| home
| archives
| bio | stories
| poetry |
links | guestbook
| message board September 2012
The end of September already. Four and a half months since my grandma died and what do I have to show for it? Posted at 9:57 AM
Still tired, still achy, and still depressed. The more things change, the more they stay the same. Posted at 10:26 AM
Tired, achy, and depressed. Rah. Posted at 11:12 AM
My grandma would have been ninety-eight today had she just lived a few months longer. She did have a good, long life, though, and she loved and was loved by so many people. She made a positive impact in the lives of many people, and as I see it that is the greatest goal anyone can make of their life. Posted at 9:59 AM
I may just be losing my mind ... and for all I know that won't make things any worse than they are. Posted at 10:52 AM
End it,please. Posted at 10:29 AM
My head hurts. Posted at 10:17 AM
It's getting much harder to keep going. Posted at 11:12 AM
Ugh. Posted at 9:36 AM
Yesterday started out frustrating and crappy but worked out alright in the end. After waking up late and having one thing after another go bad I'd almost written off the day, but as has been the case for the past few months, no matter how disillusioned I've gotten I've pushed myself to keep going and not give up. Yesterday that actually paid off for once. I mentioned in this Journal yesterday that I had a huge mess updating my iPad, and that was only even possible because of a recent update to the Mac OS. For the past month and a half I haven't been able to get certain things working properly on my computer, and about two weeks ago I couldn't even get iTunes to open without freezing. I tried various things but nothing worked, and I decided I would have to back things up and do a complete from-the-ground-up reinstall to resolve the problems. Fortunately I could get by with everything else, because I didn't want to spend a day or two fixing things properly. Yesterday morning there was an update to the Mac system software - the first in months - and it resolved all of the big problems I was having. That allowed me to get iTunes to work properly and with that to update my iPad, even though the iPad updating was fraught with difficulty. After running some errands following the iPad debacle I updated my iPhone, and that went more smoothly. After that I did a few tweaks and updates to the Mac OS and then proceeded to update every program on my computer. It took me until nearly 11:30 PM, but everything is now up-to-date and fully functioning, better than things have been in a long time. I lost most of the day to all of that, but now it's done and I'm glad. That's one more thing not to worry about, and the system seems to be running rather well. Now if I could just get a job I'd be doing great. Posted at 10:40 AM
On the plus side my back is better, bordering on almost back to normal. On the minus side, updating the iOS on my iPad has been an outrageous pain in the ass with freeze after freeze as I have to restore the whole thing and wait while it then brings back all the apps from backup - and then, at least so far, freezes again and relaunches the whole process. With this kind of fun it makes me dread updating my iPhone, and don't even get me started on the problems with my computer that I've been putting off resolving. At least the computer still works. Posted at 10:27 AM
Aye, yeh maggots! We're all goin' down ta Davy Jones Locker, so we's best ta take what we's ken get while we can. 'Ere's mud in yer eye! Posted at 10:34 AM
Happy Birthday, Mom. Posted at 10:44 AM
Posted at 10:17 AM
Fuck this. I just spend twenty minutes venting on this damn thing and then it fucking dropped everything I'd said when I thought I'd saved. I hate software sometimes. Posted at 3:19 PM
I love a clean living space but I'm no fan of cleaning. People who have spent some amount of time with me think I'm a clean freak, but that's far from the truth. I'm a neat freak, not a clean freak. My OCD is geared toward having to have everything in it's proper place, whether that be a book, a pot, or laundry. And yes, I do dishes right away - so they can be put where they're meant to be. I'm not so bad with laundry, but it still is either in a closet or drawer or in the laundry basket - no place else. For most people this means clean; it looks like that at first glance, in fact. Look closer, however, and depending upon how long it's been since I forced myself to properly clean and you'll find layers of dust and possibly/probably mildew around the bathroom and kitchen sinks and scum around the tub basin. Going three months or more between cleanings is common for me. Heck, I go a month to five weeks with laundry because I won't wash until I've completely used up my clean underwear and socks. No I do enjoy and appreciate having things clean - I love it that way in fact - but I don't like to do cleaning ... so I let it slide, usually until someone is expected to visit. Yesterday and today I've been doing it because it's been about three months and I just want it clean. But that still doesn't mean I like doing it. So just to be clear here, because this is always a big point of confusion with people who get to know me: I am a neat freak, full of OCD and anal compulsiveness. I am not a clean freak. That's a whole different type of OCD that I just don't have. Try to understand the difference. Posted at 10:51 AM
No better but no worse with my back today and much to do around the house and in errands. Fun, fun, fun! Posted at 10:09 AM
My back is confounding me. Yesterday I kept active without overdoing it and felt fairly decent all day - there was still a noticeable 'something' in my lower back, but no pain or difficulty moving. I even got to sleep fairly easily. During the night, however, I was stiff as could be, to the extent that walking was an exercise in slow, cautious, movement. When I woke this morning I was still stiff, and while much of what I felt worked itself out as I became more active, I never got back to feeling as good as I did yesterday. I had a bunch of errands to run today, and I desperately needed to trim a nd mow the lawn, and while I got all of those things done it has made everything else get backed up and caused me to do my back no favors, even if I didn't make things exactly any worse (or as far as I can tell so far, anyhow). This lower back pain and stiffness if not going to go away fast, and I have much to do, so I'll just keep doing everything as well as I can. Hopefully this will indeed work itself out over time. I can't wait. Posted at 4:24 PM
Somehow yesterday morning I moved in just the right way (or wrong way, more to the point) that I had some lower back pain from then on. I was just leaning over the sink brushing my teeth, but once I was done and straightened up I had this discomfort in my lower back - and that discomfort was continuous throughout the rest of the day, no matter what I did. Stand up straight? Still there. Sit down? Still there. Lie on my back? Still there. Lie on my stomach? Still there. Lie on my side? Still there. In fact when lying down it would mildly spasm, unwilling to settle down at all. Into the late evening I wondered how I'd ever sleep. Fortunately a combination of NSAID aspirin, IcyHot, stretching, lying on my side with a pillow between my legs, and bending at the waist just slightly was enough that I eventually fell asleep while watching the TV from my bed. I woke a few times in the night, stiff but not spasming, and come this morning I was really stiff but slightly better. Having been moving around for a while now I'm somewhat better, but there's still a constant feeling of discomfort in my lower back so it's clearly not all gone. And I have little doubt that this will grow worse as the day progresses. The last time this happened was a year ago, more or less, and around caring for my grandma I tried to rest my back by lying down as much as I could. The back pain then flared up when I was in certain positions only, not constant like this, but it also lasted for over a week. Based upon a WebMD search last night I found that resting and lying down, while long a suggested remedy, is actually very counterproductive and it's better to keep moving. To that end last night I read a book while alternately standing, walking, and sitting cross-legged on my bed, changing the routine every few pages. This kept me moving but also sort of tired me out that late at night, and I think that may be what helped me sleep as readily as I did. Hopefully I can keep active - but not too active - and this won't last as long as it did last year. I have no idea whether that will happen or not, but I'm hopeful. We'll see. Whatever happens I can honestly say that this is yet another aspect of growing old that really stinks. What, exactly, is good about getting old? Seriously, what? Posted at 10:30 AM
Being depressed is depressing. Posted at 10:20 AM
Did you say, "Know Hope" or "No Hope", Mr. Obama? Posted at 9:59 AM
Buckeye Cablesystem is fucking around with my Internet again, making it nearly impossible to get pages loaded. This pisses me off. There's no excuse. I could even understand an outage - no service at all - but this slowing down to a crawl is unacceptable bullshit. Fix it! Posted at 9:49 AM
Pickles! Posted at 10:20 AM
Where was the empty chair at last night's Democratic National Convention? I wanted to see some rebuttal ... Posted at 10:16 AM
Can we write in Bill CLinton? Posted at 10:24 AM
Yesterday was a waste of time, money, and mileage on the car, just because some assholes wouldn't be up-front and honest about the job they had posted in the newspaper. Isn't this job market bad enough without jackasses that think they can trick you into their bullshit, door-to-door commission-only crap when their ad promised $20 an hour in an office? Posted at 10:24 AM
Some luck would be good about now - good luck, that is, definitely good luck ... Posted at 10:47 AM
Celebrating Labor Day when you're jobless is like celebrating your birthday after you're dead. Posted at 9:52 AM
Clint Eastwood can get a job babbling senility to an empty chair without having even made the effort to prepare an outline let alone a script, and I can't get a job at all. Does anybody else see something wrong with this picture? Posted at 10:11 AM
The inconsistent pain in my left arm lasted most of the morning and even occurred a few rare times in my right arm but then were completely gone for the rest of the day. I still have no clue what that was about. One thing I do know is that this forty-five year old body really doesn't work like it used to. I'm breaking down. Where's my warranty? Posted at 10:02 AM
Journal, by Paul Cales, © September 2012
|
September 30, 2012
