| home
| archives
| bio | stories
| poetry |
links | guestbook
| message board March 2006
My ears were doing that weird thing today where they get muffled or "opened", like when your ears muffle and you need to make them "pop" when you ascend in an airplane. I, however, wasn't in an airplane but simply driving to Toledo, yawning a few times. My left ear has been slightly muffled for a week due to this cold, and I have assumed that when it "popped" would be a sign that my cold might be on the way out. That happened today, but my ear 'opened up' too much, somehow making every word I said echo in my head. That really wasn't any better than the muffled aspect, and it took me a half hour to figure out that holding my nose and then blowing my nose would sort of 'reset' the air pressure balance. That, fortunately, fixed the internal echoing, but brought back the slightly muffled hearing. Later in the day, however, I actually had fully clear hearing for the first time in a week, and that was nice. Outside of my weird hearing malfunctions, I was spending time visiting Steffen and Steve and Mark at Steffen's house, playing some D&D but mostly just talking today. I had bought a big birthday cookie (like 12" with frosting) for Mark since his birthday is tomorrow, and we had some of that. Mark had to leave early, at about 9:30, because of an unexpected problem, but we had a good time. Steve and I talked with Steffen for another hour in the house, and then Steve and I talked outside for another hour before heading out. Strangely, after getting a decent amount of sleep last night and after having done nothing very exerting during the day, I'm tired now, but not mentally tired. I'm getting that a lot lately, and going to sleep is becoming almost a challenge. But, eventually, I'm sure I'll sleep. My body certainly likes the idea, even if my mind doesn't.
It amazes me that bigoted groups are jumping up and down, waiting to wave their flags and scream their messages and promote their hate, but they do everything they can to stop any gay-supportive group or individual from speaking, even simply about their experiences from bullying or such. What the hell are these people afraid will be said? Are they afraid that logic will prevail, screwing any chance they have at promoting their bigoted way of life? Have these people not heard of the First Amendment? I can't believe that one incident after another keeps occurring like this.
Posted at 12:29 AM
You'd think I could at least have something interesting or entertaining to watch on TV while I'm trying to take it easy to overcome my cold. You'd think that ... but, well, that's obviously not going to happen. Posted at 10:39 PM
Kentucky has now made it illegal to stage protests at the funerals of military personnel, something that a number of the more bone-headed, hateful conservative evangelical fundamentalists have been doing for the last year or so. Other states have been debating similar legislation as well. While I do support what is being accomplished by such laws, I am quite agitated that these laws are as limited in scope and as overdue as they are. These same idiotic evangelical protestors have been doing this same thing at the funerals of gay people for over a decade. It's only recently that they have added fallen soldiers to their protests, claiming that America supports homosexuality and therefore these servicemen, who support America, are supporting homosexuality - I know, it doesn't really make any sense. The bottom line for me, though, and the reason that this aggravates me, is that there have been veritablyno legislation or political debate about banning protestors from the funerals of gay people. Even now, when the issue still largely revolves around protests concerning homosexuality, the only funerals that are protected from protesters are the ones involving deceased servicemen and servicewomen. As I mentioned earlier, these funerals should indeed be free of protesters who would further upset family and friends who already had a great loss to deal with, but there is no justice to establish such protections for service personnel and not for everyone. The fact that gay men and lesbians aren't even allowed to join the military, and thereby have such peace at their funerals, is even more of a sign of the segregated world that is being created, where straight people get preferential treatment and gay people are sent to the back of the bus. There is no defense of this at all. It is simple bigotry through and through. We deserve our dignity and our peace and our privacy just as much as anyone. These new laws, unfortunately, goo-d-intentioned as they may have been, are travesties of justice, and we must raise our voices in protest, asking for more. Here is an article about the issue.
Posted at 12:31 AM
Oh no! The anti-gay marriage amendment that voters passed in Ohio is hurting unmarried straight people, too! Am I supposed to be troubled by that? Well, strangely, I am. You see the law that Ohio passed banned any recognition of any legal status for unmarried people (who must be a man and a woman). The conservatives loved that one because it not only made a state constitutional amendment that banned gay marriage, but it also banned gay civil unions. Now, (as seen in this article from 365Gay, or this in the Akron Beacon-Journal or this in the Columbus Dispatch) judges in Ohio, backed by the state appellate court, are interpreting that constitutional amendment to the letter, and that means that domestic violence between any non-married people, gay or straight, is not punishable by law since there is no legal recognition of the couple. That bothers me because there should never be anything that keeps domestic violence from being stopped and even being prosecuted. I'll admit, I really want to laugh and laugh and laugh at the conservative jackasses who kicked themselves in their asses along with the gay people they gave the boot to ... but it's hard to be joyous when the fallout means that some battered man or woman is left to fend for themselves and just "suck it up" and suffer alone. It's not fair in a way. I really do want to celebrate this as a minor victory for gay rights but I can't. The whole situation just stinks.
Posted at 8:54 PM
The cold continues unabated - full-strength even. Nonetheless, I have had a good day. I got up at 9 AM (which is the earliest I've awoken in two weeks, largely because I can't get to sleep until 4 AM most nights). I got all washed up and shaved and such and headed straight to Steffen's place in Perrysburg for a day of gaming with Steffen, Mark, and Steve in Mark's new D&D campaign. The gaming session, while fun and interesting, played out somewhat slowly today. Mark had been away at a convention/get-together in Indianapolis and had just driven back this morning, so he was a bit tired as the day progressed. We got started a bit late, just hanging out and chatting, and that sort of set the tone for the day. That was cool with me. Honestly, I get as much or more out of the socializing and joking we do as I get from the gaming itself, so I was happy. We had a lot of fun, though, and the Chinese food we got for lunch was excellent, so I count it all as quite a good day. Mark was fading as we got into the evening hours, so we wrapped things up early. Considering the minimal sleep that Mark had gotten all weekend, compounded by the six-hour drive back from Indy, plus the fact that Mark usually doesn't wake up until 4 PM since he always works third shift, and it was no surprise to me that he was exhausted by 9 PM. I'm surprised he was as energetic as he had been all day. So after chatting a bit more outside Steffen's house, just me and Mark and Steve, we finally all pulled out just after 10, and I got back to Sandusky by 11:30 PM, probably the earliest I've been back after any of our days of gaming. I'm tired myself, having woken up at 9AM after getting rather used to waking a couple or more hours later than that, and I'm fading fast. It was, however, a very good day, and after having this cold for two weeks, I'm all for those.
I really have to stop getting crushes on cute animated characters. It's beyond flaky and beyond desperate. Posted at 11:04 PM
As Dr. Smith would say (in Lost in Space), "the pain. The pain." Unlike Dr. Smith, I'm not a hypochondriac. This sinus headache is really quite horrible. Posted at 10:40 PM
Isn't this cold supposed to get better - you know, kind of go away and shit?My sinuses, today, have been filling and draining all day, and the headaches that's making is about to kill me. My migraine medicine has no effect, if that gives you any indication. Add to that the spontaneous coughing jags I have randomly throughout the day (and throughout the night - it makes for a particularly unpleasant way to be woken up) - and I'll tell you, I feel completely like hell. I keep pulling this one muscle in my back, too, and that's simply not helping anything. This is like the birthday gift that keeps giving - the birthday gift you never asked for and never wanted but were forced to accept anyhow, even though you and everyone else knew that it wasn't something you wanted. And of course, it's one of those presents that can't be taken back either, so you're stuck with it. Isn't that just always the way with that shit? Posted at 12:18 AM
Irregular sleep, lungs and throat clogged with phlegm, alternately filling and draining sinuses, tiredness, aches and stiffness, infrequent but notable dizziness, and constant headaches - yes, Virginia, there is a Common Cold. I have to admit that I'm simply not used to this. For me having a cold typically means that I have a runny nose or a stuffy nose or a persistent cough, all of which lasts a week or so, really just enough to annoy me but nothing more, and I invariably throw a cold off without much real effort at all. This cold, however, has taken full hold and is providing all of the symptoms other people always complain about. Maybe I shouldn't even complain, considering I've had it so good for all of my life, but having a full-blown cold is really proving problematic. I'm honestly wondering how long all of this is going to last. It's certainly making it almost impossible to do anything during the day, and there are indeed things I want and need to do. That food poisoning that I got two weeks ago is still my prime suspect for all of this. I had one of my typical, mild, easily-forgotten colds leading up to that, and then for two days or so I was completely fucked up by that food poisoning. I'm quite certain that my body was putting so much energy into fighting the food poisoning that the cold was left unchecked. Without my immune system fighting its usual good fight, the cold was left to multiply and grow stronger, and now I'm stuck with a full-blown cold, something I can't remember ever having since I was a little kid. I never really cared about colds that much since they've never been much of a bother, but the last week and a half has grown progressively more tiring and ... well, I'm just sick of this. Surely it must seem ridiculous that I'm making such a big deal of this in my Journal - Certainly I've never made more than a passing comment about a cold in here before - but it I keep writing about this because it is a big deal. This bad of a cold is completely unusual for me, something I haven't had in 25 or 30 years, so yes, it is a big, big deal to me. Hopefully, though, it's a big deal that's on its way out the door. Sometime soon would be nice. Posted at 11:42 PM
My life is so boring and pointless - what can I write in this Journal that will be of any interest to anyone. Even someone who's a shut-in with no friends must surely lead more interesting lives than me. It wasn't always this way. There was a time when I regularly had amusing anecdotes to share and interesting conversations to relate. My complete lack of any sort of social life - what I have descended to since I moved to Sandusky - is miserable enough for me, but I can't even imagine what it means to anyone who used to (or <shock!>, still) read my Journal. If it's any consolation to you, it's just possibly even more boring and uninteresting for me than what my Journal entries suggest. It's like being undead, your only hope being the promise that some day in the future you'll be taken to the mall for a free-for-all rampage at an all-you-can-eat brain buffet. Damn, I take it back. The undead definitely have a more interesting and exciting life than I do. Posted at 1:05 AM
The first day of Spring should herald better than temperatures in the 30s. It should offer clear skies and sunshine. It should suggest an end to winter. While there are indeed the beginnings of many flowers breaking out from the earth, there is not a whole lot to suggest that Spring is truly here - or even nearby. It could just be my depressed, cynical view of things, but Spring still seems pretty damn far off. Having just aged another year, I'm not looking at much of anything with a positive view, but even with my skewed perspective I don't feel at all wrong about this assessment of a dismal start to Spring. Hopefully Spring is on its way. The weather forecasts for the next ten days make clear that Spring is still a ways off, but the sooner it arrives the better. The winter 'blahs' are killing me here, and I need the joyful fresh air and sunshine of Spring. It can't come too soon. Posted at 1:05 AM
Happy birthday to me (or at least not dismal, depressing birthday to me, in any case). SO today I'm thirty-nine. Does that suck or what? To top it off, I have this fucked up cold, I feel tired all of the time, I can't sleep through a full night without waking up multiple times, I'm depressed to one degree or another far too often, I have no love life, I have pretty much no hope left, and I hate my very existence. I'm certain that things could be worse than they are, but they could also be far, far better. As I looked at my current life situation, it clearly sucks and has no real prospects for the future. Had that been it for the day, I would have been really miserable. But I got a call from Chris in Korea that cheered me up a lot, and then I had a call from my grandma from her vacation with my mom, and then I had a call from my sister and niece and nephew. All of that actually lifted my spirits a good deal, and I'm glad it did. I pretty much dread my birthdays anymore because nothing about getting older is at all pleasing to me, and each additional year honestly just adds mo0re misery to the pile. So thanks for the calls everybody. They were the best presents I could have received. Posted at 1:31 AM
This cold has to go. I'm sick of being sick, and I have better ways to spend my time. Posted at 12:01 AM
I'm part Irish, a bit more than 40%, and I have always appreciated my Irish heritage and the Irish people. As a result, St. Patrick's Day has always held a special place in my heart, a day to celebrate and re-appreciate Irish culture. Because St. Patrick's Day has such a special meaning for me, it is even more aggravating to me that the chairman of the annual St. Patrick's Day parade in New York has told the world, via the media, that he considers gay people to be comparable to Nazis, Ku Klux Klan members, and prostitutes. I am outraged. Of all white European peoples, the Irish should be the last to discriminate. After centuries of being portrayed as heathens and savages, treated as worse than enslaved blacks when the Irish were first coming to America, you might think all Irish would be sympathetic to those who are discriminated against without cause. For a people who had to fight against the ideological views of a dominant society that was different than theirs (England), you might expect the Irish to understand what it means to be told that your way of life is invalid and unacceptable. You might think those things, and hopefully you'd be right regarding most Irish - but not with a very visible, very vocal idiot who speaks with some authority for all of the Irish in America. It's a disgusting thing. If anyone should be compared to Nazis and Klan members, Mr. Dunleavy, it should be people of your ilk. Let's keep in mind that the Nazis and the Klan both gleefully rounded up and killed homosexuals because they felt that they were better than anyone else. It's people of your ilk who to this day, to this very moment, harass, beat, and kill gay people because they think they are superior and better. You, Mr. Dunleavy, are behaving exactly like the British who subjugated your people and fought against your independence, freedom, and self-respect for centuries. You, sir, are no better than those oppressors or your ancestors. You are worse, in fact, because the British at least can make the claim that they were trying to unite all of the British isles under one governing country. You, sir, have only the argument that you think homosexuality is wrong or sinful. You are certainly not unifying anyone, and you are attacking people who have done nothing to you, people who in fact want to celebrate their Irish heritage just as much as you, honoring the beauty and history of the Emerald Isle in a way that you obviously could never understand. You sicken me, Mr. Dunleavy. I only hope that Irish-Americans and Irish nationals around the world heap scorn upon you for your bigotry. I am sure that most people of Irish heritage are not so asinine as you.
This damn cold just won't give up. I know Phlegm on a first name basis, and he clearly won't take a hint when I tell him he's overstayed his welcome. That really sticks in my throat, literally, and the gall of it just about makes me choke. Enough already; just go. Posted at 1:02 AM
I got a new cell phone yesterday, a Motorola RAZR V3c. I've been getting notices my e.mail for months from Verizon, my carrier, trying to entice me into a new plan. I've been off-plan for about nine months, my first two-year contract having expired prior to that, and Verizon clearly wanted to have that negotiated contract that locks you in for one or two more years. I can't really blame them with how cut-throat the cell phone industry is, but I've honestly been very pleased with Verizon and have had absolutely no interest in changing to somebody else. Because of that, and because nothing they were offering piqued my interest, I've blown them off for a while. Last week, though, they sent me a text message on my phone, offering me a free RAZR phone if I committed to a new contract. I decided that it wouldn't hurt to look. Honestly, my old cell phone, an LG 4400, has been very solid, reliable, and usable. It was one of the last phones to come out just before cell phones started coming with cameras, and it does have a color screen, but it's a bit bulky compared to the slim RAZR, and it is starting to show its age technologically compared to what's out now. The RAZR has interested me since it first came out. I've always liked Motorola (in fact I wanted my first cell phone to be a Motorola, but the two models that Verizon had at the time were clunky and ugly, so I gave them a big thumbs down). I went to my local Verizon store thinking that getting the RAZR for free (actually for $50 but with a $50 rebate) wouldn't be a bad idea. It would give me a slimmer, more advanced phone but would also leave me with a backup phone (my LG) in case something happened, a little peace-of-mind that I don't have right now. As it turned out, updating my plan was worth it, too. Even just staying at the same monthly rate, by signing up for a new contract gave me 50 more monthly prime-time minutes than before (now a full 450 minutes per month), and also improved things from 1000 In-network calling minutes to Unlimited In-network minutes (which works very well since a lot of my friends and family that I talk to often are also on Verizon, meaning that I can call them anytime without penalty). The rest of the plan stays the same, but considering I've been pleased with the plan I had before, I don't see any problems. The new phone itself, the RAZR, is truly a thing of beauty. It is elegant and sleek, well-designed, firmly constructed, and easy to use. The guys at the Verizon store transferred all of my contacts and numbers from my old phone into the new one, so setting up the new phone was like nothing at all. The quality seems great, the volume is slightly better, and I now have a speakerphone if I want to use it (in addition to a camera and a calculator, neither of which I imagine I'll use very much, but are nice features for the rare moment they would come in handy). So I'm pleased. I'm doing some experiments with battery life on the new phone, but I should actually get even longer life on this phone than with the old one, and the old one lasted for a long, long time before needing to be recharged. I'm tinkering with ringtones to see what feels right. That seems to be the most time-consuming aspect of this whole change of phones. It's fun, though, and heck, it didn't cost me a thing. Posted at 12:17 AM
I have said before, both in this Jounral and upon various occasions with friends and family, that I have had little doubt in my mind that the Bush-Cheney-Rumsfeld coalition knew much, much more about the plans for 9/11 than they have ever come close to admitting. At a minimum, I feel that they knew what was coming but turned a deaf ear and looked the other way. At the most, however, I find it very easy to believe that they were intimately involved with the whole situation, perhaps even engineering some or all of it for their own ends. I've gone back and forth on how minor or how major their involvement was, but I am convinced that they were involved at some level. There's simply too much that shows them to be culpable - and I was even saying things like this on the day of 9/11, because there was just too much going on that just didn't add up. For all of my boisterous opinions, however, I never followed up and did any research into any of this, and politicians, the press, and everyone else backed off of even thinking about asking any questions that would provider some answers, all because everyone came quickly to realize that any comments at all other than sympathy for the victims and vitriol for all terrorists was going to be met by the claims that the person posing such questions was un-American, unpatriotic, and just plain sick. This video investigation, however, shows that while I didn't do my homework and research the inconsistencies and oddities of everything leading up to and including that fateful day, someone has. The data raises a lot of questions, but it also makes clear that, at least to some extent, things aren't completely the way we've been told they are. I only hope that when the Democrats regain control of Congress and/or the White House, even if that's a century from now, that they will do the proper research regarding all of this and then tell us the unvarnished truth of the whole matter. I have little doubt that any politician, even from the opposition party, will worry that such revelations will tarnish the reputation of the U.S. government and shake the public trust, but I think that is precisely the reason that the public should be told. If it could happen once it could happen again, and the people are the guardians who will assure that their government behaves responsibly, but they must know the dangers that can and do exist. Posted at 1:56 AM
Oh no! Where are the children going to get their hands on some salty chocolate balls now? Won't somebody please think of the children? Posted at 1:10 AM
I honestly wonder how many people who claim to be Christian have read the Bible. I really wonder how many Christian fundamentalists have actually read the Bible - not just a passage here and a passage there. How many have read it, thought about it, and absorbed it, really thought about what it all meant and decided how they felt about that. The problem with most Christians is that they don't read the damned thing, and yet they lay their whole faith and ideology upon what they think is in there, usually spouted from to them from someone who has their own agenda in mind and wants to create a specific influence. Every time I come face-to-face with someone who starts quoting the Bible regarding something, usually their feelings about homosexuality, I rapidly find that they haven't even read the passages they're trying to claim are appropriate to the situation. Such ignorance should be a sin above all others, I should think, but the best anyone can do is be well-read and thereby well armed, able to explain that most of what these people believe has no basis at all - or if it does, and they demand a strict, literal interpretation of the Bible, then they really need to look more closely at all of the other things they'd better be concerned about. Leonard Pitts, the syndicated columnist for the Miami Herald (as his primary but not only paper), apparently agrees with me. Here's his latest.
Posted at 11:32 PM
I'm still out of sorts today. I'm still very down, saddened by thinking of Ken's death and severely disappointed in myself for missing the day I should have thought of him most. I'm still also very tired (although not being able to get to sleep until after 4 AM this morning may have contributed to that), and my stomach os still not quite back up to full strength (it's still a little ... tender doesn't really describe it, but let's say temperamental. I'm also building up a great deal of gas in my digestive system, likely from some leftover bacteria that are still in my system after the food poisoning. Whatever it is, I don't care for it one bit). For all of my feeling out of it today, I did accomplish all of the little tasks that I wanted done around the house. So at least I feel like the day wasn't a total loss. Yesterday's status is still up in the air, as far as I'm concerned. As I mentioned yesterday, realizing I'd missed the anniversary of Ken's death fucked me up pretty bad. I cried on my way to Bowling Green. I cried on my way from there to Toledo. I cried as I drove around Toledo to complete the couple of tasks I had to get done, and I cried for about 20 minutes while I was parked at Steffen's house waiting for people to show up (I was early). I managed to pull myself together by the time I went inside, and I give a lot of credit to Mark, Steffen, and Steve for distracting me enough and being good enough friends that they made me feel better for the whole time I was there, even though they had no idea that they were doing anything special for me. Strangely, the fact that our D&D characters were in close combat with a troll for almost every minute of our gaming session was just what I needed. It kept my attention focused elsewhere and let me enjoy the camaraderie and joking of my friends. By the time I drove back to Sandusky, after 1 AM, I was much more relaxed and all. The time to think during my drive might have given me a chance to think too much and sink back into the depression I'd been in earlier, but an incredibly heavy fog had developed all over northwestern Ohio, and I had to put all of my concentration into simply driving to see where I was driving and keep going safely. I was having to slow down to 35 or 40 MPH on the highway because I could barely see 20' or 30' in front of the car before completely losing any visibility whatsoever. It was about 3 AM when I got back, and it took me an hour of surfing the net to wind down and go to sleep, even though I was simply dead tired. I was certainly doing better today than I was yesterday in a lot of ways, but I still feel like hell, and I know that things have to change. I can't keep going where I'm tired and achy and sad every day. I need to beat this cold and I need to beat, at least to some extent, my depression. Living like this isn't living, and I'm not even sure it's as good as being undead. Something has to change.
I've been thinking about Ken over the past couple of weeks, and it hit me today that the anniversary of his death was Tuesday - and I missed it. It hit me all at once. I was thinking about Ken and the first time I'd ever seen him. Thinking about the times we'd shared together and how much he meant to me. And then I remembered his memorial service, and it hit me at once that I'd forgotten to honor his memory on the day he died. I felt like ... feel like such a horrible ass for not remembering. I was driving to Bowling Green at the time, and I couldn't stop crying for the next hour. I miss him so much, but it was even worse than that. I forgot. I forgot that terrible day. I forgot the event that changed everything about my life from then on. I forgot the one person I've loved more than anyone else. And not only did I forget, but I failed to honor his memory on that day, something I've done every year since. There's no excuse for forgetting, none that I can ever justify. I don't have much of a purpose in life anymore, with the possible exception of making sure my grandma is comfortable and well-cared-for in her golden years. The one thing I've felt that meant something in my life was keeping Ken's memory alive in my heart and loving him for who he was and who he should have been. And I forgot him. Just like he meant nothing, I forgot him, and ... I forgot him. I'm sorry, Ken. I love you so much, and I miss you, and I'd give anything to have you back. I'm sorry I forgot. I'm sorry. I don't know how to say I'm sorry enough. I love you. I love you so much.
Thankfully the whole stomach nightmare is over. I've been somewhat tired all day, and my stomach was the slightest bit tender at times, but the problems are quite gone. Three cheers for my iron stomach and my excellent white blood cells! Posted at 1:31 AM
I have been in serious pain throughout the day, and while I hope tomorrow is a different situation altogether, I really have no idea what to expect. As some of you may know, if you've been keeping up with my Journal here, I've been fighting off the beginnings of a cold for a week or so. Initially it was a matter of coughing to loosen up the phlegmy buildup in the back of my throat (yum) along with the occasional sneeze. Then over the weekend I was losing my voice to some extent. Yesterday, when I was up early to say goodbye to my grandma, my voice was fine and I had no phleminess - good stuff. I was massively tired, but that made complete sense considering I had gotten less than six hours sleep the night before and not much more than that on any other day during the previous week. I was tremendously tired yesterday, but once the day was rolling I just stayed up. Not long after lunch I started feeling really tired and also a bit bloaty. I attributed it to my tiredness - maybe even the remnants of the cold - and I thought little about it. Come dinner time, though, I had a very unhappy stomach. I wasn't in pain or anything, but my stomach was very upset. I decided that I needed to eat, and I chose a small meal that was, while not bland, nothing that would further upset my stomach. By the time I went to bed my stomach's queasiness still hadn't really changed. I went to sleep hoping that with a full night's sleep I would be fine (and I had every intention of sleeping into the afternoon if that's what it would take. As usual I didn't make it through the night without waking up. I was already up before 4:30, only having dozed off right around 1 AM, and my stomach was clearly far less pleasant company than it had been before. I took a pee, had some water, and lay back down, eventually getting back to sleep, but I woke up three more times, feeling a bit worse each time, until I gave up after 10 AM. Even though my sleep was interrupted and less full than I'd hoped, I still got a fairly decent amount of sleep overall. Unfortunately that led me quickly to realize that lack of sleep wasn't what was responsible for my upset stomach. In fact the very painful stomach pains I was having led me to believe that sleep was far from the issue. Now you have to understand that I don't get sick much. Up until I was 35 I simply never got colds or fevers practically at all (maybe once every four or five years and nothing very significant). In recent years, probably due to something here in Sandusky (which I only guess since I didn't have these problems in Toledo living in a dusty old building with poorly-regulated heating) I've been having to fight off the beginnings of colds - basically spending a week with sinus drainage and a little coughing, without any other symptoms. Of all of the cold and flu symptoms I do ever face, stomach problems are absolutely last on the list I guess I'm lucky that way (although having an iron stomach certainly helps. Because I so rarely have stomach pains, I have had to suspect that I got food poisoning. I'll admit that I wasn't too sure about the potato salad that I bought yesterday, but I was thinking more that it just wasn't very good, not that it was bad. And maybe it's not food poisoning and just the next phase of the cold - I don't know. All I know is that I woke up one time last night sweating like a pig and woke up the next time cold as could be, even though the temperature in the house certainly didn't change. That switch from sweating to being extremely cold has been going on all day, although the cold has been more predominant (which is unusual since I am rarely cold, particularly in the house). The stomach pains have been the really horrible part, though. They started during the morning, just before I finally gave up on trying to sleep, and they've gotten horribly worse during the course of the day. Even now I'm still dealing with them. I've taken TUMS and Maalox, neither of which did anything useful. I had a couple of pieces of toast at lunch, but that did nothing to diminish the stomach acids churning around angrily inside me. I didn't even eat dinner since my stomach is so messed up. The only think that's had any real beneficial effect has been ice water, and mostly I think that the soothing effects from that are merely because of the cold. Once my stomach warms up again it aches. Lucky me. So I'm at a loss as to what to do. WebMD wasn't helpful at all, and after a full day of suffering I have to wonder if this evil stomach-whatever will go away on its own. I certainly hope so. I'm not even sure If I'll be able to sleep with my stomach acting up, but I'll try of course. I certainly hope that another night of sleep (and simply the passage of time) will give my body the chance to resolve this on its own. I hope so. The pain of it all is simply horrible. Posted at 9:54 PM
My mom and grandma left early this morning on their way to the airport and the awaiting state of Florida. I was up and awake to say my goodbyes and make sure my grandma had everything in hand, but being that it was 8 AM I wasn't feeling all that great. I went to sleep just after 1 AM, so one might expect that I'd have had enough sleep, seeing as that's seven hours, however last night, like every night for pretty much as long as I can remember now - certainly for months - I woke up repeatedly during the night, four times last night, and with the amount of time it takes me to get back to sleep each time, that really fucks with my rest. I'd give my left nut to be able to sleep through the night (and it's not like I'm getting a lot of practical use out of my left nut these days anyhow), but uninterrupted sleep continues to elude me. So I was up for the sendoff, and then I could have just gone back to bed. I certainly should have. I'd considered it last night. But ... well, I was quite wide awake by the time they were completely gone, and I just started cleaning and organizing different things in the house and got caught up in taking care of a bunch of things, eventually even going out to run a bunch of errands before even eating anything for the day (1 PM isn't exactly late for lunch, but I also don't usually get up at 8 AM either and go five waking hours without food). Tonight I plan to sleep and sleep and sleep. Ten hours, twelve hours - whatever it takes. I have nothing that I have to do tomorrow, and catching up on sleep is honestly the top priority. Ah, sleep. It's wonderful. Posted at 11:47 PM
I'm on the verge of losing my voice. I'm fighting with a cold (more like squabbling, really), and while I'm not sick to my stomach or sneeezy (or Dopey) or coughing (not too much anyway), I have been having a weird loss of vocal strength, particularly in certain ranges. It's been like this for a few days, today being the worst (although my singing along with my iPod playlist during the drive to Toledo and back would certainly have made people think that yesterday was my worst day). It's more a curiosity than an annoyance or anything. I am wondering, though, if I can finally beat off this few-days-old cold as well as the lasting tiredness I've been feeling, all starting tomorrow when my mom takes my grandma with here to Florida for a visit. I have, potentially, a chance for long, uninterrupted sleep - a glorious prospect. We'll see. Somehow I suspect I'll be so pumped to have the place to myself, tomorrow, that I won't get started on that uninterrupted sleep quite immediately. Posted at 11:44 PM
I had a great time tonight. Mark started his new D&D campaign and Steffen, Steve and I played our characters very well. In fact we got into our first major combat and not only survived (which is sometimes a big hurdle for new low-level characters) but we rocked! There's still more to come, even just around the literal corner from the room our characters are in, but it's been a good start. Next week we should really be in the thick of things and really see how well our characters stand up. In the meantime, I'm massively tired, fighting to keep awake as I type. My idiot neighbor woke me up very early running his snow blower (there's no snow out, by the way - not a flake. He decided to burn off the extra fuel in it at 8 AM). I should be getting used to my asshole neighbor waking me up early, and while I didn't like it, I wasn't hugely bothered by missing a few good hours of sleep until tonight. The drive back from Toledo was enough of an effort to keep awake, but now, with no reason to have to be awake, it's incredibly harder. So with that I think I'll just give up and give in. Sleep wins, and I can accept that. Posted at 1:52 AM
This is fucking awesome! A live-action recreation of the intro to the Simpson's - why didn't I think of doing this myself? Posted at 11:31 PM
Who would have ever though that there would be a good reason for me not to pay down my credit card debts in the largest payments possible? The Bush administration of course! Not that I should be surprised, I suppose, but making a big payment to even one of your credit cards is seen by the Bush administration as a clear sign that you're a terrorist. I suppose that that makes sense, considering no normal person in America during Bush's reign has enough money to do more than barely scrape by, let alone pay off large chunks at a time. And if you have enough money to do so, well, you spend it on something else; you don't pay off your bills! I mean, that would be un-American, right? So, fortunately for me, I don't have to worry about being on some potential-terrorist list because I have absolutely only the remotest chance of paying a large lump sum to any of my credit card debts. Now I just have to worry about pissing somebody off with my online rantings and ravings against der Fuehrer and his right wing party. Of course it's probably too late to worry about that anyhow, right? So what the hell - if I somehow come into some money, maybe I should just go pay those credit cards anyhow. What have I got to lose.
Posted at 8:44 PM
I follow a number of blogs. Some people I know - some that are close friends like Chris or Kristina or Sarah, some that I know of, like Wil Wheaton or Andrew Sullivan, but also just various people from around the country whom I've never met but whose blogs I somehow stumbled upon and liked enough to revisit. One of those is James, a guy in Columbus. I don't agree with him on everything, and we definitely have different tastes in men, but very often we agree on issues regarding philosophies of life. His entry from today is one such example.
Posted at 11:51 PM
For all of you parents out there, I'll say the same thing that my father never understood either - when your kids play sports they're just supposed to have fun - win or lose is less important than doing their best and enjoying themselves. Damn, people, it's just a game! So for all of you idiots that push your kids to exhaustion, yell at and fight the umpires and the coaches, and poison the opposing players, you don't deserve to be parents! You only deserve to be in prison with a big cell mate named Bubba that thinks you're just right fore his games.
Posted at 9:51 PM
Journal, by Paul Cales, © March 2006
|
March 31, 2006
