawn redistricting plan that could cost them five seats in Congress.

"There's 51 of us here today, and a quorum of the Texas House of Representatives will not meet without us," said state Rep. Jim Dunnam, the chairman of the House Democratic Caucus. He spoke with reporters outside a hotel in Ardmore, Oklahoma, where the Democrats have holed up.

The walkout has paralyzed the state House for two days. In Austin, Republicans exhibited a deck of cards bearing the lawmakers' pictures -- similar to those issued to U.S. troops to help identify fugitive Iraqi leaders -- and milk cartons bearing the images of the missing lawmakers.

The Democrats are trying to thwart a GOP redistricting plan they say is being pushed by U.S. Rep. Tom DeLay, the majority leader in the U.S. House of Representatives and a Texan. Democrats call the plan "an outrageous partisan power grab."

They have gathered in Ardmore, just across the state line and beyond the jurisdiction of Texas state police, whom the House's Republican majority has ordered to bring them back to the state Capitol.

"We're here in Ardmore, Oklahoma, because the real problems of Texas are budget problems, are school finance problems, are health care problems that are being cast aside because of a power play by Tom DeLay," Dunnam said. "We are here trying to get Texas government back on the right path."

We're fighting for our constituents with the only tool we have left, which was to use the rules of the House to break a quorum.

DeLay's office released a statement saying, "Texans deserve representation that reflects their values and beliefs.

"Fifty-six percent of Texas voters cast their vote for a Republican congressional candidate last fall, yet Texas sends more Democrats than Republicans to Congress. We're trying to change that," he said.

In comments to reporters, DeLay said the Democrats "ought to stand and fight," not "turn and run."

Under House rules, the reapportionment plan would have to be brought to a vote by Thursday in order to pass. Republicans hold 88 seats in the 150-member House.

"They may believe they are clever, but the majority of Texans see them as childish," Texas GOP Chairwoman Sue Weddington said. "And they may believe they are courageous, but the majority of Texans see them as cowards."

They may believe they are clever, but the majority of Texans see them as childish.

Bob Richter, a spokesman for House Speaker Tom Craddick, said four of the chamber's 62 Democrats attended Monday's session. At least two more have shown up at the Capitol since then, and a third was expected later Tuesday, but that would leave them short of the 100 needed for the House to resume business.

Texas Gov. Rick Perry, a Republican, called the walkout "cowardly and childish" -- a characterization the Democrats disputed.

"We're fighting for our constituents with the only tool we have left, which was to use the rules of the House to break a quorum," Rep. Barry Telford said.

Unlike Monday, Craddick said he would not require members to remain in the House chamber. But Richter said lawmakers are being asked to remain around the state Capitol.

Texas House Speaker Tom Craddick

"The important thing is that they don't drive off to the hill country and have a picnic," he said. "If we're going to get a quorum, we want to get back to work right away."

The walkout is similar to a 1979 gambit by a group of 12 state senators, dubbed the "Killer Bees," who hid out for several days to block changes to the state's presidential primaries.

Political observers say the redistricting plan before the House could mean a shift of up to five seats to the Republicans, giving them a 20-12 edge over Democrats in the Texas congressional delegation and better odds of keeping control of Congress.

The Texas Legislature failed to passed a new district map after the 2000 census, so a federal court ordered a reapportionment plan in 2001. November's elections gave Democrats a 17-15 edge in congressional seats, but Republicans took control of the state House and Senate and reopened the redistricting debate.

Democrats want to keep the court plan in place until the 2010 census.

Posted at 9:34 PM

May 12, 2003

Ah! Wonderful sleep! Such a perfect thing.

When I got up today, I was surprisingly refreshed, not nearly as tired as I would have expected after only seven hours of sleep following two very long days like I've had. I won't complain, though; I feel great.

I made a decision this morning that I should spend more time preparing for the GRE, so I rescheduled for a week from tomorrow. That takes off a lot of the pressure and lets me go through the practice materials a bit so that I'm more comfortable when I take the exam. It took me an hour on hold to make the changes, but it was worth it.

With the GRE rescheduled, I decided that I should catch up. I hadn't checked e.mail, read internet news, followe3d my online comics, read online stories, read blogs, or posted updates to this website for well over two days, and much needed to be done. I'm just about to upload these Journal entries now, and I've caught up with most everything else (although I have about a dozen new chapters of stories to read), and I'm feeling pretty happy.

It's been a great week that has just passed, and I'm looking forward to some similar great times this summer. It's rare for me to approach this close to optimism, but I'm rarely in such a wonderful frame of mind. I'll take it, though.

Posted at 3:38 PM

May 11, 2003

I drove back down to Bowling Green again today, just as early as yesterday, and gathered together Heather, Chris, and Chris' friend Anthony. We headed out to Chicago to see Art Chicago 2003, an international exhibition of art in various mediums through hundreds of various studios from around the world. It was all set up at Navy Pier, in their huge exhibition space, and the amount of artwork was staggering; you simply couldn't process all that you had seen after a while: original Warhol's, and Keith Haring's, a Salvador Dali sketch, works by Van Gogh, Herb Ritts, Pablo Picasso, Marc Chagall and even some glass by Chihoulle. There were more recognized, celebrated artists than you could believe, as well as a large number of new, contemporary artists. It was more work in one place than even any art museum I could think of, with the possible exception of the Louvre.

The drive up was fairly long, as expected, but Heather and I talked about all sorts of things while Chris and Anthony talked about art and then slept. Heather and I learned a lot about each other, and we stuck together as we wandered the exhibit as well, sharing more conversation throughout the day.

We were all pretty tired and achy after about five hours of looking through the exhibits, and we made plans for dinner, eventually making arrangements for one of Anthony's friends in Chicago to join us at Reza's one of my favorite restaurants in Chicago. We all ate heartily, even though we took heaping amounts of food away in left-over containers (Reza's always gives you way more than you can eat). By the time we had dropped off Anthony's friend, gotten back on the road, and made our way to the Skyway to get back to the Indiana Toll Road, we were all settled in and ready to be back in Ohio.

The music we listened to and the conversations we had were quite exceptionally good all the way back to Bowling Green. Chris and Anthony both rested as we drove back, and Heather talked with me just about the whole way. It was really nice to have such a long talk with Heather, and I hope for many more of the same. It's funny in a way, because I had originally expected the trip to be just me and Chris, and I had looked forward to being able to talk to him uninterrupted for a while (since we usually are with a group and get pulled into other conversations). I was initially slightly disappointed that Heather would be coming since I knew this would break down my chance to talk to Chris, but I realized that Chris will be around all summer while Heather is away in England and at her home east of Cleveland, and I'll have a lot of opportunities to talk to Chris one on one.

By the time we got back to Bowling Green in was nearly 2 AM, and we were all pretty beat. I stopped in with Heather and Chris briefly to talk a bit more, but I could tell I was slowing down and would have to get to Toledo soon. By the time I got her and inside, it was about 3 AM. The trip up became an actual struggle to stay focused and awake, and I was relieved when I finally pulled into the lot at the Arts Center and knew that I could sleep soon. It's been another wonderful day,. and I will sleep a pleasant sleep tonight.

~~Posted~~ Written at 3:29 AM

May 10, 2003

Wow! What a day!

My alarm woke me at the simply horrific, early hour of 6 AM, and I was quickly up and at things. I got myself quite nicely dressed and primped (that's primped not pimped, thank you), and I made my way down to Bowling Green. Heather, Eric, Laura, and Kristina (as well as a dozen more people I know from classes) were graduating today, and I had to be at Heather and Chris' apartment quite early so that we could walk to campus and join everyone before heading off to the ceremonies.

I arrived just before my expected time of 8:15 AM, and the entire apartment was dark. After a few knocks, the door was awkwardly unlocked and opened by Graham, Heather's little brother who was still mostly on the couch in a bundle of sheets, looking bleary-eyed with tousled hair. After apologizing for waking him and making a comment to Heather to wake up, I made my way to the fridge to grab the last can of Sprite that I had left on Wednesday. The sugar was quite necessary, believe me, and I needed something to wash down the two sandwich buns I had eaten on the drive down (nothing on them - they were just all I had available that didn't need to be cooked and take time). Eventually everyone got themselves together and Heather's parents and aunt arrived, so we made our way, less than smoothly to campus.

Things had worked out well, in spite of the inauspicious beginnings, and we were all in our proper places with time to spare. The ceremony was held in Anderson Arena, the basketball arena, and that in itself made it a little less dignified than I would have thought appropriate. It would be better to be held in the grand ballroom at the student union, but I suppose the seating capacity would be even more limited (and it was limited seating in the arena as it was). But aside from the less than dignified location and the echoing calls of friends and family bouncing around the hall, it was still a special moment.

The speaker for the College of Arts & Sciences was, sadly, an idiot. A condescending, anti-motivational speaker, but and idiot all the same. He started out by saying that he would do best to quote from the wise words of Mick Jagger and note that "I can't get no satisfaction." This was a bad enough beginning, but his lame jokes, and stupid anecdotes were only exceeded in inappropriateness by his comments that he "found out after he graduated (from BGSU, our school) that his liberal arts degree was worthless and he had to find a job, fulfilling his parents' predictions that his degree in liberal arts was a waste. " He went on to explain how, basically, you could only be successful if you became an entrepreneur, made lots of money, and made sure that you didn't waste your life trying to be a teacher or a creative designer of some sort. This was unquestionably the worst speaker I could have imagined. I myself, having not even graduated after all of my years in college, could have been more motivational and supportive. This, to me, was a huge slap in the face from the university, having a speaker who belittled the accomplishments of so many talented people. I was not pleased, and I later found out that very few of the graduates felt any different.

Heather graduated Magna Cum Laude and Eric and Laura both graduated Cum Laude. I was so happy and proud. They've worked hard for their degrees, and they deserve the accolades. After the ceremony, we all gathered around the English building, and the various families too pictures of their kids and their friends. Sarah was there, too, having arrived from Washington, D.C. two nights before. It was good to see her, and it was nice to meet Eric, Laura, and Kristina's families, having never run into them before (except briefly meeting Eric's father). I had been around Heather's family a few times before, and they were interesting to be around. It's nice that we get along so well, too, because I was invited to join them (and Chris) for a celebration picnic.

Since all of the city parks in Bowling Green and Toledo were packed from the graduations of their respective universities, Heather had suggested going to Maumee Bay State Park. It was a good choice, being far from crowded and quite pleasant, but we were all starving by the time we had completed the drive and settled down. Heather's mother is simply a master of the perfect picnic, and we had wonderful fruit salad, deviled eggs, chips, dips, a firm bread, and five of the most wonderful imported cheeses you could imagine. Oh, it was just wonderful, and we all ate far more than we should have.

Heather's parents, aunt, and brother all left for their homes after we finished, and I drove Chris and Heather back to their apartment. Heather was in a mood for a movie and offered to take all of us to X-Men 2. We chatted for a couple hours before the movie and then made our way to the small (the small mall - Woodland Mall in Bowling Green).

X-Men 2 was fantastic, full of action and effects and with none of the holding back (in storyline or in the portrayal of the characters) that were slightly limiting to the first X-Men movie. Even better was the clear signs to fans of the whole X-Men mythos that Jean Grey will be back as the Phoenix in the next movie, something that should make X-Men 3 simply un-fucking-believable.

I took Chris and Heather to the video store after that, and they rented the first video of the second season of Queer as Folk, but I decided to head back to Toledo. I had a great day, though - a very full, very wonderful day.

~~Posted~~ Written at 11"21 PM

May 9, 2003

I started studying for the GRE today. Well, studying is a bad term for it ... more like reviewing what sort of stuff will be covered. Now, realistically I should be studying, because my happy little review today showed me that while I'm doing pretty well for my langauage and math skills, I'm still a bit out of place with this. Take the math section for example; I'm great with math, and I did great remembering all sorts of stuff in the review, but I don't have the instant retrieval of formulas and stuff for algebra and even some bits of geometry that I should. Give me time, sure, I was doing great going over things with a bit of deliberation, but I get only a small amount of time to answer each question, and I need to try to answer everything.

So now I'm more concerned than before - and I was already lacking confidence and worrying before this. Now I wonder if I should delay the test. I've made arrangements for Tuesday morning, but I'm beginning (rapidly) to think that I should review this stuff more before I take the test. Heck, they're expecting people to have learned all of this stuff two to five years in their past, while they were in high school. That's all well and fine, but I've been out of high school for 18 years. Sure, I have good retention and I do in fact know this stuff pretty well, but, as I said before, it's a matter of how fast I can bring everything to mind.

Part of me just wants to get this over with, but another part is fucking scared out of my mind with inadequacy. I guess this isn't so much different than so many other things with me. But I just can't shake the feeling that I'm not up to this.

Posted at 8:58 PM

May 8, 2003

Okay. So I washed the car yesterday as one of many errands. It was simply gleaming, inside and out, washed, waxed, and polished to an almost glowing state. I was detailing parts people will never even see.

So before I drove down to BG to join my friends for out get-together (that I mentioned yesterday), it rained (of course). And it rained on and off all the way on the drive to BG, and it rained almost constantly while I was at the apartment in BG. It's my own fault; I didn't pay close enough attention to the weather on the news report, but that's okay. The car was still much cleaner and shinier than it had been.

But then I walked out to the car today to drive to BG for my final project, the group presentation. Sometime between my return from BG after 2 AM last night and my walk to the car this morning just minutes before Noon, an unknown number of birds managed to ... mmm ... make "deposits" on my car - 11 of them. In just 10 hours, 11 droppings were bombed onto my otherwise shiny car, and I wasn't even parked close to trees or buildings or anything; I was right in the center of the parking lot at the Arts Center, right in the same spot I usually use to park.

I don't get it. The car was dirty for months and not a single bird dropped a single bomb, yet the day after I wash the car to perfection, it get's bombed all over the place. It's not pretty, I can tell you.

Posted at 10:017 PM

May 7, 2003

After a crazy busy day of errands, I got together at Heather and Chris' apartment for our final get-together before graduation. It was just me, Chris, Heather, Eric, Laura, and Kristina, the last four of us graduating on Saturday and then moving on to different futures well away from Bowling Green (well, except Laura; she'll be staying at BGSU for grad school, teaching, and (hopefully) spending some time with me during the school year.

I had a few graduation gifts for everyone, and that was nice for me, enjoying everyone's reactions (I got each person a joke gift and then later gave them real gifts). Heather fixed us a wonderful dinner, and we had a super-rich cake. We talked about all sorts of things, too, and it was really a great evening. It passed by very quickly, and I wish it could have lasted longer, but Eric and Heather still had work to do on their thesis, and they were planning on working through the night to finish. All of us still had one or more projects or exams left before exam week was over, so we couldn't quite celebrate the end-of-semester relief, but we all knew we were close; it's a good feeling.

I also made a stop by Eric's apartment after I left Heather and Chris, and he and I had a really good person-to-person talk. Eric has rapidly won me over as a friend this year, and I feel like I'm only just getting to know him and he's going to be moving in just a few weeks. So having a serious talk helped me to understand him better and let me feel closer to him; it was quite rewarding. And Sarah called while I was there, so I got to talk to her for a few minutes. She has finished all of her exams and projects, but she's sick, so she will be driving back to Bowling Green tomorrow if she feel up to it. One way or another, I'll get to see her on Saturday when we all go to watch our friends graduate. I'm getting so anxious to see everybody get their diplomas! just a couple more days.

Posted at 2:38 AM

May 6, 2003

Can you believe this shit? Only this week and next week left in the whole series of Buffy The Vampire Slayer and the fucking UPN network in Detroit runs a fucking Pistons game instead! And they never have a second day that they broadcast the fucking new episodes! I'm so pissed off.

If it wasn't for the fact that I've been able to drool over super gorgeous hottie Tom Welling on Smallville, I'd be really bent out of shape. As it is, I'm still miffed, but I've been able to keep myself pleasantly distracted for long enough to cool down.

Now I'm going to watch 24 from tape (since it runs at the same time as Smallville). That will also help me get over Buffy: the lost episode ... sort of.

Posted at 10:02 PM

May 5, 2003

Mayday! Mayday!

No, nothing's wrong. It's just May Day - or Cinco de Mayo, if you prefer. There's nothing inherently important about that, but today marks the first update to this website in a while, so what the heck; It's something.

I didn't do anything earth-shattering in the update, but all of the links work now (which is an improvement when a dozen links have changed since the last update). I also updated info on the Bio page and a few of the detailed Link listing pages. I updated a couple of poems and a couple of stories based on some revisions I liked in my workshops this past semester. There should be some more poetry and stories to come out of my workshops, but I still have to screw around with them more before they get posted. So, sadly, there's not really much that's specifically new to the site. Sorry if that's disappointing, but that's life; it's often disappointing.

On a more upbeat note, though, I'm rapidly nearing the point of having had 10,000 different people visit my website. That's very cool, even as small as that number is compared to a lot of other sites on the web. It's not like I advertise or anything, so every new reader of the site is a special addition to theDreamworld. And seeing as a good number of people come back after that first visit, I'm even happier. I never expected this site to become some huge success or anything, but it makes a difference to know that I'm not just posting to this site for myself. I've even started some friendships with people who've read the site and contacted me. That's been a great reward in itself.

So hopefully the update today makes a bit of a difference, as limited as it is. Enjoy what theDreamworld has to offer, and feel free to e.mail me.

Posted at 4:56 PM

May 4, 2003

Funniest moment of the day:

Al Sharpton, speaking during the early Democratic Presidential Debate, said that George W. Bush's tax cuts, particularly for the average wage earners who will receive nominal amounts in tax relief, "It's like getting Kool-Aid from Jim Jones - it tastes great, but it'll kill ya."

From what I've seen of the debates through clips on various news programs, all of the Democratic candidates are enjoying this less-stressed, early start of discussing issues. There was a lot of playfulness and even joking between the opponents, and they were all very polite, even when they were strenuously opposed to somebody else's position. And best of all, they're keeping in mind that the true opponent is George W. Bush, and they are focused on making a decided front against him. And that's as it should be.

Posted at 10:36 PM

May 3, 2003

I had the best of intentions, really. I was going to clean and do various tasks I've been putting off, and organize, and ... all sorts of stuff. I really was. With all but the presentation left, I'm set for the semester's demands, and I wanted to get a bunch of stuff knocked out of the way that I've been putting off. That was the plan anyway.

But then I was sitting around eating lunch, after having a great morning of watching cartoons, surfing the net, and reading new chapters from online stories. I was relaxed, I was at peace, and part of me just thought - "What's the rush. It'll all still bee there tomorrow." So being the expert procrastinator that I am, I immediately put off anything remotely like work.

I finished up a game of Civilization III that I had started at the beginning of the semester. Kind of crazy to just finish one run-through of a game like that after five months, but it's not like I've been playing it constantly. I had played a good while right before school and even a bit the first week of classes, but then I only got back to it maybe twice over the course of the semester. But I finished it - and I rule! I got possibly my best score ever on the game after having been forced into retirement. Not bad.

And I could have left my play and procrastination at that, but how could I look the other procrastinators in the eye if that's all the further I took it? (even though it did take me about six hours to finish that game of CIv.). No, that would have been far too responsible for the first day after the end of classes. So I fired up Dungeon Siege, the new game that I just received. I had preordered it a few weeks ago, knowing that it was due to be released during the last week of classes, and I thought that it would be a nice treat for myself - a reward for not going insane (hey, I deserve it!). So I have played this game for about six hours, and I have to say that I have terribly mixed feelings about it. The interface is kind of crude and awkward, but the ability to have a full scope of view in every direction (360 degrees around and up and down - every possible axis) is quite cool. And the gameplay is okay - the monsters get tough, but you just have to learn patience and the proper way to attack each monster. But then again, I feel like I'm playing a console game, and while there's nothing wrong with that, I'd be playing on a console (which would have a more appropriate controller than the keyboard) if that's what I wanted to play. I like the fantasy/D&D/hack-n-slash sort of game, but I like a bit of thinking and storyline to go along with it - that's why I like RPGs for the computer - they fulfill that (well, most of the time). And while this is entertaining and even keeps my attention, it's not what I had hoped it would be. So I don't know hoe to feel about it yet. Fortunately, I have probably about a hundred more hours of gameplay to make a final evaluation, so we'll see.

I may not have gotten anything accomplished today, but I feel a lot more relaxed; hell, that should have been the first thing on my to-do list.

Posted at 1:12 AM

May 2, 2003

Yes! My independent tutorial was approved for the Fall, so I now have a much more bearable schedule that will allow me to spend more time with my grandmother. I'm amazed at how quickly they okayed everything, but I'm not going to argue.

I also put together a letter of introduction and a writing sample for the professor that's running my Fiction Workshop next semester. Yes, you read that right - next semester. She e.mailed the whole class that has registered and has insisted upon a writing sample and a background from each of us by the end of this semester so that she "knows us" a bit in the fall. Nevermind the fact that she sent out this e.mail just as everyone's final projects came due. I'm still not sure what to make of this - she may not fully have touch with reality or she might just simply be an evil bitch. It's really too early to tell, but hopefully she's not evil. I'm just not up for fighting evil in the fall, really.

Today was the last day of classes, and while I still have my group presentation during exam week, I'm otherwise done. It's a very liberating feeling, and I've been happily doing a bunch of stuff that I've been putting off all semester. I'll probably be doing various errands and tasks for the next week or so to catch up with everything I've put off, but getting all of these things done usually really gives me a lot of contentment. I'm looking forward to this next week or so; it'll be fun.

Posted at 11:35 PM

May 1, 2003

Mmmm ... chocolate cake ... <drool>

Heather made and shared a wonderful chocolate cake and brought it to Big Boy tonight for our get-together (rather funny considering just about nobody even ordered anything, we just ate the cake). Outside of giving us all a sugar high, Heather made the cake to help us all celebrate the impending graduation of four of our fold. Eric, Laura, and Heather are getting more and more excited as the last days tick by (Kristina likely feels the same way, but she was busy working on her thesis and couldn't join us this evening). It was probably the most happy we've all been at any point all semester - there's just so much less lasting stress around to bother us. Now don't get me wrong - Eric is getting flack from his parents rather than the accolades he deserves for graduating. I begin to wonder if it's a prerequisite of being parents that they absolutely have to make you miserable if you don't do everything they tell you to do and become exactly what they had thought you should be from the moment you were born. Obviously it would be too hard to support your child in how they live their lives.

Beyond that, we talked about getting together for graduation and for various things over the summer. Chris is going to attend an international art exhibition in Chicago next week, and I was tempted to ask to go with him, but I held my tongue. Laura is pissed off at her thesis advisor because he's being an ass (and he really is. It sucks for Laura, but it's a little too late to do anything about it now). And Heather is still stuck on the idea of getting me a kitten when I move in with my grandmother. It's all good, though. We all supported each other in our own problems, and we all left pretty happy. Heather and Laura were going to help each other with their theses, and Eric and Chris were going to watch a movie. It was a simple end to a fine evening.

Posted at 11:17 PM