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March 2003

March 31, 2003

Once again the British have shown themselves to be more sane, intelligent, and just that Americans.

Recent news earlier today about NBC and National Geographic having fired veteran, Pulitzer Prize winning reporter Peter Arnett after he spoke in an interview on Iraqi television was very aggravating to me. NBC had originally okayed Arnett's appearance, but following his appearance he was summarily fired for having told the truth - in fact for telling people that the war was not following predictions and plans of pre-war strategy and that strategies were being changed to accommodate new appraisals of the situation. These sorts of comments have been made fairly often by various media personalities during the past week, notably on certain Sunday political news programs, and Arnett was clearly fired simply because he appeared on Iraqi tv.

Later in the day, this article appeared to note that the British Daily Mirror newspaper had hired Arnett to report the truth. The British people, Parliament, and now the British media have proven time and again that they deserve my utmost respect and admiration. Why the American public, the Congress, and the American media can't get a clue is simply beyond me.

Just Fired, Peter Arnett Hired by British Paper

LONDON, England (CNN) -- Britain's Daily Mirror hired veteran war correspondent Peter Arnett Tuesday, less than 24 hours after he was fired by NBC and National Geographic for saying on Iraqi TV the U.S. war plan has "failed."

The tabloid's banner headline Tuesday said: "Fired by America for telling the truth ... hired by Daily Mirror to carry on telling it."

Piers Morgan, an editor for the Daily Mirror, told CNN, "Peter is one of the most respected journalists in the world, and we are delighted he is joining us to expose the truth about a war increasingly dominated by propaganda."

Arnett, 68, was quoted in the tabloid as saying, "I report the truth of what is happening here in Baghdad and will not apologize for it. I have always admired your newspaper and am proud to be working for it."

Arnett -- who won a Pulitzer Prize for his reporting on the Vietnam War, and covered the 1991 Persian Gulf War for CNN -- was one of the last reporters in Baghdad reporting for a U.S. network when he was interviewed by Iraqi TV over the weekend.

In that interview, he said, "The first war plan has failed because of Iraqi resistance. Now they are trying to write another war plan. Clearly, the American war planners misjudged the determination of the Iraqi forces."

Arnett had been reporting from Baghdad for NBC News and MSNBC while on assignment for National Geographic Explorer. NBC and National Geographic abruptly fired him Monday.

" It was wrong for Mr. Arnett to grant an interview to state-controlled Iraqi TV, especially at a time of war, and it was wrong for him to discuss his personal observations and opinions in that interview," NBC News President Neal Shapiro said in a statement.

National Geographic issued a statement that read:

" The Society did not authorize or have any prior knowledge of Arnett's television interview with Iraqi television, and had we been consulted, would not have allowed it."

In an interview with NBC's Matt Lauer on "The Today Show," Arnett apologized for comments he made.

" I want to apologize to the American people for clearly making a misjudgment over the weekend by giving an interview to Iraqi Television," Arnett said.

Posted at 10:23 PM

March 30, 2003

This just in ... the Bush administration eclipses Microsoft in recent polls as the greatest of all evils; former poll-winner Satan bows in deference to his betters ... more news as it develops ...

Posted at 8:23 PM

March 29, 2003

I am finally uploading the Journal entries for the past two days. I was too tired to do it Thursday night (more like Friday morning), and I was far too depressed to do it at any time yesterday. So it's coming as a belated upload tonight as I write a few words for today's entry.

There's not much to say today. I'm still really down, although the depression that hit me yesterday was far worse, simply making me feel like I wanted to be dead. I'm better today but only moderately. I'm fairly tired and morose, and have been dragging around all day. I have been fairly productive, and I got to watch a bunch of cartoons this morning ("Yeah" for no war coverage preempting cartoons), so it hasn't been a horrible day. I also got a call from my mother, canceling a planned visit that would have taken place tomorrow and setting things back a week (again). No big deal; I'll have plenty to do whether she comes or not.

It's just been a 'blah' kind of day. I'll survive.

Posted at 9:42 PM

March 28, 2003

<sigh>

Written Posted at 10:57 PM

March 27, 2003

Tonight's reading was the first of three Senior BFA readings (required to graduate from the Creative Writing program). It was fairly decent, although a bit long, due to the large number of readers; the reading by my friend Brian was outstanding, however. He had people laughing throughout his whole routine, and people applauded after each poem (usually they wait until a poet or author has finished their whole reading and then only usually applaud half-heartedly). Brian had great poems and was just tremendously fun to hear.

Following the reading I headed to Chris and Heather's apartment; it had been decided earlier that we would not go to Big Boy and would instead converge on Chris and Heather's apartment to comfort Laura, whose father had had surgery earlier today. Only Heather and Eric were present when I arrived, but Laura and Kristina arrived not long after, and Chris arrived not too long after that. We chatted a bit and then gathered some drinks and subs from Jimmy John's for a late dinner, and eventually settled in for a game of Trivial Pursuit, the Millennium Edition. We ended up forming teams: Chris and Kristina (Blue), Eric and Laura (Green), and Heather and me (Pink) (thus making PowerPuff Girls colors in the competition. Yes, it is indeed frightening that Heather and I would realize that the colors were the same as the PowerPuff Girls). As it turned out, we played for hours and hours. Heather and I eventually won, but only barely since both other teams were just a one wedge/pie short of us. We had played for so long that it was after 3 AM when we left, with me taking Kristina home on my way back to Toledo.

It was a nice, long visit with my friends. This sort of time with them is even better than the normal weekly visit at Big Boy - it's just more of a personal connection in the apartment environment. Next week we'll meet at Big Boy as usual, but the plan for next weekend is to take Chris to strip clubs for his birthday (he'll be 21); this is Heather and Laura's birthday plan, and everyone seems fairly enthusiastic - except me. I don't see any value in a strip club - it even strikes me as degrading to some extent - but I'll almost certainly go, just so that I can share the celebration of Chris' big day. It'll be sort of weird, but hopefully it'll be fun as well. At least it will be different.

Written Posted at 4:17 AM

March 26, 2003

Emotions suck.

I started out alright today; maybe not very upbeat, to be certain, but not down at all. But as the day progressed, I rapidly got just an overwhelming depression. Loneliness, isolation, hopelessness, sadness, disappointment - all of that. It sucked. By the time I got to my last class I was really dragging. I almost skipped the class (a rare thing for me), but my poem was due to be workshopped today and I had to go.

I have had exactly zero creative energy over the last week, so I ended up deciding to workshop my poem Daddy (which had never been workshopped before). It's a powerful, emotional poem, particularly to me, and I should have probably chosen something else to workshop, but I wasn't at all depressed when I had printed it out a couple of days ago. The workshop was interesting, and in some ways it lightened my mood a bit from the interaction with my classmates and the positive comments I received regarding the poem. I was far from being even content, but I certainly wasn't as down as I had been before.

After class I decided to stop by Chris and Heathers apartment to see if either of them was home. I wanted to check on plans for tomorrow evening (since we had a few different possibilities considering that Eric and his roommate Jeremy might be playing as the band at a local bar (this fell through, it turns out) and also considering that the poetry reading for tomorrow is the first sequence of BFA Senior readings, including my friend Brian's reading (which should be incredible)). I also just wanted to see a friendly face and just hear some conversation from a friend.

As it turns out, Heather was home, taking a little time to relax before working on homework. We talked about a whole bunch of things for about an hour, before I left. Heather told me that she has been accepted to Carnegie Mellon University (in Pittsburgh) for their graduate program. She won't get a full ride for scholarships like she was offered at Case Western Reserve, but she will get decent scholarships, and the program at Carnegie Mellon is much better (although it is a one-year masters program, which sounds like it will be pretty intense to be that short). We talked about her living arrangements there (Heather may finally learn to drive so that she can get a car!), and talked a bit about the war, Bush economics, TV, some books we're reading, and a bunch of other stuff. By the time I left I felt much better - not happy, exactly, but much more relaxed and much less depressed. Not the best I could hope for, but I'll take it.

Man, I'm gonna miss having people around next year.

Posted at 9:12 PM

March 25, 2003

Be wary! The Canadian Mafia is gonna getcha!

Or at least they will after you've finished a job interview on the 51st floor of some office building while wearing an overly flashy red and black suit that you call the Dragonslayer. That's the basis of one of the stories we workshopped today. Ugh! At least this story had decent spelling and grammar, though. Is it so much to ask that people run a spell check and proofread their story even once?

Maybe I'm just bitchy and demanding, but for once I want someone to:

1) Finish the story; don't just write "the first half" or some such crap.

2) Spell check, grammar check, and proofread, and if you're such an idiot that you can't use punctuation or a consistent tense, change majors because you have no right being a writer.

3) Know that some stories can be an anecdote but not all anecdotes are full stories.

4) Realize that if you are going to use cliches and colloquialisms, just make sure that you are using the right phrases and not "just what they always sounded like to you, even though they never really made sense."

5) Think. The Canadian Mafia? Are you serious?

Posted at 9:16 PM

March 24, 2003

Even though I have written often in this Journal about my objections to this (and any) war, I don't think anyone can fully realize how much the whole thing upsets me. It is truly a sign of our barbarism and immaturity as a species that we, supposedly the highest life form on the planet, behave as poorly as wild beasts.

I was listening to an old CD today, an old favorite group of mine called Asia. The debut album was fantastic and had the best combination of band members in the group's history (Steve Howe and others filtered in and out of the band over the years, and things were never quite as good as the first two albums, even though I still appreciate some of the later albums). Anyhow, I had pulled this album since I wanted something that I hadn't listened to in a while. As I was driving to Bowling Green, I really heard the words to a particular song, and I realized how appropriate it was to our current ugly situation in the war, particularly considering the involvement of the United States and Great Britain and the split of protesters and supporters. See for yourself (and, as always, take a listen if you can find an MP3 or something; it's even better when heard).

Asia - Wildest Dreams

They decorated all the generals
Who fought the war behind the lines
They had forgotten all the soldiers
The brandy puts them way behind the times
Insanity has found its way to TV screens
Vision seems impossible to me
They fight for king and country
I never would have thought this in my

Wildest dreams
Wildest dreams
Wildest dreams
Wildest dreams

Evening comes, we sit and watch the features
Clips and rushes come from who-knows-where
From Washington across to California
There's fighting breaking out in Leicester Square
We see the soldiers moving on to victory
And children trampled under marching feet
They fight for king and country
How many millions will they put to sleep?

Wildest dreams
Wildest dreams
Wildest dreams
Wildest dreams

Fly away!

No, not in this world
No, not in the next
No, not in my wildest dreams

They recommended euthanasia
For non-conformers anywhere
Some men's dreams for others turn to nightmares
This never would have happened in their

Wildest dreams
Wildest dreams
Wildest dreams
Wildest dreams

Fly away!

No, not in this world
No, not in the next
No, not in my wildest dreams

This war, my friends, is not the American dream; it is the wildest of dreams and the truest of nightmares.

Posted at 9:09 PM

March 23, 2003

The horror. The horror.

Posted at 12:51 AM

March 22, 2003

Okay, now I'm really mad. Not only has Emperor Bush acted against the wishes of millions of Americans, not only has he worked to strip away our Constitutional rights, not only has he actively worked to benefit the upper class and harm the middle and (growing) lower class, not only has he defied the United Nations and tremendous numbers of countries around the world ... not only those and so many other things, but now his fucked up war has resulted in almost every broadcast network having coverage of NOTHING HAPPENING in Iraq rather than showing my morning cartoons.

That just pisses me off like you wouldn't believe.

Posted at 8:51 PM

March 21, 2003

Spring has arrived (at least officially by calendar designation). Hopefully the weather will pay attention.

Meanwhile a war is being waged in Iraq, and death and destruction have befallen an entire people. Spring doesn't seem quite as joyous as it should, and that is a terrible thing.

Posted at 9:01 PM

March 20, 2003

This was definitely a night for great conversations with great friends. After a particularly decent reading by fiction writer Valerie Sayers, I stayed around talking to my friend Brian for nearly an hour after everyone else had dispersed. Brian is simply amazing - he writes fantastic poetry and postmodern fiction, he has a great, sardonic sense of humor that matches perfectly with my own, and he is simply unmatched in his knowledge of movies and every fact that can be known about them (to the extent that I often wonder if Roger Ebert even begins to know as much as Brian). We talked and talked about various movies and books, old and new, as well as swapping ideas about new stories we're thinking of. These are the sorts of things we usually talk about, but we don't often have a great deal of time together to talk, so tonight we stood outside and talked at length. Brian has repeatedly turned me down when I've asked him to join me at Big Boy with everyone else, but we still have a good deal of contact. He'll be graduating at the end of the semester, and while I'm happy for him, I'll miss him greatly next year. He's been in at least one class with me for the last two years, and we talk at the Thursday night readings as well, and he's so easy to talk to that I don't know when I'll find another person who'll be like that.

At Big Boy, immediately after leaving Brian, I spent time with Chris, Heather, Kristina, Manny, Eric, Misty, Sarah (German-class-Sarah) and a new friend of Sarah's who I'd never met before (and as is typical with me, I can't remember her name). We all we in very good spirits, having all had great Spring Breaks (although each very different Breaks). Heather was particularly upbeat, having started taking an antidepressant last week that seems to make her unnaturally hyper (to the extent that she has trouble sleeping); it must work, to some extent, because I don't think I've ever seen Heather this bouncy and happy - it's almost unnatural.

I filled everyone in regarding the situation with my parents, my grandmother, and the houses, and everyone was extremely positive about my impending move, saying that it would be a great thing for everyone (which is what my sister has said, and I hope is indeed true). Heather had news as well. She has received word back from her graduate school applications to Bowling Green State University (where we are for our undergrad work) and Case Western Reserve (in Cleveland). Both have accepted her and offered incredible deals with free tuition and great stipends. She still wants to hear from Carnegie Mellon and see their offer before deciding, but the program and offer for Case Western Reserve is fantastic. Even better, her little brother Graham, who graduates high school this year, may very well go to Case, and Heather is excited about maybe sharing an apartment with him while they both go to the same school. It's a fantastic deal for Heather, and I am immensely happy for her. I must admit that I'm sad that she'll probably go to Case, having thought for a while that she would stay here at BGSU for at least her first year and thus be around for me to visit on Thursdays and more. But she has a great offer, and I could still visit her in Cleveland (it's only an hour from Sandusky, since I'd have moved there with my grandmother by the fall, so I could visit pretty often).

This must have been the night for big news as well, because Chris is hell-bent on going to New Zealand to study glass blowing for his senior year of college (which would be next year). There are details to work out, but I don't think anything will stop him now that he's made his mind up, and I'm happy for him as well because this will allow him great new opportunities to learn his art. Once again, I'll miss him immensely, having expected him to be around next year, but this is a huge opportunity. Unfortunately, he'll be a lot more than an hour away, so visiting will be out of the question. Hopefully he'll keep in touch by mail and e.mail (it will be a bit of work to get Chris to use a computer, but it can be done).

Sarah (at grad school in Washington, D.C. Sarah) had realized that yesterday was my birthday and had called Eric to get him to bring me a gift. He brought me this old-style alarm clock (with the bells on top) with a Cinnamon Toast Crunch face; it's cute. And it was great that they gave me a birthday gift. For whatever reason I feel less old and depressed today than I did during my birthday yesterday. That's always a good change.

We discussed the war and other political developments, of course, and we talked about our professors and what we had left for the semester. We talked about all sorts of things and stayed until just before 1 AM, the latest we've been at Big Boy all semester. It was a good time, and it raised my spirits immensely.

Next year may be a challenge, with the new obligations of helping my grandmother, the heavier course load of top-level classes, and the seeming lack of my circle of close friends, but it has a lot of potential as well, and it may well be a year that will ne the best thing that has happened to many of us in years.

Posted at 1:47 AM

March 19, 2003

Birthdays suck. Turning 36 sucks. Being alone sucks.

All this sucking and no blowjobs. What's a guy to do?

Posted at 10:38 PM

March 18, 2003

By the time you read this, George W. Bush will be initiating the actions that will lead to World War III. As R.E.M. said, "It's the end of the world as we know it."

Posted at 9:59 PM

March 17, 2003

Love me, I'm Irish
(well, Irish and German, with a slight bit of Cherokee).

Today was unseasonably warm, sunny, and the first day back from Spring Break as well as St. Patrick's Day. The campus was full of beautiful young guys, full of energy and happiness, walking around or chatting or playing baseball, dressed in shorts and t-shirts, unencumbered by the weight of the problems in the world or any personal problems. They all seemed so special, magical even, but so distant. It should have been a pleasant, relatively happy day for me, but it was really very sad. I look around me at so many wonderful guys, all over the campus, and yet I'm alone. Honestly, it's days like this that I just don't know why I make any effort to stay alive. Tantalus never had it this bad. This is truly hell.

Posted at 9:59 PM

March 16, 2003

<Sniff, sniff>

Spring Break's over already. So short. Darn.

Posted at 11:02 PM

March 15, 2003

I'm back in Toledo, probably for a while now, but the results of the past week are still very present with me.

My parents spoke with my grandmother yesterday and announced that they had decided on a new house and made the purchase. It is a three bedroom house, as they had originally planned, and while they will not be having my grandmother make mortgage payments for the balance beyond their hefty down payment, they have asked my grandmother to 'give' them some money to make their down payment even larger. It's certainly a much more fair deal to my grandmother, but I'm still not thoroughly happy with the fact that they're taking money from her. Don't get me wrong - my grandmother will give it to them happily, but it just seems to me that it's a different thing if my grandmother offered them a bundle of money to add to their down payment rather than them asking her to give it to them, already knowing that she's willing to make the mortgage payments if that's what they wanted. It just doesn't seem like it's the right way for a gift to be given.

Speaking of gifts, my grandmother bought me lunch today at Max & Erma's and bought me a really sweet pair of Nautica loose-fit jeans, both as birthday presents (she also gave me some money (which is always appreciated)) - isn't she the best. My birthday is still a few days away, but I won't see her until after it passes, and she wanted me to have something as a gift for when my birthday comes. She's so thoughtful.

I've been worried that once I've moved in with my grandmother that I'll get selfish and not be as caring and patient as I want to be with her. I can't imagine it right now because she's so important to me and because I so much want to do this for her, but I've lived alone for a long time now (about seven years) and I'm concerned that I'll want to do my own thing at times and not spend as much time with her as I should. Granted, one of the reasons that she likes the idea of me staying with her rather than moving to the new house in Florida is that she would still be relatively independent and have all of the first floor of the house to herself and also still have access to all of her friends and neighbors with whom she can share her time. She, too, wants some of her time to be her own person, but I don't want to get into one of my reclusive depressions and leave her feeling alone, even though I'd be living right upstairs. I guess I shouldn't worry about something that may never be an issue, but I don't want to let my grandmother down. She deserves so much from me.

As a side note, Beware the Ides of March. Caesar was assassinated 2047 years ago. Getting stabbed by your friends and colleagues hurts just as much now as it did then, so choose your friends and associates wisely - you may only have one chance.

<creepy way to close a Journal entry, eh?>

Posted at 11:12 PM

March 14, 2003

Yesterday happened to be somewhat productive for classwork for college, and I am actually the slightest bit ahead of schedule for the first time all semester. I still have a bit more to do to put me a week ahead, which is where I like to be in case of something unexpected or to allow time for a big paper or project. With some work today, tomorrow, and Sunday, I should roll into classes next week with better preparation and a better attitude than I've had in a while.

Meanwhile, I've even watched a bunch of cable tv. It's really terrible, in a way, because it's mindless stuff, but I have been able to watch so much that I haven't had access to in so long that it is really a treat, even when it's just a silly old rerun or a mediocre movie. The downside is that it has robbed me of some of my productivity, but I've still done well with my classwork. This will be a problem when I move in with my grandmother, however. I'll just have to decide whether I want to have cable and discipline myself or just go with my trusty high-powered antenna and not allow cable to tempt me. My grandmother will certainly keep her own cable hookup one way or another, but I'll have to decide how to arrange things for the upstairs apartment.

It's funny that I should even be making decisions like this considering cable tv hasn't been an option for years. My budget simply wouldn't allow it before (and even though it would simply be a charge for an extra tv on the household cable bill, it would still be an added cost to my budget), but more importantly I simple couldn't get cable even if I wanted it. Buckeye Cablevision, our only cable provider her in Toledo (and in Sandusky, as well) won't run cable to the Collingwood Arts Center because it's too expensive since the building is so large and running cable would span hundreds of yards on the outside and inside just to get to even one room.

Strange changes are underway. Hopefully they'll be for the best.

Posted at 2:54 PM

March 13, 2003

I spent part of my day trying to scrape ice off of the sidewalks and driveway today after the freakish ice storm last night, but I made fairly pathetic progress. It was a sign of things to come, though. There will be a lot more physical activity for me, with snow shoveling, lawn mowing, and other yard and house maintenance responsibilities that will be necessary when I move to stay with my grandma. Part of me dreads the extra work, but I am mostly pleased with the idea because I really don't get the kind of exercise that I really should, and this will keep me a bit more active. Besides which, there is a certain simple satisfaction of completing a task as minor as mowing the lawn (which in this house is indeed minor since the yard is quite small).

The yard work aspect is indicative of a lot of what will face me. I'll have longer drives and have to chauffeur my grandmother to appointments, and I'll have to help out with meals for more than just myself and I'll have long conversations that will drastically change the way I spend my free time, but I'll also end up feeling more fulfilled, will probably eat better, and will feel rather less lonely than I have for years. I don't expect this to be a piece of cake - quite the contrary; I expect that this will keep me quite busy and will at times give me some serious anxiety, but I think that there will be a huge amount of benefits that will more than balance out the deficits.

Heck, just consider how much better off I'll be than I am at the Arts Center. I will have a full kitchen of my own (whereas at the Arts Center I have access to a shared kitchen but generally cook in my room with a microwave or small appliance and a dorm-sized refrigerator.). I will have my own bathroom (whereas at the Arts Center I share a community bathroom, dorm-style). I will have a garage for my car (whereas I park in an unfinished parking lot and risk getting my car vandalized or stolen at the Arts Center). I will have access to air conditioning and adjustable heat (whereas the Arts Center has no real options). And I'll even be able to use my phone and wireless internet anywhere in the whole house (whereas the thick concrete and steel construction of the Arts Center never fails to block the transmission of my V-tech phone and my Airport transmitter). I'll pretty much have my own nice two-bedroom apartment just upstairs from my grandmother, and that will certainly be a welcomed change.

I'm pretty optimistic about all of this. It will undoubtedly take some getting used to and will have its share of headaches, but I think it will be good for my grandmother and for me.

Posted Written at 12:12 AM

March 12, 2003

The wheels of change have been set in motion.

My grandmother and I finally reached my sister in Florida yesterday to ask her opinion about my moving in with my grandmother (see the past couple of Journal entries). As I expected, she was quite pleased with the idea and was very relieved that the old house wouldn't be sold. My grandmother was quite comforted to have the support, and that led to calling my parents this morning.

My grandmother laid things out very simply, and my parents were very accepting of the idea. It was weird in a way because they didn't even seem the slightest bit shocked or anything, but it did all go rather well. My grandmother did indeed offer to make the payments on the new house in Florida, but my father wouldn't have it (which surprised me, but it really shouldn't have; he's far too proud to accept anything that seems like charity). Both my grandmother and I were much more at ease with the mutual acceptance of the whole family for this move, and it looks clearly like things will be a go.

My parents have yet to decide on their new home, much less purchase it, but that is their purpose for the next few days of their stay in Florida. Provided they find and purchase a new home, they will spend the rest of the year, through the summer, sorting out the house, having yard sales, and preparing whatever they will ship to Florida for the new home. Sometime shortly after they have made their move, I will be able to move from Toledo to Sandusky and set up living arrangements. Hopefully that will happen by the middle of August so that I will be relocated when school resumes in the fall, but I have my doubts about whether my parents will be able to take care of everything in that time. There's a lot to sort through and sell, and there's a lot to pack and move, and they will be pressed to do a great deal of work before they relocate.

In any case, the decision is made and there will be a lot of changes coming along, particularly for me. The remainder of the school year will continue mostly unchanged, but the summer will be a bit more complicated, and once I have moved there will be a whole bunch that will be changed.

But change is good, right?

Posted Written at 12:17 AM

March 11, 2003

It's already Tuesday of my one week off, and I have lots still to do. I am currently in Toledo, uploading Journals, getting mail, seeing that the Arts Center hasn't burned down, and similar things, all before I head down to Bowling Green to do some research.

This morning, before I left Sandusky, my grandmother discussed her concerns for finances if she stays in the old house. She has become determined that she can't "let my parents down" by not paying for half of the house, so she is considering still paying while keeping the old house, something which would stretch her finances extremely. I'm not in favor of pushing her financial stability, and the whole concept of still paying for something she won't be using is outrageous. She believes that she may have to move there eventually, when her health declines further, and I can't completely rule out that possibility. At the same time, it would still be unfair for her to pay so much for this new house when she is giving up everything and only getting a bedroom out of the bargain. It is simply wrong.

Sadly, my sister was not answering any of her phones this morning, so we were unable to get her opinion on things. We will try again when I return to Sandusky, but I worry that my grandmother will not be swayed from giving all of this financial support to my parents at her own risk. The last thing I want is for my grandmother's finances to be strained or for there to be no extra money in case of something unexpected, but it seems that this might well be the case if she tries to support both houses. It just isn't right that she should be paying anything for what will clearly be my parent's house; they're adults now (in a sense), and they should be able to responsibly care for themselves.

The whole damn thing just makes me crazy.

By the way, I apologize for not posting for the last few days, but I don't have direct access to my service provider in Sandusky, and things have had to wait until now for an upload. Hopefully this whole soap opera has been worth the wait.

Posted at 3:42 PM

March 10, 2003

My grandmother is consumed with reconsidering the move to Florida, and she is constantly talking about the possibilities. She is quite concerned that my parents will be enraged if she declines to go (which they will) and she worries that they may never speak to her again (which is ridiculous, really; they'll be very anxious to see her and try to make her feel guilty). Nevertheless, she worries about this as well as what she might do regarding "her share" of the new house. She still feels obligated to contribute, even though my parents obviously are trying to take advantage of her. I, myself, wonder why they can't buy the new house themselves, considering they have money from selling their previous house, have savings and pensions from both being civil servants (firefighter and postal carrier), and have not paid a penny in rent or mortgage payments in twenty years. Even the no rent for twenty years aspect accounts for approximately $100,000 - where did it all go? Why make my grandmother pay for half of a $200,000 home (which will be double as much after interest on a 30-year mortgage) when all she gets is one single bedroom and a lot more hassles? It's all very unfair, and while my grandmother is much more accommodating and accepting than I am, she still just simply doesn't want to do this.

I have continued to tell my grandmother that I am behind her 100% and that I will support her in whatever decision she makes, but I have made clear that she must make the decision for herself. It is very much of a struggle for her and part of me regrets having said anything at all since this has become so preoccupying and frustrating for her. I simply don't want her to have made the move and find that she regrets (or resents) what has happened, because then she will be stuck (and being stuck with my parents would be bad enough, even if she appreciated the move and was comfortable).

My mother called tonight, having been supposed to call two days ago, and she told my grandmother that she was extremely tired and only wanted to talk for a moment. Always the kind soul, my grandmother said nothing about her concerns about the move yet told me after the call that she wished she could have brought it up but changed her mind when my mother had said she was tired. We have decided to call my sister (who should be returning to her second home (the one in Florida) from having been in Disney World today. I feel that she will be slightly less biased than my grandmother, me, or my parents since we all have a potential direct involvement in this decision. My grandmother is also, I think, hoping that my sister will broach the subject with my mother before my mother calls here once again (I think that this is a bit of a cop-out on my grandmother's part, not that I have said that to her, but she needs to stand up and confront my parents directly on this issue).

We'll call my sister in the morning and get her take on things. I already know that she dislikes the sale of the old house, partly because she also feels that my parents are unfairly manipulating my grandmother but also because she wants to be able to visit the old house with her kids when she likes. If my grandmother does indeed face down my parents, this will all become quite a nasty little affair for a while, so it will be better for both my sister and I to back my grandmother in what she chooses to do.

It should prove to be quite interesting.

Posted Written at 12:46 AM

March 9, 2003

My grandmother spent much of the day with a good friend of hers, Mary, attending church, sharing lunch, visiting a friend in a nursing home, and going grocery shopping, and I have spent the day trying to get schoolwork accomplished while feeling miserably cramped, tired, and queasy all day.

The bed where I slept left me waking up all night and left me quite uncomfortable, and the meal my grandmother and I pulled from the freezer last night doesn't seem to have agreed with me. As a a result, I have been lying down to calm my stomach, eating little, napping a few times, watching tv (cable television is a curse, I tell you), and getting very little done on the papers I had hoped to have completed today. Some work was done but not nearly enough.

On the plus side, I had some great conversations with my grandmother and we looked through some fantastic old photo albums which I had never seen before. My grandmother has certainly lived quite an amazing life, and I am so pleased to be able to spend time with her again. As a matter of fact, I feel very comfortable for the first time in weeks in that I don't feel isolated and alone. It is certainly a great treat.

Posted Written at 11:47 PM

March 8, 2003

With Spring Break beginning today, I have made a major shift from my usual routine. I have left Toledo for a brief while so that I can spend time with my grandmother in Sandusky, about an hour east of Toledo on the southern edge of Lake Erie. My parents, having just returned from a vacation in Australia, were determined to set out again, this time on a multi-staged trip, taking them to Disney World in Florida to spend time with my sister and niece and nephew; from there to view (and presumably purchase) a home in some retirement community in Florida; and from there to visit relatives on a driving trip north through South Carolina, North Carolina, and West Virginia before returning in late March. My grandmother, who had spent time with my sister at her home in Maryland while my parents were in Australia, was left alone at her home during this trip. While she is 88 years old, she is still quite alert and active but is getting a bit frail as the years pass, and she also is no longer allowed to drive, having been forced by my parents to sell her car. I was made aware of the whole situation and was asked to check in on my grandmother, but I decided to spend my week of Break with her so that she could have some company. Besides, since I won't visit her house while my father is there, my visits have been very infrequent, and I desperately miss spending time with my grandma.

Now my grandmother is simply the best person I have ever known in my life: she is charitable, kind, positive, supportive, loving, compassionate, and forgiving. On the downside, she allows herself to hold her tongue far too often in deference to her friends and family, and she has far too often been taken advantage of. When my parents sold their house when I left for college (the house I grew up in), they moved into the second floor of my grandmother's house - not because she invited them or because they were destitute but because they saw an easy way to have money (sell your own house, move to a house that's paid off, and have someone else pay the utilities while you pay no rent - it's quite a deal; no wonder my parents both retired early and take trips all over the world, even though we never went anywhere for vacations except to work on my paternal grandmother's farm in West Virginia (oh boy, working as a farm hand for vacation - great)). But through all of this my grandmother (maternal) never complained and was always kind and generous, even when my parents (my father in particular) would berate her for how she cleaned her own house or yelled at her for not paying for something that my father wanted but she didn't. I have never liked the whole situation and have made my feelings known, but my grandmother did not want to offend anyone and felt it best to live and let live.

Well the insanity has peaked again in my family, and my parents have decided that they want to move to Florida. Not only that, but they have told my grandmother that she is moving as well and that she will sell her house (where she has lived for 50 years) and proceed to make all of the house payments on the new house in Florida, paying at least half of the whole value of the house in exchange for a single bedroom. Oh, and she'll have to sell all of her antiques and such as well, because there will certainly be no room for them.

Now I've been displeased about the whole issue and have been quite certain that my parents were making their own decisions and simply telling my grandmother to do what she is told, but I felt that it simply wasn't my place to fight this battle. Today, however, my grandmother brought up the issue without any prompting from me (on my first day of visiting, no less), and made very clear that she felt she had no other choice since she does indeed need some assistance to get to the grocery or church or the YMCA or whatever (not that my parents seem to help her out too much in this respect either). Nonetheless, I made it clear to her that I would move back to Sandusky and commute to school from her house if she wanted to stay, but the decision would have to be hers - that she did indeed want to stay and that it wasn't a decision based on my parents or me or my sister, just on what she truly wanted. She came back to this discussion numerous times tonight, and I think she is very seriously considering it. The only thing truly holding her back is the fact that my parents are actually planning to buy the new house while they are in Florida, sometimes during the next week, in fact, and the timing for my offer and for my grandmother to change her mind is now quite problematic. We'll just have to see where this leads.

Posted Written at 12:59 AM

March 7, 2003

I drove Kristina to the airport this afternoon so that she can fly to St. Louis (by way of Detroit as a connecting flight). I stayed around campus a little longer than usual, finishing Chuck Palahniuk's Fight Club for my Contemporary Fiction class, and then picked up Kristina at home and drove her to the Toledo Airport. We chatted for a while on the drive, and I stayed with her at the airport until she was able to slog through the lines to the security terminal, and we said our goodbyes. Kristina is still somewhat new to me (and to this group in general), but she has proved to be really funny and interesting, and I'm finding myself getting more comfortable around her. That's a big step for me, and it's nice to get past my trepidations and distrusts to develop a new friendship. If only I could do this more often.

Meanwhile, Spring Break begins tonight. It's only a week, and I have a fair amount of classwork to complete, but I might just be able to relax a bit while I'm away from classes (and it's about damn time).

Posted at 10:10 PM

March 6, 2003

You wouldn't be able to believe how bad the stories we workshopped tonight were or how bad the following reading of poetry and fiction was afterward. Bad, bad, bad. Really bad. Really, really bad. Seriously. Super-really bad.

So I was excited to get the fuck out of there and get on my way to 'the Boy' for our Thursday night get-together, particularly since I didn't make it last week. The problem was that nobody else was there.

As it happened, I was alone for nearly an hour, eating dinner by myself, when Pat was seated and ordered. He noticed me and came over to talk (you may (or may not) recall that Pat was in my Lit. of the Beat Generation class last semester and I was trying to get him to join us on Thursdays so that we could talk and get to know each other better. Well, I guess me being alone was less intimidating to him, and we talked for a little while about what we're reading (we're both in Contemporary Fiction together this semester) and what we're writing and such. Pat, as I had gleaned from our few conversations last semester, is startlingly intelligent, well-read, and articulate (and really attractive as well; being able to stare at him head-on as we spoke was really nice - it's a shame he has a girlfriend (not that he'd be interested in me if he didn't)). We were really getting chatty when Manny showed up with his girlfriend. I like spending time with Manny, and I haven't seen him much this semester, but Pat was very hard to pull out of his shell once Manny sat with us. We spoke some more, but it just wasn't the same. About an hour later, Chris, Heather, Kristina, and Sarah (not our friend Sarah from graduate school in Washington, D.C., but Sarah who takes German classes with Heather) as well as Sarah's boyfriend from Germany (who is in the middle of a two week visit. That was apparently too much for Pat, and he politely said his goodbyes and made his exit. (and I thought that I was shy with strangers).

We all talked in various combinations about various things for a few more hours before calling it a night. I think that the Midwest was proving to be quite a shock for Sarah's German boyfriend (particularly the greasy food that predominates at Big Boy if you don't know how to order carefully), but he did seem to enjoy his time with us.

Everyone is heading out in different directions for Spring Break and we won't see each other for another two weeks, but we're all in pretty good spirits. That includes me, oddly. Tonight's gathering, even though it was shorter than usual, was very comforting to me. Very.

Posted at 1:27 AM

March 5, 2003

As I said yesterday, I have been really down lately. Most of it is my own problems, loneliness, and various frustrations, old and new, but I must also add that the state of affairs in the world does a great deal to really make me feel hopeless and depressed as well. Just about everything in America under the Bush administration is driving me crazy, and certain news items have really seriously bothered me. Some of the most offensive issues just keep going and going, often having a variety of incarnations in the news from various points of view. This may end up seeming a bit long, but I want to share some of the most recent issues in the news that really have me bothered (and believe me when I say that this is an incredibly small number of the whole mass of disturbing stories).

First, let me express my ire at this story. A supposedly objective news network has hired a shock jock who, while apparently has very large audiences on the radio, is very clearly a racist, a sexist, and a bigot in every possible format.

Protests, threats grow over MSNBC move
Ann Rostow, Gay.com / PlanetOut.com Network
Friday, February 28, 2003 / 04:07 PM

A Feb. 12 announcement that the MSNBC network plans to hire controversial San Francisco talk radio host Michael Savage has drawn increasing protests from gay groups and others concerned about his history of provocative remarks.

Savage is a "shock jock" known for his attacks on "homosexual perversion," "the degenerates on the left," "the she-ocracy" of America, "turd-world nations," and "the freaks, the cripples, the perverts and the mental defectives" who are taking over the United States.

According to MSNBC, a General Electric subsidiary, Savage will host a weekly cable TV talk show, airing on Saturdays beginning in March. The company has also engaged former House Majority Leader Dick Armey as a pundit, and has axed Phil Donahue, its one liberal voice, after seven months.

The National Organization for Women (NOW), the Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation (GLAAD) and other groups have condemned MSNBC's move. On Tuesday, GLAAD issued a press release calling on the network to "rethink" its decision. GLAAD News Media Director Cathy Renna said the watchdog group has asked for a meeting with NBC President Bob Wright, but has yet to hear back from him.

She called the offer to Savage part of a "constellation of events going on at MSNBC which are very worrying" to the GLBT community. Conservative voices are not new to cable networks, but Savage, said Renna, is a "name-caller," not a "commentator." In comparison with Savage, Republican Dick Armey looks fit to be "the grand marshall of next year's Pride parade," she said.

While it's one thing to hear him lashing out on right-wing radio, Renna noted that it's quite another thing to see Savage air his views on a so-called news network, as part of what is theoretically considered a team of journalists.

" There's a whole lot of concern," said Renna. "It's not just a gay issue. There's a diverse set of people who are not going to sit idly by, and watch him get a national platform, and not voice their opinion."

In response, Savage launched an extraordinary attack on his Thursday radio show, pledging to "fight back" against (GLAAD and NOW's) "Nazism," if need be with the help of Attorney General John Ashcroft and the Bush administration.

" You rats! You stinking rats who hide in the sewers! You think you can go after my income? ... You think I'm Dr. Laura? You think I'm going to roll over like a pussy? You're wrong. I'll find out where you get your money from. You live by handouts, all of you. You live off grants, all of you. You're a bunch of beggars ... and we will do everything we can within the legal realm to cut off that funding! We are also going to the U.S. Justice Department under John Ashcroft. What you are doing is illegal!"

The full text and audio of Savage's Feb. 27 program is available at GLAAD.org.

Even after complaints by major national groups, as seen in the article above, MSNBC still plans to run his show. You might take note that the "objective" press (HA!) has only made mention of GLAAD in this related article and not NOW, certainly realizing that NOW is often given much more credence and respect (which is unfortunate for groups like GLAAD, but it's just the truth of things). This will end up just being what seems like the gay people vs. people who don't like gay people when it is really a much more pervasive, all-encompassing problem of universal intolerance for anyone who's not white, male, and straight.

UNDER FIRE, MSNBC HOST VOWS: 'I WON'T LET THESE BASTARDS WIN'
By JOHN MAINELLI
March 3, 2003 --

A gay-rights group says it plans to meet with NBC chairman Robert Wright this week in a last-minute attempt to head off Saturday's TV debut of controversial radio talk show host Michael Savage.

Savage, who's accused by gay and women's groups of being "homophobic, racist and sexist," is part of a new lineup for cable's struggling MSNBC, a joint project of NBC and Microsoft.

This week, the lines are being drawn in what promises to be a passionate and protracted battle over how far political talk on cable TV can go.

Savage is angrily threatening to counterattack "with all the abilities I have," including filing lawsuits and, if necessary, mobilizing his army of listeners.

" I'm not Dr. Laura and I'm not going to lift my skirts and run," Savage told The Post, referring to the tough radio shrink whose 2000 TV show was set upon by gay-rights groups that scared away advertisers and, arguably, forced a toned-down program that few watched, resulting in an early demise.

" If we let these bastards win, they will have elevated themselves to being a de facto national television censorship board," said Savage.

The Bronx-raised Savage says he's being persecuted because of "my conservative beliefs, pure and simple" and vows to counterattack if he feels his career is threatened - alleging, if necessary, a litany of abuses like "civil and/or religious rights violations, hate crimes, economic terrorism" and even racketeering.

" If I have to, I'll ask my five million listeners . . . to lobby the Justice Department to investigate these groups to see if they have broken the law," said Savage, whose national radio show is carried from 8 to 10 p.m. on New York's WABC/770 AM.

" Everything [he said], from the childish name-calling to his notion that the U.S. Justice Department is his personal posse, seemed the product of a seriously disturbed individual," said Cathy Renna of GLAAD, which has teamed with the National Organization for Women to keep Savage off TV.

" We're expecting a green light . . . to meet with Bob Wright, maybe as early as Tuesday," said Michael Young, also of GLAAD.

Is Savage's fledgling TV career in jeopardy?

" I'm getting assurances from every level [at MSNBC] that they back me 100 percent," he said.

" The only thing that's going to get Michael Savage off the air is low ratings," says Talkers magazine publisher Michael Harrison, noting that low-rated MSNBC doesn't need to worry about losing advertisers the way hundreds of high-rated TV stations did with Dr. Laura.

" There's a big difference in being opposite O'Reilly and Oprah," he said.

Harrison says organized attacks on Savage may actually work to his advantage.

" They were able to get to Laura personally and shake her up whereas Savage will counterattack and grow stronger," Harrison said.

" They will increase his resolve and perhaps even his ratings because controversy can significantly boost ratings."

Meantime, MSNBC denies that last week's firing of liberal Phil Donahue and the hiring of right-of-centrists like Savage, Jesse Ventura, Dick Armey and Joe Scarborough signals an attempt to go talking-head to talking-head with the red-hot Fox News Channel.

" We're a big tent...with opinions from all over the political spectrum," said an MSNBC spokesman.

And there's more. Some of you may have seen this latest ruling on the Pledge of Allegiance. I am a big advocate of the separation of church and state, and this is not some simple little issue of people losing their precious 'Pledge'. If it were that simple, they would just revert to the old version that was used before WW II, which was exactly the same except that it didn't include the words "under God". But of course that would be too simple.

Appeals court stays enforcement of its pledge ruling
Tuesday, March 4, 2003

SAN FRANCISCO, California (AP) -- A federal appeals court on Tuesday put on hold its ruling barring the recitation of the Pledge of Allegiance in public classrooms, pending an appeal to the Supreme Court.

The order followed a request from the Elk Grove Unified School District near Sacramento. The daughter of the man whose suit led the 9th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals to find the pledge unconstitutional attends school there.

Without Tuesday's stay, public schools in nine western states would have been banned -- beginning next Monday -- from reciting the pledge, with its reference to "under God." Those states are Alaska, Arizona, California, Hawaii, Idaho, Nevada, Montana, Oregon and Washington.

The stay gives the school district 90 days to ask the Supreme Court to review the ruling.

In June and again last Friday, the San Francisco-based appeals court ruled that the pledge is an unconstitutional endorsement of religion when recited in public schools.

The Elk Grove district was the target of a lawsuit filed by Michael Newdow, a Sacramento atheist, who alleged that his daughter shouldn't be forced to take part in reciting the pledge.

In a case that bitterly divided the nation and the federal judiciary, the appeals court ruled in Newdow's favor. Attorney General John Ashcroft has said the Justice Department would "spare no effort to preserve the rights of all our citizens to pledge their allegiance to the American flag."

California law requires schools to conduct a patriotic observance at the beginning of each school day. Elk Grove officials had said they would have students sing the national anthem instead of the pledge if the appeals court did not delay its ruling.

California Gov. Gray Davis has predicted the nation's highest court will nullify the appeals court's ruling, saying "surely the Supreme Court will permit schoolchildren to invoke God's name while reciting the Pledge of Allegiance."

What makes me even more incensed about this whole pledge things is this news article from today. Apparently it's okay for the United States to tell people what religion to practice (or recite in school), but it's not okay for anybody else.

U.S. Concerned About Religious Freedom
Thursday, March 6, 2003

WASHINGTON (AP) - The United States expressed concern Wednesday over what it termed severe violations of religious freedom in six countries: Burma, China, Iran, Iraq, North Korea and Sudan.

``Regrettably, the status of religious freedom has not significantly improved in any of these countries'' since they were named last year under the U.S. International Religious Freedom Act, State Department spokesman Richard Boucher said.

He said the designation of ``countries of particular concern'' is just one of the tools the United States uses to address religious persecution and bring pressure on governments accused of that practice.

But why worry about religious freedom when you should be more worried about having your own opinion. I don't find this article surprising, considering Emperor Bush's propaganda machine, but the loss of free speech rights is something that really just sickens me, even if I do expect it.

Man Arrested for Wearing Peace T-Shirt
By DAMITA CHAMBERS

ALBANY, N.Y. (AP) - A man was charged with trespassing in a mall after he refused to take off a T-shirt that said ``Peace on Earth'' and ``Give peace a chance.''

Mall security approached Stephen Downs, 61, and his 31-year-old son, Roger, on Monday night after they were spotted wearing the T-shirts at Crossgates Mall in a suburb of Albany, the men said.

The two said they were asked to remove the shirts made at a store there, or leave the mall. They refused.

The guards returned with a police officer who repeated the ultimatum. The son took his T-shirt off, but the father refused.

``'I said, `All right then, arrest me if you have to,''' Downs said. ``So that's what they did. They put the handcuffs on and took me away.''

Downs pleaded innocent to the charges Monday night. The New York Civil Liberties Union said it would help with his case if asked.

Police Chief James Murley said his officers were just responding to a complaint by mall security.

``We don't care what they have on their shirts, but they were asked to leave the property, and it's private property,'' Murley said.
A mall spokeswoman did not return calls Tuesday seeking comment.

Monday's arrest came less than three months after about 20 peace activists wearing similar T-shirts were told to leave by mall security and police. There were no arrests.

THis was followed closely by a protest of 100+ people at the mall who met with the mall manager and demanded justice. The charges have been dropped, but I can assure you that the mall's motivations had nothing to do with democracy - just capitalism.

Group Protests N.Y. Peace T-Shirt Arrest

GUILDERLAND, N.Y. (AP) - About 100 anti-war demonstrators marched through a mall Wednesday to protest the arrest of a shopper who wore a T-shirt that read ``Peace on Earth'' and ``Give Peace a Chance.''

``We just want to know what the policy is and why it's being randomly enforced,'' said Erin O'Brien, an organizer of the noontime rally at the Crossgates Mall in suburban Albany. ``It's only the people in the recent months who have anti-war or peace T-shirts that are being asked to leave the mall.''

Protesters met with a mall manager and said they would stop protesting when charges against the shopper were dropped and when the mall outlined its policy. A mall spokeswoman did not immediately return calls for comment.

On Monday, Stephen Downs, 61, and his son were asked by mall security guards to remove their peace-slogan shirts or leave. Downs' 31-year-old son, Roger, took off his shirt. But Downs, a lawyer with the state Commission on Judicial Conduct and a former Peace Corps volunteer, refused.

The guards called police, and he was charged with trespassing and pleaded innocent.

Police Chief James Murley said: ``We don't care what they have on their shirts, but they were asked to leave the property, and it's private property.''

The men had had the T-shirts made at a mall store and wore them while they shopped.

And finally, while I'm sure others will vociferously disagree with me, two recent Supreme Court rulings are incredibly outrageous. The first deals with the various '3-Strikes' laws in various states that basically allow courts to give life sentences for three time offenders, even for the most minuscule offense. Shoplift candy and get caught three times, and you're fucked in one of the many states with this ruling. I would really like someone to tell me how that isn't cruel and unusual punishment. Isn't the punishment supposed to fit the crime and all of that? Or is the intent just to lock away as many people as possible?

Supreme Court Upholds 'Three-Strikes' Law

WASHINGTON (AP) - In a case that could shield state ``three-strikes'' laws, the Supreme Court ruled Wednesday that a sentence of up to life in prison is not too harsh for a repeat criminal caught swiping three golf clubs from a California pro shop.

The court also said a term of 50 years to life is not out of bounds for a small-time thief who shoplifted videotapes from Kmart. The tapes, including ``Batman Forever'' and ``Cinderella,'' were worth $153.

Both men were sentenced under California's toughest-in-the-nation law for repeat criminals. By votes of 5-4, the court said the law does not necessarily lead to unconstitutionally cruel and unusual punishment.

Gary Albert Ewing had prior felony convictions for burglary when a clerk at an El Segundo golf shop noticed him trying to make off with golf clubs stuffed down one pant leg. He was convicted and sentenced to 25 years to life in prison. There is no possibility of parole before 25 years.

``Ewing's sentence is justified by the state's public-safety interest in incapacitating and deterring recidivist felons, and amply supported by his own long, serious criminal record,'' Justice Sandra Day O'Connor wrote in the main opinion in that case.

Like similar laws in 25 other states and the federal government, the California law was intended to shut the revolving prison door for career criminals. The laws typically allow a life prison term or something close to it for someone convicted of a third felony.

In dissent, Justice Stephen Breyer said the Ewing case is a rare example of a sentence that is so out of proportion to the crime that it is unconstitutional. He was joined by Justices John Paul Stevens, David Souter and Ruth Bader Ginsburg.

Outside California's three-stikes law, a 25-year prison term is more the norm for someone convicted of first-degree murder, not shoplifting, Breyer wrote.

``Ewing's sentence is, at a minimum, two to three times the length of sentences that other jurisdictions would impose in similar circumstances,'' he wrote.

Breyer read a summary of his dissent from the bench, a step justices usually reserve for cases in which there is strong, often ideological, disagreement.

At least 7,000 people have been sentenced under the California law, including more than 300 such as Ewing and Leandro Andrade, the men at the heart of Wednesday's cases. Both received long sentences when the courts treated a relatively minor crime as a third-strike felony.

Andrade will not be eligible for parole until 2046, when he would be 87.

The high court rulings address only the effects of the California law. But the court's reasoning likely shields other three-strikes laws from similar constitutional challenges.

``This makes it extremely difficult if not impossible to challenge any recidivist sentencing law,'' said Andrade's lawyer, University of Southern California law professor Erwin Chemerinsky. ``If these sentences aren't cruel and unusual punishment, what would be?''

California voters approved the three-strikes law in 1994, largely in response to the killing of schoolgirl Polly Klaas by a paroled repeat criminal.

Wednesday's main ruling noted the popularity of three-strikes laws and the public fears about violent crime that led to them. State legislatures should have leeway to keep career criminals away from the public, O'Connor wrote.

``Throughout the states, legislatures enacting three strikes laws made a deliberate policy choice that individuals who have repeatedly engaged in serious or violent criminal behavior, and whose conduct has not been deterred by more conventional approaches to punishment, must be isolated from society in order to protect the public safety,'' O'Connor wrote.

Chief Justice William H. Rehnquist and Justice Anthony Kennedy fully agreed with O'Connor's reasoning.

Justices Antonin Scalia and Clarence Thomas agreed with the outcome, but wrote separately to say they think the constitutional ban on cruel and unusual punishment is not a guarantee against sentences like Ewing's.

A chief author of the law, former California Secretary of State Bill Jones, said the court understood what the state was trying to do.

``Our goal in California is to have no more victims,'' Jones said in a written statement. ``The court's decision today ensures that repeat murderers, robbers, rapists and child molesters will be off our streets as soon as they commit an additional felony.''

And the other Supreme Court ruling is equally as much of a cruel and unusual punishment. I know that a huge number of people will object with me on this one, and let me make very clear that I have no sympathy for child abusers or rapists for what they have done, but the penal system is supposed to exact its punishment and then allow you to return to society after you have put in your time. Hopefully people will be reformed by the system and see the error of their ways, but that's not always the case. Even so, to punish all of the people who did learn their lesson, just because of one or two repeat offenders, is cruel and unusual. If the courts feel that someone is still a danger to society then they should have placed longer sentences on the crime or have made parole more difficult. The bottom line is, once a criminal has served their time they should be allowed to have full rights as a citizen again, otherwise why should they ever be returned to society at all? Sex offenders should be no different. Many of these people have made mistakes or are psychologically ill and will never cause further problems, but the courts are determined to make it impossible for them to have a job, a place to live, or even general safety by portraying each and every one of these people as a rapist or child molester simply waiting for their next victim.

Supreme Court upholds sex offender registration laws
Wednesday, March 5

WASHINGTON (AP) -- The Supreme Court ruled Wednesday that photos of convicted sex offenders may be posted on the Internet, a victory for states that use the Web to warn citizens about potential predators in their neighborhoods.

In a separate ruling, the court turned back a challenge from sex offenders who argued they deserved a chance to prove they aren't dangerous to avoid having their pictures and addresses put on the Internet.

The decisions came in the Supreme Court's first review of what are known as Megan's laws. They have far-reaching implications because every state and the federal government have sex-offender registry statutes.

The laws are named for 7-year-old Megan Kanka, a New Jersey girl kidnapped, raped and killed in 1994 by a convicted sex criminal who lived in her neighborhood.

The Supreme Court cases, from Alaska and Connecticut, required justices to balance the rights of offenders with the public safety interest in keeping tabs on people who may commit more sex crimes.

The court came down on the side of public safety in both cases, but left the door open for future constitutional challenges.

By a 6-3 vote, justices rejected arguments by two Alaska sex offenders who contended they already served time for sex crimes before the Alaska registration law was passed and were punished a second time with the registry. The Alaska law requires convicts to give police personal information four times a year or risk more prison time.

The government had argued that it was not burdensome for offenders to report to police every 90 days to provide information, including their addresses, and to have their pictures taken, because all people have to fill out paperwork in government office to vote, register a car or get married.

Justice Anthony Kennedy agreed the law is not punitive.

" Our system does not treat dissemination of truthful information in furtherance of a legitimate governmental objection as punishment," he wrote for the majority. "The purpose and the principal effect of notification are to inform the public for its own safety, not to humiliate the offender."

In a dissent, Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg said that "however plain it may be that a former sex offender currently poses no threat of recidivism, he will remain subject to long-term monitoring and inescapable humiliation." Also opposing the court's ruling were Justices John Paul Stevens and Stephen Breyer.

Information about sex offenders is available online in about three dozen states.
The court also ruled 9-0 that Connecticut did not have to hold separate hearings to determine the risk posed by sex criminals who have completed their prison sentences before putting them in a registry. But Chief Justice William H. Rehnquist, writing that decision, said the case did not give the court the appropriate avenue to decide whether Connecticut's law violates substantive due process rights.

" The court has made a very powerful and compelling statement about the need for objective, accurate information being as available as possible," Connecticut Attorney General Richard Blumenthal said.

Justice David Souter noted in a separate opinion that the court's decision does not affect future constitutional challenges to Megan's laws.

Stevens said that in both rulings his colleagues "fail to decide whether the statutes deprive the registrants of a constitutionally protected interest in liberty." The cases are Connecticut Department of Public Safety v. John Doe, 01-1231, and Otte v. Doe, 01-729.

America is failing in its duty to the people of this country and the world to abide by the principles of the Declaration of Independence and of the United States Constitution (particularly the Bill of Rights). This must end now. I don't think I can bear to see things get any worse.

Posted at 12:12 AM

March 4, 2003

I've been drowning for days now, submersed in dark depression with hardly a breath of life left. I can barely move, it seems. It's all just really bad.

I stopped by Chris and Heather's apartment before heading to my class tonight and actually caught Heather at home. Like I told her, I just "needed to see a friendly face." We talked for a while - until I only had four minutes to get to class, in fact - and it helped tide me over. It's not like we discussed anything earth shattering or that Heather gave me some great words of encouragement, but just talking to someone that I know is my friend was incredibly comforting.

If only that would last.

Posted at 9:47 PM

March 3, 2003

I think I fucked up yet another exam. This one was for my Contemporary Literature class, and once again I knew things backwards and forwards. The exam covered the first four novels we have read and discussed, as well as all of the specific thematic ideas and writing techniques and such. It was a combination of short answer identifications (choose 8 of the 12 provided quotes and name the book they come from, the author, and (in two to three sentences) the thematic significance to the novel) as well as a long essay (choose 1 of 3 topics, each specific to a given novel). It wasn't a hard exam. I knew everything that was asked. I answered all of the IDs without a hitch, very fully, but that took about 30 minutes of my 50 minute exam (damn the stingy university for not having wall clocks in all of the classrooms!). With only 20 minutes left for the long essay, I made an outline, wrote out a very good and thorough thesis paragraph with an interior summary of what I would say in the whole essay, and then I proceeded to write the first of what would have been three evidence paragraphs - then I ran out of time.

It just sucks. I've never been fantastic on exams in the first place; I get a lot of anxiety and lack of confidence when I take a focused exam, and I invariably struggle to have enough time. Essay exams are the worst. Usually, though, I can work well enough to get my knowledge across and have a fairly full essay by the end of the exam. Lately, though, writing anything has taken forever. I'm usually fairly deliberate (even slow) at writing, and I am notably slower than most of my fellow classmates (I don't bullshit, and I write in proper sentences with a well-thought outline of what the whole piece will discuss). Consequently, I'm always the last person taking an exam, even when I know the material thoroughly. It usually pays off and I get among the top scores in the class, so I can be content that finishing first doesn't mean anything. However, I've been so distracted and slowed down in everything lately that writing within a time limit like this is a disaster. Just another 10 to 20 minutes would have made all of the difference (heck, 10 minutes would have at least finished the essay, even if it was rushed), but it just wasn't to be.

I have no idea how this professor grades or how things will turn out. It bothers me, quite a bit actually because I've been doing quite well in that class, but I'll just have to wait and see. At least it's over with.

In other news (and for the same class), I started reading Chuck Palahniuk's Fight Club today. You will be shocked to know that I have never seen the movie (and I won't until at least after I've finished reading the novel), so I'm going to be discussing a story that likely almost all of the class will be thoroughly familiar with. It should be interesting. So far the novel is engaging, although all of the destructiveness and violence is a bit excessive for me. I know, I know ... that's part of the whole essence of the book, but hurting people and destroying things just really bothers me, regardless of the situation (this non-violent attitude of mine, also, will make class discussion interesting, I'm sure). At least I enjoy this aspect of the class (if only there weren't exams, I'd be all set).

Posted at 10:55 PM

March 2, 2003

Just kill me and put me out of my misery. Really.

Posted at 9:19 PM

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