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July 2007

July 31, 2007

"There's a certain degree to which academia prepares you to write badly," Gleeson said wryly.

I would have to agree. I have to admit, though. this guy's intentionally bad writing isn't markedly worse than a lot of the horrible stuff I had to read and critique in writers' workshops. Sad but true.

Winner: Bad Writing Learned in College

SAN FRANCISCO, California (AP) -- A Wisconsin man whose blend of awkward syntax, imminent disaster and bathroom humor offends both good taste and the English language won an annual contest Monday that salutes bad writing.

Jim Gleeson, 47, of Madison, Wisconsin, beat out thousands of other prose manglers in San Jose State University's 2007 Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest with this convoluted opening sentence to a nonexistent novel:

"Gerald began -- but was interrupted by a piercing whistle which cost him ten percent of his hearing permanently, as it did everyone else in a ten-mile radius of the eruption, not that it mattered much because for them 'permanently' meant the next ten minutes or so until buried by searing lava or suffocated by choking ash -- to pee," Gleeson wrote.

Scott Rice, an English professor at San Jose State, called Gleeson's entry a "syntactic atrocity" that displays "a peculiar set of standards or values." Rice has organized the contest since founding it in 1982. Read excerpts of top entries

Gleeson, who works at a Madison hospital setting up computer networks, said he submitted about 20 entries, and gave a little insight into what it takes to win the bad writing title and its $250 prize.

"It's like you take two thoughts that are not anything like each other and you cram them together by any means necessary," Gleeson said. He claimed he took time off from his current project, a self-help book for slackers entitled "Self-Improvement Through Total Inactivity," to pen his winning entry.

Don't Miss
Excerpts of best of worst writing
Gleeson credited his time in college with preparing him well. "There's a certain degree to which academia prepares you to write badly," Gleeson said wryly.

The contest takes its name from Victorian novelist Edward George Earl Bulwer-Lytton, whose 1830 novel "Paul Clifford" famously begins "It was a dark and stormy night."

Entrants are asked to submit bad opening sentences to imaginary novels. Citations are handed out for several categories, including "dishonorable mention" awards for "purple prose" and "vile puns."

Posted at 9:11 PM

July 30, 2007

I feel like Alice, falling endlessly down the rabbit hole, wondering and fearing whether or not there is a bottom and when I'll hit it. This is not the way to stay sane; no it isn't.

Posted at 1:10 AM

July 29, 2007

Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening

Whose woods these are I think I know,
His house is in the village though.
He will not see me stopping here,
To watch his woods fill up with snow.

My little horse must think it queer,
To stop without a farmhouse near,
Between the woods and frozen lake,
The darkest evening of the year.

He gives his harness bells a shake,
To ask if there is some mistake.
The only other sound's the sweep,
Of easy wind and downy flake.

The woods are lovely, dark and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.

-- Robert Frost

Posted at 9:29 PM

July 28, 2007

Well ... not quite ...

Posted at 9:06 PM

July 27, 2007

Do you believe in miracles?

Posted at 10:40 PM

July 26, 2007

No good deed goes unpunished.

Posted at 10:49 PM

July 25, 2007

Is it not possible - nay probable - that my whole existence is the product of my, or someone else's, imagination.

Posted at 11:30 PM

July 24, 2007

Hope.

Posted at 10:02 PM

July 23, 2007

Anyone working miracles, please contact me.

Posted at 12:02 AM

July 22, 2007

Up and down and up and down and up and down and up and down.

... and those are the good days ...

Posted at 2:19 AM

July 21, 2007

Yardwork will be the death of me (if my sister doesn't have her way first).

Posted at 9:45 PM

July 20, 2007

I'd like to think that this renewed depression is just a short-term thing, but I find myself sinking deeper and deeper as each day passes, and that terrifies me. I've lost what feels like most of the control of my life again, and it feels like I'm about to lose what little I have left at any moment. I haven't reached the point of having such massive anxiety attacks that I feel like I'm going to suffocate yet, and that's probably something for which to be thankful, but the crippling panic and crushing sadness are here, rolling in like the kinds of strong waves that even champion surfers find too powerful to face. I' losing everything, and I can't make it stop. What the hell can I do?

Posted at 12:12 AM

July 19, 2007

There is no such thing as a free lunch.

If it looks too good to be true, it probably is.

The good die young.

... and other cliches ...

Why are these things more true than anything else we were ever taught?

Posted at 12:59 AM

July 18, 2007

Everything of importance, every love, every deeply meaningful friendship, every hope, every passion, every goal ... so much is gone forever ... and still I remain ... and it makes no sense at all, no sense and no justice. So many gone who should certainly be here, certainly more than me. Why?

Posted at 11:06 PM

July 17, 2007

It's like all I can see is the hypno-toad.

Posted at 11:30 PM

July 16, 2007

I've been falling asleep for the last hour, surely due to only getting six to six and a half hours of sleep last night, and I'm barely staying focused enough to type. It's been a very exhausting day, mostly because I started out exhausted, and I'm certainly glad that sleep is only minutes away. Good night.

Posted at 12:02 AM

July 15, 2007

I may not be the best person in the world - and I certainly have my flaws and more than my fair share of idiosyncrasies - but I'm a good person doing my best to do good. In fact while I am constantly critical of myself and overly ready to find flaws and shortcomings, I wouldn't change pretty much anything. I certainly wouldn't change my personality or my attitude or my approach to life just to suit somebody else's ideas of how I should be or who I should be. "I am what I am", as Popeye used to say, and if someone doesn't like that or appreciate that then that's their loss - and they can just get out of my life and get out of my way.

I go to great lengths to be kind and thoughtful and courteous to everyone I meet and interact with, regardless of whether their the attendant at the gas station, a doctor, or my sister. I would certainly like to have the same treatment in return, but I don't expect that because it's just not as common in the real world as would be hoped for - and with the kinds of stresses and troubles peop;le face in this world on a daily basis, it's certainly going to be the case that I will run across someone who's just having a bad day or hates their job or has had some problem crop up that currently occupies their mind and distracts them from being all that they could be.

All of that said, however, my patience only runs so far for taking a lack of courtesy or kindness from anyone, and taking insults and attacks on who I am cease to be a cause for self-reflection and reassessment after three or four reiterations, particularly when the vitriol behind the comments simply can't be excused as anything but hateful. So while I never want to reduce my number of friends of associates, I will not hesitate, after repeated attacks, to simply cut someone out of my life. I certainly won't go back to some store where the employee is repeatedly rude and derisive, and while a friend or family member might be given more leeway and more of my patience, there comes a time when a line is crossed and I simply will not accept a single word more.

I am certainly not perfect, but I will not take the kind of repeated demeaning abuse that I endured as a scared child, not from anyone, and I most certainly won't accept such treatment when it is baseless and irrational. I will spend time to correct misperceptions and I will be patient and forgiving - but only for so long. Nobody deserves to be slandered and derided, and certainly not in their own home and certainly without any basis in reason or fact. I can't see how I'm wrong in feeling this way, and I'm not sure anyone can explain how I should be any more accommodating than I already am. I maintain a good bit of decorum by not descending into the same nastiness I endure, and I don't seek any sort of justice or apology from those who clearly won't admit they have stepped over the line - I will even forgive and try to forget most offenses to the best of my ability - but after a certain point I simply will not put myself in a position to be abused by anyone, and I will not feel any guilt for protecting myself - regardless of who the person is that I have to cut out of my life or what their relationship is to me.

It's ridiculous that I should even find myself in any sort of situation where this sort of problem arises, but sadly it has. Now the guilty parties will just have to learn to live with not being part of my life any more. I certainly know I can.

Posted at 2:49 AM

July 14, 2007

I'm tired, so tired, very much so physically but mentally dead tired as well. I long for endless sleep. Nothing sounds better.

Posted at 10:17 PM

July 13, 2007

Headaches, body aches, fitful sleep, mood swings, tiredness, lack of motivation, anxiety attacks, periods of deepest sadness ... yep - depression's back. Still just as fun. Wheee ....

Posted at 11:45 PM

July 12, 2007

As if my sister's insanity hasn't had me freaked out and depressed enough, my grandma has been quite tired all week, and the kind of tired that leaves her without her wits, unable to remember anything even thirty seconds later, and just completely mentally lost. It makes conversations hopeless, and it makes days like today, with two doctor's appointments, quite strange and very tiring. These moments are, I feel, signs of what the future holds in store as my grandma continues to decline as she gets older, but I'm more than content not to have to face this stuff just yet. Unfortunately, getting her to get proper sleep - thereby recovering her stamina and thereby 'getting her mind back' - is not something that's ever readily accomplished because she simply refuses to nap, go to bed at a decent hour, or sleep past 8 AM.

I tell you, some days I don't know how I keep her healthy at all when she makes it so impossible. All I know is it's a good thing I'm patient.

Posted at 11:35 PM

July 11, 2007

You know, I don't see how anyone, even the original designer, can't see how this building looks incredibly phallic. And I don't really believe that he didn't see how phallic this looks, I just don't think he had the balls to stand behind it. I mean really - look at the photo. There's just no balls there at all.

Posted at 11:49 PM

July 10, 2007

I can't believe that I'm still surprised when things just get worse and worse. It's like the depression limbo - how low can you go?

Posted at 10:51 PM

July 9, 2007

Huh. My mind just can't move.

Posted at 12:12 AM

July 8, 2007

What a waste. All of the progress I've made since late January is almost completely undone, in just about every aspect of my life that had seen improvement. In a mere three weeks the gains of four and a half months have almost entirely disappeared. Why did I even make the effort in the first place? All that struggling and suffering for nothing. What a waste.

Posted at 12:16 AM

July 7, 2007

You never win, old boy. You never, ever win. So why oh why do you try? Why do you try at all?

Posted at 10:35 PM

July 6, 2007

Darkness falls inside,
and while I have tried
to again find peace,
all my hope has died.

Each day I have cried.
I know that she lied,
but the pain won't cease.
I can only hide.

Help me to release
this pain. Be my guide
to change, a new lease
on life. I must confide:
this hurts too much. I'd
do anything ... please.

Posted at 3:17 AM

July 5, 2007

There is power in words, more than people think about most of the time, and much of what we take for granted as simple, everyday words of common parlance are in fact words that subtly shape perceptions and color thinking. Today brought forth two prime examples, as shown in the articles following (1 & 2).

Just like kids that use the words "That's so gay" to mean something is wrong or undesirable but not intending it to be derogatory to gay people (and just as those kids don't look deep enough to understand why gay people might find such a phrase offensive), use of the words "homosexual" in place of 'gay' and "sodomize" in place of 'rape' are also subtle but negative reinforcements of a lingering societal dislike and distaste for gay people.

It starts with things as little as words, my friends. You don't have to think deeply about the meaning of every word you say, but keep in mind how some words do affect people's perceptions, even if their utterance wasn't intended in a negative way. Words do have power, and that power is granted to all of us. Use your powers wisely.

Dear Washington Post, Please Stop Calling Me a "Homosexual"

The Washington Post published a pro-gay editorial today about marriage. And that's great. But they called us "homosexuals" throughout the piece, and that's not great. It's degrading and offensive and archaic.

I've written about this before, and some have disagreed. But I'd argue that those who disagree don't understand the nuance of language or of this particular phrase. Ask any gay person, regardless of whether they agree or disagree that the word "homosexual" is archaic and offensive, whether they use the term "gay" or "homosexual" to described themselves. I.e., "I'm gay" or "I'm a homosexual." Just ask them. Unless they're living under a rock, gay people rarely if ever use the word homosexual. (My gay-friendly straight friends, however, use the term all the time. In the same way that I still hear friends use the word "oriental.")

Why? First, because it's become archaic. Usage changes, and just as Negro and colored changed to black and African-American, just as oriental gave way to Asian, homosexual has become gay. But second, and more importantly, the word homosexual is offensive in the same manner as negro and oriental. Sometimes archaic words sting. In the case of homosexual, I think the main problem is three-fold. First, the clinical nature of the term. It's a scientific word that mildly dehumanizes gay people by suggesting that they have a medical or psychological condition. Second, the words "homo" and "sex." Both words connote something negative, or at least something that shouldn't be spoken out loud, to a lot of Americans. Third, and most importantly, homosexual is the word the religious right uses expressly and uniquely in an effort to dehumanize gays. Anti-gay religious right activists have said publicly that they will not use the word "gay" - rather, they insist on using "homosexual." Why? Because for some reason or another they figure that the word homosexual helps their cause. And while I don't agree with the religious right on many things, their ability to gay-bash swiftly and effectively is unquestioned. If they think the word gay helps us and the word homosexual hurts us, who am I to argue?

Again, I don't mean to opinionated about it, but if you don't hear the negative nuance in the word homosexual, it's either because you're not listening, or more likely, you don't have an ear for language. There's a reason that colored and Negro and oriental weren't offensive terms years ago, yet are today. The nuance of words changes over time. And while gays were once thought to be mentally disturbed - that all changed in 1973 - the language has not changed since that time.

It's time it did.

PS Don't believe me? Read what a communications professional has to say about this. (Actually, I hadn't read his piece until after I wrote mine, but the logic is remarkably similar.) Also, check out this recent editorial in the lead gay newspaper in the US.

And here's the other article:

Why "Sodomize" and Not "Rape"?

I have been waxing confused lately about the use of the term"sodomized" when referring to men who have been raped. It is on m mind because of the recent news that David Ritcheson, a young Mexican-American who was violently raped in 2006, jumped to his death on July 1st from the deck of a cruise ship. Ritcheson was raped with a plastic pole. He required two dozen surgeries to correct the damage done to his body from the violent episode.

Without minimizing the gravity of the loss of this young man, I constantly worry about the use of the term "sodomize" instead of "rape" when men are the victim of sexual assault.

Rape is a horrible thing. Of course it is not about sex, it is about power and control and exerting dominance over someone. It is also about humiliation. The universal way for men to humiliate other men is to call them a queer or treat them like one. Rape is a tool of choice for men in many settings, including prison, to solidify their masculinity and dominance in the pecking order of any social group.

What would possess someone, or a group of people, to rape someone with a pole? It boggles the mind. The violence and savagery in rape is very, very different from sodomy. Sodomy has many definitions but most people understand it to be anal sex. Anal sex is not rape. By two men making love and engaging in anal sex, they are not raping or hurting each other. That is my problem with the double standard for the term "sodomize."

Every time the media or law enforcement uses the term "sodomize" they are really talking about rape. The more we allow that term to be used and seen as a violent act of aggression the more we allow society to define consensual anal sex as some kind of horrible thing that happens to you. Here is my point. Being sodomized can be consensual. Being raped cannot.

Rape can occur orally, anally, vaginally and in many other ways. I think the ambivalence about the use of the term "sodomize" comes from the fact that most people actually believe that being on the receiving end of sodomy must be an unpleasant thing, so folks have acquiesced to the term and they just don't want to talk about it anymore.

I propose that when we talk about sexual assault, we talk about what really happened, and why that behavior is bad. I am not an expert in sexual assault or rape, but I have dealt with enough clients over the years at Triangle Foundation to have some competency on this issue. Rape is a term people understand. Rape has a definition. Rape survivors have a network of therapists, shelters and non-profit agencies to rely on. There is more data, research, evidence and resources for survivors of rape. But my hunch is there is very little in the field of "sodomized."

I also believe there is a double standard based on sex. I believe that when a woman is raped, it is universally classified as rape -- even if she was anally raped. But if a man was anally raped, he was sodomized. What if these survivors and their families don't see being "sodomized" the same as they see rape? If they don't see themselves as the victims of rape, because we are not calling it rape, won't it interfere with the healing process and the effective delivery of competent counseling services? Are we averse to admitting that men get raped, leading us to use a completely different term for what it really is?

In my mind there is little difference between being raped with an object or by a person -- in terms of what word we use. But I do fear that the sole use of the term "sodomize" when referring to anal rape is misleading, harmful and further marginalizes consensual anal sex and gay people as a whole.

Posted at 2:12 AM

July 4, 2007

Bring back the America that was won in the Revolution and which thousands have died defending. End the Bush madness and return our glorious, shining nation.

Posted at 11:34 PM

July 3, 2007

Things are not going at all like I have expected or hoped for the past three weeks, and there's simply nothing good that has come from any of it. Tomorrow was supposed to be my "Independence Day" in a number of ways, and now it looks as though my depression has dominated me once again and screwed all of that up, leaving me far from being in any way 'independent'. I am struggling against the hopelessness and the despondency and the inaction, and I am failing miserably, and each failure makes things even more hopeless and depressing. I've been in this relentless cycle before, but after having broken out of the depression not so long ago, it is truly so much more upsetting to be unable to beat this that it really hurts me more than you can imagine.

Not even four and half months of freedom from depression - that's all I got. Seven years of hell, then a little more than a four month reprieve, and it all gets ripped away once again, and I'm thrown back into the chasm. I was better off five months ago. At least then I had pretty well forgotten that things could be better. Now it is even more crushing to have it all ripped away. All gone in an instant. Never to return.

Posted at 11:53 PM

July 2, 2007

DoomDoomDoomDoomDoom.

Not as funny a phrase in real life ...

Posted at 10:18 PM

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