Journal Archives from theDreamworld ... April 2012

April 2012

April 30, 2012

Yet another month ends, and what is there to show for it? Certainly nothing positive ...

Posted at 11:13 AM

April 29, 2012

I wish I could distract my mind enough that I wouldn't have any chances to think.

Posted at 9:57 AM

April 28, 2012

Under any circumstances it's unsettling to be awoken by a phone call at 2:30 in the morning, but with my grandma's condition it is immediately upsetting. As it turned out last night, my grandma was fine but her feeding tube had some blockage that couldn't be dislodged so she was being sent to the Emergency Room to resolve the problem. It all worked out quickly and without problems, and she was back at Providence Care Center fairly quickly. None of that made me any less shaken.

It took me a while to get back to sleep last night, and I ended up without as full of a night of sleep as I would normally get (and need). I'm doing okay this morning despite less than enough sleep, but I can feel a jitteriness at the edges, and I suspect I'll burn out as the day progresses.

The emotional drain probably has more to do with my shakiness than the lack of sleep, but the effect is the same, no matter how much of either effect is to blame. All of this situation with my grandma is a struggle, and it's draining even when she's doing well. It's a very difficult time.

Posted at 10:20 AM

April 27, 2012

This world is as disappointing as possible.

Posted at 12:09 PM

April 26, 2012

Dark days ... dark days ...

Posted at 11:23 AM

April 25, 2012

Only the good die young, leaving the selfish, coldhearted, and ruthless to rule the world.

Posted at 9:34 AM

April 24, 2012

Hopeless is worse than just the opposite of hopeful.

Posted at 11:06 AM

April 23, 2012

Time is not our friend.

Posted at 11:42 AM

April 22, 2012

Excess stress and instability do nothing to minimize my migraines or quell my depression - quite the opposite.

Thanks, mom.

Posted at 9:34 AM

April 21, 2012

My grandma is once again being released from the hospital back to Providence Care Center. Hopefully she will go for a while in good health and not wind up back in the hospital again any time soon. I know it's inevitable at this point that she's just going to keep deteriorating and nearing her end, but I'd at least like her to have a last period of peace where she's in fairly decent health and with it mentally to share some time with her family and know us. It bothers me to think she'll die without feeling and knowing how much we love her and will always cherish her.

For now, at least, getting out of the hospital is a good thing.

Posted at 10:15 AM

April 20, 2012

My grandma was awake and chatty today, a huge change from every day of the past week where she's determinedly slept even during coughs and encouragement to wake up even briefly to say "Hello."

Of course just because she was chatty doesn't mean I could understand much of anything. Her weak, whispered voice, coupled with a dry mouth and tongue, make any sentence sound like gibberish. I struggled to understand - and sometimes succeeded - but most of the time I kept trying to get her to repeat herself and still made no progress. Still, having her awake and mentally with it was great.

This, coupled with the lab results, show that her urinary tract infection is clearing up tremendously. I'm still amazed how much of a negative affect a urinary tract infection can have on her mind, but it does (and apparently is very typical for anyone with such an infection).

So my grandma is on the mend, even though she's still in the hospital. Honestly, I am so mentally and emotionally mixed up about her condition I can't even begin to express how I feel.

Posted at 12:19 PM

April 19, 2012

Empty.

Posted at 9:58 AM

April 18, 2012

The phrase is "No pain, no gain;" yet for as intense and as persistent as my migraines are I have yet to gain anything at all from this.

Posted at 1:37 PM

April 17, 2012

I'm fast sinking into a dark, empty hole, and I feel I'll burst into endless heaving sobs at any moment. Is it depression or just the cruel hopeless reality of my life?

Posted at 10:16 AM

April 16, 2012

... and back to the hospital again, this time with another urinary tract infection and dehydration. Can't my poor little grandma catch a break and go even a full week without some new difficulty?

Posted at 12:49 PM

April 15, 2012

I commend Sheila Bair for her recent OpEd piece in the Washington Post. Good satire in the mode of Jonathan Swift has been sorely lacking for years, and she has masterfully formed this article to seem absurd but make very solid points which reveal how ridiculous the benefits to the wealthy and powerful truly are.

On the other hand, there is a large part of me that says "Why not?" Absurd or not, if our country could spend trillions of dollars on wars in countries where we've done at least as much harm as good and where both countries will revert to their previous states with our final exits - if our country could toss away trillions of dollars with nothing lasting to show for it - then why can't it give $10 million to each household? Or if that's too much, why not even half a million or a quarter million each? A just given, not as a loan - because let's face it, we're never getting back a cent of what went into the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq, so why should the American people be expected to pay for that but not get a benefit right back in their own pockets?

This essay is clearly satire, but it's not so far-fetched when you consider how the tax-payers' money is spent or when you look at how rigged the system is to the top 1% wealthiest people in America. The rest of us should get something. Let's start with $10 million.

Fix income inequality with $10 million Loans for Everyone!

Are you concerned about growing income inequality in America? Are you resentful of all that wealth concentrated in the 1 percent? I’ve got the perfect solution, a modest proposal that involves just a small adjustment in the Federal Reserve’s easy monetary policy. Best of all, it will mean that none of us have to work for a living anymore.

For several years now, the Fed has been making money available to the financial sector at near-zero interest rates. Big banks and hedge funds, among others, have taken this cheap money and invested it in securities with high yields. This type of profit-making, called the “carry trade,” has been enormously profitable for them.

So why not let everyone participate?

Under my plan, each American household could borrow $10 million from the Fed at zero interest. The more conservative among us can take that money and buy 10-year Treasury bonds. At the current 2 percent annual interest rate, we can pocket a nice $200,000 a year to live on. The more adventuresome can buy 10-year Greek debt at 21 percent, for an annual income of $2.1 million. Or if Greece is a little too risky for you, go with Portugal, at about 12 percent, or $1.2 million dollars a year. (No sense in getting greedy.)

Think of what we can do with all that money. We can pay off our underwater mortgages and replenish our retirement accounts without spending one day schlepping into the office. With a few quick keystrokes, we’ll be golden for the next 10 years.

Of course, we will have to persuade Congress to pass a law authorizing all this Fed lending, but that shouldn’t be hard. Congress is really good at spending money, so long as lawmakers don’t have to come up with a way to pay for it. Just look at the way the Democrats agreed to extend the Bush tax cuts if the Republicans agreed to cut Social Security taxes and extend unemployment benefits. Who says bipartisanship is dead?

And while that deal blew bigger holes in the deficit, my proposal won’t cost taxpayers anything because the Fed is just going to print the money. All we need is about $1,200 trillion, or $10 million for 120 million households. We will all cross our hearts and promise to pay the money back in full after 10 years so the Fed won’t lose any dough. It can hold our Portuguese debt as collateral just to make sure.

Because we will be making money in basically the same way as hedge fund managers, we should have to pay only 15 percent in taxes, just like they do. And since we will be earning money through investments, not work, we won’t have to pay Social Security taxes or Medicare premiums. That means no more money will go into these programs, but so what? No one will need them anymore, with all the cash we’ll be raking in thanks to our cheap loans from the Fed.

Come to think of it, by getting rid of work, we can eliminate a lot of government programs. For instance, who needs unemployment benefits and job retraining when everyone has joined the investor class? And forget the trade deficit. Heck, we want those foreign workers to keep providing us with goods and services.

We can stop worrying about education, too. Who needs to understand the value of pi or the history of civilization when all you have to do to make a living is order up a few trades? Let the kids stay home with us. They can play video games while we pop bonbons and watch the soaps and talk shows. The liberals will love this plan because it reduces income inequality; the conservatives will love it because it promotes family time.

I’m really excited! This is the best American financial innovation since liar loans and pick-a-payment mortgages. I can’t wait to get my super PAC started to help candidates who support this important cause. I think I will call my proposal the “Get Rid of Employment and Education Directive.”

Some may worry about inflation and long-term stability under my proposal. I say they lack faith in our country. So what if it cost 50 billion marks to mail a letter when the German central bank tried printing money to pay idle workers in 1923?

That couldn’t happen here. This is America. Why should hedge funds and big financial institutions get all the goodies?

Look out 1 percent, here we come.

Posted at 9:54 AM

April 14, 2012

I should have slept in late ...

Posted at 10:42 AM

April 13, 2012

I could make great use of a personal assistant - how crazy is that?

Posted at 10:59 AM

April 12, 2012

WHere does all of the time go?

Posted at 9:16 AM

April 11, 2012

It's hard to believe I was ever enthusiastic about life.

Posted at 10:17 AM

April 10, 2012

You load sixteen tons and whadda you get?

Nothin' - that's what.

Posted at 9:35 AM

April 9, 2012

So much time and so little to do ... Scratch that - Reverse it.

Posted at 9:15 AM

April 8, 2012

Easter Sunday, today, and Easter baskets with candy are waiting for my nephew and niece, and the egg hunt will come shortly after. The whole morning will pass like a whirlwind, I think, considering we have those aforementioned Easter activities, plus showering, visiting my grandma, making and eating an egg-salad lunch, and packing up all of my sister's stuff so they can leave by Noon or no later than 1 PM. Usually they wouldn't leave until Monday morning, but my nephew, Hunter, has a chance to get a voice lesson g from a reputable woman on staff at the University of West Virginia tomorrow, so they will travel there and then proceed back to Maryland later in the day (which means not only will their morning be a whirlwind, but the next two days will probably be a blur of things as well).

It's been a nice visit so I can't complain. My grandma is expected to be moved back to Providence Care Center, and that is likely to happen this afternoon, after my sister, nephew, and niece have left, so I can make sure it all goes smoothly. Then I might just be able to sit and relax for a bit. It would be welcomed. I enjoy these visits, but they're typically at a crazy pace just about every day, and that can tire you out no matter how fit you are.

So later today, rest. I'm smiling already.

Posted at 8:46 AM

April 7, 2012

My mother drove home today, and I went with my sister, nephew, and niece to Cleveland to visit the Natural History Museum (and the Mythic Creatures Exhibit), drive around Case Western Reserve, and eat dinner at Michael Symon's B Spot Burgers. Then back to the hospital in Sandusky to find that my grandma may be moved back to Providence Care tomorrow. Now it's late and we're tired, and I don't know what else will happen yet tonight, but we'll be sleeping soon, no doubt. That's a surety.

Posted at 9:19 PM

April 6, 2012

Sleep, relaxation, and peace - do those thin gs actually exist anymore? It's like the only constant is exhaustion and migraines, and I have a dim recollection of being rested and comfortable in the past ... but maybe that was just dreams and wishful thinking. It hardly seems remotely real any more.

Posted at 3:51 PM

April 5, 2012

My sister and nephew (who arrived late last night) are touring Case Western Reserve University in Cleveland this afternoon, and my niece, mother and I went to eat in Marblehead at Cleat's - where the food was not only tasty but mounded so incredibly high that even I brought food back.

It has been a fairly relaxed day - getting ready, visiting my grandma, travel time, and looking around places - but I am exceedingly tired. Is this all from the effects of getting older that I feel this run down after so little exertion? It's truly almost heart-breaking to be this exhausted from veritably nothing.

Posted at 4:46 PM

April 4, 2012

I'm getting sick of cleaning. My sister, nephew, and niece arrive tonight, so hopefully it will be all done by the time they get here, and then I can go without hours of cleaning each day for at least a little bit.

Posted at 11:34 AM

April 3, 2012

April showers have come. Beware the inevitable invasion of the Pilgrims.

Posted at 11:27 AM

April 2, 2012

I need much, much, much less stress in my life.

Posted at 2:32 PM

April 1, 2012

My grandma is off the bi-pap machine and on just a standard oxygen mask - and with less oxygen than before, and her breathing is very normal now. Her vital signs are good, although her blood pressure is till low, but she seems to be pulling herself together once again.

April first or not, I ain't foolin'.

Posted at 11:41 AM