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| message board April 2016
Wow! I ache so much it's insane. I woke up more times than I care to think about in pain from the carpal tunnel syndrome effects on my hands and arms, too, and clearly yesterday's efforts in the apartment strained me too far. And despite all of that I still have a tremendous amount of work to do to finish the apartment. Damn! I never remember a move taking this long to set things up. Posted at 8:24 AM
Away from work I can find some sanity, apparently. Yesterday I got a lot more unpacking done, and while there's a whole lot still to do, I am finally starting to feel better about this new apartment and not so anxious and bothered by the clutter and chaos. It's getting more orderly, and hopefully soon I can have it done to concentrate on other things. I stepped out for a long lunch in the middle of the day with my friend John who was in from Sandusky for a day ball game at the stadium here in Toledo. We ate at the Spaghetti Warehouse, an old Toledo landmark, and had a decent meal. I hadn't been there in years, and it was quite nice. John and I got to talk for quite a while - often about H&R Block, where we both work - and it was a nice change for me. I haven't done anything social or just talking to people without something else involved since Steve died, and it was refreshing. Today will be all about trying to make more progress on the apartment. I'd love to say today and this weekend will be about finishing the apartment, but I've set myself up with that expectation too many weekends now, so I won't even think it possible - I'll just push to get as much complete as possible so I'm closer to that goal. Posted at 7:49 AM
It seems impossible, but work gets worse every day. How can it possibly get any worse? I boggles the mind. Posted at 8:22 AM
Even after all I've known about this ridiculous company, they still do even more to shock and amaze me with their incredible stupidity and lack of vision. I am on a doomed ship and the captain is steering us into rough waters with no oars, no lifeboats, and no plan. This sort of thing ends only one way. Posted at 6:59 AM
Why do I work for such a completely fucked up company that screws up even the simplest things? Posted at 8:04 AM
While I got a great deal done yesterday with the apartment, there is still so much to do to have things unboxed and organized. I sound like a broken record, don't I? Each day I think, "Now that I've gotten to this point it will be easy to finish." ... and of course I'm wrong. It takes longer and is fraught with goofy little problems, and then once you finish one thing you see hours have passed and you still have so many more things to do. <Sigh> At least it's somewhat better. And now it's back to work. And sadly that means that progress in the apartment slows to nothing or not much better for however long again. Posted at 7:28 AM
I made lots of progress yesterday with getting the apartment together, but it's till not enough. In fact in a number of ways things are even more chaotic and cluttered than before. Today, however, the shelves are all finally in place and set up, and I should be able to put up lots of books, DVD's, CDs, and whatnot. That should clear out a lot of boxes and make things start opening up. I hope. Posted at 7:29 AM
Progress is slow in the apartment, but at least finally there is progress. I don't know how much I'll be able to get done this weekend, but anything is an improvement. Posted at 7:34 AM
Well, shutdown of both my stores is done. Now the tax season turns to the pre-season, the Summer Staff. I have the next few days to myself (I think/hope) and can try to finally get more done setting up my apartment, and then next week I'll start a very different role in my job of which I honestly don't have any clear picture. I also have no real idea when or how many hours I'll have. Just great. Posted at 8:21 AM
This week will never end, it seems. Today could be less insane, but that depends upon certain people, and I don't trust that I won't be run ragged again. I hate my life. Posted at 7:26 AM
Shall we see if shutdown goes to plan today, or will some random fuckness happen as usual? Posted at 7:02 AM
... and now for something completely different ... Posted at 6:52 AM
Today is the last day of the tax season. It should be interesting to say the least (maddening to say the more likely). This whole weekend and past week have been a screwed up mess. Let's hope today runs more smoothly (but I know what hoping tends to get me ..). Posted at 6:02 AM
There will never be enough sleep, possibly for the rest of time. Posted at 7:43 AM
This is insane. WOrk is crazy. Not just crazy busy but crazy. I need a break. Posted at 6:20 AM
Crappy days are here again; the skies above are bleary again; so let's sing a song of fear again;crappy days are here again. Posted at 6:02 AM
The stress and depression are getting to me, and I am alternating between morose and pissed off, and it's making it difficult to deal with people at all. This shit has to end. I need time to straighten shit out in my life, and it has to be allowed to happen. Posted at 6:27 AM
... and now, depression ... Posted at 6:12 AM
Another long day at work yesterday, and today I had two people already call off at my Broadway office, leaving only one person there. I called in a replacement, but these last minute fixes are far too common. I need to get away from this job for a while, but I don't see that coming. Posted at 6:12 AM
I'm tired of being exhausted. I need sleep; I need reduced stress; I need to reduce the tremendous chaos in my life and my apartment and my soul; and I need to have an idea of what is happening in the near future as I really have no clue at all beyond the next two weeks. Posted at 6:12 AM
So tired. So, so tired. Posted at 8:13 AM
THey will pull the plug on Warren today. The swelling in his brain never receded and simply got worse and worse, and the pressure crushed against his brain stem. The doctors are sure he is gone in any appreciable way, and they will cut life support today. Warren was a coupe years younger than me. And as is typically the case, I can't even have time to properly mourn Warren's loss or be there to comfort Denise because I have to be at a job I hate with more stuff to do than can possibly get done. I hate my life. Posted at 6:14 AM
It's a shitty life, Clarence. Posted at 6:15 AM
All of this lifting of heavy objects, torquing of screwdrivers or wrenches on tight screws and bolts, and manipulating of a variety of stuff has abused my hands and made a flare up of what I am sure is carpal tunnel syndrome. THis combined with what I think is tennis elbow, also from the strain and heavy lifting, has left me troubled. During the day and sometimes while I sleep I will lose all sensation in my hands after extensive writing or typing or using my hands or sleeping with my arms stretched in a wrong position, and when it comes back it's pins and needles. At night I also wake with great pains, particularly in my right arm, a few times a night last night, that do not want to go away unless I stand up so that the circulation is optimum. This sucks. I've had it happen in the past in similar situations, but those situations weren't as long-lasting, and after a couple or few weeks I was back to 'normal' and didn't have any problems. I hope I can get things done soon and have time to heal, and I hope this does go away. It stinks. Posted at 6:27 AM
THere is so much to do at work and so much to do at the apartment getting things sane and set up, and all I want to do is sleep. I'm not getting any of these things fully accomplished or up to speed, and each time I turn around more keeps getting added to each aspect: more work at the office, more tasks to do at the apartment, and more sleep I need to make up for the huge deficits I'm building. Wah. Posted at 6:11 AM
Trying to make sense of the chaos of a just-moved-into apartment is bad enough. Being able to do that only around your work hours is worse. Having a stressful, stupid job that drives you crazy and keeps you sucked in for hours later than you'd like, making it impossible to have any time to do out-of-work activities like rearrange things in your apartment and put stuff away - that's my fucked up life. I hate this. Posted at 6:33 AM
4 x 4 = 16 ... 4/4/16 ... nice1 Posted at 6:03 AM
Yesterday was a productive but horrible day of moving. The aches just build up more and more, yet I have a deadline, and that's more or less the end of today. I do have until the 7th (Thursday) to be out of the old apartment and turn in my keys, but I will be working at the offices during the day and don't know when I'll get back or how much energy I'll have that late in the evening, so essentially tonight is the night the old apartment needs to be totally cleared out and cleaned. The further setting up of the new apartment can wait if necessary. I think I can manage to get the old apartment done today, but it will be a long, achy journey. I will be happy when today is done. Posted at 8:09 AM
As mentioned a couple days ago, my friend Warren had two aneurysms and was in the intensive care unit. Yesterday Warren had two massive strokes as his brain continues to swell. He is once again stable, but the doctor and nursing staff are not optimistic about his chances. The next few days are crucial. If his brain swelling goes down he has a good chance. If the swelling gets worse he will die or suffer some l;level of permanent brain damage. My thoughts are on Warren and my hopes on his recovery. Posted at 7:34 AM
I signed my new lease, got my new keys, and started cleaning for the big move to the new apartment. I was cleaning until after 11 PM when I gave up, and there's more to do today, and that's all before I move anything! Posted at 5:37 AM
Journal, by Paul Cales, © April 2016
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April 30, 2016
