Journal Archives from theDreamworld ... February 2010

February 2010

February 28, 2010

My mom left this morning after a six-day visit. I spent as much time as possible cloistered upstairs, reading and occasionally playing at a computer game, allowing my mom to take over responsibility for my grandma for the better part of a week. I still had things to do for my grandma and for her affairs during my mom's stay, but it was better than nothing. This was the first break I've had in I-don't-know-how-long, and it certainly was far too short, but it was something. Sadly she doesn't plan to be back until at least May, and her track record suggests that May will push back to June and maybe then to July before she returns. Any break I can get is something, though, so I'll take it for what it is - however limited that may be.

Posted at 10:30 PM

February 27, 2010

Driving to Toledo is usually a fun venture - particularly since I get to do it so rarely - but today's trip, just to run a few errands basically and not even see any of my friends or do anything fun or relaxing - was truly exhausting and a drag. Granted, I didn't expect much from the actual time in Toledo, knowing exactly what I was going to do, but I had though I'd enjoy driving, listening to music on my iPod, and having time away from my grandma. Instead it was just drudgery because it ended up all around just being something I had to do.

I feel quite whiny even writing about this, but I'm also truly surprised because I really have always just loved to drive and listen to music in the car, no matter where I was going or what I was doing. Today was totally unlike that, though, and it's really disappointing.

Posted at 8:50 PM

February 26, 2010

Finally people realize the truth (modesty prevents me from tooting my own horn):

Liberalism, Atheism, Male Sexual Exclusivity linked to IQ

(CNN) -- Political, religious and sexual behaviors may be reflections of intelligence, a new study finds.

Evolutionary psychologist Satoshi Kanazawa at the the London School of Economics and Political Science correlated data on these behaviors with IQ from a large national U.S. sample and found that, on average, people who identified as liberal and atheist had higher IQs. This applied also to sexual exclusivity in men, but not in women. The findings will be published in the March 2010 issue of Social Psychology Quarterly.

The IQ differences, while statistically significant, are not stunning -- on the order of 6 to 11 points -- and the data should not be used to stereotype or make assumptions about people, experts say. But they show how certain patterns of identifying with particular ideologies develop, and how some people's behaviors come to be.

The reasoning is that sexual exclusivity in men, liberalism and atheism all go against what would be expected given humans' evolutionary past. In other words, none of these traits would have benefited our early human ancestors, but higher intelligence may be associated with them.

"The adoption of some evolutionarily novel ideas makes some sense in terms of moving the species forward," said George Washington University leadership professor James Bailey, who was not involved in the study. "It also makes perfect sense that more intelligent people -- people with, sort of, more intellectual firepower -- are likely to be the ones to do that."

Bailey also said that these preferences may stem from a desire to show superiority or elitism, which also has to do with IQ. In fact, aligning oneself with "unconventional" philosophies such as liberalism or atheism may be "ways to communicate to everyone that you're pretty smart," he said.

The study looked at a large sample from the National Longitudinal Study of Adolescent Health (Add Health), which began with adolescents in grades 7-12 in the United States during the 1994-95 school year. The participants were interviewed as 18- to 28-year-olds from 2001 to 2002. The study also looked at the General Social Survey, another cross-national data collection source.

Kanazawa did not find that higher or lower intelligence predicted sexual exclusivity in women. This makes sense, because having one partner has always been advantageous to women, even thousands of years ago, meaning exclusivity is not a "new" preference.

For men, on the other hand, sexual exclusivity goes against the grain evolutionarily. With a goal of spreading genes, early men had multiple mates. Since women had to spend nine months being pregnant, and additional years caring for very young children, it made sense for them to want a steady mate to provide them resources.

Religion, the current theory goes, did not help people survive or reproduce necessarily, but goes along the lines of helping people to be paranoid, Kanazawa said. Assuming that, for example, a noise in the distance is a signal of a threat helped early humans to prepare in case of danger.

"It helps life to be paranoid, and because humans are paranoid, they become more religious, and they see the hands of God everywhere," Kanazawa said.

Participants who said they were atheists had an average IQ of 103 in adolescence, while adults who said they were religious averaged 97, the study found. Atheism "allows someone to move forward and speculate on life without any concern for the dogmatic structure of a religion," Bailey said.
"Historically, anything that's new and different can be seen as a threat in terms of the religious beliefs; almost all religious systems are about permanence," he noted.

The study takes the American view of liberal vs. conservative. It defines "liberal" in terms of concern for genetically non-related people and support for private resources that help those people. It does not look at other factors that play into American political beliefs, such as abortion, gun control and gay rights.

"Liberals are more likely to be concerned about total strangers; conservatives are likely to be concerned with people they associate with," he said.

Given that human ancestors had a keen interest in the survival of their offspring and nearest kin, the conservative approach -- looking out for the people around you first -- fits with the evolutionary picture more than liberalism, Kanazawa said. "It's unnatural for humans to be concerned about total strangers." he said.

The study found that young adults who said they were "very conservative" had an average adolescent IQ of 95, whereas those who said they were "very liberal" averaged 106.

It also makes sense that "conservatism" as a worldview of keeping things stable would be a safer approach than venturing toward the unfamiliar, Bailey said.

Neither Bailey nor Kanazawa identify themselves as liberal; Bailey is conservative and Kanazawa is "a strong libertarian."
Vegetarianism, while not strongly associated with IQ in this study, has been shown to be related to intelligence in previous research, Kanazawa said. This also fits into Bailey's idea that unconventional preferences appeal to people with higher intelligence, and can also be a means of showing superiority.

None of this means that the human species is evolving toward a future where these traits are the default, Kanazawa said.

"More intelligent people don't have more children, so moving away from the trajectory is not going to happen," he said.

Posted at 11:54 PM

February 25, 2010

I have cravings for good Mexican cuisine - authentic or Tex-Mex, just good stuff, though. My options here in Bumfuck, Ohio are, unfortunately, quite limited.

Posted at 11:48 PM

February 24, 2010

Still tired. Seriously.

Posted at 11:05 PM

February 23, 2010

It's sad that I get even less sleep than usual when my mom is here "helping". I am so very, very tired. So amazingly tired.

Posted at 7:45 PM

February 22, 2010

My mom visits, ostensibly to see my grandma and to give me a break from caring for my grandma and a chance to rest. So why is it that my mom and grandma are up just after six making enough noise that by seven-thirty I give up trying to get back to sleep and any hopes of sleeping in. And why is it that I will have to take care of my grandma Tuesday or Wednesday night so my mom can go out drinking/visiting with one of her friends? It's not like her plan of being here a week was even going to be that long of a break for me ...

Posted at 12:19 AM

February 21, 2010

Tired, achy, and the dull headache I've had for days has finally blossomed - or erupted would be more accurate.

Can't I just die now?

Posted at 11:35 PM

February 20, 2010

Tired and achy ... it's hardly fair ...

Posted at 11:36 PM

February 19, 2010

Fridays are tiring, truly.

Posted at 9:06 PM

February 18, 2010

My good friend Chris called from Japan this morning. It was a very welcome surprise; I always enjoy talking to Chris, but we haven't spoken in quite a while so this was extra special. Unfortunately the call dropped after we'd only been talking for five to ten minutes, so we didn't really get to talk very much at all. That was disappointing.

I've had a little boost in my spirits just from hearing Chris' voice today, but being cut off has tempered that a bit. Having more contact with my good friends - such as Chris - would do a lot to push away my depression. I know from experience that no amount of happy socializing will ever completely eliminate my depression, but I also know from experience that a healthy social life does a lot for me and helps minimize my depression.

I can only hope that some day I'll be back to being able to interact with a good group of close friends. I have my doubts, honestly, but it is still a nice dream.

Posted at 12:46 PM

February 17, 2010

Less migraines, please.

Posted at 7:56 PM

February 16, 2010

I see the woman constantly throughout the day, every day, day after day, and yet she is repeatedly sure that I'm gone. She'll see me and say how she hasn't seen me in a few days, even though we just spoke (sometimes the exact same conversation) just an hour earlier.

Tonight my mother called me because she'd been talking to my grandma who again stated determinedly that I was not in the house and had been gone all day (I was getting married, of course). My mother assured her I was here and insisted that she call me on the intercom right then so she would realize I was here. My grandma, of course, won't do things like that, though. It makes it harder to maintain her bizarre fantasies when you allow for silly things like facts to screw it up. I went downstairs after my mom called and my grandma told me she was sure I was gone (even though my mom had just told her I was there and despite my having told her repeatedly today(and yesterday for that matter) that I was here and, sadly, never have the chance to leave anymore at all). I don't believe any of it got through, though. It boils down to her being determined that she's right, and rather than even grudgingly accept that she'd been mistaken she instead is determined to maintain that she is right even when that is completely impossible.

This isn't dementia or something similar either. This is an overwhelming determination to be right, to be in control - a determination that's out of control.

And sadly there's nothing you can do to make this better, no matter how hard you try.

Posted at 11:51 PM

February 15, 2010

I really need the motivation to do anything. I can't stand feeling so tired, headachy, morose, and lethargic, but I can't break free of the hold of this to do even the most minimal of tasks. It's like failing twice as hard. This sucks.

Posted at 10:11 PM

February 14, 2010

Every myth and fabricated history of Valentine's Day hold it to be a day to celebrate romantic love - even in some cases to celebrate marriage or at least commitment. In fact most scholars believe Valentine's Day was adopted in the Western world by the Catholic Church to provide an alternative to the pagan (Roman) celebration of Uppercasing, itself a ritual promoting fertility.

So why is it that so many people send cards to family members and casual friends? Do they romantically love each other? Do they plan to get married? Are they sharing a ritual to promote fertility (and ... well ... get it on)? This is - by any understanding of the idea(s) behind the day a celebration of lovers -- and since family members and casual friends aren't usually lovers - in fact since those kinds of relationships are generally frowned upon or even illegal in many states - why do people send Valentine's cards to family and friends?

The greeting card industry claims that Valentine's Day is the second largest card selling/sending day every year (other than Christmas), and much of this is cards sent by people that aren't even honoring the most basic spirit of the holiday. Are these people just stupid? Are they simply prone to wasteful spending? Are they desperate for any kind of love they can try to grab? Why do thee people send cards to anyone other than their romantic partner?

Posted at 5:50 PM

February 13, 2010

Ah the irony ... my grandmother seems to find it nearly impossible to exist in the world of reality and believes only the things from her imagination while I can't seem to escape reality, even briefly, whether in daydreams or writing.

There is no justice.

Posted at 9:03 PM

February 12, 2010

Why have bobbleheads made such a comeback in the past decade after being a nearly forgotten fad item from the 1950's? Discuss.

Posted at 9:10 PM

February 11, 2010

Well, Gramma, you wouldn't have these problems if you didn't repeatedly go to each electronic device in the house, one after the other, and indiscriminately press every button in random order, disregarding the printed words on each button and even disregarding the voice responses from such things as your answering machine, screwing up each and every machine every day, often multiple times each day.

So when your alarm clock goes off and you don't know how to stop it (and actually think the sound is coming from the phone) or when you once again erase the outgoing message on the answering machine and callers don't leave messages because they don't think your phone is working - these are all things that are not only your fault but would never happen if you just DON'T FUCK AROUND WITH THINGS YOU DON"T UNDERSTAND.

Moron.

(and this has nothing to do with memory or age, you've been doing this sort of thing for the whole eight years I've been here).

Posted at 12:09 AM

February 10, 2010

Whine, bitch, moan.

Same old, same old.

Posted at 9:17 PM

February 9, 2010

How do two men get into your house, past not only locked doors but also locked storm doors (which lock from the inside), leaving the doors locked and leaving no footprints in the snow outside either door, taking only a purse and nothing else - all while a 95-year-old woman watches them but doesn't see them actually take the purse?

Easy! In the world of make-believe anything can happen!

It would be bad enough if it were just my grandma imagining these things, but she refuses to believe she just imagined it, no matter how much incontrovertible proof is put before her. Did they fly? Is that how they left no footprints? No, but they were surely here according to her. How is it the doors and storm doors are locked then? They must have locked them on their way out, she replies. Even though those doors can only be locked from the inside, I add? Yes, of course. Doesn't that seem impossible to you if you think it through, gramma? No. I saw them here - should we call the police?

Well, no. Because they don't investigate imaginary crimes.

In the end, her purse was in her closet, the same place she's been putting it the last couple of days (although why I don't know, since she never has kept it in the closet before). I showed her the purse and told her again that she'd imagined the two guys coming into the house and she still argued that they were there.

Why do I try?

Posted at 10;40 PM

February 8, 2010

DAMN neighbor and his snow blower ... blowing snow all over my sidewalks and porch and not even trying to clear any of it away.This is the same neighbor that I had been shoveling his sidewalks clear during every snowfall this year (and most in previous years) - no more! Fuck the neighbor! This is the last un-neighborly act I will suffer. Fuck him.

And fuck the snow plows again as well. Why can't you clear the street decently once and be done with it. Instead I have to keep digging out the end of the drive just to be able to get out.

Damn snow.

Posted at 2:25 PM

February 7, 2010

Damn snowplows and their ... snow ... plowing ... plowing snow onto the shoveled driveway ... so you have to reshovel ... even though your arms are rubber.

Please tell me this isn't even remotely close to saying, "Damn kids! Get offa my lawn!" I can't possibly ever turn old and crotchety ...

Posted at 5:47 PM

February 6, 2010

Three and half hours shoveling snow is definitely too much. My left arm feels like rubber and my right arm isn't much better. I'm still trying to warm up, and I've been back inside - and with a warm shower - for about two hours.

Hopefully I won't have another snow day like this for a while. I don't think my arm would hold out again if I had to shovel before two or three more days pas.

Posted at 3:33 PM

February 5, 2010

No sleep and no food makes gramma something-something ...

Go crazy?

Don't mind if I do!

(paraphrased from the Simpson's version of The Shining, The Shinning)

Posted at 10:32PM

February 4, 2010

... and I get pulled further and further into depression no matter how hard I struggle against it ...

Posted at 9:49 PM

February 3, 2010

I need a secretary to keep track of all of the things my grandma imagines and remains steadfastly determined are true - even when the people she's imagined them about tell her she's mistaken. One wild idea here and another wild idea there would be easy enough to keep track of, but it's a whole fantasy world's worth of crazy that she comes up with one day after the next. I've lost track at the number of things she's come up with - but don't get the impression that it's always something new - she still holds steadfast to each wild story, regardless of how many times she's corrected. It makes you wonder how she can keep track of all of it if it's gotten to be too much for me to fully follow.

And this is from the woman who can't ever tell you accurately what day of the year it is, what month, what season, or who's president; the same woman who can't remember something you've told her for thirty seconds, even if you've repeated that same thing to her a dozen times in the preceding two minutes.

The whole situation is unbelievable - in every way you can use the word to describe this situation.

Posted at 8:51 PM

February 2, 2010

When shall I finally be free of this mortal coil?

I have my doubts as to whether 'To die would be a great adventure' as Peter Pan once said, but I have no fondness or even hope for this miserable existence. Let it all be at an end and with its end, so bring a halt to my suffering. All that I ever want or wanted is gone. Al that ever could be worthwhile has revealed itself to be merely dreams an fantasy. Bring forth the end.

Posted at 8:03 PM

February 1, 2010

How is it that I can so thoroughly enjoy George Clinton but despise the funk I'm in?

Posted at 7:32 PM