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| message board September 2009
Why do the days that should be easy and relaxing turn out to be the ones that are frantic and exhausting? Posted at 9:42 PM
I will never understand why it must take this long to get my grandma into and finished with a shower. Spending hours and hours (and hours) to get her cleaned up is ridiculous. If I could get her to let me clean her it would be much faster and much easier. I'd even appreciate more that she can wash herself in the shower if it didn't take two to seven hours to get from the point of deciding to shower to the point of being done. I am glad that my grandma is as healthy, mobile, and mentally intact as she is for her age, but there are some times it would be much easier if she were more capable or less capable than she is now so that she could accomplish things better on her own or so that she'd have no choice but to accept my help and let me do certain things (like washing) for her. This incredibly drawn out middle ground is beyond tedious and frustrating. Posted at 4:54 PM
She claims to be tired, achy in a few places (clearly from standing so long throughout the day yesterday), and she decided first thing in the day not to go to her aqua-arobics class for seniors at the YMCA - and yet she wants to keep standing, trying to make the bed, clean the dishes, make meals (all of which things I do for her almost invariably), and she was completely unwilling to take a nap or even just sit and relax in her chair with the paper or something on the television. She keeps herself from resting up after a couple of busy days and yet she wants to get past being tired - and of course she won't listen to me when I tell her she needs to just take it easy today and maybe even tomorrow so she's rested for her birthday luncheon with her friends on Wednesday. It's frustrating enough to see her keeping herself exhausted, but she's exhausted me as well because I've needed to run around and do everything before she could get to it. I generally make the bed, clean thee house, and so on every day throughout the day, but I'm not usually under the gun (so to speak) to get things done so that my grandma won't try and do them herself and tire herself out more. At least now the day is drawing to a close, and while there are still things to bee done before we're both in bed, the worst at least is probably over. I just hope tomorrow isn't as crazy and frenzied as today. Posted at 8:09 PM
A big day here in Sandusky - my grandma turned ninety-five and we had festivities for her most of the day. I got her up at seven and made her a nice breakfast before getting her ready. We headed to the church where she was able to sit with the whole family and a few close friends, and her grandson-in-law (my brother-in-law) played three trumpet solos (and two accompaniments for the chorus) around hearing birthday congratulations from the lay minister and pastor. I don't attend church as a rule, but this was an important event for my grandmother, so I went, spending time to arrange things before and just before the end of the service in the Fellowship Hall where there was a party for her after church. Many of her friends had come and joined the church congregation and they (plus the choir) all sang Happy Birthday. My grandma had a wonderful time talking to everyone, and it was nice for everyone else as well; there were all sorts of people who hadn't seen each other in a long time so it was nice for everyone to reconnect. Eventually we had to leave, not because the cake and cookies and other treats had run out, but just because people had places to go and things to do. All of the family adjourned back to the house and spent another few hours talking (around eating pizza), and eventually everyone left by around six in the evening. I spent some time cleaning up and finding places to store food, and my grandma fell into a bit of a nap in her recliner, and eventually she changed into her night clothes and had a small dinner I fixed for her. That brings us up to about now, going on nine, and I'm just eating a small dinner and typing this up. It's been a long, busy day, but it was extra special for my grandma - hopefully even a day she'll never forget (even with her diminished memory). It's not often somebody makes it to ninety-five, but my grandma certainly earned extra years from a life lived well. I'm looking forward to doing this same sort of thing when she reached one hundred. Happy birthday, grandma! Posted at 8:48 PM
My mother just bought enough cakes, cookies, cupcakes, and mints to give sugar comas to a full platoon. Nothing says 'Happy Birthday' like the gift of Diabetes. The fixin's are in place for my grandma's 95th birthday party. Hopefully a lot of the invited friends and family will show up. My parents have been in town for a few days and my sister's full family just got into town an hour ago. If we can get my grandma moving and together in the morning - and have her mentally functioning fairly well - then the day should go fairly smoothly and be a wonderful treat for my grandma. It will be a long day for her, but it should be a real treat - A very sugary treat! Posted at 7:05 PM
Well, the lyrics could have been referring to 9-25 ... Posted at 5:48 PM
Oh look! Yet another doctor who admonishes my grandma for eating too little to survive - only to be disregarded and cast as not knowing anything. Posted at 7:31 PM
Remember the days when bookstores actually were for books? - not housing for coffee shops, nick-nacks, blank journals and diaries, calendars, and clothing - not to mention CDs, DVDs, and games? You look for one simple, lousy book and you just have to throw up your arms in despair. It's just ridiculous <grumble> Posted at 6:47 PM
I'm tired. A whole day of cleaning has really worn me out. It wouldn't be so bad if I dusted and scrubbed more often (three months of not dusting and vacuuming adds up). Sure, I clean dishes after each meal, keep things put away or in their place at all times, and wipe up in the bathroom regularly - but dusting and vacuuming and scrubbing is mind-numbing, even if I do appreciate the nice gleam of properly cleaned glass and wood and porcelain. Oh well. At least it's done for now. The family begins to descend on Sandusky tomorrow evening for Sunday's celebration of my grandmother's ninety-fifth birthday. The birthday will be nice since it will be so great for my grandma, but the hordes of visiting relatives - probably not so much. Posted at 8:08 PM
To be a dreamer is a blessing and a curse ... but which aspect is worse, I wonder. Dreams give life to lofty goals, inspire creativity and invention, show us a better way of life, and bring hope. Yet the good comes hand-in-hand with the bad. Dreams can indeed be too lofty, too unrealistic, or too dependent on outside factors; they inspire more failures than successes, even if those failures might lead to that one rare success; they make clear that our own imperfect world is far too flawed and troubled; and when they fail to materialize again and again they cause unbearable disillusionment and hopelessness. As with all things you have to take the good with the bad, but there is clearly not a fair balance. I will always be a dreamer ... but sometimes I wonder if that's not such a good thing. Posted at 7:28 PM
Posted at 5:43 PM
Avast ye scurvy dogs! Ta Davy Jones locker with the lot o' ye, ya mutinous scum! Posted at 7:19 PM
I am truly an idiot. I should certainly know by this point in my life that asking for help - no matter how minimal that help might be - is not only pointless but bound to leave you worse off than had you said nothing at all. Everybody else in the world has their own agenda, and unless there's something in it for them, they won't be at all interested in doing anything to help you - ever. In fact, they'll often be indignant that you would even ask them for something. My definitions of friends and family - and what expectations are intrinsic parts of the nature of such close relationships - clearly are idealistic and certainly invested in the rarest few people I have ever known (and most of those rare gems from my life are sadly dead and gone). As a severely experienced cynic you would think I would know better. But I don't - so clearly I am just an idiot. Let this be a lesson to me once again. The only person you can count on is yourself. Trust in anyone else at your peril. Posted at 9:17 PM
I could really do well without these migraines, thank you very much ... Posted at 10:34 PM
It's lonely at the bottom. Posted at 9:54 PM
If 'The Devil is in the details' does that mean that obsessive-compulsive people are in Hell? Posted at 8:27 PM
I am sick of politics - national, state, and local - no matter party or policy - I am sick of it all. The United States of America could descend into ungoverned anarchy and be hardly worse of than it is now. Even the easiest of issues to tackle are avoided or made windbag complex -- and the truth means nothing to any politician, analyst, or pundit. Only sound-bites matter - not truth, not issues, not people. Mob rule would be less chaotic than the current idiocy displayed in Washington and in towns and cities across America. Abandon all hope ye who exist here. Posted at 9:17 PM
It never ends. Posted at 10:33 PM
The future is a pale reflection of the past. Posted at 8:02 PM
Humanity deserves no more compassion than it provides. Posted at 3:56 PM
Yes indeed - Life is shit. Why didn't I know this from the beginning? Posted at 5:25 PM
09:09:09 09.09.09 Posted at 9:09 AM
As much as I whine and bitch about how much my grandma aggravates me, it should be realized that I do feel that what I am doing for her is very important and very worthwhile. Nobody else is willing to stay here so that she can remain in her home, and I doubt anyone could put up with her any better than I do. As long as she is well enough that I can properly care for her, I'll be here. Once she's gone there's nothing left. Any value my life had died years ago, and the only point in my life now - the only purpose - is giving my grandma the best her remaining years can offer. After that I have no will - and no desire - to go any longer. What point would there really be? Posted at 7:00 PM
Posted at 3:41 PM
I'm tired of having to come up with new ways to police my grandma's actions and keep her from doing things that will hurt her or burn down the house. It's exhausting to have to keep trying to think up new ways to keep her out of certain areas or finding places to hide things that she shouldn't be using. It would be much easier if I could sell certain things or put them into inaccessible storage areas - or something. And it's honestly just simply frustrating to have to find a new way to do something you had thought you already had under control, only to find that the only sure guarantee of safety would be to strap her down to her recliner and only let her up and around under strict supervision at all times.That's really not reasonable or feasible, and it frustrates me to know that this is even a thought in my mind, even if I know it's something I'd never do. Toddlers and young children are actually easier to watch and keep out of things than a full-size adult, even if that adult has limited strength and very frequent (although not constant) observation. Even with constant observation the problems would remain unless I took the doors off the bathroom and her bedroom and unless I could figure out how to never sleep or go to the bathroom myself. And the most aggravating thing about this is that just about ever single one of these problems arise not because my grandma's unaware of what she's doing - the problem is that she knows exactly what she's doing, and she is determined to be defiant of anything and everything that is asked of her, no matter how reasonable, logical, or simple. She is determined that she knows better than everyone else - to the extent that doctors with decades of experience must be wrong ... scales and exact lab tests must be wrong ... loving family and friends must be lying and ignorant ... and even when she's already nearly burned the house down or already fallen in a certain worrisome area, she refuses to accept that anything is ever to be of concern. Having a ninety-five year old woman who thinks she's invulnerable and omnipotent is beyond frustrating. I don't recommend that you find out for yourself. In fact, if the opportunity arises - run for your life! Posted at 7:20 PM
Maybe I should just give up even trying to get things done. At least that might save me some small amount of disappointment and frustration (although ... probably not ...). Posted at 8:08 PM
Welcome to Labor Day weekend, when television programming hits its all-time lows for watchability. What the hell is it with having no new episodes or new movies (or even decent re-broadcast movies) over the entirety of Labor Day weekend? And it's not like it's just this year that this has happened ... Posted at 6:28 PM
Why is it that selfish, evil people get ahead and the good people - the best of us - die young or get screwed or get shoved aside? Was Darwin wrong and instead of just 'survival of the fittest' it's actually 'survival of the shittiest'? Posted at 8:17 PM
Epic fail. Posted at 1:05 AM
Eight hours to get my grandma ready to leave for a simple doctor's check-up ... and that was only possible because I kept telling her she had to be ready at a time that was two and a half hours before the actual appointment (she's invariably two hours late for anything where she's expected to be ready for a specific time). The fact that the appointment was at 3:45 P.M. and we barely made it still is baffling to me, even though I've experienced this repeatedly. The fact that I had to keep redirecting her every fifteen minutes to keep her progressing in a forward manner just adds to the thrill of the whole adventure. Who would ever have guessed that this is how I'd spend literally all my time. Posted at 8:17 PM
Journal, by Paul Cales, © September 2009
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September 30, 2009
