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| message board May 2016
Hopeless. Posted at 8:16 AM
Tired. Posted at 8:39 AM
Achy. Posted at 8:03 AM
Down. Posted at 8:21 AM
You were so right, Admiral Akbar Posted at 6:36 AM
I am weary of this world. Posted at 7:54 AM
<Sigh> Posted at 7:34 AM
When does it ever get better? Posted at 7:35 AM
... and more of the same ... Posted at 7:43 AM
Life sucks. And when it doesn't suck, it blows. Posted at 8:26 AM
So tired. How can I still be so tired? Posted at 8:00 AM
There is no hope. Posted at 7:13 AM
I don't want to do any of this. Posted at 7:41 AM
I'm tired, depressed, have a headache, and have to fight to do anything at all, and it's been like this for most of the past week. My depression has flared in strength, and even knowing that it's hard to get anything done - hard just to even do anything. More fun from my life. Hurrah. Posted at 8:36 AM
This is all insane. Posted at 8:02 AM
So very tired ... Posted at 6:51 AM
Work is a four-letter word. Posted at 7:52 AM
I've made more progress at Steve's place, but not as much as I'd hoped. It's still shocking how much stuff that man collected ... Posted at 7:06 AM
Yesterday didn't turn out at all like I'd planned, and I didn't get much done. That would be okay in some other time and place, but there is so much to do ... Posted at 7:10 AM
As much as I hate this job, I need it, and yet I have way too few hours. Even without the garnishment that's taking 25% of my gross earnings, I still wouldn't have even half of what I need to get by in any given month. If the garnishment hadn't been killing me almost all year, I'd have set aside some money during the tax season to cover most of these shortfalls, but with the garnishment during the tax season I was actually making just short of what I needed each month already. Now I'm in a huge financial downward spiral, and no hope for more than a couple extra hours a week and no hope for a new job (although I am trying for something as a supplement or as a new job entirely). This, as usual, is my life. Why do people doubt me when I say I hate it? Posted at 9:37 AM
This company really is screwed up. It's no wonder they're losing so much money and so many clients. The blinders they have on in upper management are ridiculous, and why they do things that defy standard business logic is beyond me. Why am I here? Posted at 7:43 AM
It's hard to believe things at work could ever be more chaotic and stressful than during the tax season, but here we are. The Summer situation for this company is a mess, and I don't have any way to try to control the chaos (which I didn't have fully during the tax season , but at lest to some extent). All of this is surely going to drive me mad. Posted at 8:00 AM
I have stiffness and aches in horrible ways. I worked all day at Steve's yesterday to sort and clean things up. I made a good deal of progress, but I would have done everything I had wanted this weekend if I'd worked part of Saturday as well (as I'd planned), but with work running late, I was tired and frustrated and skipped going to Steve's that day. I'd have gotten what I wanted done if I'd gone Saturday, but what I got done yesterday is still good. Unfortunately it left me sore and stiff, and I'm still trying to cough out the mold and dust and dirt. Fun times. Next weekend I want to dig in further. There's still tons to do, but having made a good impact yesterday gives me some inertia. We'll see. Posted at 7:37 AM
Work was less terrible than usual yesterday, but still quite busy. Afterward I was still rather tired, came back to the apartment, read a little, and even fell asleep reading for a short time! I got a few small things done, bu8t it was a fairly unproductive day ... but it may have relaxed me a bit for the first tie in months. That's a start. Posted at 7:29 AM
I had my car serviced yesterday, so now the car is clean inside and out and serviced; the apartment is set up and organized and cleaned top to bottom; my laundry is all clean and i ironed; and I'm stocked up on food and other necessities. I even read the first few chapters of a book yesterday! Now, with these things done, hopefully my mind will have a little peace, but now I also have to move more aggressively at the other things that need to be done: sorting and selling Steve's stuff i and getting to where we can clean and sell the building; selling a bunch of my stuff online; finding a better job (if possible); and somehow finding time to relax and read. There's still a lot to go, but having finished what I have helps me mentally. Less chaos means a better fame of mind. Posted at 7:10 AM
I'm tired and achy and didn't sleep well last night because of the shooting pains running up and down my arms from the carpal tunnel, but my car is amazingly clean inside and out as is my apartment (inside, not out). THe apartment is also finished for all intents and purposes (I still have two other things I want to do that will finish it but will take until saturday or Sunday to accomplish. With those things done I'll feel better, my OCD won't be constantly going crazy, and I can move on to other things ... many other things ... Posted at 7:48 AM
Things just aren't ever meant to go right for me. I know that, and yet I somehow still go ahead with things as if I can make them work like any normal person, but that just doesn't fucking happen. So I work and work at shit, plan, buy things, do everything to instruction, and it doesn't work anyhow. Apply this to any situation - for me that's how it works. If I don't have to do something four or five times or more to get it to work - regardless of planning or no matter how much I've done it the right way - it is a miracle if it takes fewer than those four or five tries. And often, no matter how many tries I make, it just can't be done - by me, anyhow. Luck and fate work different for other people, so they don't fall into this set of rules of fail ... just me. Lucky bastard. Posted at 8:39 AM
Yesterday was a bust. I was seriously exhausted, weak, and aching, and I got nothing appreciable done before I left for work. At work I met a lot of clients and got a lot done for them, but there was a whole bunch of stuff I should have ideally been doing around the clients that didn't get done (because there was no extra time around the client even though we worked an hour and a half over what we were scheduled). Work was tiring and frustrating, as has been the case so fa r this summer. Once back in the apartment I tried to get some things done and made minimal inroads but not enough to note. Still so much to do, and I feel hella exhausted still. Posted at 9:20 AM
I got everything I wanted to bring from Steve's place back to the apartment. THere are still things at Steve's that are mine, but I am hoping they can be sold while we're selling Steve's things, getting me a little money and clearing out some space - otherwise I'll be stuffed to the gilles here, despite having the extra square footage in this new apartment. I have to put away all of what I did bring over, and I have a hopeful plan that may see it packed away in an orderly and neat fashion, but that's in my head. We'll see what the real world does to me. Still, I'm getting closer to having the apartment done so I can move on to other things. I'll be happy some day if I can sit down nd read a book again. Posted at 8:38 AM
It will probably come as no shock to anyone that I'm still not done setting up my apartment, but I made sweeping accomplishments yesterday and am almost totally moved in / set up / arranged nicely. I only have a few things left to do, but the big work today is brining over all of the things I've had stored at Steve's and getting them put away. It will take time, and I think I have an idea how all of this extra stuff will fit in, but it's my life, so of course there will be complications. We'll see how it goes. I might not even get everything over here today - and that's a good possibility - but I hope I have it all here by end of day. Then tomorrow before work I can do some more set up in the apartment, and if I'm not done by the time I leave for work then I'll be very close. That would be nice ... and long overdue. Posted at 8:06 AM
I spent another long day working at putting together the apartment yesterday, and while I still have a lot to do, I can honestly say - for the first time - it's starting to feel close to done. Hallelujah. Posted at 7:56 AM
Journal, by Paul Cales, © May 2016
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May 31, 2016
