Journal Archives from theDreamworld ... November 2008

I was woken a bit early today by a phone call from my friend Chris, and I haven't been more happy to be woken early in ages.

Chris and I got to know each other when we were at BGSU a few years ago, and for the past five years he's been abroad in New Zealand (with a little less than a year in the middle of that in Korea). He's back in the states now, in L.A. specifically, with his brother, and he sounds as though he's back for a while.

Few people have the ability to brighten my day and make me happy just by hearing from them or seeing them, but Chris is one of those people. I've missed him these last five years, and I've cherished every phone call. Now he's back, and I can much more easily call him (and mail him things - international postage sucks ass). Come warmer weather he might even venture back to the Midwest to visit the people he knows back here. That would be fantastic, but of course I'm getting ahead of myself. Just the fact that he's back and more readily contactable is wonderful. It's like an early Christmas present.

I was sad for Chris that his visa wasn't renewed for New Zealand and that he had no choice but to return. He has loved his time there, and he's been doing a lot of glass blowing and ceramic work - all of which he had to give away and leave behind when he returned stateside.

Chris has found a good source for clay and has been creating sculptures and such, and he just yesterday found an artist who will allow him to use his kiln to fire Chris's works and thereby finish them off. It's a good start to getting himself going, particularly after just a bit more than a month after returning, and he has a job, too, which is saying a lot in this economy. He has so much more potential, though, and I hope he can get some of his artwork out there for sale. Once he can start doing that he can start making some decent money and hopefully even get to making his art full time.

Whatever he does, he sounds wonderfully happy, and it was fantastic to hear him after such a long time. We won't go as long between calls this time, though, I can assure you. I will not allow it.

Working on an Illustrator creation all day - for about eleven hours, staring at the screen and manipulating teeny, tiny lines - is exhausting. I have serious neck stress and an ugly migraine.

Wheee!!!!

A seasonal worker dies after opening the door for Black Friday early shoppers and being trampled to death by them ... and yet this story is barely visible, and nobody suggests that it's bad to hype people up to camp out overnight for a chance at one of the three super-low priced TVs available per location - nobody even mentions the thought of telling how many of these "great deals" are available per store or about making things less of a madhouse of insane consumers.

Thirty years ago Harvey Milk was assassinated. Thirty years and so little progress toward full equality in America. What is wrong with this country? I should be thankful today, on Thanksgiving, but I'm not.

America, you've failed in your promise to protect every citizen's rights to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.

The last few days have each been tiring, but combined they've been exhausting. Having a bit of a break tomorrow for Thanksgiving will be something to definitely give thanks for. I'm so tired and achy that I really need at least a day to relax. Hopefully tomorrow will be enough because the weekend will be busy and full of heavy lifting. : (

Yesterday was the 45th anniversary of my all-time favorite (or should I say favourite) TV show, Doctor Who. I still love it, both old episodes and new, with a passion that makes me feel giddy. Nothing else in my life (save two specific people) has ever come anywhere close to giving me such pleasure.

Thank you BBC and all of the geniuses who made the show such a wonder. It has changed my life in wonderful ways and given me hope when all else failed me. Thank you. Let's see another 45 - and this time with no hiatus.

I ache. I'm tired. I hope I'm not getting a cold. But I did finally manage to work for a full day in the yard to wrap things up as we head into winter. It didn't even rain or snow on me!

I hate yard work so much it is impossible to fully make you realize. Now I at least have five to six months before Spring makes demands on me again. I almost appreciate shoveling snow by comparison - almost.

Seriously, I either need a time machine or an assistant. There's just no other way to get everything done.

How is it that she can be dressed, made up, coiffed, and ready to go for church by 10:00 AM, but any day she has an afternoon appointment at 2:00 PM she invariably makes us late?

You know, I used to be at my best when I was under deadline, rushed, trying to quickly resolve problems, and dealing with stress. That's one of the things that made me a great manager. Now, with a day like today, I wonder if I'll ever be able to go back to being made of that sterner stuff ever again. I'm just not handing massive stress very well.

But then again, considering I'm not in a paying position, it makes it even more disconcerting. Why have I set myself up for this kind of abuse?

Can you fight an ear infection without antibiotics and win? I'm hoping so, but I'm having my doubts ...

A layer of snow in the middle of November. It was bad enough that it didn't melt on contact as it fell last night, but the fact that it didn't melt off today either, even with mostly sunny skies, is just not at all enjoyable.

I had only about two hours yesterday afternoon before the light failed that I could work on the yard. I'm glad I got done what I did, but the plan had been to work all day today to finish things up. I've been trying to do this on days I haven't had to take my grandma to appointments or take care of my own errands, and every free day I've had it has rained. Now, the first free day in more than a month that didn't have precipitation, there was an inch of snow over everything, making it impossible to rake up leaves better, cut back the roses and other plants, mow the lawn one final time, and do the few other things that needed to be done still. The weather forecast for the next ten days promises temperatures in the mid-30s and some degree of snowfall most of those days.

It's bad enough that we've had snowfall this early in the year, but it's also frustrating that I may not get to properly finish off the yard so that it's properly care for. Damn you, Mother Nature!

Did you hear about the penguin who had car trouble and stopped at a small town garage? The mechanic tells him it will be a while, so he goes down the street to the diner for a tuna salad sandwich. When he returns to the garage, the mechanic sees him and says, "Looks like you've blown a seal," and the penguin wipes his mouth and says, "No, it's just some mayo."

Take to the streets my brothers and sisters! Protest our inequality! Fight for our rights! Stand up for yourselves, for us, and for all marginalized people!

We're gay, this is our day, and we're not going away!

I think my chemical balance is changing again and heading toward the manic end of things - at least that's certainly the ways things feel. That could really be a good thing - but I just wonder how long it will last. Having lots of adrenaline and a positive attitude - and even a clear head - is a huge improvement over the stifled, shut-down depressed me, and I'd be quite happy to stay on the manic end (or at least the 'normal' middle-ground) for as long as possible. I've had far too long of a time drowned in constant depression.

The shock is wearing off, and the awe is settling in (Shock and awe - that always meant something completely different to me before today). Who would have guessed that something might go right for once? Certainly not me. Surprises can often be quite nice, though, and today is clear proof.

Are you completely baffled? I'll fill you in soon. Let's just say that I've moved another step in the right direction. I don't want to jinx anything, so I'll wait to announce more until things come to fruition. Just know that today - while a surprise - has given me a huge emotional boost, and at a time that I really, really needed it.

I'm all on my own again. Why is it that I ever let myself think that it will ever be any different than that?

Keep up the fight, my gay brothers and sisters! The enemy has been taken by surprise at our determination and assertiveness, and they are now realizing they started a war they not only weren't prepared to fight but a war that they can't possibly win.

Keep taking the fight back to them. Protest them! Boycott them! Sue them! Humiliate them!

Sleet and snow - even if they melt upon contact with the ground or even in midair - are a bad sign for what might be to come this winter. It's rare to even have days like this until the very end of December, and we're not even half way through November yet. And heck, it was around 70 degrees just a couple days ago.

I would be happy to see a fairly mild winter, particularly considering my grandma will spend all of it here, and it will be her last chance to visit with people here in town before she moves. Days like today, however, suggest this winter might try to make up for the mildness of the last few, and that could be quite unpleasant.

I'm not one to mind winter too much for the cost part, but having a bitter, ugly this year would be unfortunate and frustrating in a whole variety of ways due to the planned move out at the end of March.

Time will tell, as always. I may just be overreacting and pessimistic. Hopefully that's the case.

A day of rest after a long, complicated, busy, frustrating, exhausting week has been nice. I'd planned to work outside today, but I'm glad the weather wasn't decent enough. I needed the reason to take a day to relax. It's a shame I can't do this more often.

Amazing. I actually survived this week after all. Of course I'm exhausted, but that was a given from the start.

I'm catching up on all of the stuff I have to do this week, but I'm exhausted! If I can make it through tomorrow, and all of the things I need to get done, then the week of hell will be over, and I can rest (sort of) this weekend (any rest is better than none, right?)

I have said it before, and recent events force me to reiterate: it would be nice if gay rights could be obtained by saying "Please, assure that we have equal rights, the way the U.S. Constitution assures equal rights to everyone," but believing that will work is naive and a waste of time. We must be more forceful in our demands. We must make ourselves seen and heard. We must make the bigots realize that they can't push aside or silence 'the sissies'.

This was not a culture war we started, nor was it one we wanted to be so publicized. We asked to have our safety and our lives protected by police departments and by laws which would penalize those who specifically targeted minorities (us included). We asked for the same legal rights as straight people. We asked for no more than any straight person has. And every time we have not only seen the bigoted straight masses spit in our faces, but we have seen them go out of their way to persecute us further. They beat us, kill us, protest at our funerals, burn our homes and businesses, and in countless other ways they demean and abuse us. And yet we are supposed to accept this, believe that we asked too much. Well fuck that.

This - as I have said before - is war. We are fighting for our friends and our families, our livelihoods and our lives. We have every reason to fight. We have every reason to be angry. We have every reason to make this our war and not theirs. They may have started this war, but we will finish it, and we will not stop until we win.

Crush the enemy! Bankrupt them! Starve them of your business or your services! Fight back when they launch an attack - be that verbal, physical, or spiritual. The righteous path is victory and our full legal conference of rights in a full federal constitutional amendment similar to those assuring rights to people of color and women. I am not an advocate of violence, but if some asshole starts it, be sure to finish it. They think it's funny to beat us up - give as good as you get or better.

We cannot win by reasoning with people who can't understand reason or logic or fairness. We cannot win by showing that we are just like our straight neighbors. We shouldn't have to beg fore our rights. FIGHT! My brothers and sisters - my community - my family - fight for us all. Fight for yourself. Fight for the future. Change can happen, but it will take our commitment. We've been forced into a revolution. Take our fight to every corner of every state. Demand your constitutionally guaranteed rights, and don't back down.

It's Erection Day ! John McCain is having trouble performing, but Barrack Obama is coming strong! More ~~porn~~ news as things continue to heat up.

Yes, not only did I have the joy of getting up before 6 AM this morning - not only did I have the pleasure of having my car in the shop all day after a suggested 10 AM pick-up - not only did I get one call after another detailing what things were wrong with my car and how much it would cost to repair them - not only did I see a whole day of activities hindered by the whole car incident - not only all of those things - but after I pick up the car and pay a frightening total - and after I drive out to get gas and get a feel for the repairs - and after thinking I smelled something odd at the gas station - and after driving briefly on the highway and then stopping to check for the aforementioned smell and seeing some smoke coming from the wheel area that had supposedly been 'repaired ' - I returned to the dealership to find that the service department had all gone home since it was nearly 5:30 PM - and I'd have to leave the car and call them first thing in the morning, around 6:30 AM.

Just think - I get to do this whole thing again tomorrow! AAAHH!!! Kill me! Please!!

Today has been crazy - too much to do with too little time. The bad news is that tomorrow will without question be even more insane.