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Steve's neighbor Warren, who has been a great help and support as I've been taking care of Steve's affairs and who has become a friend, was taken by ambulance to the hospital yesterday and into surgery. He had two aneurysms in his brain. Both have been addressed and he has been undergoing test after test. They plan to keep him in the hospital at least two weeks (and with hospitals that boot people out as soon as possible, this tells you how serious things are). I hope he makes a full recovery. Posted at 6:26 AM
Yesterday was another long, tiring day at work, and as is so often the case it ran long enough to screw up my plans to get things done after work. I'm still upset about that, but I got some of what I wanted done last night, but some work I had planned to do at Steve's (that I needed done as soon as possible) had to be given up. I'll try to get over there tonight, but losing an extra day is unfortunate in a variety of ways and bothers me. So much to do ... Posted at 6:14 AM
Mark and Wallace joined me yesterday to get things started with the lawyer who will process Steve's probate process. Once this is done we can fully move forward to selling things and make even greater progress at resolving Steve's affairs. It sees like it's taking forever to get things fully going, and there's still a tremendous amount of work ahead of us, but with this we'll finally be in the right position we need with everything set to go. It feels good to be making this step. Posted at 6:27 AM
I got a lot done this weekend, but this much aching and stiffness is a heavy price. Posted at 6:07 AM
After work yesterday I went over to Steve's to sort, clean and move my stuff into more accessible area, split into two groups: things definitely going to my apartment and things which I would sell if someone will buy it. There is a frightening amount of mold, and I'm not sure if my cleaning efforts are truly enough, although most everything seems salvageable. I am upset about some things - and upset at Steven for letting things get this bad - but there's nothing I can do but accept it. I'll have to go back and do more today because the nearly four hours I put in wasn't nearly enough. Posted at 7:38 AM
Yesterday was not what I needed it to be - but I could say that for most every day. Still, yesterday sucked and wore me out and left me aching and without as much sleep as I needed, and while I didn't get everything done I wanted and needed to do, I did get a lot done ... just not remotely according to plan. Posted at 6:09 AM
I keep remembering that I forgot to wish Simon a happy birthday. I remembered the day before, the morning of his birthday but while I was driving to work, and three other times other than this morning, and here I am three days late still trying to properly honor him. Happy Birthday, Simon! Posted at 6:09 AM
Tired and achy and another stupid day of stupid stuff at work ahead. Yea. Posted at 6:23 AM
I am so tired, stressed, and awash in lists of things to do ... And it only gets worse ... Posted at 6:12 AM
I hate my job; I hate my life. I am not a hateful person, but I truly hate being miserable. Posted at 6:21 AM
Back to the office and the hellish insanity that comes with all that ... Posted at 6:19 AM
So much for yesterday being anything more than I'd expected. It was even worse than I expected, and that's saying something as I'd expected it to be a pretty disappointing, depressing day going in. Posted at 7:11 AM
Another year passes and things not only haven't gotten better, they've gotten worse and still, for no clear reason, I'm left to keep living this nightmare. Why? Posted at 7:48 AM
Another day begins. I'm still tired. I still don't want to go to work. I still hate my life. It's the same misery yet again. Posted at 6:09 AM
Happy St. Patrick's Day. I could use as much of the luck of the Irish as I can get, please. Any day now ... Posted at 5:16 AM
Another long, tiring day yesterday, but I got a fair amount of packing done last night. Progress is being made, even if only a bit at a time. I think I can do everything in the allotted time, though. Posted at 6:14 AM
I ached throughout the day yesterday but not too bad. What was bad was being so tired. It got worse until, by Noon, I was fighting to stay awake. Lunch helped, but by 4 PM I was again fighting to stay awake. As a result, I didn't get any packing done last night. I had a few things to do after work, but by the time I'd done those things and had dinner I was about to fall asleep again. I managed to watch one full show on TV but then I was gone. I feel better today, and hopefully I won't be so completely exhausted. I need to do a lot more packing after work. Posted at 6:27 AM
Ugh - I'm tired and achy. Yesterday was pretty good. I got a fair amount of packing done in my apartment (not all I had hoped to do, but a goodly portion), and with the help of Mark and three of his kids (and at the very end, after Mark left, Warren's help) we got a lot of clearing out done at Steve's place, opening up routes through everything that were blocked off before. There is a phenomenal amount of work to be done, but there's a good beginning established. Unfortunately I haven't been doing very much physical stuff, and it has tired me out and stiffened me up a bit. It's not as bad as it could have been, so I'm pleased with that, but I am indeed out of shape. Moving myself and clearing out Steve's place will take a lot of work, and it will probably be good for me physically. I just wish I wasn't going to always be so tired. Posted at 6:13 AM
I got trapped at work again when I'd planned to leave a little early, and between that, my exhaustion,and a few other tasks I needed to finish around the apartment, I didn't get even a tiny bit of additional packing done. It's aggravating because I plan to work with Mark and some of his kids clearing some of the clutter from Steve's building for most of the day today, so I won't have much time for packing my own stuff today around all of the other stuff I'll be doing. I've still got time to get packed, but I also still have a lot of other things to do and still have a jo that sucks up all of my time. Posted at 7:22 AM
I had a great dinner with my old friend Wallace last night at the Beirut. UNtil Steve's memorial service last weekend, Wallace and I hadn't seen each other in over a dozen years. It was great to reconnect then, and last night was even better as we had time to just talk for a few hours about things. Wallace and I always shared a number of interests (gaming, literature, film, etc.) and we clearly still have similar tastes even within those realms . It was the first talk I've had in a while that was so wide-ranging but within my specific viewpoints. It was good. Wallace and I committed to seeing each other again for similar talks and possibly some gaming. That would be wonderful. It's something I've missed for far too long. Posted at 6:22 AM
This has truly been the week from hell work-wise. Every problem or loony has crawled out of the woodwork, and there has been a rush to overcome me. Add in what I normally deal with and add in short-staffing due to sickness, last-minute schedule changes, and people not making it in from out of town and you have less staff - and at a time when I'm supposed to be pushing my "extra" people out the door to do marketing and have the others calling clients around appointments - except I barely have enough people to cover the appointments - and sometimes not even enough for that and have to ask them to come back. It's ridiculous. On the plus side, I got a great run on packing last night and made a lot of progress. By the end of the weekend I hope to be much further along with the packing chores. Hopefully. Posted at 6:17 AM
Yesterday was another crazy, whirlwind day at work where it's just insanity. I also got stuck there longer than I wanted, and that impacted the time I had to pack last night, so I didn't make much headway toward packing last night, and that aggravates me. This is too important and I have too little time to have this fucked up too. Today I will be pushing to leave early from work (so that maybe I'll leave by 5 PM). I have a lot of packing to do, and I really want to make some headway tonight. We'll see. Posted at 5:55 AM
Work was work yesterday - long, tiring, and stupid. I did get a good start at packing up my apartment. There is a massive amount of books, CDs, and everything else to pack and figure out where to put the boxes, but I've gotten it going at least. Wheee. Posted at 6:23 AM
Yesterday was a miserable day, the epitome of a bad Monday. Work was hell - getting criticized by my boss, having angry (and wrong-headed) clients yelling at me, having one thing after another being placed on my desk to be fixed or found or somehow taken care of - it sucked. After work I went to Steve's place to empty his fully-packed refrigerator of all of the disgusting, decaying food stuffs that were there, most of which was bad even before he died so really horrible by now. Mark and Tiffany had picked up the second set of keys from me earlier and had started collecting plastic bottles to take to recycling - they filled up the bed of Mark's truck twice so far and there's much to go, just in plastic bottles. If we get a bit at a time it will take forever, but this is still a small but good start. By the time I got back to the apartment I had also talked to Warren and Denise, turned off Steve's cell phone, and grabbed some dinner so that I could eat, process some bills, and try to relax a bit. I had hoped to start packing last night, but I did at least get some boxes I had stored at Steve's, got the boxes I had stuffed in one closet in my apartment, and put a few dozen boxes together to be ready to go. Tonight I'll start the packing ... at least that's the plan. I am so damn tired it's not funny, and still so much to do. I hate my life. Posted at 6:17 AM
Still so much to do, and going back to work on this far-too-early Monday will keep me from doing so much of it. Posted at 6:20 AM
Steve's memorial service yesterday went very well. THere was a light snowfall that made everything peaceful and quiet but beautiful without making people worry about the drive in; the Lamb Center was beautiful, just the right size, and had everything we needed; there was plenty of food and photos and quiet background music with a fire in the fireplace; and the approximately 40 adults and 12 kids that showed up and all stayed for a while was a great testament to Steve and the various people he came close to. There were a number of people I would have liked to have seen come who did not, but these things are always touch-and-go with who can and/or will make it. I think Steve would have been very pleased to see all who had turned up but also how highly they spoke of him and how well they all got along together, many of them never having met before. I still wish this had never been something I would ever have had to do, and I deeply wish Steve were still here, but if it has to be, then this was a proper, respectful send-off for our dear friend. Posted at 7:43 AM
Today is the day of the memorial service for Steve. I've been arranging things for a while and getting the last things ready up until late last night. I've also got other people putting together food and photos and stuff, and I hope everything comes together well today, and I certainly hope there is no insanity or drama. I want there to be some closure for the people who loved Steve, and I want recognition, love, and respect for Steve. He deserved so much more. Posted at 6:25 AM
I was able to pick up Steven's remains from the crematory yesterday. I now have him in his urn, ready for his memorial service. I got a lot more done arranging the memorial service, but I still have a bunch to do. Nothing like pushing it to the wire - the service is tomorrow, and I have a lot to do today around work to have everything ready. Posted at 6:10 AM
I took Steve's cats on the way to their new homes yesterday. I had to catch them and drive them to the vet, listening for over twenty minutes to their plaintive cries and feeling like a totally horrible person for putting them through that. The vet checked them out before handing them over to Planned Pethood, the no-kill shelter who will foster Autumn and Allen until they are adopted by a new family. They claim quick placement of cats, and as these cats are both well-heaved and very affectionate, they should be easily and quickly placed and soon have the love and security they deserve. I hope Steve would approve of the way I've done this. Posted at 6:27 AM
These long, stressful days at work are messing me up. I've got headaches and stomach aches every day, throughout the day; I'm exhausted - so much so that I was fighting falling asleep during our managers' meeting yesterday (although the meeting agenda didn't help); and I'm starving and exhausted by the time I get back to the apartment, such that I'm falling asleep much earlier than usual (whether I want to or not) and I'm having trouble getting anything done - and with all I have to do for Steve and me and everything else, there's a lot to do. I should take a day (or a few days) off, but I just can't. Thus stinks. Posted at 6:11 AM
In like a lamb ... Posted at 6:24 AM
Journal, by Paul Cales, © March 2016
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March 31, 2016
