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| message board November 2009
Anyone who says that the phrase "Truth is stranger than fiction" bears no truth has never been a caregiver for the elderly. Posted at 11:00 PM
I watched the Ultimate Cut of Watchmen today - that's the theatrical release of the movie plus the deleted scenes plus Tales of the Black Freighter interspersed throughout as it was in the original Watchmen graphic novel. First let me say that it was an astoundingly well-done movie that was amazingly faithful to the comic. Thank you for that, all involved. With that said, however, it is all the more bizarre where the movie did in fact veer from the original. For instance, calling the group of heroes 'The Watchmen', as if that were a group name, was never done in the comic - so why force a name in the movie when it really wasn't necessary? And why change the ending of the movie from the graphic novel version with the explosion of New York that leaves partial remains of an 'alien' that is merely a genetic mutation developed by Veidt? Going with a nuclear explosion that can be blamed on Dr. Manhattan is - I suppose - simpler in some ways, but to me really seemed very arbitrary when everything else was done so faithfully down to the last detail. I just don't really understand why you'd make the change. Still - it was all wonderfully well done visually and in scripting. Casting was quite good as well, although Ozymandias still feels a bit too slim and sleek compared to the graphic novel version - but the actor conveyed the character perfectly, so I gave that a pass. If you haven't seen the movie I'd recommend it, but whether you've seen it or not, I encourage you to find a copy of the Ultimate Cut to watch. See the movie the way the story was meant to unfold. It makes all the difference. Posted at 9:58 PM
Am I wrong to think that opening someone's door and listening to what they're doing and smelling the air to figure what and when they're eating - all without their knowledge - is just as bad as being a peeping Tom - particularly if you've been caught at it before and told it was unacceptable, eliciting a promise that it wouldn't happen again? I caught my grandma at this yet again today, and I can't begin to explain how aggravated and disrespected it makes me feel. I spend every day of the year, every waking hour of the day, watching out for my grandma and taking care of her, her house, her yard, her finances, and everything else imaginable, and it is very little for me to ask to have a little privacy when I head upstairs to shit, shower, eat, jack off, or even just watch TV or read. The fact that my grandma loves to be a nosy busybody does not mitigate this at all. I find it very disrespectful, particularly after her repeated promises that she wouldn't do it. And she clearly knows that she is doing something wrong because she is very notably ashamed to be caught each time I catch her. This can't be dismissed as just another aspect of her diminishing mind. She's been doing this since I came here over seven years ago, and it not only doesn't get any easier to deal with, it gets worse. I get more and more frustrated with her invading my privacy because as the years have passed I have had less and less personal time to myself, where I'm not taking care of my grandmother. It's bad enough that my mother and sister can't be bother to relieve me of being a 24/7 caregiver for my grandma - without weekends or even nights off - but to not even have a private moment to take a shit and be free from my grandma's prying eyes, ears, or nose - it's beyond insulting. I cannot see where I'm out of line regarding any of this. Posted at 5:57 PM
Today was even more crazy and tiring and run-around than yesterday (when I had to make a full Thanksgiving dinner). This is yet another day that should have been fairly relaxed. What is wrong with my life that everything becomes so outrageously complicated? And why can't I have even just one day where things are at least somewhat relaxed and go somewhat smoothly so I don't have to be so frantic? Oh how I long for a vacation. Posted at 7:01 PM
Wow. I managed to make Thanksgiving dinner on my own with all the fixins and have it all come together without a hitch. What were the odds? Posted at 10:58 PM
If I'm going to have to put up with a woman who acts like she's four years old then I should have the benefits of a child to go with it. Having just the whiny, arguing, know-it-all fussiness of a four year old in my ninety-five year old is inexpressibly unfair. Posted at 6:54 PM
The last three weeks I have been able to read no more than 30 pages of my current book in a day - and that's only about once out of every three days that I have time to read at all. Between my mom visiting and 'taking care of my grandma' and having the holidays cut back some of my grandma's weekly activities, I thought I'd be able to relax a bit and enjoy this book (and another book and another) and get to relax a little. That has hardly been the case. Today, as an example, I planned to make a fairly lazy day at home - nowhere we need to go, just doing laundry and reading. Ha! Like things could ever be that simple. Instead the laundry itself becomes three times the work it should be; my grandma does one of her super-trouble-making days; a package arrives from UPS damaged and I have to figure out how to return it; a simple call to my friend Steve becomes a two hour struggle; and the fuzzy mild migraine I've had all week has exploded into a crushing, painful roar of pain. And this is one of those light days with next to no errands or tasks or appointments. Think how much more fun those days are. Posted at 6:22 PM
The first broadcast of Doctor Who was forty-six years ago today. All hail the longest-running sci-fi programmer in television history. Posted at 9:46 PM
I survived another week-long visit from my mom. I even got a slight reprieve from the constant oversight of my grandma (although I'd hoped for more of a relaxing week than did in fact happen ). Now, with less than a day since my mom left this morning, I'm back to nearly beating my head against the wall because of my grandma. Hopefully she's just tired from the week's visit and will be better after a few days' rest. A longer break would have been nice, but I'll have to take what I can get. Posted at 8:19 PM
Why is it that garnishing your plate and garnishing your wages can be such dramatically different things? Posted at 5:54 PM
I'm always fascinated by innovative ways of looking at language and math, so props to Wil Wheaton for a cool look at today's date (11/20). (1120) = (1 × 2 × 3 × 4 × 5 × 6 × 7 × 8) / (1 + 2 + 3 + 4 + 5 + 6 + 7 + 8) Posted at 8:48 PM
Tired and depressed today. Why? Who the fuck knows? That's just how it is. Posted at 11:12 PM
Epiphany of the Day: Fact: Space is a vacuum. Ergo: Black holes are nature's vacuum cleaners. Posted at 11:10 AM
Just remember - nobody wants to help you unless there's something in it for them. It seems that neighborliness, good fellowship, the Golden Rule, and chivalry have all died in this new millennia. And thus we progress further and further from humanity and rush toward de-evolution and destruction. Posted at 5:30 PM
I really need to get some rest and take a day easy. I haven't had one of those in quite a while. Posted at 7:37 PM
Where the Wild Things Are was beautiful. I went this morning to the matinee, and even if this hadn't been the first movie I've seen in a year or so, it would have still been simply stunning. I had high hopes for this movie, both because I have so loved the book but also because everything I saw and read about the movie kept showing such promise: the perfect creation of costumes and sets to match the book perfectly, the involvement and endorsement of author Maurice Sendak for everything, and the effort to hold true to the story as seen in the book. Even with high hopes I was overwhelmed. It was even better than I could have hoped. Many people will have trouble truly enjoying this movie, I think, but if you look at the movie as a story from the perspective of a nine to ten year old boy it is as real and true to life as anyone could possibly create. To be able to create the anger and fear and isolation experienced at the age, coupled with the wild imagination and energy of a young boy, is a feat of film creation. The director, writer, and actors all pulled together a flawless piece of art that is magnificent, and the set designers and cinematographers must be given great accolades as well. IT was all truly wonderful. Now I can't wait until it's out on DVD. Posted at 7:17 PM
I hate yard work. I hate even worse when yard work takes so long that the day I set aside for it still isn't enough to get done. Dammit! I shouldn't be so upset, I suppose, considering this is pretty much the last of the yardwork until Spring, and I only have about another hours worth of cutting back plants for the winter. If only the sun hadn't been working against me this never would have happened. Posted at 8:41PM
Of course now that my grandma has missed the better part of a night's sleep (the night before last), she wouldn't dream of talking a nap, going to bed earlier, or sleeping in late to make up for the lack of sleep - even though she's tired, mentally unable to focus for more than four seconds, and maintaining nothing in her memory at all. No, she'd much rather stay like this so she can drive me absolutely crazy and make me miserable and even more tired than she is herself. She seems quite happy with the results while I only left seeing her as a complete ass. This is far from her finest hour. Posted at 8:00 PM
My grandma didn't get a full night's rest last night and as a result she's more exhausting than ever. She might even be more exhausted than ever, but I can say for myself she is exhausting me like never before. I'm ready for bed already. Posted at 3:46 PM
Someone should make a movie called "The Banquet" and have only actors with food names: Meatloaf, Ice-T, and Halle Berry (and maybe even a cameo by the adult who as a child was Buckwheat) with just a few sprinklings of musical appearances by the Spice Girls and Flavor Flav and a scene in a night club with a comedy routine by Carrot Top. Sounds ridiculous, right? Well ... it's Hollywood we're talking about here. What really qualifies as ridiculous where they're concerned. They're certainly producing much worse stuff than this. Posted at 9:32 PM
Happy 11th Birthday, Christa! (Give me strength - she's almost a teenager). Posted at 4:58 PM
I read recently that one of the keys to happiness is to concentrate on the present and not the past or future. That makes sense to me, and I can see how you'd be happier that way, but in my own current situation it's hard to apply because it's difficult not to worry about the future when so much is so very uncertain and there is nothing for me to fall back upon. Sure, I could just leave the future to handle itself when it comes, but to me that seems completely irresponsible. Is blind irresponsibility the key to happiness? Maybe. Posted at 8:12 PM
I need to find a way to get back - to get back to what I once was - who I once was. I need to find my center again. I need to find some way to be at peace and to subdue my depression. I can never get rid of it, and I feel that it has gotten stronger as I've aged, but age alone doesn't account for my being so completely overcome by my depression as has been the case for the last decade. I cannot go on like this, and were it not for my grandmother needing me I would probably given up long ago. But once ... once a few years ago I made a massive effort - a multi-faceted approach at turning me around if you will - and it worked - at least until my sister crushed it out of me in the span of two visits and repeated demeaning and upsetting attacks against me. Maybe I'll fail again. Maybe I can't break the emotions and the chemical imbalance. Maybe I can break through but my sister will once again see me regaining some sense of happiness and close in again and attack me until I break. Maybe it's not even worth trying when the bigger picture is fully considered. But I'd like to try one more time, even if it's for the last time. I need to see if I can break the chains that imprison me. I need to see if there is any hope left at all. Posted at 8:16 PM
The dreamer in me revels in this simple phrase just introduced to me within the last half hour. So seemingly simple and so powerfully full of promise. And yet the cynic in me wonders if anything can ever truly be that simple. Is it really possible to ignore the bad, the sad, and the ugly parts of life because you've made a choice to only be happy and nothing more. Wouldn't that just be living a lie, and wouldn't it requiring a certain amount of willful ignorance? I want to believe ... but I can't abide by a life that includes lying to get by - even if those lies are only to yourself. I just need to think more about this and see if there is a way to make this happen and do so without compromising my ethics. Posted at 1:18 AM
This is far from the Friday I expected it to be ... and talking to my father for the first time in many years was not among the highlights (come to think of it ... were there any highlights?). Posted at 7:17 PM
Oh bother ... Posted at 12:09 AM
I'd be much happier living in a cave without any news of the fucked up outside world. It is beyond belief that so much of humanity can be so inhuman. Posted at 10:03 PM
Brother ... could ya spare a few billion dimes? Posted at 6:50 PM
There should be some sort of system for leaves to fall off of the trees into big slides that lead to the curb - or something like this. I'm open to a Rube Goldberg machine to accomplish the task, just so long as there's a surefire way to not have to use a rake ever again. Posted at 7:31 PM
The woman will surely be the death of me. (That's gratitude for ya.) Posted at 5:06 PM
Journal, by Paul Cales, © November 2009
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November 30, 2009
