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April 2003

April 30, 2003

Today marks the end of the month but even more, it marks the end of my Poetry Workshop for the semester (and all of the associated projects). This leaves me with just two more classes to finish with, my Fiction Workshop, which wraps up tomorrow when I turn in my final two projects after my last lecture, and my Contemporary Fiction class, which meets on Friday and again on Thursday of Exam Week (next week). I have my final project, a group presentation, on that last day, next Thursday, but that's the last of everything, and I have no other obligations for Exam Week (except a final gathering with my group on Tuesday to pull all of the last details together for our presentation).

So today was a big step towards the end of the semester, but it also marked the end of a lengthy struggle I've been making for the classes I'll take in the Fall. As I've mentioned in this Journal before, I'll be moving to Sandusky this summer to watch over my grandmother for an indefinite period, still commuting to the main campus of BGSU, just with a commute that's more than twice as long. The initial schedule I had set for Fall, based on classes that I must take in the Fall if I want to graduate next May (because those classes are only offered in that semester), was unbelievable. I would leave Sandusky by 11:30 AM on Monday, Wednesday and Thursday and not return until after 10 PM, and I would leave by 11:30 on Tuesdays and Fridays, getting back around 5 PM. That sort of defeats the whole idea of being around the house to watch over my grandmother, drive her to appointments, generally help her out, and keep her company - I'd just never be around. So I've been battling for weeks to get my Tuesday/Thursday class made into an independent study that I can do it ... well, independently - with a faculty member running the class and providing structure but without the classroom setting and attendance strictures. I have talked to more people in the English building than you could imagine, having to practically rewrite the procedure for an independent study (and technically, it's not an independent study in what I've finally worked out, it's a Senior Tutorial). I got my last set of signatures today and I can turn the forms over to the department tomorrow (I got my last signature after the English department offices were already closed for the day). The worst part of this is that I still don't have a definitive answer about whether this class I've developed will be allowed. I've talked to program advisors, department heads, departmental secretaries, officials in the College of Arts & Sciences, and a few different faculty members, but the final person who will make the decision has not even seen this proposal yet. Hopefully he'll okay the class the way I've laid it out. If he does, then I'll still be gone most of Mondays and Wednesdays (although I won't have to leave until 12:30 PM (even though I still won't be back until after 10 PM), and I'll still have to go to the Thursday night readings in the Poetry and Fiction series. Still a lot of time away from my grandmother, but nothing like what I could face otherwise. So keep your fingers crossed for me; I really need this to go through.

I also had fun today by sitting in on Phil Dickinson's Literary Theory class. He was covering Deconstruction, and it was quite interesting. I've missed having a class with Phil this semester (the first semester without him as one of my professors in over two years), and I certainly look forward to working with him next semester. Phil will be overseeing my work on my Senior Thesis for Literature and will also be supporting me in this Senior Tutorial, if it's approved. Phil is among a rare few professors who have made a serious impact upon me and really changed my mind and opened my eyes to new ideas. I hope things work out for this new schedule because Phil will make it all much more interesting.

Posted at 10:48 PM

April 29, 2003

"Only big fat party animals and gay guys wear Hawaiian shirts, and Bart's not a big fat party animal."

That's a Simpson's quote from the episode where Homer is worried that Bart's gay. Why mention it? Well, I was in class today and Scott entered the room. I've mentioned him before - gay, cute, slightly flamboyant, annoying, is sure I'm not gay even though I wear gay insignia and write stories with gay main characters. So I'm sitting there as he walks in wearing a really tacky Hawaiian shirt (more tacky than even the standard Hawaiian short), and I just couldn't help but chuckle to myself all through class as I thought about that Simpson's quote. The funniest part was that I knew that, if I told him, Scott wouldn't find any humor in the situation. I'm so easily amused.

On a completely note, Tom Welling from Smallville is just simply as hot as can be. I love watching this show.

Posted at 9:06 PM

April 28, 2003

I started out okay this morning, honestly I did. I woke up early, waking up even before my alarm (which I had set so that I would wake up early, even though I rarely use an alarm any more), and I was in a decent mood as I got cleaned up and worked my way through various classwork issues.

But I find myself in the evenings - particularly this evening - getting rapidly more and more depressed. I just spent a moment lying down on the couch and in an instant was crying, wishing someone were here to hold me. And then it stopped. I was still depressed, don't get me wrong, but the crying just overwhelms me and then it's gone in less than a minute. It leaves me feeling like I don't have any control over myself, and it certainly does nothing to ease my overall sadness.

This sort of thing really needs to stop; it's making it hard to get through each day, and all I have to do is stay stable for another week (well, a week and a half, technically, but this week is the crucial part of school, being the last week of classes). If I can just hold myself together, I can let myself break down and think about this later. Not that I look forward to that, but I think it needs to be done once if I'm going to make it through another year - at least it needs to be done once I don't have any regular obligations.

Not too long ago, I used to be able to throw myself into my work and push my emotions off until I had time to deal with them. In some ways, I'm glad that I'm unable to do that any more, because it always left me much worse off than if I'd dealt with things as they came. But there are times like this, with the end of the semester upon me, where I just wish I could put it all aside like I used to do.

Oh well.

Posted at 9:45 PM

April 27, 2003

Stupid emotions! Making me ... feel things ...

Damnit!

Posted at 9:15 PM

April 26, 2003

Some of you will remember Senator Santorum, who I ranted about in the Journal entry for April 22nd because of his moronic and hateful rhetoric about homosexuals. His comments are back in the news today because the royal idiot, Emperor Bush, has given him his stamp of approval, saying much the same things to support his bigoted views as he said when he supported Trent Lott's bigoted remarks about how there should still be racial segregation in America. Why is such a stupid, bigoted man as this allowed to hold the highest office in the land? It is an affront to every American, past and present, that he should be allowed to speak and enforce his hateful, divisive views to the world.

White House expresses support for Santorum
Senator faced criticism for comments on gays
By Sean Loughlin

WASHINGTON (CNN) -- The White House expressed its support Friday for Republican Sen. Rick Santorum, who has been under fire by gay rights advocates and Democrats for critical comments he made about homosexuality.

" The president has confidence in Senator Santorum, both as a senator and as a member of the Senate leadership," White House Press Secretary Ari Fleischer told reporters.

Asked about the president's views on homosexuality, Fleischer said a person's sexuality is "not a matter that the president concerns himself with" and that he judges people on how they act as a whole.

The endorsement of Santorum comes after several days of silence about the Pennsylvania Republican, who serves as chairman of the Republican Senate Caucus, the No. 3 position in the GOP leadership in that chamber. And it follows statements by some conservatives who charged that Republicans have been timid in defending Santorum.

Advocates for gay rights groups and many Democrats have blasted Santorum for describing homosexual activity as a threat to society and the family. During an interview published Monday with The Associated Press, he lumped consensual gay sex with incest, polygamy, adultery and bigamy.(Interview excerpts)

The Human Rights Campaign, the nation's largest political organization for gays and lesbians, took issue with the White House's support of Santorum.

" Senator Santorum's remarks are deeply discriminatory and are antithetical to bringing people together. If this is how the president defines inclusion, then it clearly calls into question the depth of compassion in his conservatism," Elizabeth Birch, executive director of the group, said in a statement.

On the other hand, the Family Research Council, a conservative group, maintained its position that GOP support for Santorum has been timid. A spokeswoman for the group pointed to a statement on the organization's Web page.

" Beyond a few tepid statements of personal support for Sen. Santorum, no prominent national GOP leader seems willing or able to mount a spirited, principled defense of marriage and family," the statement said. "The question naturally arises: Have Republican leaders been so intimidated by the smear tactics of the homosexual lobby and its Democratic attack dogs that they are cowering in silence?"

Also Friday, a Democratic leader in the House released a statement blasting Santorum's thinking as "reminiscent of witch-burning and hanging for heresy." Rep. Steny Hoyer, D-Maryland, said Santorum should not serve in the GOP leadership.

Other Democrats also assailed the remarks. Two moderate Republican senators -- Olympia Snowe of Maine and Lincoln Chafee of Vermont -- called them "unfortunate" and said they did not reflect the views of many in their party. (Full story)

But until Friday, the White House declined to weigh in on the matter. In two recent incidents involving controversial comments by lawmakers, the White House stepped in to criticize the comments. President Bush blasted remarks in December by Sen. Trent Lott, R-Mississippi, that appeared to express nostalgia for segregation, and Fleischer criticized Rep. James Moran, D-Virginia, for his statement in March that Jews were the driving force behind the war with Iraq.

In both incidents, the men were forced to resign their leadership posts in their respective parties -- Lott as Senate majority leader, Moran as a Democratic regional whip.

Santorum has said his remarks were not a reflection of intolerance, but merely described laws as they relate to homosexual activity.(Full story)

While Fleischer Friday expressed White House support for Santorum, the administration had no public reaction to Santorum's remarks. Fleischer declined to elaborate on Bush's views, saying that the question of gay sex was a matter before the Supreme Court.

Posted at 9:50 PM

April 25, 2003

It started out as a decent day, and I was really in a great mood, but I just got more and more depressed as the day went by, until the point where I'm pretty down right now. It's not even like there was anything that went particularly bad or that was upsetting: I got down to BGSU too late to catch one of my professors after his morning class, but I can see him another time; the discussion questions that I used to initiate class discussion in my class today, the few that we had time for, generated very little discussion, mostly because I suspect very few people had read the novel, Ceremony, since it is so near the end of the semester; only three of the five people in my presentation group showed up to discuss our project, after having the same problem on Thursday's work session when only three showed up as well, and I saw a few very incredibly attractive guys around campus that just emphasized how little of a connection that I have to anybody like that and how lonely I am because of it.

My emotions probably would have thrown me into depression even if the whole day went well - that's just the way it works - but the various small things that went wrong just seemed to bring me down, and it's hard not to feel somewhat like I'm letting these little things get to me. I just hate that this sort of depression can overtake me so easily. I was in such a good mood for the last few days, and it sucks to lose that.

Posted Written at 9:15 PM

April 24, 2003

This was quite a night! The reader for the Creative Writing Poetry and Fiction series, tonight, was Lawrence Coates, one of my professors and the head of the program as of next year, as well as being a published author of two novels of historical fiction, both of which have received awards. I have developed a great deal of respect for Lawrence this semester as a good professor, and now I can see that he is also quite a talented writer. The reading from his latest novel, The Master of Monterey, was quite good - amusing even - and easily the best reading I have attended in the four years I've been attending.

The get-together at Big Boy was a great follow-up as well. Laura and Beth were already there when I arrived, and we were joined only a bit later by Eric, Chris, Heather, Manny, and Kristina - we even got to see Matt, who I rarely see any more - for a short time. We had a great time, catching up on what's going on in our lives and what our plans are for the remainder of the semester, including getting together to celebrate the graduations of some of us. We talked politics and current events, bits of love lives (or lack of them), funny stories about people we know (including ourselves), jokes we have heard recently, and even a discussion of cars. All sorts of topics. It was fun, a great chance to see everyone and get that good feeling that comes from having good friends. I've been in such a good mood for the last couple of days that this addition of happiness and good mojo just left me feeling great. I need more nights like this.

Posted Written at 12:59 AM

April 23, 2003

I stopped by Heather and Chris' apartment after classes today to see if I could catch someone at home. Heather was there, and we chatted for almost two hours before I headed back to Toledo.

Things are shaping up for some major change for our group. Heather is making arrangements for two weeks in England visiting relatives and such after graduation and then she'll be searching for an apartment in Pittsburgh for when she starts her MA at Carnegie Mellon in the Fall. Eric will also be graduating and may well be moving to Pittsburgh as well after spending a summer of travel to spend times with friends and with Sarah, his girlfriend. Kristina in graduating and will be moving back to Chardon (outside of Cleveland) for the summer. Laura will graduate and then spend most of her summer with her family, but she has received an assistantship at BGSU while she works on her MA in Literature, so she'll still be around campus during my last year. Chris won't be graduating, but he has arranged a summer job at Shawn Messinger's Studio, a reputable glass art studio, and things look almost certain that he will be moving to New Zealand to study glass blowing during the Spring. That means he'll be around during the Fall semester, but then I won't see him for quite a while. Manny is also hoping to study abroad; he's talking of trying to study in England during the Fall. There's a whole list of other people I know who will graduate, but these select few are my closest friends that are nearby; it's going to change things a lot to be so separated. On top of all of these changes will be my own move to Sandusky during the summer, leaving me with a longer commute in the Fall. Yes, it will change things quite a bit.

Heather thinks that she may have a ticket to spare for graduation for me, which would be wonderful since I want to see all of my friends graduate. Seating is limited, so I have to have a ticket to go. That's coming up very fast. In fact, Christiana's graduation is rapidly approaching as well, although she has been avoiding me for quite some time now <sigh>.

Heather and I talked about a lot of things, but mostly about what's happening with the people in our circle of friends. There's a whole lot of activities and emotional issues keeping everyone busy, and I think we're all reaching our limits, for the most part. The end of the semester will bring about a change for the better in a lot of those cases, giving us all a chance to relax somewhat. It will be well deserved for all of us.

Before I left, we both played with Kittowin (also known as Emily, Heather's kitty). We even took her outside on her leash - she's so cute! Heather is insistent that she wants to get me a cat when I move in with my grandmother. I haven't had any response so far, and I haven't been sold on the idea, but it occurred to me today that a good-tempered cat or kitty would actually make wonderful company for my grandmother during the times I would be away from the house attending classes. It forces me to consider the cat idea much more seriously that I have so far. I still have my reservations.

I had a great visit, though. Spending time with a friend really rejuvenated me, and I've been needing that. I just wish Chris had been there. I haven't seen him for nearly three weeks, and I miss him. Heather assures me he'll be at Big Boy tomorrow night, so I'm looking forward to it. Seeing Chris and Eric, both, will be a good thing.

Yea for friends!

Posted at 10:23 PM

April 22, 2003

It's sad to think that when elections roll around in the fall, the bulk of Americans will vote for Republican candidates for various offices because they'll feel like they were the party that "kicked some Iraqi ass" or some other bullshit based on the propaganda that Emperor Bush's administration and party will disseminate. They won't think about how fucked up the economy is; they won't think about how many jobs have been lost in America; they won't think about how Bush left Afghanistan totally unstable (and will probably do the same with Iraq); they won't think about how Bush has opened up millions of acres of pristine, untouched national forest land to logging companies; they won't think about how Bush has lowered emissions standards from factory smokestacks, allowing for greater pollution; they won't think about how Bush and Ashcroft have stripped away various Constitutionally guaranteed rights from all Americans and made it legal to search peoples cars, homes, or use wiretaps without even telling them (and they're even trying to make it legal to prosecute people who have been denied their Miranda Rights, based on a new Bush letter to the Supreme Court); and they won't remember all of the racist, sexist, and bigoted comments and actions perpetrated by the Republicans, notably the former head of the Senate (Trent Lott), ole' G.W. himself, and this fucking moron who spread his pea-brained opinions recently:

Santorum under fire for comments on homosexuality
'I have a problem with homosexual acts'
By Sean Loughlin

WASHINGTON (CNN) -- Top Democrats and gay rights advocates blasted comments by Sen. Rick Santorum in which he appeared to compare homosexuality to incest, bigamy and adultery, and they called on the Pennsylvania Republican to repudiate the remarks.

One prominent Democratic group Tuesday also called on Santorum to resign his leadership post in the Senate.

Santorum made the comments in question during an interview with The Associated Press. During that interview, Santorum criticized homosexuality as he discussed a pending Supreme Court case over a sodomy law in Texas.

"If the Supreme Court says that you have the right to consensual (gay) sex within your home, then you have the right to bigamy, you have the right to polygamy, you have the right to incest, you have the right to adultery. You have the right to anything," Santorum said in the AP interview, which was published Monday.

Gay groups were quick to denounce Santorum's comments, the latest in a series of divisive remarks by some lawmakers.

"Senator Santorum's remarks are deeply hurtful and play on deep-seated fears that fly in the face of scientific evidence, common sense and basic decency. Clearly, there is no compassion in his conservatism," said Winnie Stachelberg, political director for the Human Rights Campaign, the nation's largest gay advocacy group. She called for "quick and decisive action" by Republican leaders to repudiate Santorum's remarks.

The Democratic Senatorial Campaign Committee called on Santorum to resign as chairman of the Republican Senate Caucus, the number three position in the GOP leadership.

"Senator Santorum's remarks are divisive, hurtful and reckless and are completely out of bounds for someone who is supposed to be a leader in the United States Senate," said Brad Woodhouse, a spokesman for the DSCC.

Cites 'misleading' story

In a statement released Tuesday, Santorum did not dispute the accuracy of the quote, but

criticized the AP story as "misleading." His said his comment was specific to the pending Supreme Court case.

"I am a firm believer that all are equal under the Constitution," he said. "My comments should not be construed in any way as a statement on individual lifestyles."

But, according to unedited excerpts of the taped interview released late Tuesday by The Associated Press, Santorum spoke at length about homosexuality, and he made clear he did not approve of "acts outside of traditional heterosexual relationships."

In the April 7 interview, Santorum describes homosexual acts as a threat to society and the family. "I have no problem with homosexuality," Santorum said, according to the AP. "I have a problem with homosexual acts." (Interview excerpts)

Democrats weighed in on the earlier remarks throughout the day. Senate Minority Leader Tom Daschle, D-South Dakota, said the sentiments expressed by Santorum are "out of step with our country's respect for tolerance."

One presidential contender tried to draw the White House into the controversy.

" The White House speaks the rhetoric of compassionate conservatism, but they're silent while their chief lieutenants make divisive and hurtful comments that have no place in our politics," said Sen. John Kerry, D-Massachusetts, who is seeking his party's presidential nomination for 2004.

White House mum

Indeed, White House spokesman Ari Fleischer refused to comment on Santorum's remarks, telling reporters at a briefing Tuesday that he did not know the "context" of the comments and that he had not discussed the matter with President Bush.

The White House did weigh in late last year when Sen. Trent Lott appeared to express nostalgia for segregation while paying tribute to Sen. Strom Thurmond, who has since retired. President Bush called Lott's comments "offensive." Under pressure, Lott, R-Mississippi, resigned from his post as Senate majority leader.

More recently, Rep. Jim Moran, D-Virginia, stepped down as a Democratic regional whip amid criticism for his comment in March that Jewish leaders were pushing a war with Iraq. In that instance, Fleischer called Moran's comments "shocking" and "wrong."

The leading gay Republican group, the Log Cabin Republicans, said Santorum's statement was inadequate, and it called on him to apologize or step down from the leadership post.

"If you ask most Americans if they compare gay and lesbian Americans to polygamists and folks who are involved in incest and the other categories he used, I think there are very few folks in the mainstream who would articulate those views," said Patrick Guerriero, executive director of the group.

Guerriero said the comments could complicate Bush's efforts to cast the GOP as inclusive.

Santorum won some backing for his comments. Concerned Women for America, a conservative interest group in Washington, released a statement criticizing the "gay thought police" and saying Santorum was "exactly right."

Genevieve Wood, vice president for communications at the Family Research Council, another conservative group, agreed.

"I think the Republican party would do well to follow Senator Santorum if they want to see pro-family voters show up on Election Day," she said.

Posted at 10:00 PM

April 21, 2003

Thank you for your patience during our technical difficulties. We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming.

Okay, so I was massively depressed for the last few days. Sorry you all had to endure that, but I'm feeling notably better now and have actually even managed to get things done <gasp!>. Nobody is more surprised than me, but I'll take a positive mood swing any day! It beats the hell out of being miserable.

It's a shame, too. I had this whole, stupid routine that I was going to do yesterday for Easter. It was going to be this whole look at Peter Cotton Tail as a gangsta rapper, sort of trying to make the Easter Bunny fit into the contemporary world (think hip-hop as opposed to hippety-hoppety and think a bag of grass as opposed to a basket full of grass ... yeah, sure, you dis the whole thing now, but it coulda been cool ...).

I read some more of Leslie Marmon Silko's Ceremony today, and I was simply flying through the pages. I must have read at least three times as fast today as I did over the weekend; it's amazing how much being depressed can affect something as simple as reading. It makes you realize how debilitating depression truly is. Fortunately this is my last required text to read for the semester. I already have a bunch of books set aside to read over the summer, a couple for enjoyment and others as a start on my senior thesis that I'll be writing during the fall. Those will be read at my own pace, though, and I can appreciate all of them much more.

If only I could have good moods more often ...

Posted at 10:39 PM

April 20, 2003

"He thought about him, in that big house all alone. Did the man get scared without anyone there with him? Sometimes the silence can be worse than a scream. Hushed echoes of past voices, his only company."

This is from an online story I read today.

So true. So true.

Posted at 10:18 PM

April 19, 2003

I'm very tired. I'm still rather depressed, although it's more of just feeling beaten down than it is being unbearably sad and morose; I'm sure that doesn't seem much different to some of you, but trust me when I tell you that this is an improvement.

I've been spending most of the day reading Leslie Marmon Silko's Ceremony for my Contemporary Fiction class. I read the book in the past, over two years ago, and I liked it then. I like it at least as much now (maybe more), and I'm getting things out of it that I didn't the first time. Unfortunately, I'm reading it at an incredibly slow pace. That has nothing to do with the book and everything to do with me, but it sucks a lot because I had hoped to be further along with it by this point. Oh well, there's not much to be done about that now.

I'm getting a recurring headache over the past few days, too. I sure hope that stops.

Posted at 10:34 PM

April 18, 2003

Damn it, I said 'please' yesterday. Isn't that worth something? Maybe if I give you five bucks? Awww, come on. Just kill me already; it's not like there's anything here for me right now.

I'm not nearly as depressed as I was yesterday, but I was such a mess then that even being severely depressed now is a major improvement. LIfe's pretty shitty, you know? And there's not really a whole lot for me to enjoy or to even look forward to. It's quite unpleasant.

Posted at 10:17 PM

April 17, 2003

Please, just make it all go away.

Posted at 11:30 PM

April 16, 2003

Damn, I am soooo tired. But I turned in what (hopefully) is my last long, complicated argumentative paper for this semester earlier today. While I still have a whole list of projects to complete in these last three weeks, the worst is out of the way (assuming that I don't get an unpleasant surprise in my Poetry Workshop (which I fear) and have some big final project due which has never been announced). This all glosses over the fact that my history class is a bust this semester, and I have little hope for even anywhere near an acceptable grade - but I've gotten past caring at this point (well, mostly, anyhow).

This paper, for my Contemporary Fiction class, was dragging me down for the past week or so, and I've been struggling to work on it while keeping up with everything else. Fortunately it's tuned over to the professor and a thing of the past.

And now it's time for some well-deserved sleep. Ahhh ... sleep.

Posted at 1:20 AM

April 15, 2003

A near-legend of the online gay writing community died early yesterday. Justin Case was killed in an auto accident. He was an amazingly prolific author and had been around for an extremely long time. His stories and his personal involvement in bulletin boards, chats, and e.mailing affected untold numbers of gay people, and many troubled gay teens felt that Justin helped them accept themselves and in some cases saved their lives.

While I never had closer contact with Justin than reading his stories over the years, I have had a distinct respect for who he was and what he did. He was an incredibly giving man and a firm believer in all of the values that encompass theDreamworld. Far too few people can offer the simple goldenness that he possessed. He will be sorely missed.

Posted at 9:12 PM

April 14, 2003

Oh no! I've read Catcher in the Rye and that means I'll turn into a serial killer (it's in the newspaper, so it must be true). It's a good thing that I bought that book through Amazon.com so that the In-Justice Department can put that in my file. Herbert Hoover would be proud.

What You Read, Watch Might Be an Open Book

By Roger W. Hoskins

Is Big Brother watching the books you buy or the videos you rent?

That question cannot be answered, under the USA Patriot Act.

The law, passed before the dust from Sept. 11 settled, lets government agents seek court orders to seize records "for an investigation to protect against international terrorism or clandestine intelligence activities."

Critics have sounded a warning because such court orders cannot be challenged. Businesses are barred from telling anyone if they get one. Not even Congress can get an answer from the Justice Department on how many people are being monitored.

"It's not very different from being able to break into your home," 80-year-old Modestan Fern Rodgin said outside the Stanislaus County Library, where she had just checked out her book club's latest selection, "Ava's Man" by Rick Bragg.

"What do you gain if you give up American principles to save Amer-ica?" Rodgin asked.

For others, though, more monitoring would be fine.

Kelly Turner, a 28-year-old from Monterey, was visiting Modesto friends when she came to Starbucks, next to Barnes & Noble Booksellers on McHenry Avenue.

"I don't have a problem with (government surveillance). I don't have anything to hide," Turner said. "I wish there was more government monitoring. I want to know if somebody on my block is reading a book on how to build a bomb or if there is anyone reading 'Catcher in the Rye.' They say there's a link between that book and many serial killers."

The potential for that type of monitoring concerns some.

"When (the government) needs it, whether it's wiretapping or intercepting e-mail, we won't know unless they tell us," said Lee Tien, an attorney for the Electronic Frontier Foundation. Headquartered in San Francisco, the foundation advocates a free and unfettered Internet.

Rep. Ron Paul, R-Texas, was among 67 House members who opposed the bill. At the time, he was concerned about unchecked government power.

"History demonstrates that the powers we give the federal government today will remain in place indefinitely," Paul said. "How comfortable are you that future presidents won't abuse those powers? The bottom line is that every American should be very concerned about the unintended consequences of policies promoted to fight an unending, amorphous battle against terrorism."

Concern played down by feds

The Justice Department would not address Bee inquiries about the Patriot Act.

U.S. Attorney Peter Hall played down concern that government agents might darken the doors at bookstores and libraries.

"Only in very rare and limited and supervised circumstances would anyone be seeking that sort of business information from a bookseller, a library or a business of any sort," Hall told The Associated Press.

Tien wondered how anyone will be able to verify that. "It's hard to point at concrete cases with the total lack of accountability," he said.

Before this, he said, there were indictments where the merits of the surveillance could be tested in court.

To Tien, the problem is that Patriot Act provisions "are not aimed at convicting people as much as they are about watching people."

Blockbuster Video, from its Dallas headquarters, said the company has not received requests for information. Officials would not comment further.

Borders Books released a carefully worded statement in response to questions.

"Borders Group has a long-standing commitment to protect the privacy of its customers, and we do not generally disclose to third parties information about their purchases and orders.

"At times, law enforcement makes requests for information regarding customer purchases and orders for the purposes of a criminal investigation. Borders Group takes these requests very seriously and carefully reviews each specific situation.

"Our internal policies have not changed as a result of the U.S. Patriot Act."

Those policies include keeping a database of customers and purchases, the statement said.

Chris Finan, president of the American Booksellers Foundation for Freedom of Expression, told The Associated Press that booksellers frequently keep lists of books their customers read as a matter of marketing. Finan said he was unaware of any widespread move to purge such lists.

Cash customers are under the radar

At Yesterday's Books in Modesto, customers do not have to worry about investigators looking at their purchase records.

Manager Patte Hegg said the store keeps track of overall sales but does not record who buys what. She said the majority of Yesterday's customers buy used paperbacks with cash.

One browser there, Charlotte Hamilton, 71, said she has problems with any kind of government oversight. "I don't think it's right at all. It's no one's business but mine what I read or watch."

Starr Carson, a fitness consultant and teacher, was carrying two fitness books that she had just bought from Yesterday's Books. She made no bones about how she felt about the new law.

"I think it sucks with a capital S. It's one more right we've given up, one more attack on civil liberties. They probably know what I eat and every guy I've ever dated."

Michelle Hendricks, 22, works at McDonald's and was visiting with friends outside Barnes & Noble in Modesto.

She said she sees the latest law as part of a larger problem. "Government wants to control what you read. They don't want you to learn what's really going on. They want to keep stuff secret. Everybody should be able to read whatever they want. Terrorism is wrong, but the president is wrong, too."

Bert Lippert, 50, of Modesto was philosophical about the surveillance powers and why they were passed.

"We've surrendered a lot of our rights because of 9-11. I guess I wouldn't think it was a big deal unless it happened to me," Lippert said.

Julie Stodolka, 54, of Merced said she sees both sides. "I can see the usefulness of the information to the Justice Department -- like a Web site about building bombs with lots of Muslim traffic.

"But what about a search warrant, probable cause? You don't just do a core dump of what everybody is doing when they're noodling on the Internet. I don't know anybody I'd trust with that kind of power."

Posted at 9:57 PM

April 13, 2003

Can I be any more needy? I think not.

Posted at 10:44 PM

April 12, 2003

The historical, archaeological, and artistic treasures of Iraq are being stolen and destroyed as we speak, and the United States claims that it isn't their problem.

Panic, anarchy, and mob rule are rampant throughout Iraq, particularly in large cities like Baghdad and Basra, and the museums and collections of these irreplaceable items are being pillaged. The United States claims that the military is not trained to be a police force (and don't even get me started on how they used to call themselves exactly that name), and that they have other issues to attend to. That avoids the point all together that the instability and anarchy in Iraq is the fault of the United States. For better or worse, the government in Iraq has collapsed due to the U.S. war in Iraq, and with it has fallen the Iraqi military and the Iraqi police. The U.S. armed forces, who are supposedly "Freeing the Iraqi people from an uncaring and destructive government", have eliminated any forces for safety and protection and doesn't give a damn about the effect on the Iraqi people or on the artifacts of history and art of the ages. If the U.S. wanted to protect the museums and other places of cultural significance, there is no doubt that the armed forces could easily set up a protective perimeter around every building that needed it. Instead, the U.S. is more than willing to allow relics from the origins of civilization to be destroyed, vandalized, or stolen.

Nearly the same thing happened in Afghanistan when the Taliban was using artillery to destroy some of the largest and most artistically significant statues of Buddha in the world, some of them multiple stories tall and many centuries old. The U.S. allowed this to happen without a word, but they moved immediately to remove the Taliban when they were found to be hiding terrorists. Now I don't mean to compare the destruction of art with terrorism because it isn't an equal comparison.

My point is that the U.S. seems to have a history of placing little to no value on the cultural, historical, artistic, and religious artifacts and sites of other countries of the world. It's apparently terribly wrong for interests from other countries to destroy American artifacts or monuments or to condemn the Democratic government or capitalistic economic system, but it's also apparently just fine for the U.S. to condemn other governments (and actively destroy them), disparage other economic systems (and actively destroy them), and allow the cultural artifacts of other peoples to be destroyed or stolen (or to actively destroy or steal those artifacts themselves). How is it that the U.S. is somehow better than everyone else and therefore not measured on the same scale as other countries? It's just wrong. Even if the U.S. can't respect the relics and beliefs of other cultures, they should at least place some value in the history of the world that those things represent. I am just so disappointed in our government right now. I don't expect anything but trouble from Emperor Bush, but I would think that Congress and other people in power would have an ounce of sense between them. It's just horrible.

Posted at 7:47 PM

April 11, 2003

No life passes without affecting a huge number of others, some of whom were never even involved directly in that life.

I have been reminded again, today, of the difficulty of enduring the pain of knowing that someone, anyone, has died, but particularly someone close. It was noone that I, personally, knew, that brought this to mind today, but instead was a friend of a friend. I have suffered this sort of pain before, and it is something that I still deal with today and every day, always remembering Ken and Jurry and never feeling the pain any less. I don't think that it will ever get any easier.

Written Posted at 12:02 AM

April 10, 2003

I had a reminder today that we all live in a world that is not friendly to gay people. It was a small thing, I suppose, but it was the first such incident in a while for me, and I really wasn't expecting it at all.

Having left the Creative Writing Program's weekly poetry and fiction reading, I was headed to my car to join my friends at Big Boy. I have been parking across Wooster Road, the main road that runs along one side of the main campus, and my path leads me to cross at the intersection with College Drive. It is a busy intersection, but being late in the evening there are sometimes breaks in traffic that allow me to hustle across, rather than wait for the light to change. I was just doing so this evening, and was not even half way across the street, when the Campus Shuttle bus, which had also been waiting at the light, followed me very close with a honk and a yelled "Fag!" out the driver's window. I was really quite shocked because I have generally felt so comfortable on the BGSU campus, and I wasn't sure exactly how to feel. I was angry; I was sad; and I was confused - I mean, had the driver seen my gay insignia pins on my book bag or was it just some derogatory comment without a direct realization that I am gay (you know, like someone saying "That is so gay" and not meaning that it is homosexual). Either way I felt unfairly attacked by this verbal assault, and I ever debated whether I should contact someone at the university since the Shuttle is employed by them. I decided to let the matter drop since I don't believe that any complaints on my part will have any effect, specifically regarding whoever was the driver of that particular bus, but it still aggravated me.

I think what bothers me most is that I have become so trusting of people that I was so surprised by this whole incident, as if I don't know better than that there are still many homophobic bigots in every corner of the world, even on a very liberal, liberal arts campus. I'm not such a simpleton as that, but I am once again disappointed in my fellow man and even a bit in myself for conducting my life as if I were safe from bigotry. That sort of complacence is exactly why gay rights does not move forward to more equal acceptance, and we must all not only remember that but actively work to make a difference for those people in the world who are oppressed in any way.

Written Posted at 11:57 PM

April 9, 2003

My eyes! My eyes!

My eyes are throbbing. I've been working on a variety of computer-related issues tonight, and the concentration has finally gotten to me. But at least I'm done.

It all started on Sunday. I have had my computer (an Apple Powerbook G4 Titanium) set up with an Airport network (a wireless internet connection) for quite some time. I bought an original style Airport not long after they first came out and have had only the best of things to say. Unfortunately my Airport base station died on Sunday, and nothing I could do would revive it (and I tried some serious resetting and stuff, but I was just out of luck). I ordered a new Airport base station (now in the third incarnation of Airport, dubbed Airport Extreme due to the higher bit rates), and it arrived yesterday. Well, that was great, but I couldn't get the software to load the way it should through the Installer (and I tried all sorts of methods). And it was too late to contact Technical Support.

Today, however, I was able to call Tech Support after I got back from classes. We played with a few things before finding that I had a problem with two other small system tools other than the installer, so this led to having to reinstall the OS (which in OS X really just reinstalls the OS - all of your personal files and settings are retained in full). That takes a little while, but it did the trick. Of course I had to then download a few recent updates to get things back to current status, but everything worked perfectly from there. Then I just had to set up the new Airport, and I was all set.

Now I'm flyin' from site to site with my AIrport (yep - I actually made that pun. I have no shame). And I even fixed some aspects of my system that needed to be fixed, even though I hadn't realized it. Now I just need to rest my eyes.

Posted at 12:43 AM

April 8, 2003

Let me tell you - if college professors were to be fired for objecting vocally to this war, there would be well less than half of the faculty we have now at the colleges and universities across the country. I'm glad to see that the spirit of free speech is alive and well.

University resists lawmakers' call to fire antiwar instructor: Assistant professor blasted U.S. as 'occupying power'
by Phil Hirschkor

Columbia University President Lee Bollinger condemned an assistant professor's comments about the war in Iraq, but he defended "freedom of thought and expression."

NEW YORK (CNN) -- Columbia University is resisting a call by some Republican members of Congress to fire an assistant professor who sharply criticized the U.S.-led military campaign in Iraq and called for the defeat of the "U.S. war machine."

A letter from Rep. J.D. Hayworth, R-Arizona, called for the Ivy League school to fire Nicholas DeGenova, who made his comments at an antiwar gathering this month. The letter was co-signed by 103 other House Republicans.

The congressman received no response from Columbia President Lee Bollinger as of Monday.

But Bollinger told CNN in a written statement: "I have a deep respect for the members of Congress and appreciate their concerns. I have already expressed my strong disagreement with Assistant Professor DeGenova's statements. However, under the principle of academic freedom, it would be inappropriate to take disciplinary action."

DeGenova did not return phone messages seeking his comment on the letter.
An uproar began March 26 when DeGenova and two dozen other Columbia faculty members criticized the Bush administration's Iraq policy during a six-hour campus teach-in.

As first reported by Newsday and the Columbia Spectator student newspaper, DeGenova told the antiwar gathering: "U.S. flags are the emblem of the invading war machine in Iraq today. They are the emblem of the occupying power. The only true heroes are those who find ways that help defeat the U.S. military."

Newsday also quoted DeGenova as saying, "If we really believe that this war is criminal ... then we have to believe in the victory of the Iraqi people and the defeat of the U.S. war machine."

DeGenova said he wished for fragging -- a slang term for intentionally killing or wounding one's own officers -- and "for a million Mogadishus," referring to the 1993 battle in Somalia that left 18 American servicemen dead and the body of one of them, a downed Black Hawk helicopter crew member, dragged in the street.

Bollinger condemned DeGenova's remarks last week, calling them "outrageous" and saying his words "properly invite anger and sharp rebuke."

But Bollinger said he would not be pressured to fire DeGenova, who teaches anthropology and Latino studies. DeGenova is not tenured.

" There are few things more precious on any university campus than freedom of thought and expression," Bollinger said in his first statement last week. "That is the teaching of the First Amendment, and I believe it should be the principle we live by at Columbia University."

But in a March 31 letter, Hayworth and his colleagues made clear their disagreement. "We are no strangers to the frank exchange of ideas and vigorous debate, and we have a deep appreciation for America's tradition of academic freedom," they wrote. "However, we also have an equally deep appreciation for the fact that our words have consequences."

No Democrats signed the letter.

" They were all invited," said Hayworth spokesman Larry VanHoose.

Posted at 12:42 AM

April 7, 2003

I've been listening to some old Aretha Franklin, and this song fit my recent thoughts perfectly:

Angel

Gotta find me an angel, just fly away with me
Gotta find me an angel, ooh and set me free
My heart is without a whole, I don´t want to be in love
I gotta find me an angel in my life, in my life
Too long have I loved you so unattached within
So much that I know that I need somebody so
So I´ll just go on hoping that I find me someone
Find me an angel in my life
In my life

I know there must be someone, somewhere for me
Oh I lived too long without the love of someone
And there´s no misery ooooooh oooh like the misery
I feel in me, gotta find me an angel in (in my life)
(You´ll meet him now don´t you worry)
My life (keep lookin´ and just keep cookin´)
My life (he´ll be there, now don´t you worry)
My life

Posted at 12:42 AM

April 6, 2003

My Mom and grandmother came for a visit today. It was fine in its own way, but my mother is really aggravating me. She is determined that she is going to use this whole issue of their moving to Florida and my moving in with my grandmother as a way to somehow bring my father and me back together again. I'm quite content with not seeing him until I have the opportunity to kick over his tombstone and spit on his grave, and any instance of seeing him is quite likely to accelerate the approach of that moment. It's times like this that I seriously consider cutting my mother out of my life as well so that I can completely eliminate even hearing about my father (besides which, my mother is culpable in a vast amount of my childhood traumas as well, so I've been more than generous already).

It is also becoming rapidly clear that this move will at best see me spending as much money on expenses as I am now, even without a rent payment (extra costs for increased gasoline needs and a cell phone, among other things, looks to add up quickly). I don't mind that, really, since the reason I'm going is to make sure that my grandmother doesn't have to give up her house and her friends, but it's sort of disappointing considering I had hoped that I'd be able to have a better budget. Oh well. Of course, moving costs, as well as some minimal remodeling and building of shelves for my books, will add a certain amount of additional expenses as well. The bottom line is that I'll inevitably be worse off financially, yet my mother seems certain that this is the best thing that could happen to me financially, as if I'll be rolling in cash (she has this tendency to see only the reality that she wants (or, more specifically, not to see reality at all)).

On top of all of this, my mother keeps adding the phrase, "you don't want to decrease the resale value" at every turn. For instance, I pointed out how the entire upstairs apartment is fairly feminized in its decor, so I intend to remove some wallpaper and do some repainting - nothing huge, just getting rid of the peach paint with floral border in the bathroom or the apple and strawberry vine wallpaper in the kitchen, all of which are not only rather feminine but are tacky as hell. Now, I've had friends visit that house in the past, and while they all thought that the first floor, where my grandmother lives, is impeccably decorated, they all felt that the upstairs was horribly tacky and almost amusing. And I'll be the one living there, so I should have it how I like, right? So when I'm told that I "don't want to do things like that because it'll decrease the resale value, I have three simultaneous reactions: 1) that my mother thinks I have poor taste, even though she and everyone who has ever seen my studios in the Arts Center all exclaim about how incredible my remodeling and restoration has been, and even though her own taste is questionable, 2) that my mother has every intention of trying to tell me how to live my life in excruciating detail since I'll be in a place that won't technically be just mine (and she's in for a series of rude awakenings in this regard), and 3) that my mother is looking at the house in terms of resale value, meaning that she expects my grandmother nor me to be there long so that the house can be sold and she can try some other plan to get ahold of the money from the sale. It's all incredibly frustrating.

This sort of thing is going to suck, and my mother really doesn't care if she gives me a heart attack or a nervous breakdown in the process (she said as much today). I'll let her do her own thing while she's still there, but I think she'll be getting some surprises as to how I respond once I'm there. She has to learn that she's either going to get off my back or she's never going to see me again. It's just that simple.

Posted at 10:00 PM

April 5, 2003

We gathered at Chris and Heather's apartment, we birthday revelers, around 9:30 or shortly thereafter, sharing pizza from Domino's and jokes and conversations from every perspective. Chris was regularly sneaking shots of Jack Daniels, Teacher's Gin, and some port, so he (being quite a slim person who feels the effects of alcohol quite quickly) was quite loose and amusing.

All told, it was me, Heather, Chris (of course), Eric, Sarah (Eric's girlfriend and our friend who's in grad school, if you haven't read about her in earlier Journal entries), Sarah (from German class), Laura, John (Laura's boyfriend), Kristina, Adam, Jeremy, Heidi (Jeremy's girlfriend), and another friend of Chris' from the dorms, along with his little brother (who was visiting campus for LIl' Sibs weekend). Plus the cat. We had a great time talking and joking, and we eventually all loaded ourselves into cars to drive up to Toledo and Deja Vu, the strip club that was the main focus of Chris' birthday celebration.

The strip club was ... interesting. It did nothing for me, but it was hilarious to watch Chris, Adam, John, and Laura get lap dances and see the expressions on their faces (Chris actually had three lap dances, but it was his birthday after all). I found it highly amusing that there were televisions suspended from the ceiling on either side of the stage, broadcasting the sports channel (thus providing not just one central entertainment that provoked no interest in me but two). Also, contrary to everything I had heard for years, all of the women were fairly attractive, in their own ways. I don't know how anyone manages to walk around on six inch spiked heels, but it was amusing to compare how much the shoes made them look like Barbies. All sorts of things drew my attention (because let's face it, the women were really boring to me). I wondered about the strobing and flashing stage lights and realized that they used the exact same sequencing for every song regardless of rhythm or genre. I pondered the demographics of the men (and women) assembled in the club and was really surprised that nearly all of them were quite young, not a herd of dirty old men. I considered my place in the universe - well, not really ... but I did think about a lot of stuff while I was there.

By the time we left, we had all had quite a good time, and Chris had obviously enjoyed himself in a big way (and I think that he, Adam, and John would have their fantasies fueled for years just from our few hours of adventure). We left just before 4 AM, and I was still wide awake. It's taken me a while to wind down, but I'm just about to crash now. Happy Birthday, Chris! (and Happy Birthday to Bob Marley as well).

Posted at 6:19 AM

April 4, 2003

I decided to drop by Chris and Heather's apartment after classes today so that I could find out: 1) if Heather or Chris wanted to go to see Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets for free tonight in the Student Union, and 2) to see what the plan is for tomorrow, when we are supposed to get together to celebrate Chris' birthday which comes on Sunday (he turns 21).

Heather was there, and we chatted about a bunch of stuff for a little while: classes, friends, grad school, and PBS. Eventually we got around to the movie issue, and Heather invited me to go to see Some Like It Hot in the Gish Film Theatre in less than a half hour with her, Eric, and Sarah (who had gotten in earlier in the day from Washington, D.C. for her first visit in a long time). I would have liked to go, but I had a lot of schoolwork yet to do as well as some errands, so I had to pass. Heather wasn't up for the movie this evening either, having to make calls tonight to coordinate Chris' party tomorrow night, and she also had to work her job at the front desk of one of the dormitories from midnight to 4. She did suggest, however, that I might ask Sarah since she is a huge Harry Potter fan and since Eric would have class during the time the movie was playing. After some quick arrangements with Sarah, when she came with Eric to pick up Heather, we were set in our plans.

We met up in the Student Union later in the evening and talked about our classes, our plans for our senior thesis work, our impending moves to new places to live at the end of the summer, and a bunch of stuff. It was nice catching up with Sarah; she's very easy to talk to, and it's been hard to keep close contact since she's moved. This was great.

The movie, when it finally started, was held in a packed theatre, and it was quite fun. I hadn't yet seen this second Harry Potter movie, so I had been hoping for a chance. Being free, it's hard to complain about anything, but there isn't even anything to complain about. While it wasn't as faithful to the book as the first movie had been, it was still well done and quite visually stunning. It was very amusing, really, and laughing often was all sorts of fun for me.

Following the movie, I walked Sarah over to the dorm where Heather and Eric were working their Night Guard shift. We all chatted for a while (a couple of hours) and were joined in time by Chris, Jeremy (Eric's roommate), Mark (Eric's little brother), and Sarah (the Sarah from German class, not the afore-mentioned Sarah who's back from grad school in Washington, D.C.). It was a great little gathering, and we all had fun talking and joking around. Eventually we started to separate, Chris and both Sarah's having not had much sleep in the last few days and looking to get home, and me and Jeremy just planning to wind up the evening and settle in for the night. We all plan to see each other tomorrow for Chris' birthday celebration, so that should be a blast. I can hardly wait. Tonight was all sorts of fun, and tomorrow should be even more amusing.

Posted at 2:39 AM

April 3, 2003

LIfe continues to suck - big surprise.

I've been rather depressed all day, and each thing that has happened has kept me from bouncing back. By the time I got to the reading in the Creative Writing series tonight, I was really down. Fortunately my friend Brian was there, and I truly enjoy these rare occasions to spend time with him and chat since I never have opportunities outside of class. The reading was phenomenally long, running two hours tonight to accommodate a whole slew of BFA Senior readings. The good news is that they were all quite good; the bad news (in addition to the extended length) was that they were all, once again, poets - not a single piece of fiction in the whole bunch. On top of all of that, there was this really cute guy at the reading who I see on occasions, and he is simply as cute as can be, so I initially enjoyed sneaking peeks at him but eventually got depressed at the thought that sneaking peeks was the best I could do.

Once the reading finally ended, I was aching to stand up - literally. The readings are held in the old Prout Chapel on campus, and sitting in a pew for two hours is torture. Once we were outside, Brian and I talked about all sorts of books, movies, and classmates (we were on a run about sharing annoying and amusing incidents from our current workshops and the people who really shouldn't be allowed to be a part of them). By the time we went our separate ways, we had been chatting for about an hour and it was already 10:30. I made my way to Big Boy, expecting everyone to have arrived by then, but I found only Manny and Beth (which was nice since I haven't seen Beth in weeks). Apparently Heather and Chris (and maybe Laura and Kristina also, but I'm not clear on whether they were there for sure) had all left some time earlier. I could probably have stayed and chatted with Manny and Beth, but I was already tired and achy, rather depressed, and didn't feel comfortable around the other people in the group who are all strangers to me. And I had really been looking forward to talking to Heather and Chris about some things and having them lift my spirits as they usually do. But that didn't happen.

It's a sign of things to come. Next year I'll be without this close group of friends right nearby. I'll be able to call them long distance, but it won't be quite the same. I'm going to miss these get-togethers.

Posted at 12:14 AM

April 2, 2003

Wolfman Jack, where are you?

"Howooooooooool!"

Posted at 12:35 AM

April 1, 2003

There's no fool like an April Fool. And here he is, straight from the front page of my college newspaper, the BGNews, the President of the United States, George W. Bush.

Bush Postpones April Fools' Day
By Frankie Monticello

President Bush announced yesterday that, due to the ongoing war with Iraq, this year's April Fools' Day will be postponed till next April.

With the military making plans to fight Saddam Hussein's elite Republican Guard in the near future, Bush said U.S. citizens must focus their attention on supporting our troops. Those planning jokes this year are to execute them on April 2, 2004.

Though this may be an inconvenience, Bush promised another $300 tax rebate to those who cooperate. With the money, citizens could purchase superior prank supplies or hire hoax hitmen to execute April Fools' jokes, providing pranksters greater anonymity. "You could really pull off some rockin' pranks and help the economy at the same time," Bush said.

Citizens can also take comfort in the idea that they can look forward to two consecutive days of craziness next year, according to Bush.

" I mean, you could make a weekend of it," he said. "Well, you could if April 1 and 2 actually end up falling on the weekend next year, but I don't think they will. Wish I had a calendar on me."

A staff aid then fetched a calendar to find that the holiday is to fall during the work week, making weekend plans obsolete.

Bush's recent announcement has caused a stir in Congress, given his plans to go forth with his weekly prank call to Domino's Pizza.

For Bush to proceed with the call would be to put himself above the law, according to Senate Minority Leader Tom Daschle (D-S.D.).

" This is an outrage," Daschle said. "I wish we could go back to the days of the scandal-free Clinton era. At least then, they sent me pizzas with pineapple, a vegetable for which I've really grown a taste."

When asked why he described pineapples as vegetables, Daschle declined to comment.

Bush insisted that the weekly nature of the prank exempts it from being an official April Fools' joke.

" I swore that is just one of my everyday pranks, which had nothing to do with today's holiday," Bush told reporters this morning. Reporters withheld questions as he continued talking on the phone call. "Send two of them this time, extra large, with, uh -- send three, actually."

Posted at 10:12 PM

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